Nate POV
1 week later
Dammit these nightmares are really starting to get old. If I don't find Rana and kill her myself, I'm going to go insane. The asari bitch has been haunting my nightmares more and more often. The longer she's breathing the more I want to throttle her but the fact that I can't will be the death of me. This time she didn't fuck with the present but instead she made me relive possibly the worst moment of my existence
4 years earlier
I had just finished school and I pretty much ran home in order to play this new virtual reality game called Bleach- Fading Soul. You could literally be Ichigo, Grimmjow, Rukia,Soi Fon any character and participate in an actual sword fight with spiritual pressure and everything. The technology was adapted from that of the Combat Simulators situated around the Citadel.
Garrus and Kaidan were pretty excited about it too. Kaidan was really antsy and couldn't stop fidgeting, hell he got to my door before I did. I ran to my room, the first thing I did was get changed out of my school uniform and then I found the disc.
"Hey Nate, when's your dad getting back?" Kaidan wondered
"I dunno, he ran off on some mission. Never know when he'll be back" I answered
"You don't sound all that worried" Garrus observed
"He's done it a hundred times before. I'm used to not talking to him" I dismissed placing the disc in the CTX4. I haven't had a relationship with my dad for a while now. I gave up on restarting my relationship with my father a year ago after he missed my 7th birthday in a row. When he tried to talk over the vid-com I would just say I had stuff to do or that I was too busy to talk. One time I just flat out ignored him.
"Anyway let's fire this up" I loaded the game up and went through the usual pre-game set up where I'd set up an account and an online account. I agreed to all those disclaimers and terms and conditions that no one could be bothered to read and we were finally there.
The face-off screen. I used a hack that Sam Traynor had shown me that unlocked everything so I had every character I could have wanted.
"I'm Ichigo" I called dibs
"Grimmjow" Kaidan said quickly
"Fine then I'll be Kenpachi" Garrus groaned. Him and Kaidan always want to be Grimmjow. We decided that the battlefield would be in Karakura High. Just as we were about to hit the start button. I heard a yell come from the kitchen.
I immediately took got out of the CTX and ran to the kitchen. My mother looked haunted and lost. Her hand was limp against her side but her omni-tool was activated. I could hear Anderson's voice on the other line
"Hannah… Hannah… are you alright?" Anderson said softly
I picked up my mother's wrist and spoke into the Omni-tool "Anderson my mum's just standing there what's wrong?"
"Nate…son… aah dammit this is never easy to say" the alliance veteran sighed "Eric… you're father was K.I.A. I'm sorry son, I was too late" he apologised.
For a second there I forgot what KIA meant, more like I wanted to forget what it meant but I knew deep down there was no point in downplaying it.
He's dead. My father was killed in action. He's gone…. I… what?
I felt something cold grip my heart like a vice and it wouldn't let go. This cold sensation ran down my spine causing my hairs to stand on end. The Goosebumps were apparent on my skin. The sensation was beginning to hurt. It felt as though my skin was suffering from frost bite. My skin felt numb but at the same time it stung like never before. That cold feeling was contrasted by the heat running through my body making me feel very uncomfortable. Cold skin on top of burning hot muscle made me very itchy. My head was spinning but at the same time everything seemed to stand still. I don't like these contrasting feelings and sensations. It's making me really uncomfortable. Why am I feeling like this?
I don't know what this feeling is but I feel as though something inside me is gone. I feel that something inside me is dead but I can't pinpoint exactly where it is
I was so busy in my trance like state that I didn't even notice that Kaidan and Garrus were trying to get my attention.
"Nate?.. are you there?. Nate?" Kaidan stirred
"Yeah I'm fine" I brushed off
"Are you sure?" Garrus asked
"I said I'm fine" I asserted rather aggressively before running my hand over my face.
"Mum…. I'm sorry" I tried to comfort my mother pulling her in for a hug. A hug that she never returned. She was lifeless, devoid of conscious action and destitute of emotion and warmth. She has quite literally had the life syphoned out of her.
It killed me to see her like that. She was normally so strong and sturdy. Never afraid of anything, always spoke her mind. But now she was hollow, she wasn't present. She was broken
Rylee stalked downstairs wearing her glasses and a book in her hand. She took a glance at the lot of us before turning her total attention towards us.
