My Guilty Heart: Shu's Diary

A crazy Morning

Inori ...are you lonely?

Since Inori is gone, I have the same dream every night. She's giving me the spindle and in the next moment she's gone.

She holds it in front of me »Take it!« and then she diesappears.. and I know, it's forever. I'm a big fool if I think I could live like that without her. I am also blind. Nothing's gonna be like the old times.

Oh, Inori ...You should have taken me with you.

After I couldn't sleep the wohle night, I sit at the dining table and enjoy my breakfast. I sigh and listen to the morning News in the radio. They're about to play my favourite Song, when suddenly somebody knocks on the door. I scare but then I stand up. That knocking sounds hysterical.

»It's all right, I'm coming!« I call annoyed. That noise. It sucks. I open the door and...

»Shu! Lucky, you're here.«

»Arisa!?« I can hear in her voice that she's afraid. Then she asks for coming in, follwed by my question, why I shall invite her after everything she did. Even if I hear how she slumps to the ground and begins begging me, that I let enter her my flat. I don't know, what to think about that crazy scene, but it's beginning to make me curious, so I let enter her my flat. After that I ask her, what just happened. She's taking place and begins to tell me the story.

»The... they are looking for me..« Her voice sounds shaky. Her fear must be very big. She adds that unknown men are aspiring for her life. I feel a bit interested. Normally I am the only one who's allowed to murder her. I can't show her any emotions, in my inner I am just laughing about her.

»Where are those men right now?« I ask her when I suddenly hear that someone breaks the door of my flat. »They're already here!? Damn, you ..!« Now I am scared, too. I can't do anything against these men.

»Ouma-Kun, take off from that girl! Immediately!«

I pay attention and go back a few steps. Arisa calls me. I tell her and the men, that I don't wanna be involved. Also I tell the men, that they can have Arisa. »But .. that door was expensive. You owe me a lot of money!« I know its a primitive thinking of me, that they will give me the money I need, to pay the costs of the repair, but one of the men is giving me some bank notes. »We hope, you can pay the repair costs with this.« he says and I answer that I hope this, too.

»And now ..Get out! Everyone!«

Finally they have left my flat. I go to the door and try to adjust it so it can cover my flat a bit. Then I go to the telephone and call the caretaker. After that phone call, he'll come in an hour to repair the door. Then I stand there and think of the men, Arisa, who is trying to escape. However, eventually they got her. I hope, she will feel as the same pain as mine. I also think of the man who gave me the bank notes. His Voice. I heard it already a few times long ago.

But... who was he?

I acutually know him. But I can't get his name. It would be easier, if I could see something.

»Shit!«

Who were these men?

I know I am the only one who can find out the answer. But at the moment, I am powerless.

I go back to the dining room slowly while I think about Arisa.

Was my reaction the right one?

Should I've tried to help her?

These two questions entertain me a bit. But then I find an answer for both of the questions.

She's an enemy which has to be eliminated! So.. No! She isn't allowed to live anymore! And when I hear that she's alive, there will be no other way and I'll have to kill her!

I take place at the dining table again when I see the radio.

»I missed Departures just because of her. Damn it!« I say but in the next moment I hear a well known Voice.

(Mou anata kara aisareru koto mo, Hitsuyou to sareru koto mo nai, Soshite watashi wa koushite hitoribocchi de ...)

Could this be? I stand up and listen to her voice precisely.

(Hanasanaide, Gyutto te o nigitte ite, Anata to futari tsuzuku to itte, Tsunaida sono te wa ,atatakakute, Yasashikatta ...)

I can't believe it and then, I slump down to the ground while tears are pulling down my face.

It's her! It's Inori!

(This is just for you, Shu!)

I hit the ground hardly with my fist. Then I start crying.

»Inori ..! I couldn't save you .. I'm so sorry!« I sob and then, her voice starts to grow softer.

(Shu! Don't be sad!)

Her Voice disappears slowly. Her last words..

(Shu! I am your friend, right? I lo... -)

I can't hear them precisely. And then .. she's gone again. But ..her last words.

I am your friend, right?

Those words.. I heard them a long time ago. Inori said it. I call her name loudly.

»INORI!«

I'm lying on the floor while my thoughts spin around in my head. I will never forget ...that morning. I stand up and wipe away all of my tears when the phone begins to ring. So I am going to the telephone and pick up the listener.

»Hello!?« I answer but no one reports. I'm about to hang up but then, somebody begins to report.

»Oh, it's you!«

Chapter 1 - End