After the holidays... January 12...

Waldorf Designs was holding a party to celebrate the new line a few days before it was set to come out.

The party was very glamorous and fun.

The pre-release magazine ads had been published right before Christmas, so people were starting to know about the line.

In the morning after the party, pictures from the party were on the cover of many newspapers for some reason.

January 15... Monday...

On the morning of the release, when I stepped outside to head to the venue the release fashion show would be at, a reporter stopped me to ask some questions about the line for a certain news website, and I did my best to answer the questions.

I eventually got there. When I did, Eleanor and Blair were already there.

The line was set to release at 10 pm, right after the show would finish.

We set up the runway, finished fitting the models, and organized the rest of the things.

People started arriving around 4 pm, and more reporters asked questions to all of us.

At 7, the show started.

At 9:30, it ended.

Finally, the moment we'd been waiting for, the line was available in the store and online!

Apparently it was incredibly popular, because the sales of the first night were amazing.

The next morning, Eleanor, Blair and I (and the models) flew to Paris for the fashion show over there, which was that night.

Everything except the models was already set up for us.

Our next show, on Wednesday was in Tokyo, because we were promoting the line everywhere practically.

Within the week, we went to Spain, London and Los Angeles.

On Saturday night, our show was in Chicago. We had Sunday off, to just relax in Boston, where our next show would be.

Boston was on Monday, then we returned home to New York on Tuesday.

The sales increased from our shows around the world, and the line was incredibly successful.

A week after we returned home (January 29), Eleanor and I got started on my line for teenage girls.

February 2...

I couldn't fucking believe it. My little baby was three years old. The time had went by so fast.

Eric, Chuck and I threw Tianna a birthday party. I was beginning to question why Eric hadn't wanted a birthday to celebrate when he turned 20.

That afternoon, Eric and Chuck had went out to take Tianna shopping for a dress.

That evening, after Kalika and Madison were sleeping in their bedrooms, I sat on our bed and let my thoughts flow.

I shouldn't have done that. I started thinking about Laurent, and how he'd never had a chance at life.

I felt myself beginning to shake as tears welled up in my eyes. The tears overflowed and I sat there, crying my heart out.

Disgustingly, I felt the need for a blade across my skin. I tried my hardest to push the feeling away, but it wouldn't budge.

My thighs were practically crying for the stinging sensation of the cold metal breaking the skin, and the warmth of the blood seeping out.

Weakly, I got off the bed and walked over to our dresser. I picked up my pencil sharpener and pulled the blade out with a pair of tweezers.

Carefully, I picked it up and took it into the bathroom.

As I stood at the sink, trying to convince myself not to use it, I began to cry harder.

Grabbing the skirt of my nightgown, I slowly pulled it away from my thigh. I sat the cold piece of sharp metal against my thigh, next to the old scars.

I took a breath in, and swiped it across my skin, feeling the sting and watching the blood come out. The rush took over me, and I left another mark, and another until there were five bleeding cuts of my left thigh.

Then I got ahold of myself. I realized what I had just done. I'd let Eric down. I told him never to do this to himself again, that he was better than that and here I was doing it to myself.

Quickly, I grabbed a handful of tissues and pressed them on my leg to slow the bleeding.

"Jenny? Baby?" Eric called, entering our bedroom.

SHIT! I must've not heard him come in.

"Just a minute!" I called, trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying.

"Is everything alright?" He asked through the locked bathroom door.

"Uh- yeah. Everything is fine." I lied, wiping my face a little.

"You don't sound very sure of that."

"I am. Don't worry about it."

"I love you, so I will fucking worry about it. Can you let me in?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm naked." I lied, forgetting that was the dumbest excuse to use on my husband.

"Jen, I've seen you naked more than a hundred times. What are you trying to hide?"

"It's nothing, ok?"

"No, not ok! Babe, I want to help you!"

"I never said I needed help."

"I still don't want you to feel like you ever need to hide anything from me."

"Eric, I'm hiding it because you don't need to see it!" I accidentally admitted.

"So you admit you're hiding something. Jenny, let me in or I'm getting the bathroom key."

"Just give me a few fucking minutes!" I exclaimed angrily, panicking because my leg was still bleeding and I couldn't find bandages.

No reply.

I found the bandages on top of the shelf by the door when all of a sudden the door swung open.

Eric looked at me worriedly, then saw my thigh. He instantly looked at the sink and saw the blade.

"I'm sorry-" I began to cry.

"No, baby girl, don't be sorry." My husband told me lovingly, pulling me into a hug. "I know how hard it is to fight it. It's ok. We all make mistakes." He reminded me, gently rubbing my back and kissing my face. "Babe, you should've just called me. I would've came home sooner."

"I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Jen, you've seen me after a suicide attempt. This is innocent compared to that. I want to be able to help you like you do me."

I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I just cried into his shoulder.

"Here, let's get you bandaged up." Eric said, taking the bandages down from the shelf.

"Can we maybe take a shower first?" I asked weakly.

"Of course, Jen. Whatever can make you feel better." He said as he turned on the water and we began to undress.

When we were both under the hot water, I started to feel extremely needy. I snaked my arms around my husband's neck and pulled his naked body against mine.

I roughly kissed his lips and shoved my back against the wall of the shower.

"Jenny? Are you hinting that we should make love?"

"Yeah, do you want to?"

"If you do."

"I do."

"Ok, then let's do it." He agreed, kissing me and clutching my waist.

"We should probably be quick in case one of the girls needs something." I reminded him.

"In that case..." He said, pulling my legs up to his hips while holding my waist, he gently slid his partly erect length into me, making me moan out a bit.

I could feel him getting harder as he pounded into me.

It didn't take very long for both of us to finish.

We washed up, got out and dried off.

Eric insisted on bandaging my cuts for me before we put our pajamas on. He could be so adorable sometimes.

Once we were ready for bed, I looked at him for a moment, then kissed him.

"I love you. Thanks for being so sweet."

"I love you more, and you don't have to thank me."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Whatever." I laughed.

Eric kissed me, then picked me up, kissed me again and carried me to bed and tucked me in.

"Why'd you do that?" I asked as he got into his side of the bed.

"Because I fucking felt like it."

"I love you." I told him again.

"I know. I love you too."

"I love you more."

"That's impossible. No one loves anyone more than I love you."

"Whatever. Good night."

"Sleep tight." Eric kissed my cheek and turned out the light.