Author Note: So A LOT happens in this chapter. I would read with caution. (No lemons though.)

Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?

Lavi: Kitten and Kandy sitting in a tr-

Me: No, the other honors!

Lavi: Oh, right. Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.

Me: Thank you. Chapter 8 is here!

Situation

Chapter 8: The Second Time Leads to the First Time

I was so hot. I could feel drops of sweat form on my forehead as my eyes opened. I was staring at the wall of my bed. Little sunlight came through the window, and I groggily sat up, kicking the blankets away from my body. I realize why I felt like I was roasting. I was wearing a turtleneck.

Since when did I sleep in turtlenecks? My mind still fuzzy, I pull the suffocating piece of material of my white-haired head, tossing it to the end of the bed where it went over the footboard. I was still sweating, and I lay on my back.

I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, but it was pointless. "Allen?"

I freeze. How did I forget about Kanda, and what kind of idiot was I? I panic, the blankets were at my feet and my shirt was gone, leaving my chest and arms bare. Leaving my scars open to the world, and more importantly for Kanda, to see. I turn my back to my boyfriend, who was sitting up now, "I'm fine. J-just go back to sleep."

"Why's your shirt off?"

He noticed. Was today the day that I'm left for dead? A tear slips down my cheek, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. No, it's not resting there. I wince as two fingers trace over one of my recent cuts, the one on my shoulder and arm. Pulling away, I huddle to the wall. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that Kanda was there.

"Allen, look at me," a husky voice said. He knew what was going on. I could tell that much from the way he said it, serious and worried. I turn to meet his gaze, the dark orbs heavily protected. My eyes are streaming down my cheeks like rivers now, and I stare him in the eyes. He said, "Turn around."

I shake my head, my knees covering my chest from where I was hugging them. He gazes at the sheets between us, "It makes now, I guess."

I whisper, "What?" I'm not sure if I wanted to know the answer or not.

"The turtlenecks, not wanting me to touch you, the razor in the shower."

He stands from the bed, walking towards the door. I want to say something, anything that would make him return to me. I couldn't. The words refused to form, leaving my helpless on the bed. "I need to think," the door shuts quietly behind him as he walks away.

I feel so many emotions building inside me. Anger for being so stupid as to remove my shirt. Sadness for allowing him to walk out that door. Last, remorse for living.

My fist makes contact with the wall, and I made the decision then. I wasn't going to hurt anymore. I wasn't going to walk around in shame. I wasn't going to wake up tomorrow morning.

I bring myself to my feet and walk to the bathroom. I let my shoulder ram into the door frame, pain from the hard contact shooting through me. My hands manage to steady me on the vanity as I search the drawers of the sink for one thing. Sleeping pills. My hand wrapped itself around the bottle, and I let my legs collapse. I hit the tiled floor with a hard thump and I bring my nails across my chest, reopening the wounds there. Watching the blood well from the deep cuts, I sit there for a few minutes.

It took me so long to do this. I should have left the living world months ago, after the first attempt failed. I didn't want to be here any longer. There was nothing for me to live for because the last person that held my life walked out that door. I could just be with Mana in heaven now.

The ghosts of my past had haunted me since that day eight years ago. The fireflies and water droplets were the last of my friends, because they were with me that night.

I pop the bottle cap off. Pouring out the contents, I count the white tablets. Would eight be enough? I used five the last time, so I figure it'll work. I didn't want it to fail again. I take the first one dry, forcing it down my throat.

I bring the second to my lips when I hear, "Allen, don't!"

The pills fall out of my weak hand as a something hits it. I look up to see Kanda over me. His eyes were frantic and he had his hands cupping my wet face. Why was he here? I thought he left. My eyes register the pills scattered over the floor and my mind snaps. "Why did you do that for?!" I scream, and his hands jerk back from my face. I curl up, bringing my knees to my chest. I whisper, "I want to die! Leave me!"

Allowing myself to fall to my side, I begin shuddering with my nails digging into my neck. I cry, "I want to die! Please, just kill me!"

A tear drops onto my forehead. I look up and through my own watery eyes I see Kanda's overflowing with tears. Why was he crying? Why was he still here? His hands move over mine, trying to pull them away from my bleeding neck, "Stop it, Allen, you're hurting yourself!"

"Why would you care?" I ask, trying to swat away his hands. He keeps his hold and cries, "Because I love you, that's why!"

