Thanks to Akatsuki Stitches for the prompt!
Food
"That looks tasty, Fishy-chan!"
"Thanks, Tob—I am not a fish!"
"Well, you smell fishy. Just like Senpai's hands."
"Dude. That was way too much information."
"But… we went fishing," Tobi explained as Kisame quickly walked away.
"I was going to make hotdogs," Tobi said seriously. "But then I considered how, 'Senpai, eat my big long hotdog' sounds."
"Wow," Deidara replied, impressed. "I can't believe you thought that far ahead."
Tobi grinned proudly. "I know! So I made curry instead, since chili has a natural aphrodisiac!"
"So, Senpai," Tobi began with a lecherous grin, "wanna take a bite out of me?"
"That icing looks beautiful, Tobi," Pein complimented him.
"I know how to stroke it just right."
"Never speak again," Pein commanded.
"Wow, it worked first time." Tobi was surprised.
"It always does for me, un."
"It never responds to me!" Tobi complained.
"You're not patient enough. This takes time."
"But you get it so frothy and white! And this is supposed to be the easiest thing to make!" Tobi sadly wiped a tear from his eye. "My cupcakes will never be as beautiful as Deidara-senpai's without buttermilk frosting!"
"Are you… dancing to… salsa music?" Deidara asked upon entering the kitchen, his eye twitching as he watched Tobi spin the salad bowl in circles.
Tobi nodded. "Want to join me?" He rolled his hips. "It's very sensual," he added, flipping a quesadilla.
Deidara fled the room as Tobi continued dancing around the kitchen.
"Senpai!" Tobi cried in a hurt voice. "Let's salsa!"
"Bang, bang, mash, mash!" Tobi shouted. He giggled. "Hey, hey, Deidara! Let's bang and mash!"
"How 'bout: no," Deidara replied.
"But… don't you get it? Bangers and mash! We should bang," Tobi said seriously.
"I am beginning to wonder if he fully understands what he says half the time," Itachi remarked.
"I think he does," Kisame answered as Tobi said, "Bang with me, Senpai!"
"Let's see," Tobi muttered under his breath. "Lime juice, salt, tequila…"
"What are you doing, un?"
"Making homemade margaritas," Tobi replied, grinning.
"That sounds good," Deidara said cautiously, reaching over to taste-test the mixture.
"I've been hoping to get you drunk for a while, now," Tobi confessed.
"Egad!"
"These potatoes need more salt," Zetsu complained.
"I'll pepper your salt!"
"What is he talking about?" the others wondered.