Author Note: Thank you to those who reviewed! It makes me very happy to see so many people enjoying my story and it inspires me to write more.

Allen: I don't wanna die!

Kanda: *draws Mugen and points it at me* He better not die!

Me: I'm not going to kill him!

Allen: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.

Me: I should consider breaking Mugen…on to Chapter 10!

Situation

Chapter 10: Shopping and the Chaos of a Journal

I'm awoken by arms crushing my waist. Eyes flashing open, I pull the suffocating things off me. The owner of the arms was fast asleep beside me, his hair fanned out around him. I smile. On rare occasion do I ever have the pleasure to watch my boyfriend sleep, and even then, I'm never this close to him. It was still dark in our room and I could only barely see the wall clock. It was midnight.

I carefully scoot off the bed, replacing the blankets so Kanda wouldn't get cold. I knew he would ever be cold, and if he was, he'd ignore it until he got frostbite. Walking to the bathroom, I snag the pills Komui gave me, popping one in my mouth and swallowing it dry. After using the john, I wash my hands and drink a little, trying to get the feeling of the pill out of my throat. The mirror, even in the dark, showed me my blue hair. It was nearly identical in color to Kanda's and I turned away, not wanting to look at it any longer.

Of course, by the time I had returned to our bed, Kanda was awake. His bed, his bed! I mentally accuse myself. Aw, screw it. I sat beside him in our bed, slipping under the blankets. He had nothing on but boxers and was radiating heat against my sweatpants and bare chest. As I snuggle to his chest, he throws an arm over me in a very protective way. I ask, "Were you dreaming?"

"Nightmare. You actually…" he trails off. I understand why he tried to squeeze the stuffing out of me now. His other arm was under my head and the hand connected to it skimmed over the places my nails made in my neck. It didn't hurt, but I still attempt to get closer to him with a whimper. I whisper, "Do you want me to start wearing shirts again? It wouldn't bother me."

"No," he replies. "It's fine." I can tell that it did upset him, having to look at my scars and wounds. If I did start wearing shirts again though, he would just insist I not. He refuses to show too much emotion. I sigh and close my eyes, drifting to a world of peace.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

Sunlight filled the small room when my eyes opened. Kanda wasn't with me, his heat gone and the bed cold where he once was. I sit up and scan the room, eyeing the bathroom door as it opened. My eyes are glued to the dripping body and long hair of my boyfriend, stark naked and leaving the bathroom like it was nothing. His fingers ran through his wet hair, "Like what you see?"

I force my eyes to meet his, amusement in the dark pools, "Maybe."

He turns around and bends over, rummaging through his dresser. I growl as he purposely takes a lot longer than he needed to find his clothes. Finally finding what he was searching for, he rose up, and began to get dressed before my gazing eyes. I was going to get that revenge soon, very soon. I glance at the clock, hopping up quickly and pulling on the turtleneck that was lying on my dresser. It was ten o'clock and I wanted to eat before I did anything with Lenalee.

"What's the rush?" Kanda asked, following me into the bathroom as I pull on the turtleneck and a random pair of jeans, seemingly unhappy that his performance got him nowhere. I run my comb through my hair. My hair! It was white again! I pull at the strands, ensuring that no color was left. Relief washed over me, "Hallelujah!"

He smirked at my happiness. I say, "I'm meeting Lenalee at eleven and I am not going hungry."

I grab the bottle of pills at the corner of the vanity, putting one in my mouth and drinking a little from the sink. The bluenette eyed the bottle as I sat them back on the vanity, "What are those?"

I know he's worried about me and I wrap my arms around his waist, "I'm not on anti-depressants, if that's what you think. Komui gave them to me to keep me strong from the whole transition with my arm and Crown Clown."

He nods and kisses the top of my head before I pull away and begin to brush my teeth. It helps to know that Kanda is consistently trying to protect me, even if it's annoying at times. I had always wanted a superman to save me, and I got exactly that. A superman.

I finish and head toward the door, giving Kanda a quick kiss on his cheek from where he sat on the bed, book in hand. Before closing the door, I call, "I'm not sure when I'll be back, but it should be sometime before dinner I think."

