Okay need to touch base on a few things. First, this is not a cheater fic. In order to be actually cheating there has to actually be someone you're committed to in order to cheat. Second, we have to edit the 'crap' we post at FFN becasue of the TOS and if it is such 'crap' anyway why does it matter to you one way or the other? Third, and most important, THANK YOU to our loyal readers who trust us and have patience.
****SLIGHTLY EDITED TO MEET TOS, UNEDITED VERSION CAN BE READ AT TWCS AND FICPAD.****
Chapter 16
"Edward," she moans as I moan out her name.
Bolting upright, I sit up in bed panting. Pulling my hair as I look around my room, to see I'm alone. Pulling the blankets up, I see I still have my boxers on. However, they are now wet from the dream I just had.
Moving off my bed, I look around for any signs that Bella was really here last night. Thankfully I don't see anything that looks amiss.
"It must have been a fucking dream. Just a dream," I repeat to myself as I try to calm my breathing.
Walking into my bathroom, I switch on the shower and then step in. Closing my eyes I try to clear my mind, only to have the image of Bella popping up. She's naked under me panting. Her blush has covered her entire body, which seems to turn me on more.
"Edward, you have got to move on," I tell myself, not having any real motivation in my voice.
Finishing my shower, I put on a t-shirt and some slacks making my way downstairs.
"Bella, are you sure that you are okay?" Emmett whispers out. Walking into the living room I see Bella and Emmett have already started to clean up.
"I'm fine," she says and I know just by the sound of her voice that she's lying.
Looking right at her, I see she's paler than usual, but seems to be in deep thought.
"Sorry, guys," I say making it known I'm here.
"Dad," Emmett says but stays looking toward Bella.
"Morning, Edward," Bella keeps her head down as she talks to me.
Moving to her, I tilt her chin up so that I can look her in the eyes. "I'm fine, just a sore ... head," she replies answering my unspoken question as she looks at me. An emotion flashes in her eyes, which causes my brain to again bring up the images of her underneath me. Swallowing, I move away from her.
"I'll clean the other rooms, if you want to go have a bath or relax," I say.
Feeling the need to get away from her because she draws my body, soul and mind to her without trying.
"I'll go make breakfast," Bella says sounding a little rejected.
Not saying anything to her, I watch her walk out the living room.
"I think she just has a headache. She drank a little too much," Emmett says from behind me making jump.
"Yeah," I reply as I start to pick up the few empty bottles that are still laying around.
"Did you come to my room last night?" I ask, without looking at him.
"Yeah, you were out for the count. You were saying the room was spinning," Emmett chortles, but it sounds a little forced.
"I need to head back to Rose's later."
Stopping what I'm doing, I just look at him. "You know that Bella is your girlfriend, not Rose, right?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Emmett whisper yells back.
His taking the defense right away has me raising my brow at him.
"You seem to be dumping Bella a lot, to spend time with Rose."
Emmett opens and closes his mouth, but I hold up my hand. "I know that you had a crush on Rose a little while ago, but I thought you were over it. But you have to know Rose is too old to date you and you have a great girl in Bella. Don't ruin it by making her take second place."
"Bella knows her place in my life and believe me when I say no one will take that away from her, no matter what. As for Rose yeah I had a crush on her, she is a beautiful, sexy woman. But that's not the reason I'm at her place. She needs someone to do those odd jobs, and I said I'd do it. I thought you'd be happy that I'm taking responsibility and keeping my word?"
Rubbing my face, I let out another breath. "Just make sure you keep Bella informed, and if your feelings do change, tell her before you do anything."
Emmett snorts and I look at him. "Dad, I love Bella." Emmett drops his head. "I don't want her hurt, and ..." He stops and shakes his head. Emmett starts to talk again, having decided to change the subject. "I'm going to see if she needs any help."
Hearing the hurt and sadness in Emmett's voice makes me stop him.
"Em, I'm not saying that you'll hurt her, it's just, she's helping you." Pulling at my hair, I stop speaking for a moment to collect my thoughts. "I know that a lot of the work you've done is through your own doing, and I'm so proud of you."
Emmett's eyes drop from mine and he walks away muttering. Carrying on, I clean up and then head to my office where Bella and I spent most of the evening.
As I clean my office, my brain relives the time Bella and I had together last night. Slowly I walk to the kitchen, hearing Emmett and Bella talking.
