Put My Heart Down Chapter 3: Let's Call Off This Crazy Game, a ncis fanfic

Put My Heart Down

Disclaimer:
As always, I own nothing.

Rating:
T

Genre:
Romance/Family/Drama

Pairing:
Tibbs

Lyrics Used:
Lucy Hale - "Kiss Me"

Let's Call Off This Crazy Game

We talked and talked and talked some more | Over thought this thing right out the door | But, I don't wanna talk no more

Who we kiddin' | Why we pretendin' | Wish you'd just go on and lean in, now | What are you waitin' for

So either tell me I'm insane | Or let's call off this crazy game

Walking into work, the next morning, Leroy Jethro Gibbs couldn't help noticing the curious change in the appearance of his senior field agent's desk. After a second glance, he could see that the pictures of Tony and his new lover were all gone. Furrowing his brow in a moment of confusion, Jethro wondered what had happened between the two men. Then, it dawned on him. Tony had told Wren about the baby and Wren had left him. That realization cut through Jethro like a knife. He never wanted to mess things up for the younger man. Sinking down into his own chair, Jethro didn't have time to dwell on his self-loathing before the SFA appeared.

"Morning, all!" Jethro had to give the man credit. On the outside, it looked – for all the world – like nothing had happened. Tony was his usual, bright and cheery self. Jethro couldn't take it. He had to talk to Tony – his conscience would never let him rest until he confronted his guilt and made things right with Tony

"DiNozzo." Jethro called, rising from his chair, taking off toward the nearest vacant conference room. "With me." He called, over his shoulder.

Tony stilled, for a moment, unsure of what to make of this turn of events. In the end, he decided it would be best just to go with Jethro and see what the older man wanted. Following his former lover into the vacant conference room, Tony could tell that this would be a private conversation as he locked the door behind him before taking the empty seat next to Jethro.

An awkward silence fell over the two agents as Tony watched Jethro visibly search for something to say. Finally, unable to stand the silence any longer, Tony spoke. "Jethro?" He asked, carefully, resting a concerned hand on the older man's arm. "What-What's wrong? A-Are you okay? … Is the baby okay?"

That seemed to get the older man's attention. Jethro's eyes snapped up to the younger man. "What-Oh … Yeah … Yeah, the baby's fine. I'm fine." He offered, hoping to reassure the younger agent. "I just … I noticed you got rid of all the pictures of you and … What's his name?"

"Wren." Tony replied, bitterly, spitting out the name as if it left an unpleasant taste in his mouth.

"Right." Jethro nodded, curious about Tony's tone when he spoke of the other man. "I'm sorry if this is crossing a line – and feel free to tell me it's none of my damn business – but … What happened between you two?"

Tony sighed, heavily, shifting his gaze to stare at his hands on the table, before him. "I told him about the baby." He replied, his tone completely devoid the bright, cheery, facade he'd displayed for everyone else. "He, uh …" He paused, releasing a snort of derision. "He wanted me to tell you that I didn't want to have anything to do with you or the baby … I won't use his exact words." He elaborated, his voice dripping in malicious venom.

"Oh, God …" Jethro sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "God, Tony … I … I'm so sorry …" He muttered, unknowingly drawing the younger man's curious attention. "I swear … I never wanted this-"

"Jethro, what are you talking about?" Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. Knowing that Jethro blamed himself for what had happened between him and Wren cut through him like a bullet straight through his heart. This wasn't Jethro's fault. It's not his fault Wren was a completely selfish and insecure bastard. Tony thought, to himself, moving Jethro's hands out of the way so that he could take the older man's face into his own hands – emerald green eyes staring into steely blue ones – as he spoke. "Jethro, what happened between Wren and me has nothing do with you, do you understand me?!" He spoke, desperately, hoping that he was getting through to the man that still owned his heart. "Wren didn't leave me because of the baby … I left him because he wanted me to be everything that I never want to be." He elaborated, adamantly. "He wanted me to turn my back on my child. I will not be with somebody that would honestly make me choose between them or my child, because my baby – our baby – will always win … It's no contest."