He nodded, "Che." I roll my eyes and shut the door, making my way to the cafeteria. I had no earthly idea what Lenalee wanted, but if she made it so secret, I think it's safe to assume a trip to town will be necessary.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

After I eat breakfast, I wait for Lenalee patiently. It was about ten till, so she should be getting here anytime. I still couldn't figure out what we'd be doing, considering that Kanda and I are together, and as far as I know, Lavi hasn't made a move yet. My eyes catch the pigtails coming up beside me, halting my thoughts. She was wearing a black mini skirt with leggings and a long-sleeved purple sweater to match her boots. She was holding a small ebony clutch in one hand, and she said, "Well, come on!"

"Oh, right," I say as I follow her out of the large dining room. Once we're at the Order's doors, I ask, "Where are we going?"

She pushes open the huge metal pieces and makes her way out, "Shopping. Tonight, something's going to happen."

After we are safely on the ground, I fall into step beside her, "What's going to happen?"

She smiles and looks at me, "A double date! You and Kanda with Lavi and me!"

I groan, "Do you really think Kanda's going to go anywhere with us? I mean, he hates Lavi and he doesn't like advertising our relationship. Hello? We're gay!"

She just ignores the last comment, "If you beg him and reward him with a 'treat' when we get back, he's so going."

I blush furiously, "Who said we were having sex?!"

The yaoi fangirl leaps out of her like a tiger on its prey, "I didn't mean that, but you are?! Eep!"

I said the wrong thing. I was never going to live this down if Kanda found out I spilled. The horrible wording of the thought floods my mind with perverted images and I shake my head to rid myself of them. Maybe it wasn't horrible wording…shut up, brain!

"Anyways," I say, trying to stop the tirade of giggles escaping her mouth. "Why would this help anything?"

She gave me a confused look, "Lavi won't turn down the offer to go on a date with me, and we both know he doesn't have the balls to ask me out himself. Plus, you get to see Kanda's romantic side!"

My first thought was that 'Kanda' and 'romantic' don't belong in the same sentence without 'not' being included. My second was that she had a point. When else would I have the opportunity to go on a date with Kanda? I nod as we turn into a J.C. Penny's.

I know I'm getting her outfit, and I head toward the dresses, the opposite of where she was nosing through push-up bras. Again I say, not the kind of guy to get turned on by that. I scavenge through the vast array of dresses. Not to brag, but I'm fairly educated when it comes to picking things for girls to wear. It had to be a dark color, like purple, red, or blue. Long-sleeves were a must for the weather, and with a contrasting neckline included. For Lenalee's curvy form, it also had to be form-fitting and short. Taking another look through the clothes, I had narrowed down my options to two. They were identical with long-sleeves, low neckline, above knee length and stretchy. The difference was one was sapphire and the other cranberry.

I pull out the dark purple dress and brace myself to go through the lingerie section. With one eye closed, I dash to Lenalee's side and give her the dress. Then, I proceed to push her towards the dressing rooms. I did not like being near womanly things, be it protection or underwear. It made me feel like an utter pervert. Lenalee giggled at my obvious discomfort and went in to change.

Five minutes later, I look her up and down, giving her a thumbs up. She looked beautiful in it, and I can imagine Lavi's nosebleed when he sees her. After changing, we head to the men's section. I knew I wasn't going in a suit, it just wasn't me. I didn't even want to think about Kanda in one. Talk about demeaning, the bad boy forced into something dressy. Though, if Lenalee was going in a dress, what would Kanda wear? I don't think he owns anything other than sleeveless training shirts and his exorcist uniform.

Before I knew it, a white button down was thrust into my face. I didn't need to try it on to know it fit, and it looked a lot like mine, only it could stand by itself without the red ribbon. I nod and take it. The black pants I had back at the Order would match fine.

As we walk back, we stop by a coffee shop. Lenalee and I both get caramel mochas and we sit. She says, "Okay, so tonight we'll dress casual and go to the movies, and tomorrow can be elegant dining."

I nod, "That way they can have a chance to get something to wear."

She smiles as I catch on, taking a long sip of the coffee. "I have no clue who will help them though."

Our gazes meet, a sign we could read each other's mind. We say in unison, "We'll switch!"

"That means I'm stuck with the rabbit," I sigh. She laughs at my despair, "Yeah, and even though he's good to you, can you imagine what Kanda will do when I drag him into a clothes store?"

An image of Mugen slicing through every outfit Lenalee suggests flashes through my mind. I chuckle and slurp my mocha.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

I set my bags down on my dresser. It was nearly four o'clock and I wasn't all that certain the time hadn't sped up. I had eaten in the cafeteria before returning to my room, just to find no one here. I assume Kanda was training since he had nothing much else to do. He was probably loosing muscle from being with me so much.