I stop my neck abuse and he tugs my bloody hands away. Why would he love such pathetic scum? What reason did he have? I let him wrap his arms around my shaking body and bring me to him. He whispers, "I love you, Allen."

"You can't…why would you?" My face was in his chest, my tears dampening his blue shirt. I couldn't believe my ears. Kanda loves me? Kanda loves me. I continue to sob into his chest as he replies, "I don't know. You're strong, sweet, cute, and innocent. Why didn't you tell me that this was happening? Why would you try to…to…."

I shake my head. He takes me in his arms and carries me bridal style to the bed.

We lay there for so long. I don't know how long it was, but Kanda was trying to calm me down the entire time. After I had cried myself out, I say, "Please don't leave me."

He kisses the top of my head, "I won't, and I'll prove it to you."

He took me that night. I never doubted he loved me from that point on.

My eyes flicker open that afternoon. Like it normally was, my face was buried into his chest. The difference this time was there was nothing between us. No clothes, no sheets, no secrets were separating us. We were skin on skin.

I wouldn't have thought in a million years that I would lose my virginity after attempting suicide, but I guess it made a story. "Are you okay?" I jumped at the voice slightly, but then relaxed in Kanda's arms. I nod, "My butt hurts."

"Sorry," he says, rubbing circles into my bare back. I look up and meet his dark gaze, "It was the best night of my life."

He smiles, "I'm glad." Soon, the smile was replaced by a frown as he stopped the motion on my back and lightly traced over the cut on my shoulder. I wince at the touch, the pain wasn't too bad, but I had clawed over it the night before, making it much deeper and more painful. I break the eye contact and stare at his neck. I saw him swallow before he asked in a hushed voice, "Why did you start doing it?"

I shake my head, "Stress mostly. I started when I got to the Order and it helped with the change. After…I umm…tried to commit suicide the first time, I started getting the nightmares about the Order finding out about me cutting. You always beat me up, or insult me before leaving…."

He pulls me closer to him, the heat radiating off him like a blazing fire, "I'm not going to leave you, Allen."

"I know that now. Thank you for saving me," I whisper. I knew it was hard for him to hear all this. I can't believe that I hadn't started crying yet. It took a while for Kanda to reply, "You're welcome."

Taking a breath, I admit, "I love you, too, Kanda." I hadn't ever said anything other than "why" to the statement, and decided it was time to.

His lips kiss the top of my head as a response. I snuggle against him and let my eyelids fall, dreaming of what had happened last night.

Before my eyes opened, my body missed it. Kanda's heat was gone. I open my eyes to see myself staring at the bed above me. Glancing around, I notice the bathroom door was barely cracked and the light was on.

Uncovering myself, I stand and make my way over to the door, pushing it open. It was humid in the bathroom and as I walked around the corner, I see the steam rising from the shower.

I smile inwardly and quietly stalk over to the curtain. Pulling back the material carefully, I poke my head inside. The boyfriend in question had his back to me, water streaming off his hair and body. I step over the tub, my foot landing on warm fiberglass and I seal the curtain behind me.

Kanda still hadn't noticed me, and was busy running his fingers through his wet hair. I wrap my arms around his waist and laugh as he jumps like I bit him. He loosens my grip and turns around, facing me. He says, "May I assist you?"

I nod, "Yep, I wanna wash your hair!" He rolls his eyes at the request and replies, "What happened to just wanting to brush it?"

I press my body closer to his, "Let's see here. Oh yeah, we had sex!"

"That seems about right to me," he leans down slightly and kisses me, but I pull away. I say, "Nope, not until you let me wash your hair."

I stick my tongue out at him and he nips it before sighing in defeat, handing me a bottle of shampoo. I grin and squirt some in my hand. Replacing the bottle, Kanda turns so I have access to his cascading waves of hair. I massage the syrup-like liquid through his hair, "Have I mentioned how much I love your hair?"

He replies, "No, but you've made it very obvious. I can't kiss you without you pulling out my hair tie!"

I run my fingers through the locks one last time before turning him so he could rinse, "Correction, you can't kiss me without pushing your tongue in my mouth."

Kanda closes his eyes and squeezes the soapy water out of his hair, "So? I didn't see you complaining, even when it got a little rough."

The water runs down his chest and stomach, curving around his abs. I'm tempted to follow the water's lead, but decide to watch instead. I wasn't going to lose this time.

