Author's Notes: Here we go, friends! Gai gets a starring role this chapter. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi. Enjoy!
After spending three days avoiding Iruka and immersing himself in Icha Icha, something supremely traumatizing happened to Genma, and he was confronted with three perplexing realizations. One: Anyone who thought the Icha Icha franchise had any literary merit was a fool. Two: In order for the 'formula' that Kakashi swore would solve his problems to even potentially be of any use, he'd have to erase Iruka's memory and start their relationship from square one, giving Iruka a sex change at some point to top it all off, and finally (and most disturbingly), three: Might Gai was a more serious Icha Icha fan than Kakashi.
It had all started innocently enough. Genma had locked himself away in his apartment, hardly used anymore due to the amount of time he spent over at Iruka's, hunched over Kakashi's hardcover, home copy of Icha Icha with a notebook and a pen. For three days he'd sat on his living room floor, reading and rereading the passages, taking notes, and trying to discover this 'formula'. It was difficult for him; the flowery language, the excessively long sentences, the abundant use of the term "pulsing, hot loins", and the fact that it was a story about a man seducing a woman had Genma's brain pretty much melting out his ears. There was no way he would ever speak the phrase, "I wish to woo your youthful heart," aloud to anyone under any circumstance ever, and there was no way he would treat his Ru-kun like a blonde, busty woman who needed to be saved. He couldn't even figure out a way to make any of the suggested actions feel remotely less demeaning, and he knew that if he were to show up on Iruka's doorstep in the middle of the night with a large bouquet of flowers and smelling of pheromone enhanced cologne with the words 'let me prove to you that you set my heart alight with the flames of youthful passion', Ru would not hesitate to punch him in the face.
It had been three days. His eyes were burning, he was on the verge of pulling out his hair, and he wasn't getting anywhere. Genma knew he needed to go to the master of all things Icha Icha. He needed backup, and Kakashi, willingly or not, was going to help him. He was going to find that damned Copy nin, he was going to berate him for being an idiot, he was going to punch him in the face, and then he was going to demand to be shown how this damned book would solve his problem. So, Genma got up. He put on some jeans and a tee shirt, he put his hitai-ate over his head, he popped his senbon in his mouth, and he left his apartment. He stalked the outskirts of the village for hours. He prowled through the training grounds, he staked out the scarecrow's apartment, he surveyed the Hokage tower, he double checked the mission roster to make sure that, yes, Kakashi was supposed to be homebound for the next few days and had to be hiding somewhere. He searched the area around the memorial, and he looked at the Hokage monument. He could not find his so called genius friend anywhere.
To say that Genma was frustrated would be an understatement. Genma was bordering on angry. Why had he listened to Kakashi in the first place? Because he was a genius? You don't gain a reputation like Kakashi's out of nowhere, and the great Copy nin was the most skilled ninja Genma had worked with maybe ever, but being a genius on the battlefield did not mean you were a genius anywhere else, and had Genma ever even seen Kakashi with a romantic interest? The answer was a resounding no, and he should have taken that into account three fucking days ago.
Genma, contradictory to his usual determination, was about to give up. He was about to slink to Raido's and beg his friend to go with him to Iruka's, and force the larger tokujo into helping Genma explain to his young, and probably irritated, boyfriend why he'd been M.I.A. the past few days. Looking back on that moment later, Genma would realize that that was precisely what he should have done. But when he'd heard the booming voice of Might Gai exclaim, "Kakashi! My Eternal Rival!" all thoughts of defeat left him.
He raced toward the sound of Gai's voice, and he found the eccentric pair of elites locked in an intense duel of Rock-Paper-Scissors in the middle of the marketplace. The street around them had been deserted, all the civilians had dispersed when Konaha's Beautiful Green Beast had spotted his rival and subsequently challenged him. All other shinobi in the vicinity had just tried to get out of Gai's way before they too caught his attention. Genma, though, was not like other people of the civilian, or even of the shinobi, variety. Instead of running from the sight before him, he marched right up to the pair and yanked Kakashi back.
