This chapter guest-stars Kevin and Lauren. Now is the time to run screaming.

Disclaimer: If I owned Virals, Ten and Hila would be canon by now. If I owned WTNV, Carlos would be home... None of the above has happened yet. I think this says a lot about who owns this stuff.

Han would have preferred to wear something else from her bag, but when she stepped out of the shower she saw Ella had helpfully laid out a pale orange sundress she'd had no intention of wearing herself and strappy brown leather sandals for her. Ick. She wouldn't be able to run in the shoes, and the dress looked unsettlingly like something that could be purchased in Desert Bluffs. Still, she put it on - it was comfortable, she had to admit, even if it wasn't exactly her style (what was her style? Did she have a style?) - but chose to go barefoot for convenience.

"What time is it?" she asked, entering the room she'd rented with the other girls for the night and dropping the shoes on the floor.

"Almost seven." replied Shelton.

It's time. "Get out."

"What?"

"Get out," she repeated, "there's something I have to do." She began rummaging through her backpack, pulling out items the Virals didn't know the purpose of and that seemed far too large to have fitted in. "Go!"

Cast out and stuck in the boys' room with nowhere else to go,the five outsiders remained in awkward silence a moment.

"What do we do now?" Tory scratched behind her wolfdog's ears absently.

"There's always the radio." Ben shrugged. It is worth noting, dear listeners, that out of the five he was the only one who actually liked the radio.

'The sun is pleasantly warm, the moon is just breathtaking, and it's a perfect day to be productive! Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area!' declared a cheery male voice over the airwaves.

"Turn it off!" whined Ella.

"I'm trying!" The device wouldn't shut up. Not even when Hi tried to give it to Coop as a chew toy.

'Indeed, Kevin!' chirruped a very annoying woman.

'Listeners, we have a very special guest in the studio today! Once again, the one and only Lauren Mallard is taking time out from her very important duties at StrexCorp to come and talk to you!'

StrexCorp. That was the organization that Han had warned them about!

'It's a pleasure, Kevin! StrexCorp always wants to know how its workers are doing, what they're listening to, and whether their news has any...anomalous opinions!'

'Exactly, Lauren! But I'm afraid we have to start today's broadcast with some distressing news!'

'Oh, dear!'

'Wanted murderer Haneet Dhillon, whose unproductive hands are stained with the blood of loyal StrexCorp employees, is no longer in the sand wastes-'

There was a crackling, staticky sound, before a very familiar voice broke through.

'Of course I'm not! I'm not that stupid! And I'm not a murderer, I'm a vigilante. Do your research.'

More static, then Lauren was heard again.

'..hope they find her soon!'

'They will. At StrexCorp, we find everything we look for!'

'Is that a threat?'

It was obvious to the Virals that Kevin and Lauren couldn't hear Han.

'...in more uplifting news, the Company Picnic is still going strong! Everyone's still there, and having such a great time! They wouldn't want to leave even if they could!'

'That's wonderful, Kevin!'

You could practically hear the exclamation marks.

The broadcast went on like that for a while, with Kevin talking about productivity and making veiled threats on behalf of Strex against those who didn't do as much work as they apparently should, Lauren chiming in with little asides and blatant propaganda, and Han hacking the signal to broadcast her own side of the story.

'And now-'

'Ooooh! Is this going to be what I think it is?'

'I think so, Lauren! A word from our sponsors...StrexCorp!'

'Yay.' Han muttered sarcastically.

'Look around you: Strex.'

Look inside you: Strex.

Go to sleep: Strex.

Believe in a smiling god.

StrexCorp. It is everything.'

Tory felt a cold shiver run down her spine in spite of the hot desert sun, and not even Han's little add-on comments or Hi's pitch-perfect Kevin impression during the 'weather' - which turned out to be a musical interlude rather than any actual forecasting - could dispel it.

'Sadly, that brings us to the end of our show, but don't feel bad! We'll be right here tomorrow-'

'As will I.'

'...it's been such a pleasure to work with you today, Kevin!'

'You too, Lauren! Until next time, Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area!'

"Thank God!" Ella sighed.

"Did we have to listen to that crap?" Shelton added.

Ben stamped on the radio - untouched by Cooper - and tried to crush it beneath his shoe.

They trooped back to Han's not-really-a-studio.

"What was all that about?" Demanded Tory. "The murderer thing?"

"You listened to the broadcast." It wasn't a question. It was a statement; flat, lifeless, almost sheepish, accompanied by a shift in her eyes from yellow with a hint of red ringing the pupils to deep, melancholy indigo. Nothing like something that would come out of the mouth of the Haneet Dhillon of earlier in the day, and even less like any sentence uttered by Radio Han.

"Yup."

"Is it true?" Shelton didn't want to believe it. He wanted to imagine it was simply propaganda from the mysterious StrexCorp, that it wasn't anything to take seriously. He couldn't quite manage it.

"In a way." Silence. "Look, like I said, I'm not a murderer. Do you think I want this life? I've only killed five-point-five people, and most of them were already dead inside. I never killed anyone who didn't provoke me first. I don't kill people who don't need killing. I don't want to be that person."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want them to fear me." The red colour returned to her irises, forcing the sadness out almost entirely. "I want them to dread meeting me to the extent they get the hell out of Night Vale."

"Well, it sounds like they do."

"They don't, Hiram. They despise me, they're embarrassed by me, they want me gone, but I don't scare them one tiny bit. Everyone in the 'Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area' listens to the radio. Most of them believe the corporation's lies. They might fear me, and they probably hate me, and that means they'll do anything Strex tells them. That's why I can't get back into the city. They'll kill me."

"Is there anything we can do?" Ella placed a sympathetic hand on Han's shoulder. She wasn't sure she could trust her, and her methods were questionable to say the least, but her life was in danger, and she seemed to have a good reason. After all, after enduring an installment of Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area! she could understand why her new companion hated Strex so much (especially if, as she suspected, that wasn't even the worst of it).

"I was hoping you'd say that." A glimmer of gold broke through her anger. "Join me."