Jethro couldn't believe what he was hearing. Part of him hated Wren Hastings for daring to ask that of Tony. How dare he?! What right does he have to take a father from his unborn child?! He thought to himself, furiously. Another part of him was so moved by the fact that Tony had chosen their baby over Wren. He had chosen to stay in his life – regardless of the personal cost to himself. I never deserved him … Jethro thought to himself, fighting back the tears. "Tony, I … I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to hear you say that …"

Tony ached for the thick, watery, emotional tone to Jethro's voice. He wanted to comfort the older man. He just didn't know what he could do for him. Unfortunately, their time had been cut short by a knock on the door. "Boss?!" Damn it, McGee! Tony thought to himself, frustratedly. "Boss! You in there?!"

Jethro blinked his eyes a few times, shaking his head clear of his thoughts, as he rose from his seat. "Be right there, McGee!" He barked, in response, before turning his attention back to Tony. Sighing, he decided he wanted to finally be honest with the younger man. Just not there. He wanted privacy with no one to interrupt them or ruin the moment – just in case it went better than he feared it would. "Listen, Tony … There's something I need to talk to you about … Just … Not here …"

"I can come by your place, later …" Tony offered, uncertainly. He didn't know where Jethro was going with this. He didn't know what Jethro could have to talk to him about that he didn't want to discuss there. But, he was willing to go along with the older man.

"That'd be great." For the first time since the day Tony'd left him, Jethro actually almost smiled. The sight of it made Tony's heart skip a beat. "I'll see you, tonight." He added, before unlocking the door, the team leader returned to work.

Tony watched Jethro leave, still struggling to wrap his mind around what was going on with the older man. What just happened, here? Tony wondered, as he rose from his seat and returned to work. Though, he suspected that his focus wouldn't quite be up to his normal par with this nagging need to know what Jethro wanted to talk to him about.

After a long day of wondering and waiting, Tony had decided to head home for a shower before meeting with Jethro. Well, we never set an actual time, so … Can't be late, right? Tony didn't quite know why, but, he was treating this like a date. Maybe I really have gone insane … He briefly wondered as the hot water rained down upon him. After his shower, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his face – rubbing a second towel through his hair – before moving into his bedroom.

Opening his closet, his eyes almost immediately landed on the t-shirt and jeans combo that Jethro had always loved. He wasn't sure if he was just feeling a little sentimental or … Well, he really didn't know what was going through his mind … But, he pulled the shirt and the jeans out of his closet before pulling a fresh pair of boxer-briefs out of his drawer.

Once he'd finished dressing, Tony dabbed on some of his favorite cologne before grabbing his keys before heading out the door. Climbing into his car, Tony DiNozzo's mind was racing a million miles an hour trying to figure out what Jethro could possibly want to talk to him about. He figured it probably had something to do with his recent break-up with Wren, but … That still didn't really answer his questions. He spent the entire drive to Jethro's house lost in thought. For once, he was cursing the fact that his new apartment was across town from where his former lover lived. Then, again … after their break-up, he hadn't really expected to be going back there, either.

Jethro had abandoned trying to work on his boat about an hour ago when he finally admitted that his mind and his heart wasn't really in it. He was too distracted by waiting for Tony to arrive. He'd also been worried about what might happen if he'd completely misjudged the situation and if he was just making a damn fool of himself with what he was planning. After abandoning the boat and the basement, he'd taken to pacing in the living room. He seemed to be doing a lot of that, these days, he realized. The newly discovered father-to-be was so deep in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard Tony's car pulling into his driveway.

After pulling into Jethro's driveway, Tony shut the lights off and killed the engine before sitting in the car and trying to gather his thoughts. Get it together, DiNozzo! He told himself with a deep, steadying breath. "You're acting like a damn school girl on prom night!" He muttered, under his breath, summoning the courage to finally open the door and step out of the car.

