Author's Notes: A big shoutout to Gaia77 on deviantART for letting me use her GenIru piece as my cover art for this story, and to heelenacs to bringing it to my attention. A big thank you to all the people showering me with kind words and praise for my little story here. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

They were together for a full year before they had their first fight. Though they'd never made it official with any sort of paperwork and he was still paying rent on his own apartment, Genma had practically moved in with the young academy sensei. The only thing stopping him from completely moving out of his now virtually empty place was ANBU.

To anyone not in ANBU, that wouldn't make much sense. To Kakashi and Raido, it was insurance.

As long as he still had his own apartment, he had the option of not seeing his beloved Ru-kun right after a brutal mission. He had the option of winding down and coming back to himself without putting Iruka in any sort of danger. And Genma was a danger after the types of missions they had started sending him on again. They'd given him a break the last two years, but there had been a reason that Genma had been notoriously promiscuous for the better part of his career as an elite. He'd forgotten about that for a while, but lately, coming back to Iruka after stashing his porcelain mask in a box in the back of the closet in the bedroom in his apartment that Iruka had never been to, coming back to Iruka and feeling the need to pound brutally into something, someone, anyone, and knowing that he'd never forgive himself if he took that need out on the young man waiting for him, he was starting to remember.

Raido was starting to throw around the word retirement, not from being a shinobi, but from ANBU, and though he'd never really be given the option of leaving, even Kakashi was slowing down with less S-ranks and more A's. The shinobi nations were in a time of peace, after all, and the assassinations that Raido were known for and the infamous battles that Kakashi were needed for were becoming less frequent.

Times of peace breed uneasy suspicion amongst government officials though, and it was in the era of suspicion that Genma was busiest. His specialty was not death, but information gathering, and the information that he brought home often had the potential to make or break the peace period. Information gathering, in ANBU, equates itself to infiltration, to seduction, to making people like you and trust you and giving you everything they've got. Then you get the fuck out and leave the killing to men like Raido and Kakashi.

And Genma was the best Konoha had to offer when it came to that sort of thing.

Now, if Genma had just told Iruka of his reasoning, he would have understood. He would have kissed Genma hard on the mouth, whispered a serious and reverent, "Thank you for your hard work," that he'd picked up since replacing going on missions with working at the missions room to be able to better pay attention to his students, and he would have left it alone. When Genma finally felt human enough to slink back into their bedroom, when he felt he had finally succeeded in scrubbing the handprints of the man who'd last fucked him and then given him everything off of his body, Iruka would have wrapped him in the blankets and they would have talked about trivial things until Genma wouldn't have nightmares of choking on cocks and information. The thing about ANBU, though, is that you're not allowed to tell.

So Genma didn't.

So Iruka didn't understand.

They were together for a full year before they had their first fight about ANBU. It hadn't started like that, of course, because things in a ninja village never start the way they end. Oddly enough, it had started with Mizuki.

Genma had left on a mission a week ago. He hadn't told Iruka anything about it, except that he'd be gone for no more than a couple days and to not worry too much. The fact that Genma was late and nobody seemed at all worried left a bad taste in Iruka's mouth and a twisty, sick sort of feeling in his stomach. But so was the life of shinobi; things happened, missions ran late, and soldiers came home. Sometimes only their dog tags made it, but that was considered coming home nonetheless. And though Iruka was anxious about the whole thing, five days wasn't too late, really. A foot injury could be cause enough for someone to be five days late, due to having to travel at a slower pace than expected. Five days didn't mean anything serious.

That's what Iruka was telling himself, anyway, and what Anko and Hayate were resolutely agreeing with.

When the purple haired kunoichi suggested, one drunken night on Hayate's living room floor, that why don't you just check the mission registry? See what kinda mission it is, just to put your mind at ease. You work the desk, you have the clearance for that, Iruka had thought that that was a good idea. The next day, with a mild hangover and a stack of essays to grade, Iruka had checked. He flipped through the mission registry, looking for Genma's name. He hadn't found it listed the first time he looked, but that couldn't be right. He looked again, and again wasn't able to find Genma listed as out of the village. Not even any D or C ranked in village missions had been given to him around the time of his departure.

According to the mission registry, Genma had never even been given a mission. According to the mission registry, Genma was in the village somewhere.

Iruka was confused by this, but relieved anyway. If Genma was in the village, it meant he wasn't dead. It may have meant that he was hiding from Iruka, which was a painful thought, but less painful than Genma being in trouble or dead, so he accepted it. Besides, Genma had hid from him a few times before and it always worked itself out. Granted, he had never hid under the guise of being on a mission before, but elites were known for being weird, and even after a year of dating Iruka was still uncovering some of Genma's particular quirks.

