Chapter Twenty - The Things Harry Has Done

One week into February, Harry was sitting at his desk writing out a particularly long essay for Professor Sprout that was overdue when he heard Sirius calling for him through the magic mirror.

"Harry Potter!"

Harry hopped onto his bed and drew the curtains shut. He activated the Silencing Charms and pulled the mirror off of his headboard.

"Sirius Black!"

"How are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm holding up. I've got a bit of Herbology to get on. Had to let it slide because Flitwick is being a right menace this week. Plus I had to skip a prefect meeting in order to work on my Arithmancy assignment because I did the wrong section. I'm swamped."

"Are you sleeping enough?"

"Not as much as I'd like. I still get about six most nights."

"You need to get more than that."

"I'm trying, Sirius. The work has to get done. They say it gets worse."

"It does. You've got Quidditch, prefecture, and now duelling club responsibilities. That's in addition to preparing for the OWLs. That's too much for any one person to handle. Something's got to give."

"I'll be okay. I just need to organize my time more efficiently. The problem is that I'm not the one doing most of the scheduling. Next year will be better. I'll be captain of the Quidditch team, so I can directly coordinate it with the duelling club. Depending on who the Head Boy is, I might have input for the prefect meetings too."

"If it gets to be too much, you know what you need to do."

"It'll be hard to choose between them."

"Yes, it will."

"I guess it would be the prefecture. The meetings are tremendously boring, even if it is held in very high prestige. I've only been up to the prefects' bath twice, did you know? It's on the fifth floor! Bloody discrimination against Slytherins and Hufflepuffs."

"Isn't the Slytherin bathroom the next nicest?"

"It is, but it still doesn't hold a candle to that place. I still can't believe the indoor swimming pool."

"Moony let us in there quite a few times while we were at school. One time we charmed the taps."

Harry grinned. "What sorts of things came out?"

"We went for a dessert theme. There was chocolate syrup, honey, caramel, butterscotch, hot fudge, whipped cream, cherry sauce, strawberry, blueberry, maple syrup, and I don't even remember what else."

"That must've been interesting."

"I never saw anything like it. The entire prefect council spent the entire weekend trying to break the spells that keep wizards and witches from co-mingling."

Harry snickered. "Sounds fun. My teeth are aching just thinking about it. Did they succeed?"

"Sadly no, but the Slytherin team challenged the Gryffindor team to a scrimmage match, no Snitch, first to a hundred points, with the stakes being that the losers got tossed in by the winners."

"Who won?"

"Gryffindor, naturally. It was close, I'll admit, but Potter and Black were too strong an attack for them to hold back."

"I wish I could see it. The match, not the punishment."

"You just may be able to. I got a package today. My new pensieve is here."

"Tally. I'm sure there'll be a Hogsmeade weekend soon enough."

Harry had talked to Sirius about most of the awful things he'd gone through in his short life. Now he'd finally be able to show Sirius his trials. They were going to be examining his actions to see what might be improved upon or used again in the future. Harry was reminded of Muggle sports teams and how they would review their past matches.

"Anything else exciting in the world? How's Remus?"

"He's well. He left a couple of days ago on a mission."

"What sort of mission?"

"Nothing to worry about. He'll be back before we know it."

"I hope so. Has he been bringing Tonks around at least?"

"A few times. I'm quite impressed with my cousin. I think Remus made a great choice."

"I think she made the great choice."

"That goes without saying. Any girl would be fantastically lucky to have one of the Marauders."

"Git," Harry said fondly.

"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

"I've got to go, Sirius. I don't want to, but I've got homework."

"Don't fall behind."

"Too late. I'm trying to catch up."

"Good luck."

"Thanks, Sirius. Good night."

"Good night, Harry."

Harry had caught up in Herbology but fallen behind in Transfiguration. He didn't worry so much about that, because Harry could do the magic, just not explain it. His last essay for McGonagall had been editorialized with red ink in so many places it looked like it had been present at a murder crime scene. She really had raised her standard for him, just like she'd promised. He'd never merited this much interest from her before, and it was slightly disconcerting to have the normally stern Deputy Headmistress acting so encouraging. Normally he just tried to get along as best he could without attracting her notice and wrath.

So it was that on Wednesday, which happened to be St. Valentine's Day, Harry ate a hasty supper and hurried down to the common room where he tried his best to decypher Madam Goshawk's description of Gamp's Ninth Law. As the others returned from the Great Hall, Harry was still no further from grasping it. There were still four more laws to go before the O.W.L., which was only four months away.

Laine sat down beside him and kissed his cheek.

"Hi, Harry."

"Laine, hi."

"How goes the homework?"

"It's strange. I understand McGonagall perfectly when she's telling us what to do and how to cast the spells, but this theory stuff goes way over my head. Can't I just get scored on the practical?"

Laine giggled. "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. Good thing, too, or I'd be in a little trouble. So it's Valentine's day. What did you get your girlfriend? A box of chocolates? A bunch of flowers?"

"I'm sorry, Laine. I'm still behind, and I didn't even have time to make you a card."

She sighed. "I should eat the Chocolate Frogs I got you myself."