"What's going on?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion
I didn't know what to do. Rylee was always a daddy's girl, no matter how much he wasn't there she always forgave him. She always greeted him with the same euphoric shriek and hug whenever he returned. She always cherished every moment that he was with her, knowing that at any moment he could be whisked away on some important mission.
I turned my back to her and allowed my hands to grind down my face. This is going to suck.
"Ry… I-I really d-don't know how to say... say this" I stuttered, my purpose already faltering
"Dad…. He's gone…. he was KIA" I informed regretfully. I really feel like shit right now
"I.. I don't think I heard you right…. Huh….huh. .huh… c-can you repeat that" she requested while hyperventilating
"Dad... he's de-"
"Don't finish that sentence" she shrieked. She strolled robotically over to the sofa and sat down.
She sat there on that spot for an hour. Not moving a muscle, breathing quietly, staring into space. Kaidan and Garrus wanted to go so we could mourn but I told them to stay so we could do some school work. To be honest I asked them to stay because I don't think I could handle it on my own. When Rylee and my mother came to, I didn't want to be alone when that happened. I couldn't deal with two grieving women alone.
I heard whimpering coming from the sofa. Rylee has finally come out of shock. She had this deranged look in her eyes before she stood up.
"It can't be happening" she cried almost tearing the hair from her head. She took one of the hands from her hair and pointed at the door "He's going to walk through that door any second and tell me this is a bad dream" her cry turned into a crazed, emotional wale "I'm going to hug him and he'll tell me that it's all going to be alright"
"Rylee calm down" Garrus yelled hoping to get through to her. But she kept repeating herself in some sort of mad mantra or incantation
"It's going to be okay Rylee" Kaidan attempted to comfort her
"YOU'RE RIGHT. He'll walk through the door and hug me" she whispered
It broke my heart to see Rylee like this. So consumed by sadness that she's going mad. She's refusing to accept his death and want's this to be a bad dream. I knew what I had to do. I wasn't going to like it but it was necessary. I have to break her resolve. Because I love her I have to destroy the delusions she has that this might be a bad dream. Because I love her I have to convince her the worst moment of her life is a reality
Because I love her…. I have to break her heart
"Rylee listen to me" I grabbed her by the shoulders and made her face me directly. She shyly looked me in the eye
"Believe me when I say this… this is the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life" I began
"Nate please…. Don't" she begged. Her eyes were bloodshot and were puffy from the tears that fell down her face
"Rylee he's dead. Our father Eric Shepard is dead. He was killed in action on his last mission. He's gone and he's never coming back"
"No! No! NO!" she cried attempting to interrupt what I was saying as I was saying it but I kept on going in spite of her cries
"It's not a dream. He won't walk through the door and hug you or spin you around the room. You won't hug him or scream with delight when he comes back because he can't come back. This is happening Rylee…. I'm sorry" the tears were building as I spoke and I allowed them to fall. Rylee broke into tears and I pulled her into my chest. My shirt was soaked with her tears and her sobs grew quieter. My mother had snuck off somewhere without our knowledge and I gestured Garrus and Kaidan to leave.
I stood there with Rylee for another hour. She didn't want to sleep alone and so I slept in her room that night and every night for the next week
During the entire memory I could hear Rana's cackle in the recesses of my mind. Her voice was always there, mocking me wherever I was. I broke the Bleach disc and melted it. I didn't want anything to remind me of what I had done
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Present Day
I remember everything about that day. Every detail of Rylee's face, every word she spoke, every crack in her voice. Every tear that glazed her skin.
It is in the top two for the worst things that I've ever done. Along with letting Ashley die. Like what happened with Ashley it wasn't something I wanted to do but something that I had to do but that never seems to make things any easier.
I looked at the clock. It was 3:30 AM CTD. Shit I only slept for 2 hours, the only good thing that's come from telling my friends about Virmire was that I've slept every night since. Not always what could be considered a healthy amount but I've slept for at least an hour every night.
