"Fireside Diaries"
Story Written by Freedom Fighter
Believe it or not, this is only the second episode this season in which all seven girls make an appearance! But that's not all... there's a lot of characters from the P&F universe in this one as well! So, sit back and see how many you recognize!
Disclaimer: The characters of 'Phineas and Ferb' belong to Disney.
Isabella and Melissa, who was once again spending the day with her mentor, began the short trek to Phineas and Ferb's house from Isabella's.
"Isabella!"
"Yes, Melissa?"
"Last week, you told me about how you became troop leader by being the bestest of the best!"
Isabella coyly smiled. "Well, I do vaguely remember that."
"Are there other leadership positions in the Fireside Girls?"
"Why, yes! Yes, there is! Let's see..."
Isabella tried to think of one to tell Melissa about. An idea then popped into her head.
"Oh! I got it! There's this one very, very special position that we have in the Fireside Girls! It's special because of the way one gets the position. You don't earn it by being voted into the role, like other officers are."
"But I thought everything was always done demo-cray-tick-lee?"
"Democratically? Usually! But given as this is the second highest sought-after position in the troop, after mine, of course, the Fireside bylaws insisted on a different way to determine who gets this position. A way... that will live in infamy!"
Isabella said those last few words with a hint of doom and gloom in her voice. That confused Melissa, who did not quite get the yet.
"What's infamy mean?"
"Don't worry. It'll all make sense in a second..."
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Entry #058 [FSD211] - The Un-Civil War (04.09.12)
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Entry #058 - Written by Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, troop leader
On a certain Saturday in July, of which can be hand-picked personally by each individual troop leader, all Fireside Girls who wish to win the position must camp out in their local park the night before. Or in a rec center, if they didn't have a park or if the weather wasn't cooperating...
In this case, a green, triangle-shaped tent had been pitched on the grass somewhere in Danville Park. Suddenly, Gretchen emerged from the tent, dressed in a white T-shirt and powder blue shorts. She rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms wide, trying to wake herself up.
Gretchen was still stretching when she finally took note of the position of the sun. She reached back into her tent and pulled out a watch that listed the current time as 6:02:13. 6:02:14. 6:02:15.
"Yikes! It's begun!"
She dove back into the tent. A few seconds later, she came back out. In that short amount of time, she had changed into army fatigues and put eye black on her face. She also had pulled out a small wagon full of water balloons. She then lightly tapped the metal pole holding the tent up, and the tent began moving. It folded itself up many times over, all until it was all contained in an area of three-by-three inches. She pocketed the tent, then reached into the wagon to pull out a walkie talkie, which she promptly turned on.
"Sorry I'm late, girls!" she exclaimed as she pressed the talk button. "Everyone ready?"
You see, Melissa, to earn this position, you've got to fight for it!
In several different locations elsewhere throughout the park, the same situation had unfolded with many of the other Fireside Girls. Katie was in a gazebo. And in the spirit befitting of a blonde, she was dressed in Swedish folk clothing, complete with a flock vest and wooden clogs.
"Ya, I um ready!" she exclaimed. "Wait, do I have to do the Swedish accent? Is that even a Swedish accent?"
Holly, who was located in the sandbox in the playground and was dressed like Cleopatra, answered her.
"Nuh uh! I have to have my hair down, I'm dressed too skimpily for my age, and I have to wear this gold headdress on my head! I ain't doing no accent!"
"I'd rather be barely dressed than fully dressed!" shouted Milly.
Milly had poked her head out of the leaves of a tree. She then made her way out onto a branch to show that she was dressed as a koala bear.
"Why did I agree to this? I didn't know Australians were koalas! I'm burning up in this thing!"
"Milly," Gretchen deadpanned, "there are so many things wrong with that statement, I... never mind. Ginger, check in please!"
"Is it okay that I came dressed in my Fireside Girl uniform?" she asked. "Because I don't know what people from Kamchatka wear!"
Sure enough, Ginger was in her uniform. She also happened to be standing in the park fountain, and her shoes and socks were getting wet.
"Oh, and where in the park's Kamchatka supposed to be?"
"I think we're all set!" Gretchen exclaimed, ignoring Ginger's query. "The moment I finish talking, the game begins! Radio silence from here on out, unless you want to meet an early demise! Gretchen, out!"
With that, Gretchen removed her finger from the talk button, stashed her talkie in the wagon, and started pulling the balloon-filled transporter behind her, looking for her first target. Elsewhere, the others were assumed to be doing the same.
