"What the hell just happened?" demanded J.J., looking around. He and his sister had disappeared from Tetch's garage only to reappear in a road seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
"Dunno – you must have done something with the phone charger," snapped Arleen. "That's what you get for shoving me outta the way."
"You're stuck here too," retorted J.J. "We must have somehow activated one of Uncle Jervis's machines. Now we just have to figure out where it sent us…"
"I got a pretty good idea," said Arleen, pointing behind him. J.J. turned around to see a building looming over them on a hill, all Gothic turrets and crags. The sign in front of them outside the gate read Arkham Asylum.
"Great. Uncle Jervis invented a teleporter to the looney bin," sighed J.J. "He must get homesick or something. Let me just call Mom and Dad to pick us up…"
"J.J., look out!" shrieked Arleen, as a car suddenly turned a corner in the road, heading right for him. Arleen knocked her brother out of the way and to the ground just as the car screeched to a halt, and a woman got out.
"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, are you ok?!" the woman shrieked, rushing over to them. "I'm so sorry I didn't see you in time, but this is kinda a blind corner, y'know, and it's my first day so I'm not used to the drive here, and you probably shouldn't be standing in the road anyway, but it's completely my fault and I'm so sorry! Lemme see," she said, kneeling down gently next to Arleen and turning J.J. over.
He groaned, feeling his scraped arm from the fall, and then looked up to see the woman kneeling above him. And his jaw dropped in shock. "Mom?" he gasped, astonished.
The woman kneeling over him was indeed Dr. Harleen Quinzel, although many years younger, fresh-faced and straight out of medical school. Arleen and J.J. were used to their mother dressed in her Harley Quinn getup, or some variation of that, so it was a surprise to say the least to see her sensibly dressed in a black skirt, red shirt and tie, and lab coat, her blonde hair done up in a tight bun, and wearing thick, round glasses over her wide, blue eyes.
"Oh my God, you're delirious!" she cooed, laying a hand on his forehead. "I ain't your mother, sweetie – not old enough, for a start!" she laughed. "But don't you worry – I'm getting you to a hospital and they'll get you all patched up, no problemo, you'll see! C'mon, sweetie, help me lift him into the car," she said to Arleen.
"No, no, it's ok – I can stand," said J.J., getting slowly to his feet with the help of his sister. They both still stared at their mother, baffled. "Uh…we don't look familiar to you at all?" asked J.J., slowly.
"Nope. We ain't met before, have we?" she asked. "I'm Dr. Harleen Quinzel, but call me Harley, everyone does," she continued, extending her hand. "Pleased to meetcha."
Being introduced to their own mother was a very surreal experience. "Er…likewise," stammered J.J., shaking her hand awkwardly. "I'm…J.J., and this is my twin sister, Arleen."
"Oh, sister!" laughed Harley. "For a moment I thought she was your girlfriend! But yeah, I can see the family resemblance now," she said, nodding. "Same eyes. Almost the same color as mine!" she laughed.
"Yeah…how 'bout that," said J.J., slowly, sharing a look with his sister. "So, Mom…Harley, um…what brings you to Arkham?"
"Oh, I'm just about to start my new job here," she said, beaming. "Newly qualified psychiatrist, y'know, and I'm so excited I get to dive right in to some really messed up minds. Always had an attraction for extreme personalities, y'know, and I can't wait to get my hands on some. But first things first – you're coming with me to the hospital to get yourself checked out."
"Oh no, that's fine," said J.J., hurriedly. "Don't wanna make you late for your first day…"
"I'm sure they'll understand," said Harley. "Accidents can happen to anyone, and they must know they got a blind spot on the drive here. I'll just call Arkham and tell 'em I'm gonna be late."
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed a number. "J.J., what the hell is going on?" hissed Arleen while Harley talked on the phone.
"My guess is we activated some kinda time machine," muttered J.J. "And have consequently gone back in time. So it's very important we don't do anything to mess up the space time continuum, like make Mom late for her first day at Arkham."
Arleen's eyes widened. "The day she met Dad!" she gasped. "What'll happen if that doesn't happen?"
"Nothing good," retorted J.J. "Geez, maybe Mom was right. Maybe it would have been better for me to stay off the phone – then at least we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Ok, we're good to go!" said Harley, cheerfully, hanging up. "Just spoke to a Dr. Joan Leland – she seems nice. She was gonna give me my orientation but she told me we'll postpone it. Now let's get you kids to the hospital!"
Arleen and J.J. reluctantly climbed into the backseat. "Postponing doesn't mean it won't happen, right?" asked Arleen, slowly.
"Sure," agreed J.J., trying to sound casual. "Mom'll meet him later today or even tomorrow. Won't matter – Dad won't be going anywhere. He's safely locked up in his cell. The only thing we gotta hope is that from here on out, nothing else goes wrong."
His hopes were about to be very, very disappointed.