Chapter Five: Remembrances.

Word got around quickly among the Weasley's and once they heard that Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and myself were already here one by one the family trickled in for an impromptu family dinner. I laughed jovially with everyone telling stories about times of old and some new stories from my time away. It was a perfect evening, or as perfect as it could get in my opinion. The only thing that was bothering me was the only thing that had been bothering me this entire sodding time. If I didn't get a different topic to think about, I was going to go barmy within the next few weeks.

Ginny.

She laughed along with the rest of them and held private conversations with Bill and George. Even the two of us exchanged a few pleasantries before she turned back to her conversation with George about the potions line he was thinking about advertising.

Everything was perfectly amiable.

That was the problem.

I was a selfish selfish creature. I knew that. Hell I will be the first person to admit to that. It all just seemed a little too nice.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

So when the dinner and dessert was finally consumed and Ginny rose to gather the plates to take them to the kitchen I jumped at the chance.

"I'll help you." She gave me a small smile.

"Thank you, at least someone still has manners." She rolled her eyes at Ron who rose his hands in defense.

"Hey, I did nothing." He supplied.

"Exactly what I'm talking about." Bill and George howled as we made our way through the door into the kitchen and she set to work clearing the plates and putting them in the sink.

We were alone. In the kitchen. This was my chance.

I opened my mouth but no words came.

She wound her hair up to the base of her neck and my mind blanked for a minute. It wasn't until her gaze met mine and she held out her hand did I react. "Plate?" I handed her the stack that I didn't realize I was still holding.

Within moments she had her sleeves pushed up around her elbows and was working on lathering the dishes in the sink. I moved to her other side starting an assembly line of rinsing and drying before setting the plates one by one into the dish rack.

"So Ron tells me you're seeing someone now."

Don't wince, don't wince, don't wince. Just inwardly slap yourself for being a total idiot.

Her brown eyes flicked to mine momentarily as she passed me another plate.

"Uhhh… Yeah I am. "

Instantly there was something stuck in my throat so I coughed loudly to try and remove it.

"I'm really happy for you Gin." I felt her stiffen but she continued working.

What the hell was I thinking? Where are these things even coming from? I'm not happy for her; I'm the farthest thing away from happy for her that I can get. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"Thank you Harry. I appreciate that." Once the plates were clean she slowly began working on the utensils, Dunking them several times to remove the soap from her scrubbing. We worked in silence then. The glasses followed the utensils and when we were finished and the water was draining for the sink I handed her a clean towel so that she could wipe off the remainder of the soap from her arms.

She turned away.

I had to stop her.

"Look Gin…" She froze, her shoulders as rigged as a stone as a sigh escaped me and I dragged my hand through my hair. This is what I had been waiting for, here she was waiting for me to say something. I prayed that I wouldn't mess this up. "…I know there isn't anything I can say. I've already done more than words could possible fix. But… for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I never should have left here." She hadn't moved a single muscle and as silence passed awkwardly between us I continued, taking a small step forward my voice coming out in a whisper. "I never should have left you."

I knew she heard it.

But she gave me no indication or sign that she was going to react to the statement I had just spoken.

"Oi! What's taking so long in here?" George kicked open the door, swaggering in like he was a gunfighter at the OK corral. His eyes locked on Ginny's and the smirk that had been playing on his face dropped.

"Nothing. We just finished up. Right Harry?" She looked at me for confirmation and that's when I saw it. The unguarded pain hiding behind her beautiful eyes; the hurt, the swimming early stages of tears, but the worst of it was the despair. It hit me. It hit me harder than facing Voldemort a hundred times. It hit me harder than losing Sirius and Remus and Fred.

Merlin what did I do to her? The happy girl that always had a smile on her face and was willing to help anyone was gone. And I knew without a doubt that it was my fault.

The girl I loved more than anything.

A smile spread across her lips but it looked forced and unnatural. "Come on, let's get back to the others."

I silently followed, then and there making a vow that I would do anything I could to change the way she saw me.

The weight of the door was too much for me. I was so emotionally drained that even apparating was too much, I had to flew back to my flat instead. The thought crossed my mind to kill Gwen for making me endure what I did, but I knew it wasn't her fault. She hadn't forced me to go over there. She had just made a rationalization and I had hit the ground running with it.