He finally finishes rinsing and rotates again. I slather conditioner into his ribbons, and they instantly become silkier. I rake my fingertips through the hair on his scalp, "Will you wear your hair down to lunch?"

He has to think about it, but even though he says no, I know there's hope if I poke the right nerve. "Well, I could just wear the collar to lunch. I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would take down their hair for me."

I hear him groan and mutter something under his breath. "Fine, but just this once."

I wait for him to begin to remove the conditioner before I throw my arms around him, "Thanks, Kandy!"

He quickly adds, "No lollipops." I laugh at his sudden thinking, "Okay, but I'm gonna have one later."

He smirks, "That's an excellent idea."

Against his will, I drag Kanda to the cafeteria, his hair unleashed behind him. Unfortunately for me, everyone noticed that the locks were out of their normal hair tie confinements, and I had to death glare several people, men and women. They quickly backed off, not wanting to mess with me.

That's right. He's mine, and I've got the hickey on the inside of my leg to prove it!

After getting to the crowded dining room and ordering our food, Kanda and I sit across from Lenalee and the rabbit. I immediately began to stuff my face as Lenalee asked, "How'd the mission go? I met Foxy this morning."

I nod, replying around a mouthful of spaghetti, "It went well. I guess if we got a new exorcist then it was."

She smiled and started a conversation with Lavi, something about the new outfit she found. I'm not sure if she thinks Lavi's gay, too, but she talked real girly around him like she did me. It was funny to watch the rabbit listen and practically take notes on what she said. Poor guy had it hard, falling for Komui's sister. I'm not sure if Lenalee knew about it yet, but I should ask her the next time we go shopping.

I soon had finished my food. I had always gotten my food down before everyone else, and I used it to my advantage. As my tempting dessert ate his soba, I twirled a stray ribbon around my finger. I could tell that he was enjoying the touch, but he continued to eat, ignoring me.

"Hey, Kandy?" I ask, innocently. He either didn't notice the name or forgot he was in a cafeteria, because he replied, "Yes, Kitten?"

I smirked as he clasped a hand over his mouth. I was so dead. Lavi burst out laughing along with Lenalee, and I joined in devilishly. As I knew he would, the rabbit picked up his favorite torture method, "Kitten and Kandy sitting in a tree-"

He was on the floor bleeding from a punch in the nose from Kanda in an instant. I throw my arms around Kanda's neck from behind and finished, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

My furious boyfriend hung his head in defeat just before grabbing my wrist and dragging me to our room. I wasn't sure to be scared or excited. If I thought my butt hurt before then I was going to feel like my pelvis broke. I shiver at the thought, but settle for enthusiasm.

The door to our room unlocks as he throws me down on the bed, crawling up over my small frame. It took him less than five seconds to get our shirts off, and the articles of clothing were discarded somewhere near my dresser. I felt his lips start at my navel, and he slowly licks and kisses up my body, careful not to hurt me. I moan quietly as he starts to suck on my nipple and knead the other with his thumb. He moves past the pert buds and begins to create a hickey on my neck. I throw my head back in ecstasy, mewling for more.

I open my eyes to see the bathroom door across the room from me. I'm more than aware of my boyfriend's chest against my back, and I listen to his steady breathing. I move one of my legs slightly and wince at the pain. Dang him. So maybe I should have been a little more scared than ecstatic, but it had felt good at the time.

I had one of Kanda's arms draped over my body and I had to carefully remove it so I could stand. I was going to get sweet revenge on that sexy bluenette one of these times. It's not as fun when you wake up with a sore butt. Stretching a little, I pull on my clothes and fold Kanda's so they'll be ready for him when he wakes up.

Then it hits me. I run full speed into the bathroom, nearly giving myself a concussion when I slam into the wall next to the toilet. The contents of my stomach push themselves out my mouth. Continuing to hurl, I run my nails down the wall. I hated vomiting. I'd only ever thrown up one other time in my life and it was from food poisoning. "Allen? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Don't come in," I didn't want Kanda seeing me in such a weak state. I didn't even know why I was vomiting, but I hated whatever reason it was.

I leaned back against the wall when I was finished puking. Blah. I stand and make my way to the sink, brushing my teeth twice.

Author Note: I figure this is a good place to stop, since the next chapter is on a totally different note. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! Tell me what you like and don't like so I can make the next chapter better!