"If you must. Would you like to sit by the fire with me?"

The break from studying would have to be short, but at least they could have a moment or two.

"Sure you're not too busy studying?"

Harry winced. Laine sounded very perturbed.

"I'm sure."

"That sounds delightful."

Harry and Laine sat on a couch together. The fire crackled in the fireplace. She snuggled close to him, and he put his arm around her.

"I miss this," she said.

"Me too."

"Just think: next year it'll be me keeping the crazy study schedule. We'll have about as much time together as we do this year."

"It might be better because of improved scheduling."

"Of course, you'll also want to get a leg up on the NEWTs. Seventh year will be like this year, only worse. Then the next year will be me, so realistically, it'll be at least three years we have to cope with the stress of academics before we can be free to spend lots of time together. Somewhere in here is the downfall of V-v-voldemort. With as crazed as they say he is, I think this war is going to be over sooner rather than later. That's obviously very important to prepare for. Then after things all settle down, you expect that there's going to be jobs, social obligations, and so on, and it makes you realize that this brief moment in time here is all we ever have. Moments like this are all that life is. We always have other commitments clammoring for our attention, but we have to remember to take the time to snuggle."

"I agree," he said, nuzzling against her head. "This new thing I've got to do is one more bit out of my schedule," he rued. "I think I might have to give up something. Maybe lunch."

"No, you've got to keep up your strength."

"What good will strength do me without sleep?"

"You need both."

"Right now, what I need to to sit on a couch and snuggle with my girlfriend."

"Well, we'd better get to it."

She didn't move a bit.

"Are we doing it yet?"

"We are."

"Oh good."

Harry smiled. In this pure and simple moment, he was happy.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Laine."

"You too, Harry."

Two days later, Professor Umbridge called a prefect meeting.

"Hem, hem. Thank you for coming. Tomorrow will be another Hogsmeade visit. The arrangements are to be the same as the last time, only Captain Potter will be selecting a dozen from the Ministry Youth to join you all in patrolling the village. You will be in groups of five, just as we've done in the training. You will have a squad leader, and he or she will pick the target. You will all go after the same target. Even a Death Eater would have trouble dealing with five spells at once. By combining your power, you will be victorious. The Ministry is once again providing a sum of Galleons for you to spend in the shops."

Harry really wished Umbridge had let him know he needed to pick a dozen non-prefects from the ranks of the duelling club. There was nothing for it, though, but to smile confidently and begin scribbling names.

"Do we know how the Death Eaters found out about the last weekend?"

"We believe there was a watcher stationed in the village. The Ministry made a most thorough sweep, but apparently some disloyal citizen accessed the Floo Network. For this visit, Hogsmeade will be disconnected from the Floo. With Anti-Apparition Jinxes in effect, the only possible way in will be via broom, and the Grounding Charm placed by Madam Hooch will draw all brooms down to the ground. There is simply no way for the Death Eaters to get in without being noticed."

"They could Disillusion themselves and simply walk in."

"Hagrid, in his capacity as Keeper of Grounds, has acquired a number of Kneazles. Who can tell me how this is useful? Abbott?"

"Kneazles can sniff out those who are untrustworthy. If the Kneazles start going bananas, we'd know that the Death Eaters were approaching."

"Excellent, my girl. Ten points to Hufflepuff. That is precisely the plan. Now, does anyone have an idea to see the Disillusioned Death Eaters? Goldstein?"

"The Disillusionment Charm may be countered with a Painting Charm. Spray the whole area, and the affected area will be seen easily. From there, the normal reversal will work."

"Right, but yet wrong. Who can tell me why? Longbottom?"

"Once you know where the Death Eater is, don't hesitate. Use your strongest spells. Show no mercy."

"Correct. Ten points to Gryffindor. No mercy to an enemy who will surely give none. You must be quick and effective. Death Eaters won't be amused by Dancing Jinxes."

Professor Umbridge dismissed them, and Harry headed for his dormitory with the intention of catching up on his Astronomy reading. He'd been utterly lost during the last night session.

The fifth years' dorm was empty aside from Theo, who had been wrapped in his shell all year. Though he went to classes, he did his homework separate from the group. He did not visit the common room; most nights he was hunched over his desk, writing. Theo seemed to haunt the place like so many of the castle ghosts. He was there, and yet he was not.

Harry had tried his best to draw Theo out. The silent boy had resisted all attempts at conversation. Privately, publicly, and even in class, he wouldn't respond to anyone. Harry kept trying, hoping that one day he might get lucky.

"Hey, Theo. We were thinking about meeting up for some butterbeer tomorrow. We'd like to see you there."

Theo ignored him.

"We really miss you, mate. Pansy's been absolutely out of control lately. Draco just can't win any arguments with her. You're the only one who was ever able to get one up on her."

Theo's quill kept scratching.

"Er- right. He's been pretty unbearable lately too. Cocky, strutting around because he's real quick on the draw in duelling club, but I think you could take him. Knock him down a few pegs. You're pretty handy with a wand. What do you say?"