"Em, he loves you. You will never be a disappointment to him," Bella says softly, but there's still sadness to her voice.
"If he finds out what I did ... how I behaved ... he's going to freak out. It'll be worse than when he found out I wasn't graduating."
Frowning, I feel a little worried. "Please, Bells, just give me some more time, please?"
Hearing Bella let out a deep sigh before she begins to speak. "Sure, I said I was in this and I am. But I really think you're worrying over nothing, it's not all that bad."
"Bella it was that bad and we both know it, you more so than I. The second I tell him that I used to pick on you. That I stood by and not just allowed six girls to beat you up, but fucking allowed two boys ... He'll ..." Emmett stops and I have to grip the doorway to stop myself from going in there and ripping him apart.
"Em, that was over a year ago. I've moved on, you've changed, and I told you that I forgave you. Please stop beating yourself up."
Peeking in I see Emmett shaking his head but Bella wraps her arms around him and he kisses the top of her head as he pulls her closer to him.
"I hate how much I hurt you, Bella. I fucking love you so much and it kills me ... what I did."
Bella hushes him, rubbing his back as he sobs in her arms and I watch.
Taking a deep breath, I walk away from them. Once I feel calmer, I join them both in the kitchen, but there seems to be something going on. The tension between the three of us is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
We're just cleaning up from eating, when Bella's cell rings. "Excuse me, it's my parents," she says as she gets up, answering her cell.
"I was talking to Bella and wanted to know if we can have a guys day, you know just me and you?"
Looking at Emmett, I smile bobbing my head. "That sounds good, Em."
Emmett grins at me. "I thought we could do a bunch of guy stuff, you know?"
Laughing at his expressions, I nod at him. "I'm sure I can come up with something."
"Sorry about that," Bella says as she sits down.
"Everything okay?" I ask picking up a new sadness about her.
"Yes, they were just checking up on me." The smile Bella gives me, leaves no doubt in believing that they never once asked her how she was.
"Did you ask Edward about your guys day tomorrow?"
"Yeah, Dad said he's gonna think of some stuff we could do."
Pulling my hair having forgotten about her being alone. "I'm sure you can come too, Bella," I say quickly getting an odd look from both Bella and Emmett.
"It's a guy day, Edward, and besides Tia called and asked me to spend the day with her."
Looking at her in shock, I swallow a few times.
"Oh, okay then," I say knowing there's not much I can say. It does feel odd to have Bella spending time with the girl I was dating.
Leaving Emmett and Bella downstairs, I head to my room, still feeling off. Stripping off my slacks and t-shirt, I lie in my bed. Time seems to just pass me by, with me feeling tired but unable to sleep. Rolling over to my stomach to see if it makes any difference something sharp pokes me.
"Ah shit," I say getting up. Pulling the sheets and blanket away, I run my hand over the sheet to see what the hell just stabbed me. My hand comes into contact with the sharp item and I pick it up. Looking at it, I see it's an earring—an owl earring—the same one Bella had on last night.
"Fuck, it wasn't a dream," I say as my heart starts to thump. "Oh my God, I fucking had sex with my son's girlfriend ... his teenaged, girlfriend, who was drunk." Feeling my head and chest ache as my breaths come out in sharp quick pants. Trying to calm down, I really screwed up this time. Thinking of the damage this will cause only makes my chest hurt worse. How the fuck do I fix this with Bella and still maintain my relationship with Emmett?
Taking some long deep breaths, I move so that I'm sitting. "Okay, maybe she doesn't remember, she was drunk?" Shaking my head, I know this could have been the reason of her odd behavior this morning.
Will she sleep with any guy when she's drinking? My mind questions.
Feeling disgusted with my inner thoughts I shake my head. Knowing it's wrong and hypocritical of me to question anything. After all I was the other party involved and I have been drunk before and never ended up in someone else's bed.
"What the fuck am I going to do?" I say again as it hits me Emmett came into my room last night.
"Fuck! Did he walk in on us? No, that couldn't have happened, because he would've went mental. This means she must have left my bed by the time he arrived. Did she come to my room with the intent of sleeping with me?" Letting out a loud breath knowing that I'll not be able to come up with the answers by myself, there's no way I can talk to her about it tonight.
~MSG~
After a restless night of sleep, I wake Emmett up at the crack ass of dawn to head out. He looks at me as if I lost my mind, but I just wanted out before Bella woke up. After finding out Tia planned to pick her up around ten, I knew it was best to be gone before then.
