Situation Chapter 45: Broken Body and Soul, a d.gray-man fanfic

That Awkward Moment when you have to explain to you clueless best friend how to dudes have sex. Oh gosh, it was such an odd conversation, and she knows nothing! Literally! She is too innocent for her own good!

Situation

Chapter 45: Broken Body and Soul

"So why am I even here?" I ask, sitting next to Kurohana in a meadow full of night-blooming flowers, the moon nearly five times bigger than it should be. The girl shrugs, "How should I know? It's your dream."

Still confused, I continue, "Are you real?"

"Depends on what you mean. True, I'm a replica, but I'm still just a figment of your imagination."

"Then why did you tell me to read your diaries? They were sad, but I don't know how depressing song lyrics help anything."

Rolling her striking eyes, Kurohana sighs, "You are clueless, aren't you?"

"I'm not clueless, just confused," I protest, picking a flower and pulling off the petals one by one. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

Running out of petals, I throw the stem into the weeds as the wolf-infused girl answers, "Fine, then I'll tell you another rhyme."

"No, not an―"

It was too late, her image dispersing into colored particles, and she sings, "Music and pain are one in the same. Sing pain to the one I shall not name."

Man, I hate her stupid riddles! Did Kurohana just tell me to sing a depressing song to Kanda? My head hurt.

The diaries were all read, but I only ever found poems and songs that made no sense. Like there was one that said, "Life is death and death is life. Which can be done with a knife?" Really, what the heck?!

Truly, they didn't speak to me that much, and it had already been three days since Kanda broke up with me. It was obvious that he was aggravated that Komui couldn't send him on a mission since none had come up. Plus, Lenalee was dragging me to this karaoke thing the Order was doing, though technically, everyone was being drug to it since if you were at Headquarters, it was mandatory to attend. Seemed stupid if you ask me, but I wasn't the only one.

As I lay in my bed, looking at the wall, I clutch the white button-up to my chest, the sweet smell of Moonlight Mist filling my nostrils like food coloring in water. Kanda didn't know that I'd stolen one of his shirts while he was gone, and I made sure he didn't, the fabric always securely hidden in my pillowcase when I wasn't holding it. From the darkness in the room, I knew it was before dawn, Kanda probably asleep below me as I clasp his shirt to my chest, oblivious to the pain I was in. No, he knew I was in pain, but he never talked to me, let alone show any concern.

Silently, I stuff the shirt into my pillowcase and slip from the bed, landing lightly on my feet before moving into the bathroom to cut, fully aware of the midnight gaze burning my back. How many times was I doing this in a day now? Three? I think that was about right. Hunger didn't bother me anymore, and the only reason I even ate at all was the baby.

By the time I leave the bathroom, fresh gauze covered by a turtleneck, the sun was rising, but Kanda still wasn't up, which I found weird. Shaking it off, I head to the cafeteria and force myself to eat the ten plates of food Jerry prepared for me, plus a smoothie. Of course, by the time I return to our room, Kanda and Mugen were gone, and I quietly curl up in Kanda's bed.

There's a ninety-nine percent chance that Kanda knew that I stayed in his bed during the day, but I think he couldn't care less, and if he did, he sure didn't let on to it. The karaoke thing started at five so I had seven hours, but I guess I needed to think of a song to sing. I mean, Kurohana said to sing my pain, and it would take thought because all my favorite songs involve death and stuff along those lines. If I sang any of those, my friends would get worried.

"What do I do, Mana?" I whisper in to Kanda's pillow, wet with fresh tears.

Never stop. Keep walking.

"But walking is hard!"

Never stop. Keep walking.

"How can I walk when I have no direction?"

Never stop. Keep walking.

Great, I was losing a battle with my own mind. Did that mean I was going crazy?

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"Do we have any volunteers?" Komui asked with a grin plastered to his face.

My song was already picked out, but I didn't want to go first so I waited until after a finder sang "Try" by Pink and Lenalee was walking off the stage after singing "Unbreakable" by Fireflight.

"I'll go," I say as I raise my hand. Komui nods, and quickly, I tell Jerry who was working with the songs and sound system to play "Wasting All These Tears" by Cassadee Pope.