Harry might as well have been speaking to an empty room. There was even a slight echo. Silence reigned for several long moments. Harry hesitated, unsure of reaching forward so much, but his friend was in pain. He justhad to know that Harry was here to talk to.

"I've never told anyone this before, not even Sirius. When I was seven years old, I broke my cousin's snow globe. He thought it was boring, but it was a Christmas present from Aunt Marge. I didn't even break it, really. I just picked it up from where he'd left it. I shook it a few times and was watching the snow fly all around inside. I wondered if there was a family in that house sitting down to dinner and if they would have room in their hearts for an orphan boy named Harry. Dudley shoved my arm, making me knock myself in the head with the snow globe. I started seeing stars and dropped the thing. It broke, spilling water and glitter everywhere. Aunt Petunia started screaming about her carpet. Aunt Marge started worrying about Ripper and broken glass. Uncle Vernon grabbed me by the arm and hauled me to the door. I was wearing sweatpants, a long-sleeved shirt, and no socks. He threw me out into a snowbank and said he'd let me back in if I stopped being clumsy."

Theo didn't respond.

"The only way I survived was to dig out a space under the snow. It was very cold. I was soaked through. I got very sleepy and almost passed out, but it got better. I started to warm up. I even dried out a bit. I stayed in my little igloo shelter all night. The next morning when Aunt Marge left, I snuck back into the house and into my cupboard."

Theo didn't respond.

"I didn't have parents growing up. I didn't even have anyone trying to be my parents. Nobody held me when I cried, or comforted me when I was sick. Nobody told me they loved me, ever. I'm sorrier than I can say that your dad is gone, but you had time with him. Lots of good time. You've got memories. That's more than I have."

Theo didn't appear to have heard a word of Harry's revelation. Nothing was getting through to him, even one of Harry's worst memories. He'd buried that experience deep down only to have it stirred up by his Occlumency lessons. Suddenly feeling very vulnerable at having opened up so much, Harry retreated from the room. His worry for Theo, at a peak level since Christmas, went up another notch.

In the common room, some of his friends were playing Exploding Hearts.

"Hey, Harry. Care to join in? Is Theo in the dorm?"

"Sounds like fun, Draco. Yes, he is, but he's still in his own world. I don't know if we're ever going to reach him."

"Pillock. It's nine months or so he's been like this. What's it going to take?"

"I don't know. I'm just about ready to give up. He's not even listening to us anymore."

Harry lost quite spectacularly at cards and was nursing sore fingers very quickly. Several of the fourth years joined in as well, and the group had quite a lovely time when they ought to have by all rights been studying. Harry knew it, in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. He was in no mood to concentrate on schoolwork.

Ginny swore as her cards exploded. She tried to throw them away at the last second, and it looked like she had summoned a fireball. Unfortunately, she had no protection from it either. She cradled her right hand.

"That almost worked," Harry said with a cheeky grin.

"'Almost' being the important part of that sentence."

"You tried."

"I'll need to try faster."

Ginny glanced around. He also noticed that they were the only two out of the game at the moment.

"Hey, Harry? A moment outside?"

"Sure, Ginny."

The pair took a casual stroll to the sliding wall that led out into the school dungeons.

"I want to talk to you about Theo."

"What about him?"

"He's been rather withdrawn this year."

"Yeah."

"There's some stuff going on. You've been trying to get him to talk about it."

"You're very perceptive."

"Thank you. You obviously haven't had any luck."

"Not really."

"I think you might want to back off and give him his space."

"He needs to talk to someone."

"You don't know what he's going through."

"How can I know? He won't talk to anyone."

"He won't talk to you, you mean."

"What?"

"For whatever his reason, he's not talking to you, but that doesn't mean he isn't talking to someone."

A knowing note in her voice made Harry look up sharply. She had a sad little smile on her face. She looked up and met his eyes.

"Who?"

"Me. Theo talked to me."

"He did? When?"

"What does that matter? I figured Theo might be able to talk to someone else who's taken a life. I offered to listen if he wanted to talk about it."

"How did you figure out what he'd done?"

"I put it together in bits and pieces. The last clue was the thestrals. I knew he'd been through something pretty awful, but when he reacted so badly to seeing thestrals, I knew it involved death. I heard it might be because of his mother, but she died years ago, and he's seen the thestrals pulling the carriages. You all said he'd broken ties with his father, and I thought about how you were worried that the house is going to splinter. Even if he wouldn't talk to me, I felt that at last I had someone whom I could talk to. Someone who could relate, at least somewhat. We must have sat there for hours. When I had run out of things to say, I felt so much better. Letting it all out, not holding it in anymore, took such a burden off my shoulders. Then he slowly started talking. His voice was croaky, but he opened up to me a little."

Harry felt so relieved he could have cast a Patronus. "Ginny, that's such good news. We're just so worried about him. We don't know how to help."

"He said he knows you're here. It's just that he can barely cope with school right now. It's the one thing that's normal, that hasn't changed. He's seeking stability in his strength. When he's ready, he'll talk, but not before."

"I still can't believe he spoke to you. Why you?"