"I call pause, I call pause," Kakashi shouted before Gai could say anything. "Unlawful interruption of the match. My disruption is not a forfeit!"
"Kakashi!" Genma nearly shrieked, holding the Jonin by one shoulder and waving his book in his face, "This piece of shit is useless!"
Before Kakashi could say anything, and before Genma could continue his rant, Gai chimed in. "Ah, Genma-san! The Fires of Youth Burn Brightly in your time of Rage, but why hold such Unnecessary Antagonistic feelings toward the Literary Sexual Exploits depicted in the Youthfully Creative Genius that is Icha Icha Paradise?"
Kakashi's single visible eye curved up in his projection of a smile and he nearly purred. "Yes Genma, why such Unnecessary Antagonistic feelings?"
Genma's hand had nearly dropped from Kakashi's shoulder. Icha Icha had nearly dropped from Genma's hand. Genma's senbon had very nearly dropped from between his lips. He turned very slowly to Gai, eyes wide and almost fearful. "...What?"
Gai fell into his Good Guy pose, and Genma was momentarily blinded by the light reflecting off Gai's teeth. "Your Overflowing Youth is being Greatly Misdirected by your Negativity, Genma-san, and you are Sure to keep your Youthfully Handsome face Youthfully Handsome for longer if you Remain Positive!"
"Gai...," Genma's voice was no more than a choked whisper, "Why are you talking like that?"
"Like What, my Childhood Friend?"
"Like... that! You didn't talk like that when we were genin! You sound like a...," Genma's sentence puttered off, his eyes darting to the orange book he was still holding. He gaze flickered between the spandex clad Jonin and book that Genma was beginning to see as a sort of enemy. And then, horrified, his hazel eyes snapped to Kakashi's masked face. "What. Have you done. To him?"
Kakashi shrugged, his one visible eye curving up into it's customary U shape that indicated he was smiling, and then he shrugged again. "Maa, he pilfered my book one day and has been talking like that ever since."
"But Genma-san! I have Never before seen you Indulge in the Supreme Youth that is Involved in Icha Icha before! What are you up to that Requires you to Change your Reading Material?" Gai enquired, flashing through multiple, mind jolting poses.
Genma, seeing that this conversation could only end in disaster, tried to disengage. Abort! His mind screamed at him. Abort Mission! Mission Failure! Abort! He was determined to keep his mouth shut and was working his way through a teleportation jutsu when Kakashi clamped a firm hand down on his shoulder. "Oh, didn't you know?" The Copy nin asked Gai in a tone evoking the feeling of conspiring some sort of plan. "Our friend Genma is trying to bestow upon Umino Iruka his feelings of passion. He is in the Springtime of his Youth, you know, and no one should keep a love as strong as this one all bottled up."
Gai froze, waterfalls of tears streaming down his face. "Genma-san! I am So Proud that you have Finally Found Somebody that Your Heart has Attached to Enough to Pull you from Promiscuous Ways! That you have Not Yet been able to Confess your Love for this Undoubtedly Kind and Youthful Spirit Distresses me a Great Amount, and I Will Help you with your Confession and therefore help you Win the Heart of your Beloved, or I will Run Two Hundred Laps around Konoha on My Pinkie Fingers and Thumbs Without the Aide of Chakra!"
And then Genma and Gai were gone, Genma flung over Gai's shoulder, being carried at top speed down the street. "Kakashi, you bastard!" the blond tokujo screamed, the hardcover Icha Icha still clamped in his hand.
Kakashi pulled his travel Icha Icha out of his vest pouch and allowed himself a private chuckle. Gai had left the premises of the challenge without calling his own pause, and therefore forfeiting. They were now tied, thirty to thirty, and on top of it all, he'd gotten rid of Genma. Oh, the joys of being a genius.