He put the registry back and went about his day as usual, mulling over his thoughts whilst trying not to let himself get too distracted. In the evening, he met up with Anko, Mizuki, and Hayate for drinks. When he told them of his findings, Anko laughed. "What the fuck?" she shrilled, loud and intoxicated. "What a little douchebag!"

"He probably just needed a couple days for himself," Hayate assured, quiet from the corner of the booth. "You know how he gets sometimes."

Iruka nodded in agreement, as those had been his exact thoughts. His lover, ever the social butterfly and friends with pretty much everyone, was quite the introvert in actuality. For every night he enjoyed with friends on the town, he needed three quiet ones at home. Iruka had no problems with that. He enjoyed grading papers and going over reports with Genma's head pillowed in his lap, he enjoyed coming home from a late day at work to find Genma asleep on the couch. He liked their private, quiet evenings where the two of them could just be themselves, together, and be alone with each other's company. The brunet had figured though, that it might be hard for Genma to be living with him, if only because now he had Iruka always around. He'd figured Genma had needed some time away from him and had taken a few days for himself.

Mizuki had been pretty quiet for the duration of the meeting up until then. He said softly, with a strange gleam in his eye that gave Hayate the creeps but that Anko and Iruka didn't seem to notice, "But didn't Raido tell you he hadn't seen him since he 'left'? Why would he lie about that? ...Unless he was hiding something."

"What do you mean?" Iruka asked, turning to his friend.

"Just think for a second, okay Ruka? He lied to you about going on a mission. You checked the registry and you know he's hanging around here somewhere. Nobody has admitted to seeing him, and he's not coming home to you at night. So, where is he?"

"Well maybe he's at the inn," Iruka murmured, his voice hesitant.

Mizuki sighed. "That doesn't make much sense though, does it? Why would he pay to stay in his own village? And if he really only just needed a few days to himself, why wouldn't he just tell you that? Why would he lie about a mission?"

Anko pushed her drink away from herself and hissed across the table, "Mizuki! Leave it be!"

"No," he snarled at her. "He's dating my best friend, and he's acting suspicious! He doesn't have the cleanest track record, and he's apparently not above lying. He's hiding around here somewhere, and has been for a fucking week, and I have to think that somebody is hiding him." Then, he turned to Iruka and his voice softened. "All I'm saying, Ruka, is that if he's here and he's not with you, where is he?"

"Iruka, don't listen to him," Anko murmured, reaching for a tanned hand. "Gen-chan wouldn't do that to you. Mizu-kun doesn't know him like I do. He just needed some time to himself and didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you. It's fine."

"But he knows he can trust me," Iruka muttered, confusion and anxiety swirling in his dark eyes. "I wouldn't have been upset or mad or anything if he'd just told me... He knows that... I...,"

"Hey now," Mizuki cooed gently, "Come on, lets get you home, hey? Up, up," he said as he stood, pulling Iruka with him and steering him out of the bar.

"Iruka!" Anko called after them. "Mizuki!"

When the pair of boys got outside, Mizuki continued leading them aimlessly around the streets, and Iruka heaved a sigh. "Anko knows Genma a lot better than you and I do," he started quietly, but Mizuki laughed. It was hard and dark and pitying.

"Yeah, she does. And I know her better than you do. She likes you Ruka, and you can think of her as a friend, but she'll always be Shiranui's friend first. And she'll be loyal to him almost to a fault. If she knows something, she'll lie for him. I know her."

Iruka chewed his lower lip for a moment before saying, "But Rai said-,"

"Ruka just think!" Mizuki cut in, his eyes flashing, "Raido was his friend first, too. If forced to choose between the two of you, who do you think he'd pick? Shiranui, right? Listen, I'm the only one who is undoubtedly on your side, okay? All your other friends, you got them from him. They'll protect him. I'm looking out for you. I just want you to be happy. And you deserve better than someone who's going to sneak around behind your back."

Iruka didn't respond, just gazed at the street ahead of them and kept walking, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his vest. Mizuki followed him home, and they camped out on the living room floor, watching bad martial arts movies until they fell asleep, just like they'd done when they were children.

Genma had gotten back three days ago and had gone to his empty apartment. All his furniture and personal belongings had been moved into Iruka's place for months, the only things he kept at his own place were his ANBU gear and a spare bed roll. He wasn't sure whether Iruka knew that the apartment was still under his name, but he'd never thought of that as important information. He had stayed in his empty apartment, waiting for the darkness in him to pass and the red scores down his back to heal. He'd decided he was good to go back to his Chuunin when he wasn't angry at the sun anymore and standing under the spray of the shower didn't sting.