I didn't want to text Kelly tonight since this would have been the 3rd night in a row that I've done so. She deserves sleep and it would be beyond selfish of me to deny her that privilege because I don't have it myself. So I decided to watch TV in the living room downstairs.
Great thing about being on the Citadel was that I had access to every TV show in the Galaxy and since my TV was connected to the Extranet I could watch whatever episode of any show I pleased. I chose to watch Family Matters, the episode where Steve and Laura switch positions at Christmas time. And the one where his drink was spiked by Waldo and his friend and Steve climbed to the building ledge.
I changed to watch My Wife and Kids after I got bored of Family Matters. I was watching the episode where they play that couples game and the guys got all the questions wrong. As the episode started I had to address one issue.
"Jack you know you can sit beside me… I don't bite" I called without even turning around
"How did you know it was me?" the tattooed biotic asked taking the seat beside me.
"You have a unique smell" I answered. She always smelled like watermelon and apples. And I heard her chuckling from behind me
"You sniffed me… perv" she teased. It was weird to see her in the morning. She had a case of bed head which was weird because up until a few weeks ago she didn't have hair. Some of her Mohawk had crept onto her face and she had to move it to the side.
"The fuck are you doing up?" she asked
"Had some bad nightmares"
"Same here… what were yours about?"
"Remember that asari Rana I told you about?" she nodded "She played back the day that my father died… and the moment I had to convince Rylee he was dead"
"That must have been rough" she sympathised
"What was your nightmare about?"
"It was about Cerberus torturing me. I remembered the times under my bed crying, begging for the pain to go away. Begging for them to stop" she confessed slowly curling into a protective ball. I don't think she would have ever in a million years told anyone else that. "I want to stop going back there" she whispered solemnly
I would have hugged her but I wasn't entirely sure whether or not that would piss her off or if it would scare her. Saying sorry wouldn't help either, I wasn't sure what to do.
"So what are you watchin'?"
"Right now I'm watching My Wife and Kids you can stay if you want to" I informed
As the episode progressed to the point where all of the women were pissed off at their men. I heard a gulp come from Jack's direction. She started shuffling towards me until she was leaning against my shoulder. This must be fairly hard for her. I doubt she's had much positive physical contact. We just sat there enjoying the episode, evident by our laughter before I started dozing off. Slowly I began falling asleep and eventually allowing it to claim me.
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Jack POV
I didn't know that there was anything that was that funny. I mean that stupid guy with the big head, what was his name, Junior. He made me laugh until my stomach hears, along with Calvin. Maybe I should take his advice on the music he listens to.
That was the last thing I remembered before waking up a roughly 20 minutes ago. It's currently 6:30AM and I should have showered by now but I couldn't move. Hell I didn't want to. I had this warm feeling enclosing around me and there was the literal heat surrounding me too.
"Jack why are you and Nate sitting like that?" the bigger brat asked. I hate the fact that Oriana can just sneak up on me like that
"Shhh… dumbass over here is sleeping" I hushed
"But why is he hugging you?" she sked again tilting her head to the side out of confusion
She was referencing to the fact that he had his arms wrapped around me as he slept. He must have thought that I was a pillow or some shit, but it's been like this since I woke up. And to be honest I don't want to move, it feels weird to be like this but in a good way. And the best part was that I didn't dream about being back in that torture pit. It all just felt so right. Is that what I want?
"Are you enjoying this Jack?" she interrogated closing her eyes slightly
"Shut up and scram kid" I growled not wanting to answer her
"Okay" she skipped up back towards her room "But it's nice to see you happy for once" she commented.
Is that what this feeling is right now? Happiness isn't something I can ever remember feeling nor is it something that I'd recognise. But apparently that's how I'm feeling.
Nate began stirring and moving in his seat, as well as groaning. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed, breathing loudly attempting to gather his bearings. I started squeezing me before his arms started travelling around my body. Probably trying to figure out who or what he was holding.
His head turned and he got a quick look at me. It was for a split second but I think that he started smiling. I'm not sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me or not but one second he's smiling and the next he looks in fear.
"Jack I am so sorry I don't know what happened… I was asleep" he defended before looking down to his hand "And I'm still holding you" he said sarcastically.