Iruka was tired. He was unhappy. He was hungry. He was fresh out of a shower and not even dressed. There was an incessant banging on his apartment door and he could feel Genma's chakra signature, as well as a much stronger one, out on his stoop, but he was determined to ignore those factors. Genma had been missing, without a word or explanation, for three days. Now that his blond boyfriend had resurfaced, he wasn't sure he wanted to see him just yet. Let him stew, he figured. But the banging on the door didn't cease, and half an hour later both chakras were still outside and Iruka was beginning to fear that if he didn't open the door, it would bust.
He yanked the door open and with a venom even he hadn't known he possessed, hissed, "What?"
Genma blinked at him, his eyes wide and apprehensive. Gai, his fist in the air and poised for another strike against the battered door, also blinked. The stillness was only momentary though, as Gai exclaimed, "Umino Iruka-sensei!"
It was Iruka's turn to blink at the tall man. He was dressed in green spandex. His orange leg warmers reminded him of Naruto-kun's jumpsuit. His eyebrows were the size of jungle caterpillars, and his bowl cut gleamed in the dim light of the hallway. "Um... yes?"
"Aha!" Gai cried, jumping again into his Good Guy pose. "You are even more Masculinely Beautiful than my Youthful Imagination was able to Envision!" He turned to Genma briefly and proclaimed, "You have done Very Well, My Friend!" before turning back to Iruka. He continued, "Genma-san Brough it to my Ever Youthful Attention that His Heart had been Snatched out of its Web of Aloofness. He Wished to Express to you just how Deeply his Feelings for you Run, and he asked For my Youthful Assistance!"
Iruka thought he heard Genma mutter, "No I didn't," but he couldn't be sure as this green monstrosity that he remembered from the Jonin picnic continued his stream of very one sided dialogue.
"So, I brought Genma-san, who is too Shy and Sensitive for the Bold act of Confession, here and I will Continue to Aide and Support him in His Venture! You, Youthful Umino Iruka, have Set Genma-san's Stoic heart Alight with the Flames of Youthful Passion, and he wishes to Woo your Youthful Heart!"
Iruka stared. "...What?"
Before Gai could continue, Genma slapped a hand over his mouth. He looked at Iruka in exasperation and apprehension as he murmured softly, "He means to say that I've fallen in love with you."
"...What?"
"I love you, Iruka."
Iruka studied Genma as Gai broke into his Manly Tears of Joy. Before the green man could shout any more nonsense, Iruka grabbed Genma by the collar and dragged him into the apartment, slamming the door firmly behind him. He and Genma stood nose to nose, staring at each other intently, seriousness emanating from both of them.
"What just happened?" Iruka whispered, his eyes serious and searching Genma's face.
"I love you," Genma whispered right back, unable to look away, or raise his voice, all other words stuck in his throat.
"If this is some sort of joke, this isn't going to end well," the younger shinobi said, his voice firm but somehow still soft.
"No joke," the blond man responded quietly.
Only then did the soft smile that Genma adored flutter across Iruka's face and he leaned in for a kiss. Genma wrapped his arms around the teen and pulled him tight against his chest, his fingers brushing through dark hair, his lips dusting kisses across a tanned forehead.
"I love you too, Baka," Iruka whispered into the crook of Genma's neck. Genma grinned, relief and a gentle sweep of happiness flooding through his body.
"I'm sorry I'm such an idiot."
"Shh, we'll talk later," Iruka mumbled as his lips slid across the bare skin of Genma's throat, causing the tokujo to arch into the familiar sensation. "Right now, I want to give you something."
"Hm?"
"This'll be the best gift I've given you yet," Iruka breathed against jaw as he took a few steps back and glanced at the closed door at the end of the hall. Icha Icha dropped from Genma's hand, unnoticed and forgotten, as Iruka lead Genma toward the bedroom in a tangle of soft caresses and gentle kisses.