Chapter 18: Returns.

Things were not going great for me.

I still hadn't bounced back from Ginny and my encounter at her house. I understood her position. I understood that I had been gone a long time. I may still love her, but four years was more than enough time to fall out of love with someone. I wish that I could give her what she wanted. I wanted to be able to give her closure so that she might be happy again one day.

For as long as I could remember I'd had this battle inside of me. This tear. So many things were taken from me. So many people had died and for ages I felt responsible. My parents, Remus, Sirius, Mad-eye, Fred…. All of them, taken from this world so much before their time. I watched families destroyed by men with no remorse. For everything I tried to do to help, somehow it became worse.

And they called me a hero.

They leaned to me, they swayed towards my frame. They built this pedestal out of their own beliefs on the person they thought I was. Like my mere presence was a fix all. That any words I spoke were gold. To this day, it is impossible to get someone to believe that I want no recognition. I see the look in their eyes as I tell them that I would rather be left alone. "But you're Harry Potter." I was typecasted as this infallible martyr and I knew that there was nothing I could do to change their minds.

How many times had I tried to tell someone that I pretty much did nothing to defeat Voldemort?

How many times did I explain that it was mostly Hermione and Ron?

How many times did I explain to the prophet that without Dumbledore's army we would have been fucked?

We all fought.

All of us fought for our lives.

A man came to my house when I was a child. He killed my parents. He was the one who gave me my scar, he was the one who cemented my image, he was the reason my life turned out the way that it did.

I literally played the cards that life dealt me.

If there is one thing in this world that I had learned is there are no such things as accidents.

Everything is woven together, everything has a purpose. Someday, it will meet a cross section and the things will make sense for a moment. Until then, there is nothing you can do but make the best of the present.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm not interested." The bulbous man sitting across from me frowned deeply. His flabby jowels shaking as he eyed me peculiarly.

"That's not possible." His plump sausage like fingers fidgeted in his lap as he looked down at the long sheet of parchment between us.

"I'm afraid it is. I have no interest in the position." Mr. Largent looked appalled at me words, It almost looked like he thought I was going to sprout another head.

"But it's Head of the Wizengamot! You'd be the youngest head ever to hold the position! You'd be written down in history books for centuries! You cannot refuse!"

Oh I can. And I already did.

This same speech was given to me before I left.

At the time I was a 17 year old child.

It was way too much pressure and responsibility to foist off on someone who wanted nothing more than to be normal.

"I'm sorry, but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to take the position. I have no experience, no training, and no desire to accept."

I could have honestly transfigured into a dragon at this point.

Largent spluttered… "But…well…I'm…..however…."

I was finished with this conversation. I rose to my feet rubbing my hands together. "If there isn't anything else? I think we are done here."

The man, seemingly remembering his manners rose to shake my hand and show himself out of the Weasley's living room. I watched him go with an internal good riddance.

Though I know that soon someone else would appear with another offer. Another offer I would refuse.

I was still young, still learning, still human.

Have I made mistakes? Numerous.

But I couldn't dwell on that anymore. I couldn't keep tearing myself apart from the insides. I couldn't focus on the boy I was, the boy who hurt people, the boy who left.

Now I needed to focus on becoming the man I want to be.

The man who loves his friends, his family, and would do anything in the world for them.

The only way everyone else is going to accept and forgive me is if I accept and forgive myself. I won't lie when I tell you that it might be the hardest thing I will ever do, if I manage to do it at all.

I try and let my frustration and melancholy roll of my shoulders. I imagine the irritation beading off of my like water rolling down a windshield. I let the imagery soothe me as I take a deep breathe a seek out Molly and get my list of things that need to be done.

The kitchen was buzzing with a sea of gingers and I chuckled as I watched everyone scrounge around to prepare for Bill and Fleur's visit.

One thing for certain, they sure could throw a party.

"Harry dear there you are! Would you help the boys set up the tables on the lawn?" I wrapped my arm around Mrs. Weasley's shoulder giving a light squeeze as she worked on cooking. She swatted me away with a light blush.

"Sure thing mum." She did love being called mum.

She scooted me outside and I trotted around the edge of the house to where the usual festivities were held. I wasn't at all surprised to see George, Percy, and Ron bickering surrounded by tables and chairs.

"We can easily fit eight chairs per table. It will save space and we don't have to set up an extra table."

"No one wants to sit on top of each other while we eat! We always do six chairs, let's leave it at six chairs!"

"You know statistically speaking…"

"SHUT UP PERCY!" Both Ron and George yelled together.

I couldn't help but laugh. Ron's eyes followed the sound of my laughter to where I was standing, arms crossed over my chest and clearly amused. His eyes lit up as he motioned to me. "Harry! Six chairs or Eight?"

I sauntered forward slowly as I thought. "I'd have to go with six."

Ron shoved George hard making him stagger back a few steps. "I fucking told you!" George flew forward tackling Ron to the ground.

That's family love if I've ever seen it before. I should probably stop them. Percy was in no way any help, he just stood on the sidelines watching his brothers roll across the dirt with a smug smile on his face. As I reached them and finally managed to get them apart I had to remind myself several times that I loved my life. And my friends. Even when they acted like twelve year olds.

Ron lunged at George again knocking me forward. "Ooff! Would you stop! Tables remember, we are setting up tables!" They came to a halt. Nodding their assent but still sulking. I kept myself firmly planted between them in case one of them decided to go off the rails again. "Now do I have to make you guys hug it out or are you done?"

