Author Note: Thank you for your input to this story with your reviews! It really means so much to me and I definitely wouldn't be able to write this chapter without the ideas from Cana99 (Bookman), The3leonine (Tiedoll), my Aunt T (Komui), and my dad (Cross). Thanks so much! (Also, none of the mentioned people experienced these things, just witnessed them, except Cana99 who just has a creative mind.)

Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?

Lavi: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.

Me: Thank you, and now on to chapter 30. I can't believe it's chapter 30!

Situation

Chapter 30: Tales of Drunk Caregivers

"Wait, are Komui and Reever together?"

"Cross can do cartwheels?"

"Where did Bookman get kitty panties and a wedding dress?"

"Why was Tiedoll wearing a bikini, and how did he get painted green?"

Amazingly enough, these questions were asked during the game Lavi forced Lenalee, Kanda, and I to play. Though, I really didn't need any of the thoughts racing through my mind.

"Hey, guys! I'm back from my mission with Miranda!" an annoyingly familiar voice sounds from behind me. The bluenette beside me swallows his mouthful of soba and growls, "Yes, and it was so much more peaceful, too."

"Yu, I missed you!" the suicidal rabbit exclaims before throwing his arms around Kanda's neck. As I said, a suicidal rabbit, and his attempt would have succeeded if I hadn't come to the rescue, that rescue being kissing Kanda with plenty of tongue while Lenalee pulled Lavi to the other side of the table. I hear a few wolf whistles being released around the cafeteria before I pull away from my boyfriend, a string a saliva connecting us before it breaks and I wipe it away from my chin as Kanda does the same.

"Okay lovebirds, I don't need to see you guys make-out," Lenalee says, sitting across from me with Lavi in the chair beside her, across from Kanda. I say, "Well, you definitely seem fine with it when you get a nosebleed."

She laughs, "Exactly, I want to watch, but this is a new blouse that doesn't need blood splatters."

She emphasizes her point by smoothing the cranberry button-up, and I notice that it did look nice on her. I think about it for a moment and then say, "Next time you wear it, you should add a black mini-skirt and black and white striped leggings. A gold necklace would be good to go with it, too, or you could go for a gothic look with a black skull earring and necklace set."

"Thanks," she replies. "I was hoping to get a little advice from you. You are a much better fashion advisor than I am."

I smile, "Thanks."

Kanda and the rabbit are both staring at me somewhat like they did when they were informed I picked out her dress on the date to Red Lobster. Rolling my eyes, I mutter, "Can you guys stop staring at me? I mean, seriously, it's not like I invented the pencil!"

"Sorry, Allen," Lavi apologized, and Kanda mumbled something before returning to his soba. I know better than to think that my boyfriend would give me real apology in public, but I figure he might later.

"Hey, I have an idea!" the Baka Usagi says. "What if we had a competition?"

"No," Kanda growled.

"It'll be fun!"

"No."

"But-"

"No, now shut it."

I sigh, "Kanda, let's just listen, and if it's something stupid then you and I can go entertain ourselves."

"Fine, proceed Usagi," Kanda uttered, glaring at the rabbit. Said rabbit smiles and says, "Okay, well, we go back to one of our rooms and we each tell a story about our caregiver getting drunk. Whoever has the funniest story wins."

"I'm game," Lenalee says. "Komui got drunk once, and I didn't stop having nightmares for a week."

I laugh, "I want to hear this, so if it takes telling a story about Cross, fine."

"Che, whatever," Kanda said, and I say, "That's a yes. Let's go to our room. I think Lenalee might get in trouble if she's seen with three guys walking into her room."

"Very true, and my room's tiny and messy," Lavi adds, standing.

Kanda growls a few cuss words under his breath, but still stands and takes care of his soba before leading us toward our room. Well, I don't think he was leading, but it worked for Lenalee, Baka Usagi, and I.

When the four of us get to the door to mine and Kanda's room, the surly teen unlocks the door, and we walk in just as a white fur ball leaps into my arms. I say, "Ice, this is Lenalee and Lavi."

The feline looks between them and then back to me, tilting her head with a mew. I say, "They're my friends."

She shakes her head and leaps to the floor, landing perfectly as always regardless of her missing leg. After pushing my leg until I was practically leaning against Kanda, she did the same to Lenalee so her and Lavi were together and looked between us, "Meow?"

"Lavi and Lenalee are dating like Kanda and I are," I explain, and she nods, trotting over to the bed and hopping up on it. Lenalee says, "I know you said she acted human, but that's ridiculous!"

"Tell me about it. We even have to shut the door to the bathroom when we take a shower or she'll get in with us," I reply, sitting on the bed next to the curled up kit. "So, are we going to play?"