Even if she had tried to talk me out of it I would have went anyway. I was stubborn and headstrong as they come, and only I was to blame.

I was a glutton for punishment, and the pain that had coursed through me all evening was like my own personal version of Azkaban. I did this. No one else.

Since Harry had come back I had thrown out everything that I had taught myself during his absence. That I needed to forgive him, that I needed to stop blaming everyone else for the problems I was causing. That I needed to grow up and act like an adult. It was so easy to fall back into the same old destructive path that I had been on when he had first left. But running around like a misbehaving spoiled child wouldn't fix anything.

I was a 22 year old woman now, and if I can handle this I can handle anything.

BUT, 22 years old doesn't mean that I can't still cry.

As I sunk down onto the floor my chest started heaving as I sobbed uncontrollably. I lay there hand pillowed beneath my face and tears leaking onto the thick carpet with no shame as to who could hear me. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again, like it did when he had left, and then again the moment I realized that he wasn't coming back. I felt the emptiness consume me and the walls that I had erected around my heart parted for a moment so I couldn't hide behind my sarcastic, don't-give-a-fuck exterior. Right now, I was me. A person I hadn't been in a very long time.

I cried for what seemed like hours. Once the tears ceased to fall my cheeks felt raw and puffy. I lightly pushed my way up from the floor simply to lean against the wall directly behind me. Memories washed over me, as if I was in one of the muggle theatres and they were playing the story of my life for an audience of one.

But no, it wasn't just my story. It was ours.

"I don't even know what he sees in her. She's way to thin, and her eyes are just a dash too far apart and her lips are too big, and she's just way too nice to everyone. There is no way that someone is that nice naturally. No way." I paced for about the hundredth time across the fifth year girls dormitory. My hands wringing nervously as I spoke and my gaze shifting around unseeing. My hair was a tangled mess, one of my socks had fallen down around my ankle and my shirt was tucked oddly into my skirt. I looked like a mess, I was a mess.

"She's pretty, and she's sweet, and she pays attention to Harry. He's a teenage boy of course he's going to notice her." Hermione said her hand lazily flicking a page of Hogwarts a History. She must have read that book about a dozen times at that point, there was no way that that was healthy.

"I pay attention to Harry. Why can't it be me?" I finally gave up my pacing and threw myself onto an empty bed. For a teenage girl, I was sure that my life was over.

"Look Ginny, if it's meant to be one of these days Harry's going to look at you and he's going to know that it's you. There isn't any way that you can make him see how amazing you are trust me I know this for a fact. If it's fate, then it will happen. You'll just have to be patient until then. "

I rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling a sigh rushing from my lungs.

"I know Hermione. I just I love him." She closed her book, moving from her bed to the one I was occupying.

"I know you do."

"Oh hey Ginny!" His voice squeaked as his right hand flew nervously to the back of his hair. I couldn't contain the smile that was creeping onto my lips. It might have been the most adorable thing that I'd ever seen.

"Hey Harry." I tossed my school bag next to him on the picnic table before hopping into the seat. "Where's Ron at?"

His pointer finger came up to push his glasses further back onto his nose.

"Uh, I think, he, uh… went to the….uh….kitchens…"

"Right." I said before pulling out my Transfiguration book and pretending to read the chapter that had been assigned to us that day.

"Right. Totally Right." The lines blurred together as the smile twitched again begging to turn into a full-fledged grin. "Totally Right."

"Harry?" I asked politely turning my face towards his. He flushed lightly and locked his gaze on his hands. "Is this about after the Quidditch Game?"

His gaze flew up to mine in shock. "What?! NO! Of course not. That was just… I didn't… There wasn't." I smiled in earnest at him moving one leg so that is mirrored his straddling the bench.

"It was just a kiss Harry. It's nothing to be nervous about." Without giving him time to respond I leaned forward and locked my mouth with his. His lips lightly feathered against mine, I could feel the small smile playing there as I received the softest most tender kiss in my life. We broke away his smile growing as he lightly hooked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"You know," he sighed his fingers interlocking with mine. "I think you're kind of wonderful."