The sad country music began playing as I gripped the microphone, nervously glancing over the audience, and I realize other than Lavi, Lenalee, Fou, and Kanda, all the others are finders I don't know.

"I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle," I begin, "laying down on the bathroom floor. My loneliness was a rattle in the windows. You said you don't want me anymore.

"And you left me, standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying. I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you! I wish I could erase our memory, cause you didn't give a dang about me! Oh, finally I'm through wasting all these tears on you! These tears on you!"

The crowd seemed to be getting into it, especially Lavi and Lenalee, but Kanda was watching the ground and Fou was looking between the two of us with a suspicious gaze. Keeping back any tears that wished to fall, I replaced them with anger, "You ain't worth another sleepless night, and I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind, cause what you wanted I couldn't give. What you did boy, I'll never forget!

The song picked back up after a short music solo, "And you left me, standing on a corner crying, feeling like a fool for trying. I don't even remember why I'm wasting all these tears on you! I wish I could erase our memory, cause you didn't give a dang about me! Oh, finally I'm through wasting all these tears on you! These tears on you! Oh, oh. These tears on you! I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle, laying down on the bathroom floor."

Applause rang out through the cafeteria as I stepped off the little stage which was really just a bunch of tables secured together. Everyone clapped, except Kanda and Fou, and that made me happy since that meant I did perfect, though I don't really know what Fou's issue was. Maybe she found out about Kanda and me splitting? Oh well, everyone will find out at some point, but I just hope that song sticks out in Kanda's mind. Show him to accuse me of cheating without any proof whatsoever.

Taking my seat beside Lenalee and Lavi, I wait for the night to be over, which was only about an hour and a half. It wasn't more than thirty minutes later that a finder was singing when the pain hit me.

It wasn't a cramp, no this was much bigger than that, and I fell to my side on the cold floor, curling up as I scream in pain. The pain was absolutely unbearable, and I can't feel anything else until I'm lifted, the pain increasing two fold. Screeching until my throat was sore, I feel an icy surface under me, and a tiny prick in my arm. Then, it all fades away.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"Lenalee, what's happening?" I ask as I carry Allen in my arms, trying to not hurt him as I run to the medical wing and waiting for an explanation from my girlfriend. "And where's Kanda?"

She shakes her head, "If that song he sang is any indication, I think they broke up."

"Idiot, what the heck is he thinking?!" I said as we burst through the door of the operating room, quickly following the nurse's instructions and placing a screaming Allen on the metal table before the nurse stabbed a needle into him. The whitette slowly began to quiet so I assume that it was anesthesia, but I was still jumpy as Komui and Reever dart in and wheel Allen into the surgery room, the metal doors shutting behind him.

"Okay, explain!" I demand, turning to Lenalee who was sitting in a plastic chair as I paced. She replies, "The baby broke another rib, I think."

"Another rib?" I echo, confusion swimming around in my head.

"Yes, Lavi, it's happened before. That was when Kanda found out," the pig-tailed girl explains, patting the seat beside her, and I sit.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

The world comes back slowly, a throbbing in my stomach and a dull ache in my head. As I sit up, I glance around at my surroundings, and the first thing I notice are five stitches in my stomach, followed by the rabbit and his girlfriend asleep in two plastic chairs, and the absence of a certain bluenette.

Sighing, I lay back down on the bed, pulling the quilt up to my neck, and my hand goes to my necklace, the smooth agate carved into a heart. I guess I didn't really expect to see Kanda, but there was a part of me that thought he cared enough to at least check on me, or even the baby. Instinctively, my other hand goes to my baby bump, rubbing circles into it like I know Kanda would be doing if he was here, and I whisper, "Don't worry, baby girl, I still love you, even if your other daddy doesn't."

Smiling to myself, I continue, "You know what? I got under your daddy's skin earlier. He wouldn't even look at me because he used to sing me lullabies all the time, especially when I got nightmares. And when you're born, I'll sing to you every night until you fall asleep."

This weird feeling surges through me, like I had a bouncy ball jumping around inside me, and I smile the biggest, most genuine smile I'd ever had. The baby kicked! Something Mana Walker kicked for the first time!

"Allen?"

Glancing over to the chairs, I realize that Lenalee had woken up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes while she yawned, and I happily say, "The baby kicked!"