"Why me?" Ginny gave him a withering look. "Think about it, Harry. What did I do my first year? I set a basilisk on the school and got someone killed."

"That was Tom Riddle. That was Voldemort."

"I know who it was. He was inside me, and he used me. He let the basilisk out, and it killed Hermione Granger! It could have killed Justin Finch-Fletchley and all the rest of those poor Muggleborns! That girl is deadbecause I wrote to a nice boy in a diary. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"It's not your fault, Ginny. Didn't Dumbledore say nobody could have resisted him? It was Voldemort."

She stared into nothing, seeming a million miles away. Her voice was hollow and haunted. Harry felt a chill run down his spine. Gazing into those eyes was like stepping in a black hole.

"It makes me feel dirty; violated. The end of my first year was just as horrible as the whole of term. I couldn't sleep from nightmares, and I got no respite during the day. My roommates weren't interested in the 'deeply disturbed' girl. They'd made their friendship while I was always writing in the diary.

"I tried talking to my brothers. The twins kept making snake noises at me. Everything's a joke to them. They told me I just neeeded to laugh a little and banish all the bad thoughts. Ron, well, is Ron. He was too furious that a Slytherin saved me to even care how I felt about it. Every time I tried to bring up what happened, he'd always end up swearing and shouting. I could talk to Percy a little bit, but he was always so busy. It was his idea to try talking to you.

"Your gang let me hang around, but none of you cared to talk to me. That summer was awful. Mum smothered me to the point of insanity. I was always fighting with Ron about you. Nobody in my own house wanted anything to do with me, and he begrudged me even the company of Slytherins. He gave Percy a huge load of grief too, and Dad was always getting dragged in the middle of it. Then Percy moved out of the house. Mum and Dad started to fight. He was already working two jobs, but he was never home anymore.

"Coming back to Hogwarts was a bit of a relief. The change of scene was good, but things were just impossible at home. I knew things were going to be hard. Percy was wrapped up in being Head Boy and studying for the NEWTs, but he always checked in on me, and at least I had some people to eat meals with. Then you came to my rescue again. You introduced me to Laine, and all of a sudden I had friends. They didn't let me dwell on things. Everything was fashion, make-up, and boys. It was all so normal. It was like I'd been given a second chance. I wasn't about to let it slip away.

"I never really talked about it. I shoved all of my guilt deep down inside. I buried it. I told myself that everyone was right. There was nothing I could have done differently. It wasn't my fault. I tried to go on with life, and it worked, I guess. Mostly. I still think about it on occasion.

"Then the real Tom Riddle came back. If he was that evil at sixteen, his reputation is well-earned. What I did to Hermione and the others has been on my mind a lot lately. I want him to pay for making me do that. That's why I signed up for the Ministry Youth. I'll do anything I can to fight him."

"I'm so sorry, Ginny. I never realized all that you were going through."

"It's okay. You were going through a lot too. Finding your godfather and building a new life? I wasn't about to dump all my baggage on you right when things were finally starting to come together for you."

"Right now, Voldemort is front and centre in my world. So if you want to talk about him, it won't wreck my mood."

"Not right now. I just want you to know that I'm in this fight no matter what. I'll give you all the help I can. If you fall, I'll fight on. If I fall, I hope someone else will pick up my wand."

Ginny's declaration gave Harry a warm feeling. Every witch or wizard who stood up against Voldemort's evil gave them a better chance at victory.

"Thanks, Ginny."

"We'd better get back before Laine thinks I'm moving in on her boyfriend."

"What's our cover?"

"Secret message from Percy. The fish is wet."

"Okay, sounds good."

To Harry's delight, the Hogsmeade weekend was a great success. Everybody was watchful and alert, but no hint of unquiet was heard. Of all the things they had expected, nothing at all was not on the list. Students went about their day, shopping and socializing, eating and drinking as though they had not a care in the world.

When the hour struck six, the prefects began to usher everyone back up to the castle. At half six, the gates to the grounds would be locked.

Under his invisibility cloak, Harry watched the last of the prefects go. He followed them with his eyes until they dipped out of sight along the path. Harry turned on the spot and Apparated to the far side of the lake, where Sirius was waiting for him with the motorbike. He whipped off the cloak and began to fold it neatly.

"Hey, Sirius."

"Hey, Harry. You look like hell."

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

"More than a few nights, I'd wager."

"Yeah."

"Cover story in place?"

"Yeah. Draco's going to tell people I'm holed up in the library working on a history assignment."

"Sounds good. Ready to go?"

"Can't wait. Where's my helmet?"

Once they were in the air, Harry felt his earthly cares fall away. It was impossible to be anything other than amazed by the wide open sky. The setting sun lit the atmosphere on fire. It was a soothing balm to his frayed nerves.

They landed in London and went directly to the house.

"Aww," Harry said, as they squealed to a stop. "It's over already?"

"We can take a cruise around the city later tonight, if you want."

"Yes."

Sirius led Harry up to the sitting room. Kreacher served tea and sandwiches.

"Here it is."

The new pensieve gleamed brilliantly in the firelight. It was a smooth, curved disk, made of a bluish-purple metal. The rim was carved with hundreds of runes, only a few of which Harry recognized individually. The structures were nothing he could comprehend.