Lenalee had dragged me through a cosmetics store to help her pick out the perfect eye shadow and lip gloss to go with the outfit. I wasn't good with that and pretty much nodded to everything she held up, and when comparing went with whatever was in her right hand. It worked apparently, because it wasn't nearly as long of a makeup shopping trip as I had anticipated.

I pull out the white button up and fold it, placing it in a drawer. Something brown catches my eye from the back of the box. Taking it out, I realize it was my journal. I set it towards the corner of my dresser, deciding to throw it away later. Pushing away the bad memories, I located the tiny bag inside the bigger one, the one from the cosmetics store. It was a pair of clip-on earrings. I wasn't super happy with the idea, but I had gone along with it. They were the same design as the one I already had only it was completely square with a skull embedded in the silver metal.

Uncertainly, I remove mine and replace it. It wasn't half bad, at least not the feel. I throw away the bags on my way into the bathroom. Staring at my reflection, I realize just how much I liked the new accessory dangling from my ear. It wasn't too noticeable like it would have been if it was colored, but still caught the light enough to draw attention. I move out of the bathroom and I sit on my bed. I still had four hours until Lenalee said we'd drag our boy toys together and demand they take us to a movie. I'm not sure how this will help our cause any, but the devious girl said it would be perfect. Lying down, I pull the covers over my body and my eyelids drift close.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

When I wake up again, I feel an arm under my shoulders and my face was nuzzled into the owner's side. My eyes open and I blink a couple times in the harsh lighting of a lamp. Once adjusted, I raise up, my eyes registering the blue hair and dark eyes of Kanda, holding a brown book. I smile and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He doesn't respond, his midnight pools trained on whatever he was reading. My gaze moves to the pages of the small book, reading over the first paragraph:

7/15/12

Dear journal,

Today wasn't any better than normal. Last night I had another nightmare about Kanda murdering me. One day, I wish he'd actually do it. I mean, I just don't want to put up with it any longer. The nightmares are awful, and I always wake up screaming or crying from the pain. It keeps getting harder for me to explain the turtlenecks, and I got a scare from Kanda today. He grabbed my shirt and the gauze over my last cut came off. The blood nearly soaked through the fabric and I think he noticed. I hope he waved it off. It's not like I needed another reason for him to hate me even more, or for me to hate myself anymore than I already do. Anyways, tool: razor, location: shower, and area: right arm. Just hope I don't hit a vein. Should I try? –Allen

My journal. Kanda found my journal! I reach my hand and snatch the horrid thing away. I didn't want him reading this! I just wanted to throw it away and forget, but I totally forgot to-

"I walked away," my boyfriend whispered. "I thought I was imagining the blood…."

"I'm sorry you read that," I say, trying to get him to stop blaming himself. "I was going through my drawers and forgot to throw it away. I was really tired."

Kanda didn't seem to notice what I said. He just looked at his hands with wide eyes. He said, "How could I have left you? I knew you were acting weird, and that you were hiding something. Why didn't I…I…."

I feel the anger welling inside me. I wasn't helpless through this! I knew what I was doing! Before I realize I had done it, the back of my hand makes contact with his cheek. "Stop it! Stop blaming yourself! I knew what I was doing when I drug the razor across my skin all those times! I knew what I was doing when I swallowed the pills a year ago! It's not like I was completely and utterly unknowing through this! I didn't want you, or anyone, to know!"

Kanda sits in shock. I'm not sure if it was from the redness on his cheek or the fact I said things way too graphically. A single tear drips off his chin, and I know I went across a border with my words. I turn away from him, tears of my own streaming down my cheeks. I didn't mean to be so harsh; I just wanted him to shut up about how it was his fault. "It's not your fault," I whisper, my voice cracking. The journal was still in my hands and I didn't want it there. I hated the stupid thing. Screaming, I hurl it across the room, wrapping my arms around my knees and shaking.

I was tempted to drag my nails across my chest, but that sure wouldn't help my situation any. If anything it would upset Kanda more. I hear him say, "Please, stop crying."

I immediately halted my shaking, my forehead on my knees. His hand found my back again, and I jolted at the touch, whirling around and clinging to him. I was so emotionally unstable right now it wasn't even funny.

To be continued…

Author Note: I bet you guys hate me now. MUAHAHA! Anyways, next chapter will be out by Sunday. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! I really like to know what I can work on, what you guys like and don't, and how I can get better!