Shutting the car door behind him, though, he soon realized that getting out of the car was only half the battle as he all-too-soon found himself standing at Jethro's door. He considered knocking or ringing the bell. But, he abandoned those ideas, rather quickly realizing that he hadn't even knocked the last time he was here. He couldn't escape the knowledge of the fact that this would likely be the second time, in a row, that his life would change by coming here. Drawing a deep breath for courage, he turned the knob and stepped through the door.

Walking through the door, Tony half-smiled at the irony when he saw Jethro pacing in the living room – just the same as he had done when he'd informed Tony that he was pregnant. "You really are gonna wear a hole in the floor, ya know …" He offered, in an awkward greeting, as Jethro halted his pacing.

The younger man saw the nervous expression on the older man's countenance and grew even more curious. "Hi, Tony." Jethro offered, lamely – mentally giving himself a head-slap – as he moved toward the couch, gesturing for Tony to follow. Once his former lover had joined him on the couch, Jethro shifted to face him, better, as he frantically wracked his mind for what he wanted to say. "I know you're … You're probably wondering … Why I asked you to come here, tonight …" He began, nervously, mentally cursing himself for his awkwardness.

"The thought crossed my mind, yeah …" Tony nodded, curiously, prompting the older man to continue.

Sighing heavily, Jethro decided to just go for broke. "Look, Tony … I know, the day you left me … I know you wanted to know … Why I never … Never told you that I loved you …" He admitted, reluctantly. "And, you're right. It wasn't fair – all those times you told me that you loved me and I … I just … I didn't say a word." He added, guilt stabbing him straight in the heart. "And, I hated myself for it … But, the truth of the matter is …" Releasing a deep breath he'd never even realized he'd taken, Jethro continued his confession. "The truth of the matter is that I did love you …" Tony couldn't believe what he'd heard. Jethro had loved me?! … Why … What did I do … Where did I go wrong for him to stop? Tony wondered, desperately, remaining silent as he sensed that Jethro still had more to say. "And, that I … I never stopped." Jethro cursed himself for the way that his voice trembled, brokenly, as he spoke.

I don't believe it … Tony thought to himself, in complete and utter shock. Jethro not only loved me … But, he still loves me?! The younger man couldn't believe what he was hearing. "W-Why? …" Tony stammered, his mind scrambling for the words for what he wanted to say. "Why didn't you tell me?!" He wondered, desperately. "Jethro, all you had to do was say those three little words – just once – and, I never would have left that night!"

"I know." Jethro replied, his voice still watery and trembling. "I know that …" He added, helplessly. "But, I …" He sighed, in frustration. "Damn it, Tony, I was scared!" He finally admitted, the last of his defenses shattering to the ground. As much as he hated feeling vulnerable and open and exposed … He had to admit … It felt pretty damn good to finally be honest with Tony.

If Tony was shocked, before, his mind had been completely blown away, now. Jethro … Leroy Jethro Gibbs … Was scared?! … He thought to himself, in complete and utter disbelief. He had been so blown away that he hadn't realized he'd remained silent for a bit too long until he felt Jethro shift away from him.

"I-I-It's okay …" Jethro stammered, his voice growing increasingly thick and watery, as he began to realize his mistake. "I … I-I don't … I don't expect you to reciprocate or … Or anything." He offered, brokenly. "I just-"

"Jethro." The voice that spoke his name and the grip on his shoulder were both so gentle and warm that they commanded Jethro's attention as he slowly turned to face Tony, again. "What … What were you so afraid of?" Unsure of what to say or do in that moment, Tony just went with the question weighing heaviest on his mind.

