Chapter 11: Shameless Stalking.
It was official. I lost it.
I was sitting behind a plant in the middle of a five star restaurant watching my ex have dinner with his ex.
Shameless Stalking.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
"Seriously Red, you are kind of embarrassing us."
"Shut it Henry!"
Cho had brushed her bangs out of her face as she smiled brightly across the table at Harry. Since Hogwarts she'd cut her hair into an inverted bob making her look entirely to grown up and sexy. I didn't like it; I didn't like it at all. Not that I liked her much in the first place.
"Stupid Cho with her stupid hair, and her stupid face, and her stupid stupidness."
"She'd starting to babble now do you think we should get her out of here?" Henry said again, this time to Gwen.
"Nah, I actually find this pretty entertaining, it's kind of like watching the telly but real life."
"I'm still here you know!" I spat as I momentarily tore my gaze from the dining couple across the way.
"Alright Gin that's enough." Gwen finally decreed. I silently agreed, that was enough.
We paid the bill, leaving an overly generous tip on account of my weirdness and started walking through the sunset streets of London. I was preoccupied.
"What in the world… I just don't… why? Seriously why? There!? Of all times? Of all people!...I just…"
"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Gwen shouted surprising both Henry and I. Gwen clearly had something to say and it was going to be said, so I waited for whatever wisdom my best friend could lay on me. Merlin knew I needed anything I could get. "You need help Gin."
I felt panic rise up inside of me again. I didn't need help; I wasn't anywhere near how bad I used to be. I was doing okay.
Gwen's face softened as she continued. "You say that you're fine but you're not. It's clear you are not. I've seen you do this before, this spiral and I'm not having it. We are here for you, to support you with whatever you need but I am not going to lie to you. I love you more than anything. Henry and I both do, I can't see you go back to where you were."
I stood across from my two best friends. Both rightfully worried about me. Gwen's face was desperately concerned. She'd been there before, she knew.
I had to listen to her.
I had to.
"Okay Gwen, I'll do it. I'll work it out I promise." A relieved sigh escaped her as she wrapped me in a crushing hug. Followed not long after by Henry as well.
"What are you doing?" I laughed as he shook us lightly.
"I felt left out."
What a big baby.
I held hands with Gwen as we continued our trek down the London Sidewalk. This is what best friends were for. I really didn't know what I would do without her.
"It's been a while since I've seen you Ginny."
The leather felt hot and sticky underneath me, I stared at my ringing hands as I felt the nerves race through me.
"I don't usually do this you know?" Why had I said that? I didn't even know. The man I hadn't seen in years just stared at me over his square rimmed wire frames, leg balanced on his knee and fingertips pressed together into a diamond. Therapists were perceptive little buggers.
Mr. Waylon waited a few minutes before continuing. Probably giving me a few minutes to adjust and get a little bit more comfortable.
It wasn't happening, not yet.
I still hadn't accepted the fact that I needed this again.
I felt like a failure, I was doing so well.
"What's going on Ginny?" I let the turmoil churn inside of me until it finally bubbled up into words.
"He's back." Was all that I could manage.
"So I've read. It's funny I thought about you immediately when I saw the first article." Waylon responded before asking the inevitable question. "How are you feeling about his return?"
I sighed, thankful for the tiniest amount of relief it brought me as I sunk back into a slouch on the couch. "Mad. Happy. Confused. Relieved. Mad."
"I see that you said mad twice. Why do you think that is?"
Wasn't it obvious?
"Because I'm mad at him. Beyond furiously mad."
"It's common for anyone experiencing a break up to express themselves with anger. Being hurt by someone you love is painful. Being angry and lashing out is a way to direct your feelings. Most turn to anger as a coping mechanism, they can't deal with the pain that closure brings and need to direct it elsewhere."
He paused for a beat before continuing.
"Your case was much much different than a typical break up. You never got the opportunity for closure. Harry robbed you of that prospect so you've been carrying it with you for years. Anger is the appropriate first response."
I felt a little more tension ease out of me at his words.
"Have you accepted that you still have feelings for Harry?"
I let the words that I hadn't dared to speak out loud before whisper out. "Yes."
"Do you want those feelings to manifest into something between the two of you?"
I knew this one.
"No." I said sharply. Hurt tinged and twisted my words. "I can't be with him after what he did. I can't." My eyes traced the lines of the carpet.
"You know I always marveled at seeing you Ginny. You always referred to yourself as being broken, like a car, or a toy. Something that a few turns of a wrench could fix. The one thing I don't think you ever came to understand was that you aren't broken. You are just you, the same you as before but different. In a few years you will still be you, the same you as now, but different. You may be hurt, you may be angry but you are not broken."
Tears swelled in my eyes.
I fought them back from spilling over.