"How does it work?"

"The spell is Mnemonemi replicatia. You focus on a memory, cast the spell, and you'll pull a strand of memory out of your head. Let me show you."

Sirius placed the tip of his wand to his temple. He whispered the spell, and a glowing strand of white light appeared. Sirius pulled it away from his head and deposited it in the shallow basin.

"This is the memory of your birthday party. If we lean down, we'll be taken inside. We'll see it as outside observers. You spent most of the day swimming with your friends. I had a number of interesting conversations with Moony, Lucius, and Narcissa."

Sirius and Harry leaned forward over the pensieve. When their noses touched the cold liquid, they were suddenly tipped into it headfirst.

He was falling and spinning. Harry thought he might be sick from dizziness, and only the fact that he could not see anything saved him. Gradually the darkness began to brighten, and Harry could see Sirius now. His godfather grinned at him.

"This is the fun part!"

They slowed as they came in for a landing. Harry touched down as gently as the Featherfall Charm. They stood in the dining room of the Shrieking Shack. Sirius, Remus, and Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy watched the children stampede down the hall to the changing rooms.

"I think the pool will be a hit," pensieve-Sirius declared with satisfaction.

"Well done, gentlemen," Mrs. Malfoy congratulated them.

"It was a lot of work to get this place in order, but Harry deserves it. Do you believe his aunt and uncle never had a party for him?"

"No birthday parties?"

"He wasn't allowed at Christmas parties or any sort of function at all. If the Dursleys went out, they locked him in a cupboard."

"Have I not always said, cousin, that Muggles are barbaric?" Mr. Malfoy interjected. "Harry has told me some of his mistreatment at their hands, and I'm sure there is much more he hasn't told anyone."

"Don't get started on Muggles today, Lucius."

"You brought them up, Sirius. They abused him because they felt it would drive the magic out of him. That idea is so uneducated and ignorant as to be pitiable. Let me go get you a Muggle newspaper, cousin, and I will show you what Muggles do even to each other."

"Fine, fine, Muggles are pigs. Happy now? Three pigs in particular, Vernon and Petunia Dursley, and their horrid son Dudley, made life miserable for Harry. I intend to make up for all that."

"A most worthwhile goal, cousin. I shall give you as much help as I can in that regard." Mr. Malfoy checked his watch. "Alas, I must depart. I have already lingered too long. I must needs Apparate every thirty-three minutes, else the Death Eaters will come for me."

Husband and wife embraced.

"Farewell, Lucius. To see you even briefly warms my heart."

"Cara mia," Lucius said, running his fingers down her face.

Husband and wife gazed into each others' eyes adoringly for a long moment.

Lucius Disapparated.

"You could see him more if you came to the manor," Sirius pointed out.

"I must keep an eye on everything at home. The Order has quite taken over the east wing. They're absolutely chaotic. Noisy, messy, and larcenous, the lot of them. I caught Mundungus Fletcher trying to make off with the silverware last week! I hexed his fingers together and put a money-repelling spell on him."

"Dung does have rather a loose interpretation of ownership."

"The man's a thief. If I could throw him out, I would. As it is, I've had to assign one of the house elves to watch him every second he's in the house."

"He's got his uses, but he's quite despicable," Remus said.

"That's putting it mildly," Mrs. Malfoy huffed.

"We appreciate all your efforts, Narcissa," Sirius said.

"I do wish Lucius hadn't volunteered the manor so casually, but it's one more way he can contribute."

"His commitment to the cause is admirable. I just wish it hadn't come as a last resort. We could have used him in the last war."

"We cannot change the past, cousin. All we can do is attempt to live with it."

"Any word from Andromeda?"

"She still will not return my letters. I fear that breach will never be healed. It seems that I am an only child."

"I'm sorry, Narcissa. I know it's not easy to accept that Bellatrix is apt to kill you on sight."

"Bella would never harm me. Lucius, I'm sure she would kill without a second thought. The Dark Lord has surely commanded it. But me? As you say, I am her sister. Ties of blood are all we have in this world."

"Which is why it was so important to reach out to Andy. Put family above politics."

"Family is politics, Sirius."

"What about your husband? If she'd kill him, would she not kill his children? Despite them being yours as well?"

Mrs. Malfoy looked troubled. "I do not know."

"She's completely crazed. I think she would."

"I hope we never have to find out."

Harry came out of the Pensieve feeling very thoughtful. It was quite strange to have heard that conversation. He felt almost like he had eavesdropped on the grown-ups.

"I never knew Missus Malfoy was upset about the Order being in her house."

"She's not upset, per se, but she does wish they would be a little more respectful. None of the damage has yet been irreparable. Emphasis on the 'yet'."

"I'm glad she was able to reconcile with Andromeda."

"As am I. It felt very good to restore her place in the family tree."

"Will you be making any more additions?" Harry asked slyly. "Has Missus Malfoy found you any nice girls to chat up yet?"

"Several," Sirius said sourly. "She is surely most persistent in this regard. I had hoped the wine might have made her forget the whole idea, but she's been sending me virtual dossiers whenever she gets a spare moment."