When he walked into Iruka's apartment, he was surprised to find his lover asleep on the living room floor, wrapped up in the quilt from their bed and curled beside Mizuki. Mizuki's head was pillowed on his arm and his leg was tangled with one of Iruka's. The blanket from the linen closet was crumpled beside him.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Genma snarled, and at the sound of his voice he realized that he wasn't ready to be around people just yet.

Iruka jerked awake. "Genma?" His voice was groggy and his eyes were tired, but there was an unmistakable glimmer of affection, and perplexingly enough, hope. He crawled out from under the quilt and started in the direction of his lover. "I missed you. C'mere."

Genma just stood in the entry, hazel eyes set in a glare trained on Mizuki. "What are you doing here? Go home."

A staredown ensued, but there was something in those green eyes that really set Genma on edge. He looked away first.

Mizuki stood and stretched, then pulled Iruka up off the floor. "You got this, Buddy?"

Iruka nodded, and Genma saw anxiety come like a cloud over Iruka's face. Mizuki patted Iruka's shoulder in reassurance and then was gone in a puff of smoke.

Before Genma could say anything, Iruka was on him. Arms around his neck, hands in his hair, hips against his hips. Full lips brushed against his neck as Iruka whispered, "Where were you?"

"Mission," the tokujo stuttered out, antsy and confused. His hands were caught somewhere between pulling Iruka closer and pushing him away. "I told you."

But Iruka was shaking his head, his dark eyes burning with emotions that Genma didn't like. "There was nothing about your mission in the registry, Gen."

Genma froze. He'd checked the registry? Shit. ANBU missions weren't logged in the normal registry because the identities of the operatives had to be secret. He'd never actually thought that Iruka would be keeping tabs on him like that. "Why'd you check the registry, Koi?"

"You were late," Iruka whispered, nipping at Genma's throat. "I was worried."

This was bad. Genma didn't know how he was going to weasel his way out of this one. But hands were roaming over his body, hot and possessive, and that mission he'd just come back from was bad, so bad, and he wasn't ready yet and he pushed Iruka off him, harder than necessary, harder than he'd meant to. "Stop it."

Iruka stood very still, his eyes hard and critical. Genma was definitely hiding something from him. His heart pounded in his chest and he felt sick. He'd been awake most of the night, anxiety keeping him from falling into any semblance of restful slumber. And now here was Genma, lying straight to his face, and doing it badly. He spat, "If you're gonna lie to me, at least be convincing about it," and then he was stalking down the hall and closing the bedroom door with a decisive click.

The senbon in his mouth clacked against Genma's teeth, and he dragged a hand over his face. That was definitely not how he'd planned the morning to go. The scenario was nothing more than irritating, but the root problem was something that would need to be addressed. Which one? He thought to himself bitterly. The fact that he doesn't trust me, the fact that he apparently cuddles with Mizuki when I'm gone, or ANBU? He knew they'd need to talk about all three at some point, though he didn't know how he'd bring up the ANBU thing without breaking the rules, but he figured he'd give Iruka some alone time first. He knew what the closed bedroom door meant, and he didn't want to make things worse by pushing his young lover's buttons.

Iruka emerged from the bedroom an hour later, his brown eyes surrounded by dark circles and a furrow in his brow. Genma was on the couch, sitting tense and rigid. When their gazes met, the air around them felt heavy and suffocating. "I should probably apologize," Iruka stated, harsh and clear, "but I don't know if I feel like it."

The tokujo laughed, he couldn't help it. It was absurd, really, but Iruka still looked delicious, and the way his eyes smoldered when he was angry was almost distracting enough to keep him from thinking about the conversation they were going to have. Almost, but not quite. Not when he'd just had another man look at him in a similar fashion, not when he knew that man was probably dead by now. Not when he still had some of the marks on his skin where that man had touched him.

"You've never lied to me before, have you?" Iruka asked, his voice hard and demanding, but the fatigue underneath was glaringly obvious.

"I haven't," Genma responded, watching every twitch of muscle and feeling every change in chakra output from Iruka.

"Do I have reason to believe that you'd start lying to me now?"

"No."

"Then tell me who you slept with."

There was no room for argument in Iruka's voice, or in his eyes, and he seemed determined to not come any closer to Genma than absolutely necessary. "I didn't cheat on you," Genma whispered. Maybe that wasn't absolutely true, as he had been fucked by someone, but it wasn't because he wanted to.