"Yeah, I'll go first," Lavi volunteered, snagging a pillow from the top bunk and plopping down across from me on the floor. His girlfriend sat next to him, and I slid down to the floor next to Kanda with my back against the bed. The rabbit began, "Let's see here…oh! A few years ago, there was a new year's party and Jiji had two beers. Needless to say, he got drunk, and I generally try to keep up with him, but I was leading him back to his room and he snuck away. I was running around the Order looking for him and then I found him dancing on a table in the cafeteria wearing a wedding dress.

"When I tried to get him off, Reever and Johnny, both also drunk, started throwing dollar bills on us and were telling us to get it on. Disturbed by the thought, I pulled a little too hard, and the Panda fell off the table. The wedding dress flew up in the back when he fell and he was wearing a kitty thong."

"Where did Bookman get kitty panties and a wedding dress?" I ask, not happy with the visual. Lavi just shrugs, "No sure about the dress, but the panties came from Klaud Nine."

Three pairs of eyes bulged. None of us would look at the General the same way ever again. The rabbit continues, "Anyways, after he got up, he started running around like a lunatic screaming that the Japanese were coming to steal all the chopsticks in the kitchen."

Kanda growls, "I'd like to see them try."

Ignoring the comment, Lavi proceeds, "Hearing this, Reever ran to tell Komui, but I don't know what happened to him since he never came back. Jerry was in the kitchen and came out to see what was happening, but he was tackled by Jiji and they started making-out on the floor. I think Jerry was seriously tipsy at that point, too, and I had already seen him down three shots.

"After that Johnny yelled that my hair was on fire, and then he hit me behind the head with a metal bucket. I blacked out and woke up on a table in the cafeteria with an apple in my mouth and soaking wet. I think that the drunks were going to eat me or something because 65 came to me saying he was going to save me.

"Nobody has spoke of it since either from embarrassment or memory loss," he finished. I closed my eyes and tried to forget what I just heard, but the images wouldn't leave. Lavi, far too happily I might add, said, "Okay, who's next?"

"I want to hear a Cross story," Lenalee says, putting me on the spot. Groaning, I begin, "Fine, but I won't tell the funniest one since it would be X-rated. I remember one night we were at a club and he went in the back with one of the Playboy bunnies. He came back with his hair dyed blue and pulled back in a ponytail, and when I asked him why it was like that, he said that the sex fairy enchanted him so much that he was hypnotized into it. Personally, I think it was the booze fairy, but we walked back to the hotel room anyways.

"We were passing a park, and Cross suddenly ran slash stumbled and crawled into the soccer field. It was at least midnight at that point, and he got to the middle of the field and started acting like he was making a snow angel. He said something along the lines of, 'Idiot pupil, come make a snow angel with me. The sex fairy made it snow just like she said she would.'

"I simply stood there watching him, and after he was done making the 'snow angel', he stood up and started doing cartwheels across the field."

Lavi interrupted, "Cross can do cartwheels?"

"Yeah, apparently he can. Anyways, he started saying, 'Ha ha, you can't catch me, apprentice!' That's when he did a cartwheel that sort of turned into a handstand and he fell flat on his back. He didn't get back up after that, and I had to sit in the swing watching him until he woke up around dawn. Don't tell him this, but I let a dog pee on him."

"Evil Allen," Lenalee laughed. I nodded, "The problem was that he somehow managed to wake up still well past tipsy, and started singing 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' while stripping. Since we were next to a playground, I hid in one of the towers while he did this and I'm pretty sure he got punched a few times. Then, Cross started trying to play hide-and-seek with the kids at the playground while he was naked. One of the parents called the cops, and he was arrested. While they stuck him in the cop car, he was trying to explain that the sex fairy would get revenge on them. I think he only remembers waking up in the back of the car. Anyway, that's my story," I finish, cuddling against Kanda as he wraps an arm around me. "Lenalee's turn."

"Okay, I'll go. Let's see, a time when Komui got drunk. Right, last year, all three of you were on the Leaf of Rival mission and he was drinking with Reever. Brother had had about eight glasses of wine, and he was walking around the office saying that he was going to clean his desk. I would have been proud, but he just pushed everything in the floor instead, and then he started posing on it because he said the photographer would be there in a couple days to take the pictures of him and Ciel Phantomhive.

"I wasn't sure what to do and I sat down in a chair and started talking to Reever about options to keep him under control. That's when he announced that he could stretch his posing muscle and came over to me and sat in my lap, just sprawled out like I was some sort of throne. I asked him what he was doing and he said, 'I'm sitting with my lovely sister, Lily! Don't you remember me?'

"At that point, Reever says, 'Komui, you should lay down somewhere.' We had planned to lock him up in his room, but then he got off me and walked over to Reever. Komui then pulled at Reever's shirt and looked down it saying that he was making sure that he still had his chest hair. Then, Reever pinned him to the desk and they started making-out, and I left. That's my story!" Lenalee concludes.

