"I'm relieved to see you're still here, my dear," said Jervis Tetch the next morning, as Arleen emerged from the guest room. "I take it that means your plan to get your parents together was a success?"
"Yes, thank God, it was," said Arleen. "And now we can just concentrate on getting home, with your help."
"Ah, I have some rather good news on that front," said Tetch, gesturing into his lab. "I think I've managed to isolate that which we know as time, and should be able to manipulate the coordinates to send you back to a specific time in the future, so you can arrive almost at the same moment you left."
"That's great news!" exclaimed Arleen. "So we can head back right now!"
"Not just yet, my dear," he said, heading over to another gadget lying on a table, which resembled a video camera. "Your father and Jonathan and I have been informed entirely too much about our future. A past in which the future has been influenced by the future arriving in the past is utterly nonsensical, and nonsense should be confined solely to Wonderland, don't you agree?"
"Uh…sure," said Arleen. "So…what are you gonna do?"
"I need to make sure the scenario your parents told you of their first meeting is what they believe actually happened, and ensure the memory of this incident of your time journey is erased completely in all of our minds."
"And…how are you gonna do that?" asked Arleen.
He went over to a hat in the corner and pressed a few buttons on the band. "Just setting the time coordinates for the date you gave me," he said to Arleen. "You should arrive back at approximately the time you left. Just plug it into your phone again and the device will activate."
He then handed her the video camera. "Now this bit is very important. You two must get on the other side of the camera, and point the lens at all of us, and then tell us what should have happened with your parents instead of all this time traveling malarky. You tell us the story of how it happened, and this device will see that that story is the one burned into our brains, so we remember it the way it was supposed to happen, and all memory of your visit is erased. That's the only way to be sure your visit doesn't mess up the future too much."
"Thanks, Uncle Jervis, you're a lifesaver," said Arleen. "I don't know what we'd have done without you."
"Well, you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place without me," said Tetch with a smile. "So it's really the least I can do. Where's your brother?"
"Y'know, I don't know," said Arleen. "I didn't hear him come home last night, did you?"
At that moment, the door opened and J.J. strode in. "J.J., where have you been?" demanded Arleen.
"Let's just say I've been doing a little gardening," he chuckled.
"Oh God, you are completely shameless, you know that?" demanded Arleen.
"That's what Ivy said," chuckled J.J. "And she loved it!"
"I was just saying to your sister that we need to make sure nobody remembers your time here," said Tetch. "If you informed Ivy that you were from the future, she needs to come here to have her memory wiped."
"Well, it'd be a crime to wipe away last night from her memory!" chuckled J.J. "I'm sure she won't remember a random, one-night stand in about twenty years time – I didn't tell her I was from the future anyway, so don't worry. You don't usually score if you start talking crazy, although it seemed to work for Dad!" he laughed.
"All right, so that just leaves me, Jonathan, and your father and mother to be memory wiped," sighed Tetch. "Any idea where they are this morning?"
A knock came on the front door. "Jonathan, could you get that?" called Tetch.
Crane opened the front door to reveal the Joker standing there with a woman in a skin-tight, harlequin catsuit. "Dr…Quinzel?" Crane stammered, gazing at her in shock.
"Nope, Doc's out!" giggled Harley. "Say hello to the new and improved Harley Quinn!"
"Harley Quinn, get it?" chuckled Joker. "Like the clown character! We didn't get much sleep last night, if you know what I mean, and one of the post-coital discussions was Harley's new name, and this just worked perfectly!"
"Like we're meant to be," purred Harley. "Like it's fate or something, huh, puddin'?"
"I told you not to call me puddin'," Joker snapped, his face falling. But he resumed his smile quickly. "And just look at her! Ain't she just a picture? Look at that ass – you can appreciate it so much more dressed like this! C'mon, turn around, pumpkin pie!"
"Oh my God…excuse me!" gasped Crane, rushing back into his room.
"Glad to see you two together finally," commented J.J., as he, his sister, and Tetch entered the room.
"Yeah, and it's all thanks to you, kiddos!" laughed Joker. "Couldn't have done it without you two!"
"It was really sweet of you both to help us get together," said Harley. "J.J., I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable by flirting with you. I didn't know about your lifestyle."
"My…what?" asked J.J., puzzled.
"Y'know, you being gay," said Harley.
J.J. stared at him. "I'm not…"
"Hey kid, a word," interrupted Joker, beckoning him over to a corner of the room. "I told her you were gay to explain why you weren't interested in her," he muttered. "And for the record, I don't have a problem with that if you are. My son can have feelings for whoever he wants – man or woman, it makes no difference to me. I'll still love you," he said, smiling and clapping him on the shoulder.
"I'm not gay!" snapped J.J. "I spent most of last night having sex with a woman!"
"Well, that makes two of us!" chuckled Joker. "Anyway, I think telling her you're gay is less disturbing for her than telling her she came on to her own son who traveled here from the future, don't you?"
"Yes, fine," muttered J.J.
"Out of curiosity, who was this woman you slept with last night?" asked Joker.
"Poison Ivy," replied J.J.
Joker made a face. "Ugh. Think I'd almost prefer it if it had been a man. At least he wouldn't hate all men."
"Could I have everyone in my lab?" asked Tetch. "I just need to show you all something."
"I guess we'd better say our goodbyes," said Arleen, as Joker, Harley, Crane, and J.J. entered the lab.
"Goodbye?" repeated Harley, confused. "Are you going somewhere?"
Arleen nodded. "My brother and I are going back home."
"I thought you said you didn't have a home," said Harley, confused.
"Not here," agreed Arleen. "We come from a long way away, and now we're going back to where we belong."
"Oh," said Harley, surprised. "Well…I hope Mr. J and I will see you in the future."
"I guarantee it," chuckled J.J.
"You've certainly done a lot for us," said Harley, hugging them both. "I don't know how to thank you. You made me realize who I truly was, and where I truly belong. And…who I truly belong with," she added, smiling at Joker.
"Yeah, you kids are all right," agreed Joker, smiling as he hugged them. "I couldn't be prouder of both of you. But I'm sure you know that."
"We do, Dad," agreed J.J. "Dad...dy-o," he finished, glancing at Harley. "Just our nickname for him," he said, nodding at Joker.
"It was an utter pleasure to have met you, my dear," said Crane, hugging Arleen. "And I'm so glad I could be of some small service to you."
"Hey, you were a big help to us, Craney!" chuckled Joker. "Harley's name was partly inspired by that diamond you stole, which we kept, by the way."
"Well, since I stole it, can I have it back?" demanded Crane.
"Nope," retorted Joker. "Gave it to Harley as a birthday present."
"My birthday as Harley Quinn," purred Harley, curling her arms around Joker's neck. "So now I get two birthdays! And you'd better remember both of 'em, Mr. J."
"Or what?" demanded Joker.
"You'll find out," muttered J.J. under his breath. "He ain't seen Mom's temper yet."
"Yeah, you might not always thank us in the future for setting you two up," said Arleen, grinning. "Now let's take a video of this special moment. J.J., over here."
She pressed the record button, pointing the camera at the others. "Now let me tell you all a little story about a couple I know, a couple madly in love…"