"Genma." There was a long silence before Iruka seemed to crumple in on himself. "You came in and you pushed me away. Except you weren't seeing me. You pushed away hands, and eyes, and a body, but I know you weren't seeing me. You were seeing memories of someone else's hands on you. You've never looked at me like that before. Just... who was he?"

"He doesn't matter to us," Genma whispered, his brain straining to find a way to fix this without giving himself away.

Iruka laughed, hard and bitter, then scratched at his scar. "Then why did you go?"

"Iruka. I... Can't." Genma knew he sounded weak, maybe even tortured, but he couldn't stop it. People lost lovers over ANBU, over being forced to keep secrets, over never having any explanations. It wasn't fair to either of the parties involved, but being a shinobi had never been about being fair.

"You can't talk to me. Can you?"

Genma shook his head. His hands were tied. He knew that it'd come to this, that day at the lake a year ago. He'd knew it'd come down to this moment, to ANBU or to Iruka. He was an idiot.

"Okay," Iruka whispered. "I'm going to ask you questions. Yes or no. If the answer is no, tell me. If the answer is yes, don't make a sound. Got it?"

The blond man hesitated, then nodded. He didn't know when he closed his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to open them.

"Did you leave the village?"

A pause. A beat. A silence.

"Do you fuck somebody?"

"No," a shaky whisper.

"Did somebody fuck you?"

Silence, loud and painful.

"Did you like it?"

"No," nearly a sob.

"Did he hurt you?"

Deafening silence. Thunderous, crashing silence. And then arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer. He could feel Iruka shaking as he whispered, not a question as much as a statement, "Special Ops. ANBU." And when the silence persisted, when the sobs broke free from constricted lungs and Genma still tried to stifle them, to keep the silence because he couldn't allow himself to make a noise lest Iruka take it as a no, when the silence tore what little strength he had in his legs from him, Iruka was still there. Iruka was still holding him. He couldn't have fallen since he'd never risen from the couch, but it felt like he was falling nonetheless.

"Gen. Look at me." But Genma couldn't open his eyes, didn't want to see the look on his precious Ru's face. He was a well paid, high class prostitute, really. He was paid to go into the field, lay down, shut up, and give himself for whatever information anyone had to give. Iuka had always looked at Genma like a warrior, like a hero. He couldn't bear to see the way Iruka would look at him now that he knew what Genma really was. Not a warrior, but a high class whore. "Do you want me to go?" Iruka's voice was small and soft, it felt like a cotton ball dabbing at a papercut on the tender part between two fingers.

"No," Genma whispered, his voice hoarse.

So Iruka stretched them out together on the couch, wrapped them in the quilt that had been discarded on the floor earlier, and held Genma to him in an almost painfully tight hold. "Thank you for your hard work," the small brunet whispered into his blond lovers skin, serious and reverent. "Thank you for protecting us."

But Genma didn't want to hear about work, about duty. "Tell me you still love me," he whispered, not wanting to say it but needing to hear those words from Iruka's mouth anyway.

"I still love you," Iruka murmured, kissing the skin on the back of Genma's neck tenderly. "Always."

"Even though I-,"

"Even more because of it. You're so strong, Gen. You're so brave. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. Always."

They lay like that together for a long time, letting the silence wrap around them like a second blanket. No, like a chain, tying them together. It was nearly dark when Genma pulled Iruka's arms tighter around his chest and said, his voice a regular volume but seeming to boom after the hours of silence, "Help me erase him from my skin. Help me erase all of them."

"How?" the brunet asked softly.

"Like this," Genma murmured as he rolled himself on top of his young counterpart and slowly ground his pelvis down against Iruka's hips. They kissed, slowly, deeply, and when it progressed to the slow love making that lasted for hours at a time, it was like a weight had been lifted from both of their chests. Iruka's hands, his lips, his soft voice and gentle eyes, erased the memories of all the other men Genma had given himself to for information that would be outdated and unusable within a matter of months, sometimes weeks. It took hours, but by the time they fell asleep Iruka had even managed to erase the nightmares. Genma didn't know how long it would last, but at least now he knew it was possible.

The issue of trust sort of resolved itself, as it was clear that Iruka would not ever accuse him of cheating again, clear that Iruka understood and appreciated what it was that Genma gave up every day he went on one of those missions. The issue of ANBU was something that neither had the strength to contemplate again as of just yet. It was just the beginning though, as the missions wouldn't stop coming in and Genma wouldn't stop being called.

And the issue of Mizuki, well, that fell so far into the background that Genma had forgotten that there'd even been a third issue. But that, too, was just the beginning.