Taking Emmett to the large sports center in Seattle, we head first to the baseball cages to hit a few balls, before heading to shoot some baskets.
"Come on, old man, I'm not even trying to keep the ball," Emmett says taunting as he bounces the ball back and forth between his hands.
"Less of the old, Em," I groan, as I hit the ball getting it away from him.
Taking a few quick steps, I shoot the ball and fist pump as it goes through the basket. "Nothing but net, son!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he says blowing me off.
"Wow, oh wait that's three for me," I say pointing at my chest, "and none for you," I carry on pointing to him.
"Yeah, I still have time," Emmett says getting the ball and making his way back to the center.
"Dad," he says as I hit the ball again and take it. "Did you ever fuck up big time with someone you cared about?"
Stopping, I stand up straight knowing he's talking about girls, more specifically Bella.
"Have you done something bad, Em?" I ask not wanting to hear the answer to this question.
"No, just ..." Emmett stops and pulls his hair. "I wasn't the best person at school last year. I did a lot of stuff and said plenty of things I am ashamed of. It's just, I feel this guilt all the time, you know?"
Nodding I confirm that I do understand feeling ashamed of an action from the past.
"It's hard, Dad, this feeling is eating away at my insides. I don't know whether to contact the people I was ... that I hurt, but when I think about it, I have this voice that tells me why the hell would they want anything from me. Me giving them an apology is for me to stop feeling guilty, and that in turn makes me feel selfish. Then I feel like a coward for not telling them I was a jerk and was really fucking wrong. This all makes me feel like a selfish prick again," Emmett sighs in frustration.
"Bella, said that maybe I should write them each a letter just telling them I was wrong. She said not make or try to give any excuses for my behavior just own up to it. Then she said I should give them an apology without asking them for forgiveness. I'm just not sure it would work."
Shaking my head, I agree with Bella, she has given him good advice. "I agree with Bella, Emmett, just write to them."
"But it's the coward's way out, isn't it?"
Shaking my head at him. "Em, you owning up to what you did, and wanting to apologize without taking something from them, that takes guts."
Emmett lets out a long breath. "Okay, thanks for the advice, Dad."
Bobbing my head, Emmett steals the ball back, and takes his shot. It sinks through the hoop before I can react.
"That's one to me, old man."
Shaking my head. "That was cheating," I reprimand, which only makes him shrug.
"I've got to beat you, or my woman will think less of me."
Rolling my eyes at him, I shake my head again. "Bella loves you and she's proud of you just like I am. She will never think less of you."
As I talk I know deep inside that I'm speaking the truth. If Bella could forgive him, for bullying her and standing by while she got attacked, then she's in deep with him. Where I'm not sure he is worthy of her or that he deserves her, she does care for him and it's not for me to say.
Emmett I and stop for lunch, before hitting the race track. We go through the training class to be able to sit as a passenger in the racecar. Bella texts at dinner time to say she's spending the night with Tia. Where I feel a little put out, I know it's for the best that she sees people outside of Emmett and me.
Emmett and I spend the rest of our guy day on his X-box and eating delivered pizza.
~MSG~
Bella and Emmett have returned to school after the break. Bella's owl earring is still in my pocket with me all the time. Not only have I not spoken to her about it, though I want to but I haven't really seen much of her. Emmett seemed to take his head out of his ass, and now includes Bella when he's going out.
That night has been replaying in my mind on a never ending loop daily. When I close my eyes my mind travels to our night together and beyond. In my restless sleep, I see her touching me. My mind still hears her begging me to be with her, near her, closer to her. But no matter how close, or how hard I am with her in my dreams, it never seems to be close enough. The guilt has me going out of my mind, and I'm unsure how much longer I can keep this from Emmett.
"Edward," Jasper says breaking me from my inner thoughts as he walks into my home.
"Yeah?" I ask looking at him.
"What's going on, you're looking a little under the weather."
Shaking my head, I move away from him but he just looks at me. "Edward, tell me or someone before you land yourself in the hospital."
"I slept with Bella, I had sex with Bella," I whisper out, but it was loud enough for his face to pale.
"Fuck, when ... what the hell happened?"
"New Years Eve, she came to my room, and it just happened."
Jasper shakes his head. "Stuff like that doesn't just happen, Edward. I mean, man, she came to your room, she seduced you?"