"Anyone interesting?"

"Not really. I'm sure they're very nice girls, but I can't see that I have anything in common with any of them."

"You're one of a kind, Sirius."

"Thank you, Harry. Shall we get on with it?"

"So the spell replicates a memory, right? Is there a spell that removes the memory? I've got a few I'd like to forget."

"There is, but I'll have to look it up. Ready to give it a try?"

"Sure."

Harry had shared much of his past with Sirius already, as it concerned growing up on Privet Drive. He had no particular wish to revisit any of that span of his life, so he concentrated on events after his discovery of magic. The quest through the dungeons of the school to rescue the Philosopher's Stone, as dangerous as it had seemed at the time, was the least of his adventures, despite encountering Voldemort for the first time in ten years. He'd taken control of a basilisk and faced down a young Voldemort. Sirius had watched Harry's confrontation with the dragon. Harry had ventured beneath the water and fought his way to the merpeople village to rescue Sirius. The Maze had reached inside his very being and changed him. One by one, Harry placed his memories in the Pensieve. Sirius had been right; dredging all that stuff up wasn't pleasant. He'd been seeing it a lot lately with his Occlumency lessons, but he still found himself pretty shaky.

That wonderful first year: The arrival of the Hogwarts letters shortly before his eleventh birthday. The frantic efforts of the Muggles to escape from the onslaught. Harry's rescue by Hagrid, and the outrage he'd felt upon learning his parents had been murdered. The mystery and adventure of a magical castle had sparked desperate hope in him. The meeting of a boy in Diagon Alley who was to become his best mate through good times and bad had filled a life-long desire for friends. The meeting of other children on the train, who hadn't made a spectacle of him like the public room at the Leaky Cauldron or later on while traversing the halls of the school. The first confrontations with Professor Snape. His Quidditch trial and the first match. The mountain troll and the ill-conceived heroics that had led the three Slytherins to tangle with it. His elation during Christmas, when he'd gotten presents for the first time. The longing he'd felt at seeing his parents in the Mirror of Erised. His adventure deep within the school to conquer huge plants, giant chessmen, and potions puzzles. The showdown with Quirrell. Confronting Voldemort.

His second year: Being locked up for the summer. Being rescued by Elan and Draco. Dealing with Lockhart. The mysterious voice. The petrifications. The suspicion. The duelling club. Parseltongue. The Heir of Slytherin. Draco's assault. Percy's exile from Gryffindor and acceptance by Slytherin. The diary. Ginny. Being lured to the Chamber of Secrets. Confronting Voldemort. The basilisk. Taking control of it and destroying Tom Riddle.

His third year: Being locked up for the summer. Aunt Marge. Breaking out and hexing the Muggles. Finding Sirius. Hailing the Knight Bus. Dementors. What Harry heard when they got close. Remus Lupin. Tracy Davis. The discovery of Pettigrew. The showdown in the Shrieking Shack. The reuinion with Sirius. The evidence presented to the Ministry. The Dementor's Kiss of Pettigrew. Going home.

Last year: Turning Grimmauld Place into a home with Sirius. Animagus lessons. The fun of the World Cup. The Death Eater attack. The Goblet of Fire. Reopening the CoS. Training for the Tasks. The Tasks. The Yule Ball. The Maze. The duels at the end. Azkaban. Voldemort.

This year: Sirius, Remus, Lucius, and Apparition lessons. Prefect badge. The meetings. The prophecy. Defence class. Ministry Youth meetings. Quidditch captain. Laine. A whole lot of Laine.

Harry worked for several hours. When he felt too drained to continue, he crawled into bed and slept deeply. He neglected to clear his mind of emotion. So many memories stirred up a great deal of emotion, and his dreams were troubled. A strange door in a strange place. It seemed important, but Harry had no idea what it meant.

The next morning, Harry woke late. His first fuzzy thought was that his bed was very warm and cosy. His second thought was that he was still in his own bed at Grimmauld Place. He sat bolt upright. He'd never made it back to Hogwarts!

He threw himself through his morning routine and hurried down to the dining room to find Sirius, Remus, and Mr. Malfoy just sitting down to breakfast.

"Good morning, Harry," Sirius said warmly. "Sleep well?"

"I guess so. Sirius, am I going to get in trouble? I never went back to the castle after the Hogsmeade weekend. Surely I'll have been missed."

"Not to worry," Sirius said. "I sent an owl to Snape explaining that we had a private family matter to attend to. He's running interference if anyone should ask."

"That's nice of him."

"We should get you back as soon as possible, though. What do you say we give your Apparition skills a try?"

"All the way to Hogsmeade?"

"I was thinking more like to the Shrieking Shack."

Harry did have a rather vivid picture of the old place in his mind. "Yeah. All right, then. After breakfast, though."

"Of course."

Once he had eaten his fill, Harry and Sirius retired to the duelling room on the second floor.

"I'll go first."

With a pop, Sirius Disapparated.

Harry focused his mind on the place where so much had happened to him. Not only had he learned the truth about Sirius in the Shack, but he'd also had a lovely afternoon with his closest friends on his last birthday.