I heard someone clear their throat. We both turned simultaneously to see the Cheerleader, arms folded, face hardened and jaws clenched. Sad to say this but I know Miranda fairly well and I know something about her posture. She might look pissed off but it's underlined by pain and hurt.
"Shower's clear. You can use it…. unless you're too busy doing whatever you're doing" she suggested snidely.
I wrestled my way out of Nate's grip and headed for the shower. As I walked past Miranda she shot me quite possibly the coldest look that anyone has ever given me in my entire life. Shit I didn't know she was the jealous type. I returned the glare but she was un-phased.
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Nate POV
Resources Room
I'm meant to have soldier training right now. But once again I'm stuck in the resources room. I only do two partially academic subjects and they are Weapons and Biotics. After being here for a week straight I think that I know just about everything about Shotgun maintenance, how to increase the power output of a sniper and how to reduce the kickback on an assault rifle. I've also read up on some of the Biotics that I've put off since the beginning of the year. In theory I know how to perform a Singularity and Flare but with no targets it's virtually useless. If I spend another day in this shithole I'm going to go nuts.
I dropped the book I was holding on to the table before looking to the ceiling and sighing "Man I can't wait until EDI is back online" I complained
"You and me both" Kaidan concurred before dropping his Salarian history book.
"My reflexes are starting to go numb from inactivity" Thane added.
Jack, with her feet lying on the table gave Thane a confused look by cocking her brow. She then threw the knife she had in her pocket at the Drell assassin. Not only did Thane move his head to the side but he even caught the knife when it was behind his ear, in spite of the fact his hands were on the table.
"You consider that numb?" Kaidan said astonished by the showmanship on the Drell's part
"Yes, before I wouldn't have needed to dodge before catching the knife" he shrugged before sliding the knife back over towards Jack.
"How did you know he'd dodge?" I asked
"I figured if he was half as good as he thinks he is then that would have been no problem… simple" she dismissed
"But if you were wrong you would have stabbed him" Kaidan stated tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows at the psychotic biotic
She snorted a little before laughing "He would have pissed then wouldn't he" even Kaidan couldn't help but laugh with her. Something Jack never seemed to realise was just how infectious her laughter was, not when she was laughing at someone's pain of whilst killing. But when she was honest she had to potential to lift people's spirits.
"Like what you see Nate?" Kaidan whispered in my ear snapping me out of my train of thought. "I don't think she's noticed" he chuckled before settling back in his seat. Was I staring at Jack? Damn that's been happening a lot more frequently as of late.
I couldn't help it for some reason she looks even more beautiful now than she usually does. I snuck a few sly glances as I read my book; Kaidan had caught on judging by his smirk so I decided to give it a break. It took more restraint than I care to admit to not look at Jack. I'm around her for most of the day but for some reason today she looks even hotter than ever.
Kaidan tapped my shoulder and pointed at Jack and Thane. They were staring at each other. Jack was glaring at her with an incredible intensity whereas Thane appeared far more calm and in control. Jack blinked and punched the table
"You did well Jack, far better than the last time" the Drell congratulated before taking up his favoured posture which was sitting down, elbows on the table resting his chin on his fists .
"Fuck you" she pouted, folding her arms and resting back onto her chair.
"Nate?" I heard Miranda's voice coming from behind me "Can we talk somewhere in private?" she asked only this time her voice didn't have that quasi-domineering tone but instead it had a nervousness that I'd never usually associate with Miranda.
"Sure thing" I agreed getting up from my seat.
We left the resources room. I assumed that she'd take me just outside the room but she led me to the other side of the school. No one was around and it was eerily quiet. The clacking of Miranda's heels grew louder as we walked. She was anxious. I'm not normally in the Tech Wing and without EDI there's no real point in being here.
She leaned up against a wall and took a deep breath. She began playing with her fingers, attempting to work up the courage to say what she wanted to say.
"I'm not entirely sure how to say this" she sighed, her voice cracking slightly. She started to take deep breaths. "Nate…. I like you, more than you know…I know we're friends but…. I would like to be something more" she admitted. Her cheeks were stained red from embarrassment whilst she fidgeted where she stood
"Is that something you want too?" she asked looking at me hopefully
I never actually expected this. I mean I've been aware of how she feels for weeks now and on some level I've known for months. But I never actually thought about whether or not she'd confess to me about her feelings.
