Rowen leaves, feeling a little resolved. Autumn falls into Winter, bitterly cold. Robert finds Wally outside one morning, bare feet, staring up.
"I've never seen snow before."
"You'll see more than you'll ever want to before April. Come on in, it's freezing."
She's never had toes so numb before.
At one point in December they spend several days at his flat, Winnie sleeping in the spare room; he pretends like he doesn't know it's because the heat's been turned off in theirs.
They go to Cameron's Christmas party, Winnie in tow ("Sorry, I couldn't get a sitter") and when asked about the girl coloring in the corner, Robert responds that she's his, making Bo smile. It's Winnie's first real Christmas, with toys for her to unwrap. Bo gets Robert the silliest ties she can find - just as she did every year they were together - and he gives her a pair of boots ("Your fucking trainers make my feet feel cold every time I look at them.") They even go to Mass, all three of them, Winnie dozing off on Robert's arm. He rubs circles onto Bowen's hand with his thumb. Candles catch the rounded planes of her face as she turns to look at him.
What do you believe in? he mouths.
She smiles, full of sleepy contentment. You. jerking her head down at the sleeping girl. Her. "Her most of all." her voice is a soft whisper underneath the Latin of communion.
After the service they step out into the dark snow, swinging Winnie down the steps between them. For the first time, she doesn't hate the city. There's something about the bare trees and icy air, orange lights reflecting off clouds. You can taste the holiday in the air, lurking under exhaust and poverty and ice. Robert grabs her and they dance to silent music, laughing, bundled in scarves and coats and hats. Passersby smile at the small family as they hurry to their cars, glad that there is still cohesion in the world.
But not everything is so contented. Most days she stares out the window in the office, fingers curled around a mug. Sometimes watching the snow helps her to breathe, other times it makes the anxiety swirling around her that much worse. She feels shut in, trapped. The attacks become longer, more frequent. He knows the dates to watch her: November 24th (Bastille's birthday), January 6th (Jillie's), but he protects her pride, never says anything so long as she's sober. She spends more and more time with Winnie, reading to her, watching her play; Winnie keeps her calm even when there's hardly money for food, even when the creditors call about her aunt's medical bills.
In January comes back in from a phone call, tugging angrily at the end of her braid. Her face is in a permanent shade of blushed, either from cold or emotion. "Robert, can you take care of Winnie Saturday? I've got to go down to Philly, take care of some things of my aunt's."
He leans back in his chair. "You need the car?"
"No it's fine, I'll take the train." she shoves her braid away, irritated. He spends time that night trying to rub away the nail marks on the back of her neck.
"What happened there?" he asks softly. "With your aunt, I mean?"
"Well, you know I'd been staying at Carlene's, out in Perth - crazy bitch - and I'd been there for almost three years. So when her mum called, I figured I could come out here for a little while, go back and start over."
"But?"
"But there was no money. She convinced me to cosign some loans, and then she kicked it."
"Did she know?"
"Yeah, but my family is historically determined to screw me over."
"Did you know?"
"I majored in sociology not financial law."
He tries to kiss her, but she turns away, curling into herself.
She shows up to his flat Saturday night, fingers cold, hat pulled low over her face.
"How'd it go?"
"Fuck me." she shakes her head. "Fucking awful. Lady was a frigid cunt who thought I was a drain on the resources of the United States."
"So no lower interest rate?"
"Nope." she shucks off her jacket and pulls off her hat, dumping them both on the couch.
"Holy shit."
She turns, eyebrows raised. "Do you hate it? I got frustrated, and it seemed…like a healthy solution. But I'm regretting it now."
He runs a hand over her hair; it's cut to her chin, accentuating the curliness. She's braided part of it back in an attempt to tame it. "I think," he says, "that I want to fu-"
"Winnie!" she cuts him off with a laugh. "How are you lovey?"
"Mummy you're home."
"And you should be in bed!" Bo lifts her up. "Did you have a good day?"
"Mmhmm. We went to the aqua- to the aquarium."
"Did you see the sharks?"
"They were scary!"
Bo nods seriously. Her face glows when she talks to Winnie. "Well, you'll have to tell me all about it in the morning! All right? Go get in bed."
They watch her disappear back into the bedroom.
"Robert," Bo grabs his collar, pulling him to her. "I think you need to finish that thought."
"Which one?" he teases. "The one about me liking your hair?"
"Uh, the one after that."
"Oh. The one where I fuck you so hard you forget about interest rates?"
"Yes, that one." she wriggles up on her toes to kiss him. "That one would be very nice."