"So they all have a giant water balloon fight? Cool!"
"You'd think so, Melissa. You'd think so. But it's not a fight. It's a war! And sometimes... war isn't pretty."
Again, Isabella said those last few words with doom and gloom. And once more, Melissa was confused.
"Uh..."
"I'll just say that it's only fun and games until someone gets hurt."
"What? People get hurt?"
Isabella shrugged. "Not intentionally. It... happens."
Gretchen spun around and addressed her hearty army.
"Okay, soldiers! Are we ready to go to battle? Remember, you are fighting for our Queen!"
The other girls were doing the same, mounting their militias for war. At first, it was not clear who made up Gretchen's or Holly's armies. Milly, appropriately enough, had put together an army full of stuffed animals.
Katie had done similarly, except instead of stuffed animals, her forces were made up of dolls. Barbie dolls, to be exact.
"Okay, troops! I know you never thought you find yourselves out here, on the Swiss Alps, defending your homeland from invaders! I realize that your lives normally consist of giving massages, yodeling, calling cute boys, constructing quality furniture at reasonable prices, getting your nails did, and providing a place for all people to deposit their money, regardless of whether those gains were legal or ill-gotten! We represent the pride of Scandinavia! As much as it pains us to wear these wooden clogs, which provide absolutely no comfort to our aching feet, of which I fear may also be filled with splinters we'll all be complaining about to our husbands tonight, we will fight to defend all that we stand for! Ladies and... ladies? ARE YOU WITH ME?"
Katie received a quick answer, as she and her troops were quickly bombarded by a slew of water balloons launched by cannon. In seconds, they were all drenched. Seeing her army in ruins, with all their clothes soaking and their real-looking hair a mess, Katie fell on both knees and started wailing in sadness.
Holly was leading her army through the tall grass that lied in the low-maintained section of the park, which was also filled with trash cans that were overflowing with waste and a set of restrooms in which the water had long been turned off due to contamination.
"Ew!" somebody exclaimed from said bathroom. "Why didn't no one tell me about this 20 minutes ago?"
Ignoring that unfortunate soul, Holly was beginning to see an opening at the end of the grass that went over even her headdress. She held up one closed fist to motion for her army to stop. After hearing them do so, which she noted when she could no longer hear blades rustling behind her, she slowly stepped forward towards that opening.
And then...
"Hey!"
Ginger's voice started coming out of Holly's walkie talkie, which she had forgotten to turn off.
Ginger had moved from being in the fountain to sitting atop an umbrella that was open and attached to a hot dog cart.
"I don't know where this Kamchatka thing place is supposed to be. So I'm just going to say I'm there. Here. Whatever. So... can I leave?"
"Ginger, the game started 15 minutes ago! That's it! You're next once I get done with the Eastern United States. Or the Western United States. Or the United Kingdom. Or... whatever territory Gretchen's using as her home base!"
With that, Holly shut off her talkie. She then returned to the task at hand. She peeked out of the grass. There, sitting on a bench about 25 feet away with her back to her, was Gretchen.
"Gretchen said she was wearing fatigues, right? Oh, I've so got her!"
She ducked back in and turned around to talk to her second-in-command.
"Alright, commander! Target in sight! Give the command when ready."
Her second-in-command? Buford.
"Okay, slugs, peons, slaves, and other names Egyptian soldiers were given back in those days. Bum rush on three!"
The other kids who were in Holly's army, under Buford's command, presented their weapons: a full water balloon, in each hand. Buford then did a 180 and prepared to count down...
"THREE! AAAAAAHHHHH!"
Buford charged forward, out of the tall grass, armed with his own pair of balloons. The rest of the army shrugged their shoulders, then followed him out shortly thereafter. Buford got there first, hitting Gretchen in the back of the head with the first of his balloons. It knocked her down on to the bench. Buford came around, and through his other balloon right in her face.
"Ha! In your face! Literally!"
The rest of the army arrived and started pelting Gretchen endlessly, until they had exhausted their supply. Once they were done, Buford signaled back towards the grass that it was all clear, and Holly stepped out with a smile on her face.
"I knew the luck of Cleopatra would smile on me! That was easy!"
She then froze. Something did not feel right.
"Perhaps... too easy."
She ran over to check on Gretchen. She got over there, and to her surprise, sparks were shooting out of several places on Gretchen's body.
"A robot? If this Gretchen is a fake, then where's the real one?"
Naturally, Gretchen used that opportunity to respond, with a tactical ambush.