My face turned the color of a tomato as I bit my lip.

"You're not so bad yourself."

"But why Harry?" He refused to look at me just kept his hands planted on the fence bordering the Burrow. "Tell me why?" I shouted. I was forcing myself not to cry. Not to let him see how badly I was breaking.

"Because Ginny, you aren't old enough. You're mum would never let you go even if I wanted you too." Rage and fear coursed through me simultaneously.

"What about me? What about what I want. Ron and Hermione are coming with you. I want to come too I want to fight with you. I understand we can't be together anymore because you are afraid I'd get hurt but that doesn't mean I can't still help you!" He shoved off of the fence to face me, his expression grave and a million miles away from me.

"If I had it my way I'd go alone. This is my fight, I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me." The rage dissolved in an instant.

"Oh Harry you aren't alone." I took a step forward to wrap my arms around him but he immediately lunged back stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Don't. Please don't." But I wouldn't let him stop me. I pulled him to me and waited until he softened and wrapped his arms around me in turn. "I need you to stay here. I need you to be safe." He mumbled into my hair and I could feel the tears leaking from my eyes. "I need you here so that I have a reason to come home." Tears fell harder but I did nothing to stop there descent. "Promise me Gin." His hand smoothed the hair from my face and I lifted my eyes to meld with his.

"I promise." He pulled me close and gave me a searing kiss. A kiss goodbye.

I couldn't see over the crowd of people. But there was screams everywhere I could barely make out the form of Hagrid approaching us.

He had been captured. No. Not like this.

There was something in his arms. No not something. Someone. I just… I can't tell.

"Neville. Who is that Hagrids carrying? Who is it?"

"It's Harry. Harry's dead."

My heart stopped. Then plummeted out of my chest. Please god no. No please not Harry. "No." I whispered my head was in an eddy nothing was making sense. "No!" I screamed and then lunged forward. Voldemort's laugh echoed around me.

I'd kill him. I'd kill him myself.

Arms encircled my waist and I fought my way forward screaming as I was pulled to back. Tears clouded my vision and pain was lacing through me as if I was physically wounded. I was handed off to someone but I don't know who.

"For god sakes get her out of here." But it wasn't a moment later the crowd erupted and shouts filled the air. "Harry's alive! Harry's alive!"

I stopped fighting as the arms released me. The only thing I knew that once again my heart began to beat.

He sat on the edge of the bed wearing his boxers and a T-shirt his hands pressed together in a triangle his head hanging down. I slowly came towards him the thing fabric of his collared shirt clung to my upper thigh as I stopped directly in front of him. He slowly lifted his head so that his gaze locked with mine, his hands reached out and tugged the back of my thighs closer to him. I ran my hand through his uncontrollable hair and he pressed his forehead against my stomach.

"How you doing?" He didn't answer me so I continued to fuss with his hair causing it to stick up in even more awkward angles. The silence continued but the heavy weight on my heart wanted to be heard. "I'm worried about you Harry."

A sigh was his only response.

"Talk to me. I'm right here." His gaze clashed with mine again and I let my hands drift down to his shoulders.

"I just don't know what to do anymore." I urged him to continue. "Everything that has happened everything that I know now, everything that is expected of me. I know what happened, I know what I did but it was all luck. All of it. Now they want me to reform the ministry. ME! I've gotten offered the head Auror position. It's like they overlook the fact that I'm 17 years old. I'm still a kid. I can't make these decisions anymore I shouldn't have to it's over."

I didn't dare speak. For fear that he would stop. He'd been so closed off and distant since the battle ended. I was afraid if I let this little piece go I wouldn't get him back.

"I just need some time. Some time where I can just lock myself in a room where no one knows me and just think. Think about everything. To get to know myself. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore." My hands traced lightly over his shoulders down the thick muscles of his back.

"Then I'll come with you." There was silence again and I could feel dread fill me. I moved my hands from him and tried to take a step back. He gripped the back of my legs tighter as he refused to let me retreat. To run away from what he was trying to tell me.

"Just a few weeks. A few weeks alone so that I can think things through. That's all I need." His pleading eyes searched mine and I could feel my resolve breaking. I leveled ourselves so that we looked eye to eye.