I want to be there. I want to be with Sirius.

Harry bent every ounce of his will on that thought and turned on the spot.

He disappeared with a pop.

When he crashed back into reality, Sirius was there to steady him.

"Well done, Harry!"

He was too dizzy to reply. He had never Apparated so far before.

"Catch your breath, and then I think you should head through the tunnel."

"Right."

When he no longer felt like up-chucking his breakfast, Harry hugged Sirius tightly and transformed into his mongoose. Sirius lifted the trap door, and Chitter jumped down.

Back at school, Harry was in the second floor girls' bathroom. He hissed the word of command and opened the way to the Chamber of Secrets. Showing his memory of the place to Sirius had nudged a few things for him. There was a secret room hidden in the back behind the statue of Salazar Slytherin. He'd meant to investigate several times before, and he knew it was a study of some sort. It was time to open the lock.

"I'm here, Sirius," he said into the enchanted mirror. "I'm in front of the door. It looks like wood, but it feels like stone. I think it might be petrified wood. I went on a class trip when I was in Muggle school, and I remember seeing something similar."

"That would make sense," came Sirius' voice through the mirror. "Petrified wood can diffuse magical energies. It will make the door harder to open. Show me."

Harry reversed the mirror and slowly waved it around in front of the door.

"I think you're correct, Harry. You said a normal Unlocking Charm didn't work."

"Right."

"Too easy. Too common. Have you tried talking in Parseltongue? Maybe it opens just like the Chamber itself."

"I never tried. Hang on."

Harry stared at the door handle, which was in the shape of a serpent.

"Open!"

The latch clicked, and the door swung open with a creak that echoed loudly over the water and stone. The room inside contained a desk, a single chair, and many shelves full of books. A puff of air carried the scent of old parchment, dry stone, and timelessness.

"It worked, Sirius!"

"Score one for the Marauders! Be careful now. You don't know what traps might have been left behind."

"There aren't any traps," Harry said confidently. "It's protected by secrecy and ability. Slytherin wanted his true heirs to find this place. He prepared and left it for us. He didn't want his knowledge and wisdom lost. I have nothing to fear here."

"Humour me?" Sirius requested. "Cast the Detection Charms."

"Of course, Sirius. I'm sure I won't find anything, but I'll be very glad if I do. Just because I have a logical and reasoned hypothesis doesn't mean I'm going to throw caution to the wind."

A wave of pale blue light washed over everything in the room. Several objects began to glow in response. A thin book on a stand, the bookshelves themselves, but nothing else.

"I don't see any lines or strange glows anywhere, Sirius. There are a couple of enchanted objects here, but nothing that seems dangerous. They'd be glowing red if they were dangerous, right?"

"That's right, Harry. If they're blue or orange, that's okay."

The first thing Harry checked out was the book on the stand. It seemed incongruous that such a thin tome should be given such an important place. He flipped open the cover.

Welcome, Slytherin's Heir. I am the Guide. My purpose is to assist you in your quest for knowledge. Slytherin left all of this for you. Name your desire, and I will guide you.

"This book on the stand calls itself the Guide. I think it might be some sort of index to the books down here."

"Give it a try."

"Guide, I wish to know about dragons."

The Guide began to glow with a pale purple light. Seven books floated off the shelves from various locations and drifted towards the reading desk.

"A Hunter's Guide to Dragon-Killing," he read from the cover of one. "That would have come in handy last year. Native Dragon Species of the Globe. Examining the Egg. This is fantastic! Sirius, I'm going to poke around a bit. I'll call you later."

"That sounds fine. Be careful."

"I will."

"Guide, bring me books about Potions."

A pristine copy of Moste Potente Potions and an untitled book floated over.

"Guide, I need to learn about Dark magic."

One book emerged, also with no title. The text was in an elaborate, flowing script that seemed almost serpentine. Harry flipped to a random page and found it blank. He turned back and found that the document was a collection of notes and observations.

Subject seven describes the effect of the spell as the worst sensation he's ever felt. It was as though he had smashed his thumb with a hammer, only everywhere on his body, at once, and the initial brilliance of the pain was perpetual. I confess, this description makes me wince. Having once done the very same thing myself, I could empathize with the pain.

I am convinced that I am on the correct path.

The success of the spell hinges on firing all the pain nerves in the body at once. The agony thus created is debilitating and blinding. It will be a most effective weapon and will let me avoid unneccessary killing. I treasure magical life. Though they have volunteered for the honour of assisting their esteemed Headmaster, each one that I have let slip away is another piece of my sanity. Their sacrifices must not be in vain. I must make the others see reason. The Muggles will kill us all unless we take action. We must not reveal ourselves even to the Muggleborns. We must monitor them and clean up their accidental magic, but they cannot be trusted. The Muggles would destroy us.

Each entry was signed. With trembling hands, Harry realized that this journal had been written by the Founder himself. What he held was priceless beyond measure.

Harry took the notes and placed them carefully in his bag. He headed directly for Professor Snape's office. He was due for Occlumency anyway.