On one hand this is Miranda Lawson. Every straight guy in this school has probably dreamt about getting with her, hell me included. She is my top 3 in terms of the most beautiful girls in the school. Right now in my opinion Jack is number one, Miranda number 2 and Liara number 3. She has the perfect body. Her ass is without question the best I'd ever seen, her figure is one that human and Asari supermodels dream of having and what a rack she has on her. It would be insane for me to say no to her right now. I get along with her great. I can spend the whole day with her and still want to talk to her. She's a good person, independent, intelligent, cares about her friends even if she can be a bit severe.
And then comes the but. Even though she had everything I listed going for her…. I just don't think of her in the way that she wants. Miranda is a cherished friend. She's a friend that I would never ever risk losing. She sees me as one of her best friends and I see her as such. But sadly that is all that I see her as. If I say yes now I'll just be building her hopes only to destroy them further down the road and that's something I will never risk doing with Miranda. She doesn't deserve to be put through anything like that considering what she's gone through.
"Miranda…. I'm sorry but it's not" I struggled to say. Normally whenever a girl tells me she likes me I can just brush it off. They just know me by reputation. They don't care about me as much as my reputation. But Miranda did know me, she knew me better than most and that's what hurt me. And more importantly hurt her.
The look on her face was unbearable. Her face slowly turned from hopeful to hurt and confused. Her eyes were becoming more and shinier. But she steeled her face and forced it to adopt the familiar appearance of a blank mask but this time it was different. Her emotion was too much control and she let some of it through the cracks.
"It's alright Nate. You can't control how you feel…. Let's just forget that this ever happened" she suggested in an icy tone turning on her heels and walking away. Her strides were short and quick.
"Miri I'm so sorry" I whispered.
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Kaidan POV
"Really you don't think I could beat you Garrus?" I asked the Turian sniper who bragged about being the best hand to hand combatant out of our little group.
"Kaidan no offense… but I would murder you" I couldn't tell if he was serious or whether he was joking
"Garrus I won't lie you would probably beat me in a fight. But I know for a fact that you wouldn't be able to walk afterward" I stated honestly
"You don't think you're underestimating Kaidan just a little bit?" Rylee inquired
"Just a little bit?" I interjected with a smirk on my face to which Rylee chuckled
"Are we talking with or without Biotics?" Jacob asked "Because with… then I'm sure that every biotic on this table has you beat"
"Without! And Kaidan I'm not saying it would be easy but in the end you would get seriously hurt" Garrus reasoned
"Garrus, I can kick your ass and even I'd have trouble with Kaidan" Rylee added
"I'm wasn't trying" the Turian defended
"Uh huh" the entire table said unanimously
Ever since Nate left with Miranda Jack has been quiet and reserved. She looked pissed off when Miranda asked for Nate to talk somewhere private, I could have sworn she was ready to murder Miranda. I called her out on it, not if front of everyone but as a whisper. She then spent the next two minutes whispering in my ear creative ways of using an omni-tool, a shotgun and something called a G-6 Crotchetizer in order to castrate me.
She didn't move from her spot. Nate has been a really good influence on her. But the problem is that she's only the social whenever Nate is with her. She just sat there spinning the knife's hilt on the tip of her index finger. I wonder how much practice it took her to be able to do that.
"Aren't you forgetting about Scales over there" she said not taking her eye off of the spinning knife and using her other hand to point at Thane. He was at the corner of the table reading a novel.
"You think that Thane could take me"
"You've seen what Thane can do Garrus. On the combat sim, hand to hand his body count rivals ours with guns"
"I was an Assassin at some point in my life" he reminded
"Assassin's use weapons Thane" Garrus said
"I can snap a Krogan's neck with relative ease" The drell state leaving the table in stunned silence. This guy could snap the neck of a Krogan. I've seen him in action but I never thought he was that good.