Gretchen and her troops, of which were also all kids in the neighborhood, came out of their hiding places - from up in trees, from inside trash cans, from grass mats hiding their position on the ground, and everything in between. They started firing on Holly's forces, and a great number of them were taken out instantly.
"Buford!" Holly shouted at her commanding officer. "Do something!"
"I am!"
He then picked Holly off the ground, draped her over his shoulder, and started running away.
Holly's army, or what was left of it, retreated as well, with some holding the ground as long as possible to let the rest get to safety. As they fled, Holly began to recognize a few familiar faces among Gretchen's army.
"Wait... is that Phineas, Ferb, AND Irving? I am the great Cleopatra! How is THAT fair?"
Phineas and Ferb had whipped together some quick-launching artillery cannons in mere minutes, which had given Gretchen a clear advantage over the other girls and their forces.
"This is working better than expected, Ferb!" Phineas exclaimed as he glanced over at his brother. "We'll be done before lunch, and then we can figure out another thing to do today! Two things in one day. I can't remember the last time that's happened!"
Ferb smirked. He knew.
Meanwhile, Buford had carried Holly to a safe distance, at least for the moment, stopping in the sandbox that she had designated as Egypt. He put her down gently, to her relief. They were soon joined by what remained of their forces, about one-fifth their original number.
"Time to call in some secret reinforcements!" Holly declared.
"Secret reinforcements?" Buford looked upset. "What secret reinforcements? I didn't know about no stinkin' secret reinforcements!"
"Well, if I told you, then it wouldn't be a secret! Would it?"
Holly whistled, and her reinforcements began coming out. Three boys had buried themselves in the sand around their feet. A boy and a girl stood up inside the jungle gym, and they climbed out and then up to the top. Two more ran in from the south and they got onto the monkey bars and began hanging upside down from them. One more came out from behind the slide. Lastly, the cavalry came in, in the form of three kids riding on horses which they had procured somehow.
All of them were equipped with slingshots, not only for themselves, but also for Holly, Buford, and all of the other remaining soldiers. And they armed themselves just in time, too, as Gretchen and her army arrived on the scene and came to a stop.
"Oh my!" gasped Gretchen as she spotted Holly's reinforcements. "I wasn't expecting this! My calculations on the amount of time it would take to exterminate Holly's army have been thrown off! Our chances of victory may just have been dramatically decreased!"
Phineas rubbed the underside of his chin. "There's some way we can describe our current predicament in three easy words. But, for the life of me, I can't seem to remember what they were."
Irving did, though, and he did not hesitate to yell them out loud.
"IT'S A TRAP!"
For helping Phineas, Buford rewarded Irving by slingshotting a water balloon into his face. Everyone was in shock as Irving stood there for a second and then slowly fell backwards onto the ground.
"Ha! That'll teach him."
Suddenly, Irving's hands reached up to his own face. He then began squirming and crying out in anguish.
"Oh, I have fallen in the midst of battle! Oh, woe is me!"
Gretchen gasped. "Whoa! I have finished my reassessment of the situation! Based on all outstanding factors, I place the chances of my militia outlasting Holly's at 50-50."
"Couldn't ask for better odds!" Holly said with a smile. "You know, other than my side being favored. But, whatever. ATTACK!"
"You heard the girl in the belly shirt!" shouted Buford aloud to the army. "Take 'em out!"
Holly's reinforced army began firing. They started by aiming at a number of the cannon operators in Gretchen's forces. Their numbers dwindled quickly, and Gretchen and her team scrambled for cover.
"This is not good!" Gretchen said as she ducked behind a giant rock that Phineas and Ferb were also using for cover. "This is not good at all!"
"You mean our chances of being victorious are dwindling at an exponential rate?"
"Precisely! Unless we find some sort of equalizer..."
"Or a miracle. One of those would be nice."
"I hate to disagree with you, Phineas, but the chances of a miracle occurring within the next five seconds are one in 3,748,210."
Without warning, Gretchen got her 'one.' A bright flash of light appeared, blinding both sides and forcing the firing to cease. After a few seconds, the light dimmed down and everyone could see again. Soldiers on both sides had balloons ready to throw or launch - in several cases, with their targets just mere feet in front of them. But they were unable to move for a short time after they could see once more because Adyson was standing in between the two sides.
And she was dressed like a princess, ball gown, crown, and all.
"Adyson was a princess? Was she there to call an end to the battle?"
"No. She got her days mixed up and thought it was Pretty Princess Dress-Up Day."