"Come in, Mister Potter. I trust your visit with your godfather was productive."

"Yes, sir."

"Have you been clearing your mind regularly?"

"Yes, sir, though not so much last night. I was too worn out."

"You must be more committed, Mister Potter. The Dark Lord will take advantage of such lapses."

"Yes, sir. I'll need a few minutes to prepare before we begin tonight."

Snape arched an eyebrow. "You have not asked for that since our first session. What has happened?"

"I've got something I think you should see."

Harry handed over the journal and smiled to himself as he watched Snape's normally unflappable countenance crack.

"Do I dare ask where you found this, Mister Potter?"

"There's a small library down in the Chamber of Secrets. I finally took a look inside."

"I will need to examine this most thoroughly."

"Go ahead, sir. I don't have time to read anything that's not about classes. The OWLs are only a few months away."

Snape put the notes in a drawer of his desk and cast a Locking Hex, seating a Memory Charm inside. Harry gulped. Whoever tried to open that compartment without the proper key risked losing his entire identity.

"Shall we begin?"

"One moment, sir."

Harry took a deep breath through his nose and slowly let it out his mouth. He closed his eyes and expelled all emotion with every breath. He couldn't afford to pay Slytherin's research any further attention. His only concern was shielding his memory. When he had calmed his thoughts, he opened his eyes.

"I'm ready, sir."

"Legilimens!"

Professor Snape no longer bothered with tentative probes. The force of his mind was like a hammer, and Harry could not hope to withstand it. He could only deflect it.

The assault slammed against him but failed to penetrate. The mental touch backed away, and Harry fought down a surge of elation. He'd never managed to stop Snape before, but he couldn't let one success unravel his concentration. If he did, the next blow would smash his defences.

The next strike came just as quickly, and Harry angled his shield again to deflect the attack. It worked for a moment, but then the edge crumbled. Memories began to flash through his head. Harry fought off the sense of panic that always accompanied an intrusion and pushed Snape out again.

"Good!" Snape was favouring him with a small smile. "Well done, Mister Potter. Keep it up."

Harry nodded, wary of a sudden strike.

They worked for another hour before Snape called a halt to the exercise. Harry had learned how to detatch himself from his memories, so Snape seldom saw anything even when he did break into Harry's mind.

"Continue to clear your mind throughout the day. Before lectures, before meals, and before Quidditch practices."

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have a moment? Would you care for a cup of tea?"

"Thank you, sir."

"I find assam most conducive to study, but I have some oolong if you'd care for that instead."

"Assam would be fine, sir."

The tea was strong, served without cream or sugar. Harry inhaled the aroma deeply. "I can see I'll be awake for several hours. I should work on my Defence assignment."

"How do you find Professor Umbridge's class?"

"She's really intense. Between the lectures, the practical portion, and the duelling club, she's harder in her own way than Professor Moody."

"What do you think of your new role?"

"I'm getting used to it, sir. It's one more thing added to my schedule, and I don't know how much longer I can juggle everything."

"I have every faith in you, Mister Potter."

"No offense, sir, but that's a hell of a thing to say to someone."

Snape twitched a smile. "I am not blind, Mister Potter. I know what it is you want. Your destination is confrontation with Voldemort."

Harry turned his face up slightly, silently acknowledging Snape's supposition.

"You have won the loyalty of a good many Slytherins. They will follow you if you choose to lead them. Are you prepared to bring them with you into war, Mister Potter? Are you prepared to watch your friends die and know that you could do nothing to prevent it? Could you live with yourself if they die because of a mistake you made? Because that is what is coming, Mister Potter, if you choose to confront Voldemort. It will be war, and it will take a toll in blood."

These were questions Harry had lost sleep over. The thought of his own death really wasn't intimidating to Harry. He couldn't attribute his attitude to any particular event, either. He'd gone into a series of lethal trials at the age of eleven to rescue the Philosopher's Stone from Voldemort's agent and had faced snake-face himself. He'd opened the Chamber of Secrets in his second year and gone inside after Ginny Weasley, a Gryffindor, even though he'd known there was a basilisk around. He'd conquered awful things in the Maze and had faced down Voldemort himself. Somehow Harry had become a bit cavalier about his own safety.

He had played at being Lord Potter, but was he truly able or willing to make the kinds of decisions that might lead to the deaths of others?

His nightmares sometimes held images of himself with a serpentine face and glowing red eyes, a Dark Lord in his own right. His empire had been built on the blood of those he had once held dear. Thousands cowered at his name, but Harry didn't recognize himself in the mirror. He had become He Who Could Not Be Named.

"I don't know, sir," he replied honestly, "but he has to die. Again. Permanently, this time. I think that's worth just about anything, even my guilt."

Snape considered that for a thoughtful moment. "I do not know whether to be inspired or terrified at that answer, Mister Potter. Perhaps it is both."

"If they choose to follow me, then that is their right as wizards," Harry replied. "They know who I am, they know what I'm going to do, and they make their own decision. I won't project my will on to them. That's what he does."

There was no doubt which "he" Harry meant.

"Ah, so it's inspired I feel."