"Yay!" she squealed, slapping Lavi on the back of the head, and he popped up, immediately claiming he was awake. The girl told the rabbit the news and he grinned, "Great! Do you want to tell Kanda?"

The smile on my face turned plastic at the mention of his name, but neither of my friends noticed until I explained, "We broke up."

"I'm sorry, Allen," Lenalee said, casting her gaze downward solemnly. Shaking my head, I say, "It's fine, really."

As soon as possible, they got off the topic and told me that I could leave as soon as Komui got there, which ended up being close to five seconds after they said it. All the lunatic really did was check my stitches, which are apparently dissolvable, and told me that another rib was likely to break in the next couple weeks. Cheerful as always!

So that leads me to now, sitting outside in the field I love so much. Today it was nearly fifty-five degrees, even with the sun down, which made me more than happy, and if weather allowed it, I would probably sleep out here. Besides, this was more of a house than my room was since Kanda hates me.

The sound of approaching footsteps causes me to turn to see my visitor, surprised slightly that it was Fou. Plopping down beside me, the humanoid asks, "How are you doing?"

Laughing, I reply, "Well, considering I got my rib broken I'm doing alright."

"You know that's not what I meant. Lenalee told me Kanda dumped you," she said, flicking some grass next to her.

"Oh, that," I say. "It's not a big de―"

"Shut up."

"Okay!" I squeak, smart enough to know that I didn't want to be on Fou's bad side. Rolling her violet eyes, she asks, "Why did you guys split?"

Taking a breath, I reply, "He thought I cheated on him even though I didn't. I was walking back to the room while Kanda was on a mission, and Sekushi was drunk and tried to make-out with me, but I pushed him off. When Kanda got back, a finder told him I slept with Sekushi, and I was just trying to keep it under the rug so no one had a very intimate session with Mugen, but Kanda said that if I hadn't cheated that there would be no reason to hide it. So, yeah."

"He is such an idiot," Fou growled as she stood up and began back to the Black Order building. Slightly scared a certain samurai was going to get beaten, I call after her, "Don't do anything!"

"Right," she says, not looking back, and I honestly can't decide if she was being sarcastic or not.

From the position of the moon, I'd say it was probably nine, so I quietly make my way back to the room, happy that Kanda wasn't there as I shut the door. Not really sure what to do at the moment, I pull off my shirt, hissing as the gauze goes with it, and I'm glad that it didn't begin bleeding. There were at least seven cuts along my right arm, all made between three days ago and now, and they still felt raw and stung when they were touched.

"Allen!"

Nearly jumping out of my skin, I spin around to find Kanda staring at me, Mugen in the floor and the door slammed shut, and he looks at the cuts on my arm. Rolling my eyes, I say in a bored voice, "What do you want?"

"I live here, idiot," he growls, walking toward me quickly and grabbing my scarred arm, and I hiss in pain. He was by no means being gentle, and the hurt and fear in his eyes was unmistakable as I try to pull away, "Let go, Kanda! That hurts!"

Not loosening his grip as I squirm, Kanda replies harshly, "If it hurts then you shouldn't have done it in the first place! Why did you cut?!"

"You told me to, and I don't care," I say, finally wrenching my arm away, and a small trickle of blood oozed from the cut that had been directly under his hand. Looking away from me, he whispers, "I didn't mean for you to actually do it."

Snagging fresh gauze from the drawer in the bathroom, I call, "It doesn't matter. You can't tell me what to do anymore since you broke up with me."

"What about the baby?" he said, clearly trying to make me feel guilty and sitting on his bed after propping Mugen against the wall, and I walk into the room, leaning against the wall while pressing the cotton to the blood source. Annoyed that he cared at this point, I reply, "She's fine. Considering I went into surgery today because she broke another rib, she's better than fine. Oh, and for your information, she kicked for the first time, too."

His eyes brightened considerably as he glanced up at me, "Really?"

Hopping into my bed once the bleeding had stopped, I nod, "Yeah. Now, can you turn off the light so I can sleep?"

"No," he growls, his heart disappearing again. "I'm reading."

Turning to the wall, I pull out his shirt from my pillowcase, clutching it close to my chest as I drifted to sleep. No progress, just hate.

Author Note: Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!