Looking into Tony's brilliant emerald green eyes, Jethro saw something in them that he couldn't quite identify. But, it had begun to make him hope. "Tony … I've never felt this way about anybody since Shannon." He confessed. "And, I lost her … She was taken from me and I … I just … I didn't know if I could survive that kind of loss, again." Sighing heavily, Jethro shifted his gaze to his hands in his lap, as he released a humorless chuckle. "Of course, the irony of the situation isn't lost me …" He added, sarcastically. "My fear of losing you, well … Looks like it caused me to lose you …"

"Hey." Tony called out, gently, as he reached out to grip Jethro's hands in his own. "Look at me." The order was so gentle and tender, Jethro had no choice but to comply. "I'm here, aren't I?" He offered, with a tentative half-smile. "You haven't lost me, Jethro." Seeing the desperate, confused countenance staring back at him, Tony took his cue to elaborate. "I never stopped loving you, either."

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was blown away by what he'd just heard. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that this unbelievably wonderful and utterly amazing, incredible, man before him was still in love with him. After everything he'd done, Tony still loved him. "You …" He began, his voice scarcely above a whisper as it cracked, and trembled. "You didn't?"

"Not even for a moment." Tony replied, his voice conveying the serious nature of his declaration. "Jethro, I couldn't stop loving you even if I wanted to." He added, his voice so warm and full of the love that he felt for the older man, that it took Jethro's breath away. "And, believe me … When I first walked out that door … I never wanted anything more than to stop loving you." That admission tore Jethro apart on the inside. But, he understood where Tony was coming from and couldn't blame the younger man. "I thought that … not loving you would somehow make leaving you easier … But, now … Now that I know how you've felt all along … I've never been so happy to be denied what I thought I wanted in my life!" He added, gently squeezing Jethro's hands in his own to drive his point home.

"Tony, I …" Jethro choked out, around the growing lump in his throat. "I don't know what to say …"

"You could try to say something." Tony smirked as he shrugged, casually. "Or you could just kiss me." He smiled, leaning in to his older lover – as Jethro leaned in and closed the gap between the two of them – capturing his lips in a tender, passionate kiss full of all the emotions they'd both bottled up for far too long. The two men drew the kiss out for as long as they possibly could until the need for oxygen grew too great to ignore. Resting their foreheads together, Tony rested his hands on either side of Jethro's neck – just where the head and neck met – as Jethro did the same with him. "I love you so much, Jethro." Tony breathed, awestruck that they'd finally gotten here.

"I love you, too, Tony." Now that he'd finally told Tony the truth, Jethro was surprised by how easy the words 'I love you' came to him, now. "I love you so much that it physically hurt to be away from you for the last several weeks."

"I know." Tony replied. "I know, it hurt me, too." He admitted on a breathless whisper.

Finally pulling away from Tony just far enough to look the younger man in the eye, properly. "What about Wren?"

Sighing lightly, Tony leaned into the back of the couch as he looked into Jethro's piercing blue eyes – eyes that had haunted his dreams every night after he walked out on him – as he spoke, again. "To tell ya the truth … Wren was just a rebound thing … I just … I wanted to get you outta my head … But … Every time I was with him … All I could think about was … Was how much I wished he was you."

Jethro couldn't believe how stupid he'd been to allow his irrational fears get the best of him. They could have avoided all this mess if he would have just grown a pair and told Tony how he felt, in the first place. "I'm so sorry I let it get this far …" He muttered before a warm, index finger was pressed.

"Ah-ah!" Tony chided, playfully. "Rule number six." He added, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face like wildfire before Jethro growled, playfully, as he pinned Tony to the couch, slowly lowering himself down onto the younger man – capturing his young lover's lips with his own, in a searing kiss. He had a lot of making up to do … And, he couldn't wait to get started.

Author's Note:
This was for all those of you anxious to see Tony and Jethro's reunion! Here it is! This chapter was inspired by the song "Kiss Me" by Lucy Hale! If you haven't heard it, I HIGHLY recommend you listen to it while reading this chapter! I just feel like it perfectly captures Tony and Jethro's feelings in this chapter! Tony's in particular! Lol. Anyway, as always, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to drop me a review! Feel free to request the Tibbs stories you'd like to see me write!

~Skye Coulson