Nate walked into the room with a vacant look in his eye. He walked over to our table and took the seat beside me
"Nate what's wrong?" I asked
"It's Miranda" was all he said "I haven't done anything that shitty in a long time" he sighed rubbing his face
"Ahh shit… don't tell me…. Did she?" I sighed shaking my head. And he nodded without me even needing to finish my sentence
"And I shot her down" this time he allowed his head to hit the table and he just laid there.
I can't imagine what that would feel like. Having to hurt someone who cares about you so much. Her expression must have made him feel like shit. He probably thinks that it's his fault. Her pain is his fault because he doesn't feel a certain way.
I've been telling Miranda to go for it with Nate for the past week but she wouldn't budge. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she wanted Nate. Her feelings for him are genuine that can be seen from a mile away but what couldn't be seen was how she reacted to those emotions. She for some reason chose me as her confidante. Maybe it's because of my close proximity to Nate or my personality but for the past few weeks she's decided to tell me her feelings. I guess she wanted advice from someone close to Nate and she felt that I was the best choice.
She has to be devastated. As much as I care about Nate he's the lesser priority. Miranda has never been in a situation like this before and this is all new to her. She needs someone to be there for her and it has to be me
I stood up and whispered the situation to Jack. She seems to be the closest person to Nate recently. She didn't really care at first that Miranda was hurt but she didn't sound convincing. I told her to talk to Nate whilst I dealt with Miranda. She 'reluctantly' agreed but it was obvious that she was putting on airs. I seriously would have thought that she would be a better liar.
I stood up and walked out of the room. I had no clue as to where the woman is nor do I even know where to start looking. I activated my omni-tool and called Miranda. Her hologram appeared on my omni-tool.
"Where are you?"
"I'm in Room 416 Tech Wing" she informed in a cold manner. I ran over there as quickly as I could.
I've known Miranda for a while but I never talked to her until about last year when we were put in the same History class. She always seemed so arrogant when you didn't talk to her. She had very little tolerance for mistakes and she always sounded so smug. But when I got to know her I saw another side to her. I saw that she was insecure. I saw that she was selfless. I realised just how much she cared about the people that she surrounds herself with. Seeing her with Oriana shows a side of her that no one would ever think existed. She laughed, she joked, she danced, and she made silly faces and sounds. She did anything to make her sister happy.
When I arrived the room's lights were on and Miranda was head deep in books. She was reading a book on developing tech drones and synthetic intelligence. I don't think that she has ever read anything about tech. She's burying herself in books and taking notes.
"Miranda… are you okay?" I said cautiously
"I'm fine, just doing some reading" she responded
Ok here goes "I talked to Nate" she froze entirely. Stopped writing, stopped moving, stopped breathing. "He told me about what happened"
"I misread our relationship and allowed myself to get attached. I made a mistake and I'll learn" she answered without emotion
"You're sure about that?"
"What do you want Kaidan? I took your advice and I resolved my feelings for Nate" that was another reason why I wanted to talk to Miranda. I was worried that she'd blame me for what happened and I wanted to explain why I asked told her to talk to Nate.
"I'm sorry that it didn't work out Miranda"
"I'm not" she faced down and continued to take notes on what she was reading. I strolled over to her and grabbed her hand in order to stop her from writing. She stood up and gritted her teeth "LET GO NOW!"
I didn't listen to her and just held her in place. She stared me in the eye but with a shattered resolve. She had the look of someone defeated trying to defend what little they had left. She was fighting in order to maintain the façade of emotionlessness.
I pulled her in for a hug one which she eagerly returned. I could feel the tears seep through my shirt and the coldness began to set in. She shed silent tears. I sort of knew how she felt. I really liked Rylee, more than I'd like to admit. But I never pursued her because for one she's my best friend's sister and it would feel weird. And two she already had a thing for Garrus although it's not like he ever noticed. Things just never fell in place. And with the way that Rylee looks at Thane and vice versa it's obvious that it's too late for me
Her silent tears turned into quiet sobs, and I tightened the hug
That's why I told her to go for it. I regretted never telling Rylee how I felt, I got over it but it still hurt. I didn't want Miri to have that same regret; it makes you bitter and cold. Miranda doesn't deserve that kind of pain, nobody does. The pain she's feeling now would be nowhere near the amount of pain she'll feels if she let Nate fall for someone else whilst she remained quiet. But that still doesn't make this any easier to experience.