"Wait, are Komui and Reever together?" I ask, not sure if I wanted to know.

She shrugs, "Reever doesn't say anything about it, and Komui doesn't remember it, so I think it was just a fling. I know that I'm never touching the desk ever again though, since the next morning Reever was disinfecting it, claiming that he spilled ice cream on it."

"Ew, just ew!" I say, burying my face in Kanda's chest as Lavi covers his face with his hands. Lenalee mutters, "Yeah, anyways, Kanda's turn!"

"Do I have to?" he asks, obviously speaking to me as I nod, meeting his gaze. "Fine, the only time I ever saw Tiedoll get drunk was once after his birthday. Nearly everyone was on a mission except for Marie, Daisya, General Yeegar, and I, and both Generals drank a few too many beers.

"Bookman was there, too, but somehow he didn't get even tipsy, and I imagine that he let them use the wedding dress he was wearing, because somewhere along the way, Yeegar was in one.

"Anyways, they decided to set that year's Christmas tree on fire for reasons of entertainment. About that time is when Marie, Daisya, and I all ran outside and found Yeegar in the dress and Tiedoll in a bikini and also painted green."

"Why was Tiedoll wearing a bikini, and how did he get painted green?" Lenalee asks.

"How the heck should I know?" Kanda says. "Anyways, the three of us were a good fifteen feet away and could feel the heat easily. The Generals were only about five feet from the tree, and Tiedoll said something about being hot and also mentioned taking a dip in a nearby lake. Marie had to chase him down because he was rolling around in the snow on top of a frozen pond, and that's when half the science division ran out to help and Komui ordered us to go to our rooms."

"Okay, this has been an interesting game, but who wins?" I ask.

Lavi says, "I vote Allen."

"Lavi," Lenalee chimes.

"I'm going with Lenalee since I love Black Butler," I say.

It's all up to Kanda now and he votes, "Allen."

"I win!" I gloat, giving Kanda a kiss on the cheek. The rabbit pouts, "No fair, he played favorites!"

"No," the samurai growled, "I just am happy that I can throw up the fact that Cross dyed his hair and put it in a ponytail the next time he calls me Girly Boy."

"Yu's happy? That's a first," the Baka Usagi states, stretching out his arms. I was happy with winning and say, "We should play a game like that again."

Lenalee nods and agrees, "Yeah, it was fun. I'll be thinking of another game tonight."

"Most embarrassing thing you've ever said during sex," Kanda grins evilly. Lenalee and I screech in unison, "NO!"

"And why's that Kitten? Should I tell them about the other night?"

I shake my head, gazing up at him with pleading eyes, "No, please don't, Kanda."

I remember all too well what I said, and did not want the world to know, especially not Lavi. Actually, I could have sworn I heard Ice laughing at me. My boyfriend smirks, "Hmm, looks like I have a serious upper hand here."

"Fine," I mutter. Taking a breath, I admit, "The other night I called Kanda Sebastian on accident."

Lenalee stared at me, "I know you love Black Butler, but I still say Ciel's hotter."

"No, he's not! Sebastian has those wine colored eyes and is so mysterious," I protest, forgetting about our boyfriends in the room. She shakes her head, "Ciel has the big blue eyes and he's so cute when he's being carried by Sebastian."

"Sebastian has that smirk like Kanda though."

"Ciel has that eye patch like Lavi."

"Sebastian's sexier!"

"Ciel's sexier!"

"Ladies!" the rabbit interrupts.

Lenalee and I, glaring at him now scream, "WHAT?!"

"I can't believe my boyfriend is arguing about which anime character is hotter," Kanda growls, sitting on the bed with Ice.

I jump on him and pin him down, straddling his waist, "Whose sexier, Ciel or Sebastian?"

He stares at me like I've completely lost my mind, and I press, "Tell me or I won't kiss you until you do."

"Fine," he mutters, "Ciel."

I ask, "What? You agree with Lenalee?"

He rolls his eyes, "You asked, and can you really see me liking Sebastian? Ciel's innocent and cute, like you."

Lenalee laughs and gloats about how she was right while Kanda gives me a forceful kiss, rolling us over so he's above me, my legs wrapped around his waist. Skipping lip-to-lip contact, my boyfriend kisses down my jaw and neck, and I flick my gaze from Lenalee to the door. She gets the message, dragging Lavi out of the room and sending me a wink before shutting the door.

Author Note: Well, I laughed myself out writing this, but maybe that's just me since I'm very easily amused. I must say sorry to those who don't watch Black Butler\Kuroshitsuji, but I couldn't help it. I want to know what you guys think! What was your favorite story? What competition should I do next? Thanks again to The3leonine and Cana99, and please, Please, PLEASE R/R!