"Can you forgive him?" I searched inside myself, really searched for the answer to that.
"Maybe someday."
"I'll let you know something, something that will help you as you go through this battle of yours. Once you can find it in you to forgive him. To get that closure, the reasoning that every person needs that you have been missing. Things will get better."
I nodded. Letting his words absorb themselves into me.
"I won't bother setting up another appointment. You'll know if you need to come back or not."
The best part of a Fundraiser ball is the dress. I had somehow over the course of my life developed from being a don't-give-a-fuck tomboy to owning 36 dresses. I love dresses. I love them so much.
Gwen and I had gone full out for tonight, something that was pretty special for us. With a new dress on and a new pair of high heels I almost felt like a new person. Like I could handle all of this now.
It was the first night in a long time that I wanted to have a few drinks and have fun with my team. It was a fundraiser ball after all, that was what this was all about.
Henry and Gwen were dancing around like fools and making out at every possible opportunity. Crazy kids. I swelled with pride as he dipped her low and she laughed loudly causing more than a few people to look their way. I was so happy for them; out of all the people in the world who deserved happiness and love I'd say that it was them.
"Would you like to dance?" I turned my attention away from my striking best friends to look into a familiar pair of amber eyes!
"OH MY GOD CHARLIE!" Insert favorite brother here. Officially best day ever. "What are you doing here? How is Romania? Oh my Merlin!"
"I used to play Quidditch too you know? Not professionally like you Oh Great One but people still remember my name." I rolled my eyes as Charlie handed me a drink. Love him!
"How did you manage to get away from your Dragon Mistresses? I haven't seen your face in ages!"
"I wanted to see my favorite sister is that a crime?"
"I'm your only sister you git." He smiled jovially as he nudged my side.
"All the more reason." We continued to catch up as the night wound on. I introduced Gwen and Henry to Charlie and we even managed to dance a little bit. It was all too soon that Charlie gave me that all too familiar look.
Well it wasn't me that received the all too familiar look but it was a look that I have seen many a time.
"She's cute." I commented on the blonde chaser from the Wasps who was currently eye raping my brother.
"Yeah." He agreed as he ogled her scantily clad form. "I'm going to…"
"Go. You don't have to keep me company the whole night you manwhore."
"Don't be jealous love."
"You know me, jealous because all I want in life is to go home with a blonde girl." He chuckled as he gave me a warm hug.
Big brother hugs are the best.
"See you later."
"Promise you'll owl?"
"Yes Mum." I slammed my fist hard into his shoulder. Mum? Honestly!"
"Ow woman you'll break my bleeding arm."
And with that I was back to enjoying my night. At least for a few moments. The waiter returned with another firewhiskey and apple cider and I hummed in contentment. Maybe Waylon was right after all. Maybe I've been looking at myself wrong.
Perhaps I had a slight buzz.
Like I was in some sort of morbid romantic comedy, I watched as Harry walked through the door.
I laughed. I honestly laughed.
Of course Harry was here, that was just my life. It didn't bother me like I had expected it too, even when I saw a smiling Cho Chang join him and watched them head towards the bar. I needed closure. Things would get better. With that mindset, with the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel I had some new hope to hold onto. I needed closure, and I would get it.
Tonight however wasn't that time.
"How are you Ginny?" I would have recognized that thick garbled voice anywhere.
"Krum, haven't seen you since we crushed Bulgaria."
"It vas a luckhy match." I laughed as he sat down opposite me. Krum was entirely too nice of a guy.
"What brings you over here to converse with the enemy?"
"I saw you over heere, looking a leetle sad, I think, why eez such a beautiful voman so sad? So I come to cheer you ups." I smiled at that.
"How gentlemanly of you."
"Vould you like to dance?"
"Sure." Krum led me on the dance floor, and clumsily led me around for the next couple dances. Despite having my foot trodden on a time or two it was nice to see an old friend. Finally when I was almost sweating from getting down a little bit too much I had to wave the white flag.
As Krum and I sat at the table again both smiling I had to ask. "How's the wife?" Krum had married Alicia Spinnet a few years back which in a roundabout way made him practically family.
"Expecting baby number 2. All days with the complaining abouts her feets svelling. I pull my hair out." Another happily married sod in my life, exactly what I needed.
"I think after all of that, I need a little air." Krum gave me a hearty farewell before I made my way across the dance floor to the balcony outside. I snagged a glass of champagne as I past the heat barrier and the cool air enveloped me. I pressed the cold glass against my flushed cheek as I stared out across the gardens.
I may have had a bit too much to drink.
I felt his presence before I even heard his steps. It was like electro charged energy that seemed to course through me. Did he feel that? Or was it just me? Or was I thoroughly soused and imagining all of this?
When Harry finally appeared next to me I grudgingly had to throw the last one out.
So much for my conclusions.