"I love you Harry." His hands moved from the back of my legs to my waist pulling me closer.

"I love you too Gin." He whispered against my lips before he dragged me onto the bed.

Eight months.

I'll be back before you know it Gin.

I love you.

It had been eight months and he was still gone, and I was still waiting. I had just been signed on to the Harpies by some freaking miracle and was spending my first night in my new flat. A flat by all rights should have been ours because he was supposed to be back 7 months ago.

I opened box after box unpacking the contents by hand onto the shelves and bookcases around me. It wasn't until I opened a seemingly unsuspecting box which contained all our memories did I lose it. I screamed launching the picture of the two of us and watching is shatter against the opposite wall. Then the next picture, then the next. Finally I was sitting there with an empty box and I threw that too. My chest heaved and I was surprised that the tears did not come.

I was done crying. I still felt empty, still felt like a shell of a person. But I didn't cry, and I took comfort in that small thing.

His words flashed through my mind as if he was right there in the room.

"Just a few weeks. A few weeks alone so that I could think things through."

As I surveyed the damage I had created a wry smile curled at my lips.

I whispered to nothingness around me. "Liar."

The night wasn't even close to being what it could have been but as far as progress went I feel like I had made a fair bit of it. Ginny, after the episode in the kitchen relaxed a bit more around me. I knew I was far from being forgiven but I had made a step and I would take whatever I could get. When she left we all waved her goodbye as she disappeared into the night to trudge to the edge of the anti-apparation ward. I momentarily thought about offering to walk her but I figured I'd pushed my luck enough for tonight.

It took me a few moments to realize that the atmosphere in the room had changed. When I finally took the time to glance back at the boys I noticed that every single one of them was staring at me. Face set into a thin line and arms crossed over their chests.

"Are you guys alright?" But that's all I got out before I was slammed back into the way. "Jesus Bill what the hell?"

George came up next flicking his wand out and pointing it directly at my jugular. I swallowed involuntarily as Percy and Ron came about the flanks. "Harry, you are family and we all love you like you are our family. " Bill said his hands still binding my shoulders to the wall.

"But if you fuck with our sister, at all. We are going to kill you do you understand?" My eyes widened as their words washed over me.

"Guys, I have no intention of messing with Ginny. I wouldn't do that." George pressed his wand closer to my skin.

"What was that in the kitchen then. Huh, Huh?"

I took a moment to explain as I looked to Ron for help but his look reassured me that he was very much on his brother's side. "I was apologizing. For leaving."

Percy leaned forward as he surveyed my expression. "Are you sure that's all that happened?"

Panic started to set in as the realization dawned that they legitimately could kill me. "I love your sister okay. I'm not out to hurt her."

Ron spoke this time, his gaze telling me more than he could ever possibly say. "This isn't like last time Harry. Don't even try and get close to her if you have no intention of following through. She won't be able to take it, and I would rather you keep your distance then me having to beat you bloody."

I swallowed again gathering the courage to face the mob in front of me.

"I love her. I know what I did. I know how bad I fucked up. I know how much work I have ahead of me. But this time I'm not going anywhere. This time I'm not going to let her down." Bill's grip loosened on me and he finally let me go causing me to clutch my right arm from the residual sting. George pocketed his wand before giving me a poignant look.

"If you do. Or if I've found out you've done anything at all to her, watch yourself, because we'll find you and we will hurt you." They all nodded in assent, a family bond the likes of which I have never seen before.

"If I'm that stupid, you won't have to find me. I'll come find you and let you."

A/N: Alright so I know I said that I would get Harry's flashbacks in here but there just wasn't enough room and I wanted to get this chapter out here as soon as I could.

What do you think? Do you understand Ginny a little better now? Their relationship? The way he left and didn't return?

Thanks everyone so much for all the reviews and follows. You guys are totally awesome! I'm using all of your suggestions as inspiration for the story and making the next chapter as good as possible.

The Flashback where Ginny is talking about Hagrid carrying Harry isn't mine. Those are all JKR's, I just took them and tweaked them a little bit to fit in the story.

I have to admit that I love what the boys did to Harry, I could totally see my own brother's doing that.

Let me know what you think!

I love you.

-Nurse Holliday