(A/N) this is my first fanfic. Please rate, and review. If you want to beta my stories, let me know. (A/N)
Disclaimer: I do not own Kick-Ass, but if I did, I would be the happiest man on Earth!
"Mindy?" Kick-Ass asked. "What was that for?" "Well," she said "you're late, and I love seeing that look on your face." "Couldn't you have sent me a text, or an email like a normal person, rather than kidnapping me and making me think that I'm about to die?" "Valid question, but what gave you the idea that I was a normal person?" " Nice to see you again Mindy." "Nice to see you too." "So, what brings you back to New York. I thought you were on the run." Mindy turned bright red for a split second before turning back to normal. "Well, I wanted to make sure it was in good hands and I also wanted to give you a warning." "What's happened?" "Well, it turns out that the Mother Fucker is not dead." "Chris survived the fall, and the shark attack?" "Yeah, it turns out that the shark only took off his left leg. Oh yeah, and his dick." "Ouch, that sounds painful." "I'm only sad that the shark beat me too it." "Anyways, why are you telling me all this, you could easily take him out." "I was trying to avoid this conversation too soon, but some asshole tore a hole in my right leg." "Jesus Mindy, I thought you had Kevlar, or something." "It turns out that he had armor piercing rounds. Anyways I was wondering if I could move in with you for a little while." "Sure, just promise me one thing." "What?" "You will never contact me after six months by kidnapping me." "Fine." Kick-Ass and Mindy got in the van and drove back to Murphy's bar to pick up Dave's bike.
After arriving at Dave's house, Mindy took out her suitcase with her belongings and carried them inside. "Do you want me to carry your bags Mindy?" "Even with a hole in my leg, I think I can still manage better than you." Mindy got settled into her new residents recuperating from her wounded leg refusing to go to the hospital since it was obviously gun wounds and that would start too many unwanted questions. Dave returned to his new job at Atomic Comics on monday and texted Todd that he wanted to meet with him at Atomic Comics around noon. Todd came in at 12:42. "Todd, hows it going?'. "Pretty good, I brought you a burger from the diner." "Thanks." "So what is this all important meeting that you need to call me from rush hour, this is when I get the most tips." "Todd, you're the fry cook, you don't get tipped." "But I like to imagine that if I would, that this would be the time." "Anyways, lets not get too far off topic since I have good and bad news. The good news being Hit-Girl is back!" "That's good, what's the bad news?" "Chris D'amico is back too." "But MC Shark tore him up and killed him." "Nope it turns out its just his left leg and his dick." "Ouch thats gotta hurt." "But there is worse news." "What now?" "Hit-Girl is incapacitated for a while, she got shot in her leg." "Doesn't she wear Kevlar or something?" "Yes, but she said it was armor piercing rounds, but what I can't figure out is who would use armor piercing rounds."
Dave came home around 6:00 and he was shocked when he saw that his door was slightly ajar. He bolted inside scared that he was robbed. He through open the door, and ice cold water poured down on him. Mindy was at the top of his stairs watching him and laughing uncontrollably. "Really Mindy?" he said. "What else was I supposed to do with so much extra time on my hands. "This needs to stop, I can't come home and get pneumonia. I'm sorry but here, in my house, there will be no pranks okay." "Fine" she replied grumpily. Dave felt sorry for getting rid of Mindy's sense of fun, but eventually he realized he could sleep without having to worry about waking up covered in snakes, or any other semi lethal prank that Mindy was bound to try one day or another.
Meanwhile, in Lonelyville NY NY...
Chris D'amico was deciding on how to get back at Kick-Ass, Hit-Girl, and Justice Forever for ruining his plans in one of the many houses the D'amico family owned for security purposes. "Those assholes will pay! There going to remember not to fuck around with The Mother Fucker! Julio, I need my Ibuprofen again, the throbbing pain is returning." "In a minute, I just have to beat this asshole, hes kicking my ass in street fighter." "JULIO!" "okay, okay, no need to yell, Ill get you your damn Ibuprofen, the only reason I don't give you the box is because I'm afraid you'll stuff it down my throat." "Hasn't been the first time that thought has crossed my mind. Tell me again, why did I hire you?" "My cousin, Javier was killed by some thugs, and I want to avenge him." "Ohh yeah, we're going to hit them tonight." "In your condition?" "Of course not, but don't ruin the moment!"