He stood there silently in all his glory. All of his messy haired, emerald eyed, hand in pockets glory looking adorably sexy without even trying.
I didn't chance a glance at him as I spoke. "How is it that everywhere I go, you suddenly appear?"
Out of the corner of my eye I could see the corner of his mouth hitch up into a little smile. "Well, I live with your mother, I'm best friends with your brother, and we know all of the same people."
I nodded acceptingly at that, he did have some rather valid points. "Touche."
"I like your dress." I peered down at the emerald green satin wondering if I could get away with claiming that I'd had it forever. Instead I chose to stay silent. I found that I was getting rather good at holding my tongue.
That was kind of a big deal for me.
"It's not as nice as your dates, but it gets me by." And just like that I was back.
"Cho isn't my date. I didn't even know she was going to be here." Funny that he knew exactly who I was talking about though.
"How did she even get an invitation in the first place?" I was going to have a talk to the International Quidditch Committee about this.
"Cho played Quidditch at school."
I snorted. "Yeah, terribly." I had turned now to face him my hands stoically placed on my hips, my chin held high. I could see the irritation etched on his face and I reveled in it.
"What is your problem?"
"My problem?" I should probably stop talking, but the drink was giving me courage and driving me on. I laughed coldly, shaking my head. "You know what? I have no problem. Why do I care who you take to dinner or take to fundraisers? I don't care!"
"How do you know we went to dinner?"
"Don't even worry about it Harry it's none of my business." I threw my hands up, signaling very much that I was done with this conversation.
Perhaps Harry had been drinking as well, because he was very much not letting me go.
"Don't pull that shit Gin, stop pretending that what I do isn't your business."
"It's not." I ground out.
"Yes it is."
It was the point of childish now. "NO It's not."
"It is."
I moved to walk away from him, from whatever this was. "Don't pretend to tell me what my business is." He pulled me to the side of the opening, probably to prevent people from seeing us rowing. I didn't care either way. "What the fuck Potter?"
"I want you to acknowledge that what I do matters to you. It's me you and you Gin, that's it. That's how it's always been."
"NOT ANYMORE!" I shoved his chest hard and was even more livid when he didn't move and inch. "You left! What we had left when you never came home." I shoved him again, and again.
I could feel the rage mutating me into something else. My mind was blurry as I let my hand fly and cleared as I peered into Harry's eyes. His hand circling my wrist as it stopped my palm from making contact with his face. In a low voice he commanded. "Stop."
I stopped fighting. I stopped fighting everything.
I reached with my other hand and pulled his mouth to mine. Our lips tangled as he instantly responded and an inferno erupted inside me. My bare shoulders hit the cool concrete contrasting so acutely with the feeling of Harry's warm body against mine. Feverish, drugging kisses weren't enough. I wanted more, I wanted everything. I pressed myself closer, his arms tightened around me before skating off to explore my body.
This is what I needed.
Right now.
It seemed like hours that we kissed and teased and touched and explored. Hours and minutes and too long and not enough. Everything was upside down and my head was hazy with drink and need and lust. My mouth left his perfect lips for a moment. "Harry," I breathed, my heavy lidded gaze clashing with his desire clouded one. "Take me home."
In a moment everything changed. Harry's face grew somber as he took a step away.
Cold air washed over me and I reached forward to bring him back. "Ginny stop." He warned as he diverted my hands from reaching him. "I can't do this." I felt my stomach churn painfully. I was an idiot. A fucking idiot. My eyes met his once more. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."
His words were lost on me as I doubled over and heaved the contents of my stomach at his feet.
After that everything went black.
I woke up with a headache like no other.
I slowly began to move myself into sitting position.
What. Le. Fuck.
"Morning Sunshine." Harry emerged in front of me with a cup of tea and a bottle of hangover potion. I double checked, despite being on my couch I was still wearing my dress. Very good sign.
I groaned painfully.
"Merlin what happened?"
He smiled at me as I took a sip of tea and grimaced. "You had a bit to drink."
You think Potter?
By the size of the massive hangover I was sporting I could have deduced that.
"I didn't do anything did I?" I waited for it. For whatever I did to come and bite me in the ass.
"You did throw up on my shoes." Embarrassment bloomed across my cheeks in a red stained blush.
I. Am. Humiliated.
"I'm so sorry. I'll buy you a new pair." Harry smiled before reassuring me that it was no problem. Methinks he's lying through his teeth a bit. I downed the hangover potion before asking again. "I didn't do anything else did I?"
He gathered my discarded bottle and cup so I couldn't see his face when he answered. "Nope. Nothing at all."
He turned back to me with a winning smile, I'm sure he was telling me the truth.
A/N: What? What just happened? Did I update again? I did!
Love me again! Please!
Let me know what you think.
I love you so much!