"Guys?" Ginger said over her walkie talkie as she stood at one of the park exits. "How do I get from Kamchatka to Alaska? You all said you cross over by going through the park exit, but that doesn't make sense..."
She then heard Adyson yell a response, nearly making her deaf in the process.
"THIS GOWN WAS A RENTAL!"
Ginger turned her talkie off, then rubbed her aching earlobes.
Meanwhile, a wet Adyson was seen storming off in the distance, while the battle between Gretchen's and Holly's forces resumed. Quickly, casualties became an issue, as fighters on both sides took more and more chances, exposing themselves to counter fire.
Phineas and Ferb had found time to separate from Gretchen and were trying to get around the other side of the playground so that Holly's army would be under attack on both sides. That seemed like a sound plan with Holly and her team distracted, but...
SPLAT!
Phineas stopped when he felt something hit him in the shirt. He looked down and saw that he had been taken out.
"Well, ain't that a kick in the pants."
Phineas dropped to the ground. Ferb blinked his eyes as he saw the person who had taken out his stepbrother draw closer to him.
"I suppose declaring my full and utter surrender out of the question?"
The answer was yes, as said person threw her balloon at Ferb, taking him out as well. She then turned her attention on a new target...
"Keep going, my subjects!" Holly bellowed to her army. "Our superior firepower is starting to win the day!"
A balloon then whizzed by Holly's hair, just missing her by inches.
"We're under attack from the rear!" Buford shouted, before adding an immature snicker. "Heh... rear."
Holly glanced right and gasped when she saw Phineas and Ferb both lying on the ground and their assassin heading her way. And despite the determined look on her face, she looked dang cute as a koala.
"MILLY! Where did she come from?"
"There's no way she could have found us this quickly!" Buford said in shock.
"BUFORD!" screamed Holly.
"What now, Queenie?"
Milly had procured one of the slingshots Holly's team was using, and had used it to fling a balloon over Buford's head and into Holly's face, who at that moment had decided to not do the smart thing and dodge the shot. After getting hit, Holly put her hands on her hips and glared at Buford.
"Looks like my job's done," he said, before walking away.
Since Holly had been hit, by rule, her troops had been forced to surrender. If only they had gotten a few more seconds. Gretchen had no one left on her side of the field. She was all alone. Milly smiled as she headed for the rock Holly's team had been firing on. Behind it, Gretchen gently squeezed her very last water balloon as she waited for the right opportunity to strike.
"One chance," Gretchen told herself. "One chance to take her out."
She heard Milly's footsteps get closer. And closer. And closer. Gretchen began getting more nervous, so she grabbed her last piece of ammunition with her other hand. And she started squeezing harder, and harder, and harder...
POP!
"I've got you, Gretch-... en?"
Milly got on the other side of the rock and saw that Gretchen's shirt was wet. Apparently, she had squeezed her balloon so hard that it had popped in her hands.
A few minutes later, Milly was standing atop that giant rock, and a group of tired, defeated girls looked up at her, as they lamented their failures.
"That's right, mates! I, Milly, have triumphed! Katie, Ginger, Holly, and Gretchen! I have beaten you all, so I am the winner!"
The trio of girls below her looked at each other. Something about her statement was off. And, suddenly, Milly had realized it as well.
"Wait a sec! Where's Ginger?"
SPLASH!
A water balloon hit Milly in the side of the head. She turned to her left and, sure enough, there was Ginger!
"You were saying, Milly?"
Milly sat down on top of the rock and snapped her fingers in disgust.
"So close."
Isabella and Melissa had made it to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard just as Isabella had finished her story.
"Wow, Isabella! Incredible!"
"Yep! Nobody saw Ginger coming."
"So, what did she win? What position of leadership did Ginger earn? You never said what it was."
"Oh, that?"
Less than a week later, at the clubhouse, the girls were watching a film on a projector screen. Well, just Isabella and Ginger, as all the other girls had fallen asleep. Ginger was grinning from ear to ear, while Isabella was resting her chin on her hand, as she was bored.
Ginger became the Viewings Officer. She gets to decide what movie we'd get to watch after every meeting. For the next year! And, for some reason, she's really into importing Asian cinema.
"How do you even understand what they're saying?" Isabella asked, half-heartedly.
"Duh!" answered Ginger. "That's what subtitles are for!"
End Entry
Author's Notes:
So, in a nutshell, this is the second time I went with 'adapting a board game for a Phineas & Ferb story' idea, and if you hadn't guessed, the girls were playing a life-size version of "Risk," with some practical modifications.
From all the girls this week to just Isabella next week! See you then!