Seriously, how did I become the voice of reason here?

A grumbling of "We're done" followed. At least now maybe we can start getting some work done. We worked our way across the yard setting up the round tables and the long rectangular tables for the mountains of food Mrs. Weasley was surely cooking. Once everything was inspected by the commander herself and stamped with her seal of approval we went inside to help Ginny and Hermione start bringing the food out.

We hadn't really spoke at all since she had been here. Just the exchange of 'hi's and then occasional "can you grab that?" or "I got this one's". I was in the middle of bringing out a mountainous bowl of mashed potatoes when I finally got a chance to have more than general pleasantries with her. She was standing at the table, shifting around dishes of yams, and rolls, as I came near.

"Hey, I got one for you." She eyed the bowl a little dazedly.

"Ummm… Here I'll take it."

"I got it, this thing is heavier than piss." I almost cringed at that. Beautiful imagery there Harry. Well done.

"Oh…. Okay, yeah…" She moved the yams and a large pile of napkins out of the way. "…put it here." I moved slowly setting the bowl down. I could smell the faint trace of vanilla floating in the air around her. I wanted to bury my face behind her ear and inhale her scent.

She made me barmy like that. But I couldn't, it wasn't my right. More so I knew she was mad as a mountain troll at me right now. Probably would be a quick way to get myself thrashed.

"You excited to see Bill?" She nodded, focusing on covering up the potatoes before giving me a little smile.

"More excited to get the gossip on Fleur's sister. She's in a spot of trouble." My eyebrows furrowed at that, my mind wandering to the last time I saw Fleur's little sister. Blonde, cute as a button, innocent, 12. Probably didn't even weigh more than my broomstick sopping wet which she was because I fished her out of the lake.

"What did she get a parking ticket or something?" That's about as bad as I can imagine her commiting. She was like a tiny cherub.

Ginny let out a soft laugh that made my heart skip a beat. "No I think it was something to do with weird fetish sex or something. The way Bill made it sound when he left that someone got photo's with some big up French ministry official and might get leaked. I don't know."

My mind went blank…. Little tiny Gabrielle?

Weeeeeeeiiirrrrrdddd. I laughed. Because I didn't really know what else to do. A few moments later I could hear her chuckles along with mine.

"… I can honestly say I didn't expect that."

She turned then, her eyes bouncing from George to Ron and then over to the corner where Percy was. Hermione walked around the corner with another plate full of rolls. "The wedding is getting so close." She said raking her gaze over Hermione.

It was true. It was hard to believe how fast time was flying by.

"Yeah, I still can't believe they are getting married. It seems like three days ago that Ron was calling her a know it all and she was telling him to study harder…"

"It did happen pretty fast. One minute they were friends and the next they were together."

I had to chuckle on that one. "I don't think they were ever really friends. They were like always a couple. I mean the way they argued? I honestly don't know how I didn't realize it sooner that they fancied each other."

"We were young."

The word hung between us. We. Something we were definitely not, was a we.

Her arms crossed in front of her as she let her gaze skip from Ron and George to me. I looked into them, trying to identify the bright flash of recognition that just transformed them into molten chocolate. A brilliant smile broke across her face and I finally realized she was looking at a spot directly over my right shoulder.

"OH MY MERLIN! CHARLIE?!" She pushed past me rushing towards her oldest brother. My body went rigid as that sound of his name penetrated my being.

I slowly turned around watching Ginny fly into her oldest brother's arms.

"What are you doing here?! How did you get away from your dragon mistresses?" He ruffled his only sister's hair affectionately.

"Like I could stay away from you for too long. You've only sent me a hundred owls since I've seen you last."

His eyes shifted from his sister to meet my gaze. The cool reserve mixed with blatant dislike was wafting from him in waves. I felt the urge to seethe. But I kept my mask of indifference on as I looked at him.

I didn't acknowledge him. I didn't say a single word.

I simply turned on my heel and headed back to the house. From behind me I could hear Ginny's voice, "What was that about?"

And like I knew he would, Charlie responding. "Nothing."

A/N: Hey everyone! Just a little FYI, I will be updating about once a week from here on out. So chapters should be out pretty regularly now.

Also I have a note for all of you:

I appreciate and love all of you that Read and Review and I understand that Harry Potter is a very hard character to write. He is a beloved character and people have certain expectations on how he should act and what he should do as an individual. I know in writing a story like this that I opened myself up to criticism and I have no problem receiving criticism if it is constructive. Please do not go out of your way to be nasty in your reviews and Pm's. For the past few chapters I had received some really not nice comments about this story and about my character Harry. I started writing this story because it was fun and I wanted to share it with all of you. I'd like to still enjoy putting out chapters. I understand if you don't like the story. There is no way that I can please everyone. If you are unhappy and would like to tell me why, please feel free to let me know, but try and inform me so that I can develop my character and my writing style. Not just tell me I'm a fucking idiot and you hate the character so much. I do put a lot of work and feeling into my writing and know that when you say things like that you are actually hurting my feelings. I, like Harry, am a human being. I do have feelings.

Another note is that this chapter might be a little short but it is very important, next chapter is going to be a lot longer and have a lot of Harry/Ginny action in it. *wink wink*

Thanks a lot guys! Love you!