"No," I shake my head at him. "It wasn't like that, Jasper. We spent all night together, danced, talked, and played games. I supplied her with those fruit drinks."
Jasper raises his brow. "You looked pretty out of it too, are you sure she was drunk? Alice has had twenty bottles of those and only felt a little happy. Maybe she played you?"
"What? Yeah, Jasper, Bella's a whore that made me drink a shit load, and pretended to drink just so that she could come to my room and seduce me. Who knows maybe she's just a sex addict, or has daddy issues and goes for older men. That would explain her hate for Newton, maybe she's fucking him too, right?" I yell feeling angry that he's trying to blame this shit on Bella.
A loud crash comes from the kitchen and I look at Jasper before making my way there. Rolling my eyes closed when I see Bella bending to pick up some pans.
"Bella," I say softly and she jumps up looking at me.
Our eyes meet and I know instantly she heard what I said.
"That's not ..." I get out but she drops the pans on the counter.
"I need to go," she says tripping.
"No, wait," I say but she trips again as she shakes her head.
"I can't, I need to go," she stutters, but I know she's holding back a sob.
Pulling my hair, I look at Jasper who just looks shocked. Shaking myself into action, I run toward the front door. She left it open and I can see her tumble down the steps.
"Bella, please wait!" I yell but she jumps up and runs to her truck. She's in and driving away with tears running down her face.
"Fuck!" I yell running to my garage and getting in my car to follow her. Speeding along, I arrive at her house as she opens the door.
"Bella, please just two minutes?" I beg and she turns to me.
She nods and waves me in the house, but I shake my head knowing I can't go in there. If I do there's a chance I will not walk back out again.
"I'm sorry for what you overheard. I don't think you're a whore. I was just pissed off at Jasper for thinking it was your fault and my mouth ran away with itself," I tell her pleading her to believe me.
"Here," I say handing her the owl earring, "I've kept with me."
Bella bites her lip and looks at me. "Can we ... I mean that night was the best night of my life. Maybe we could see where this goes?" Bella asks waving her hand between us.
"Bella, you're dating my son, even if you were to end it with him." I wave my hand between her and I, "this can't happen."
Bella's face drops and she looks to be in as much pain as I am.
"It's wrong, Bella, there some people you just don't date." A part of me wanted to add fall in love with but my mouth stayed shut.
"You can't stop your heart from wanting someone," Bella says looking determined.
Shaking my head, I take a deep breath knowing where I love her, I need to protect Emmett, he's my son. By doing this I will be protecting her too, because I know there's no way anyone will accept us together. Most of the time, when something like this comes out it's the girl that gets attacked and I can't let that happen.
"That night should not have happened. It will not happen again, and where I am sorry that it did, I can't take it back."
"I thought you wanted me too," Bella sobs.
Biting my lip to keep from telling her I did want her and still do, I just shake my head. "I'm so sorry, Bella," my voice wavers and I clear my throat before carrying on. "I think it would be best if we are not alone together any more. If Em's not there then I think it'd be best for you to go home. You'll see this will be for the best. I'll still be around if you need me, I just will not be able to be with you alone."
Bella nods but doesn't say anything. The look on her face is the one I have seen so often when her parents have let her down.
Just like you are doing right now? My inner thoughts yell at me.
"You said you wouldn't leave me," the pain in her voice goes to my heart and I feel it starting to shatter.
"I'm not, Bella, I swear I am not abandoning you. If you need me, call and I'll do what I can for you ..." My voice goes quiet as I continue on. "I promise, Mina."
Bella glances up at me and the pain in her eyes is still there.
"I'm really fucking sorry," I tell her as she drops her head. "I need to go," I say knowing I can't stand here and watch this girls' heart break.
Walking away slowly, I get into my car.
Driving away, I make it halfway home before I have to pull over. As the last piece of my heart shatters, I sit in my car on the side of the road crying. The pain of knowing I hurt the woman I'm in love with is killing me. My heart is breaking because I know we can't be together. My grief is real and I know I have pushed the only relationship I could have with her out the fucking window like it was unimportant to me. The relationship I had and want with her was so fucking important, it is my life line.
A/N: Well we know that a bunch of you will be mad at Edward, but keep in mind he still has not figured out what almost everyone of you has. Things are going to heat up and in the next chapter we finally get to meet the wonderful Charlie Swan ... are you ready?