She broke away from the hug and wiped her tears. She ran her hands down her side attempting to straighten her posture
"I'm sorry, I let my emotions get the better of me again" she apologised
"Don't apologise. Everyone needs an outlet"
"Thank you."
"Anytime you need to talk I'm here for you" I informed to which she nodded appreciatively
"Can you stay here for a while?" she hoped.
I sat on the chair and picked up a book. She did the same and started doing something that was familiar to her.
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Jack POV
Apparently it's now my job to be this guy's therapist. Why was Kaidan so damn worried he's acting like nothing's wrong. He's talking to Garrus and joking right now. but something about him seems off. His laughter seemed forced, as did his smile and judging by Garrus' look he's caught on as well.
Why does he even care anyway? So what if the oh so perfect cheerleader doesn't get what she wants for once? That should have taken her down a peg from her pedestal. She thinks she has everything just because she's got tits, ass and some smarts but she doesn't.
I kicked him under the table. He looked up and glared at me, I gestured for us to go somewhere else. I stood up and got out of the room with Nate in tow.
"Hey… Kaidan told me what happened" I told him
"You don't have to do this Jack" he brushed off
"Yeah well he knows you better than me and he says you need this"
"Kaidan isn't me, he doesn't know what's good for me" he growled
"Neither do you apparently" I said under my breath
"What was that?" he said in a menacing voice
"I said neither do you apparently" this time I stated it to his face
"I don't want to talk about it"
"Don't 180 on me Shepard. First you give me that bullshit that friends talk about this shit and now it's my turn you shut me out"
"I'm not shutting you out… I'm just waiting for the right time to talk about it"
"Really! When is that? In 50 years"
"Jack stop being ridiculous"
"You're fucking kidding me! I'M BEING RIDICULOUS" I yelled
"Why the fuck do even care anyway"
"Maybe I care about y-" I stopped myself from finishing that sentence. Just fucking great!
"Jack?"
"Forget it I'm out of here" I turned and speed walked towards the exit.
Man I can't believe I just told him I liked him. I didn't technically but even he can't be that stupid
"HEY JACK" Nate called
I didn't stop and kept on going but he ran after me. I never made an attempt to run but continued at the pace that I was walking. He ran in front of me and looked me in my eyes with a stern look.
"You want to know how I feel. Here goes. I'm tired… I'm tired of hurting people. I'm sick and tired of all of this stress that I'm living with. I'm sick and tired of reality. There are times that I envy Drell perfect memory. If I had it I would just relive the times when I was a kid. Just me, Rylee, my mum, dad, Anderson, Kahlee, Kaidan, Ashley… just relive those days, when times were so simple. Back when I didn't have a voice in my head constantly reminding me of every failure" he ranted
"I've tried to move on from Ashley but the one person I was ever serious about was kidnapped in order to get to me. And then Talitha killed herself. Even if I had strong feelings for Miri I'm not even sure if I would have said yes" he admitted
"I couldn't take the risk of someone else that I love dying… I'm sorry Jack but that's why I can't be with you… I just want to be your friend" and that's when he said it. I'm not sure but somewhere inside I was hurting. I'd always thought that even if by some miracle I got with him then maybe… I could be happy.
"I don't know where you got that impression dick-nuts." I forced a chuckle "I'm just trying to be a friend and I went too far" I didn't know whether I was trying to explain myself to him or if I was trying to reason with myself.
"Let's head back before everyone thinks we're screwin' or some shit" I quickly suggested walking as quickly as I could into the resources room.
I took the seat that I had occupied before leaving the room. I placed my feet on the table and sighed. No matter how many times I tried to brush it off in my head I couldn't shake this annoying feeling in the centre of my body.
I always wanted things just too far out of my grasp but in this case it was way beyond my grasp. I guess that'll teach me. Don't pursue what you can never have.
Hurts a lot less that way
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Rylee POV
Lunch
Nate and Jack had both came up with some excuse to have Lunch elsewhere so it just left me, Liara and Thane. It was weird to be in Wrex's form group. It was always so hectic and lively and entertaining. Wrex pretty much just let them get away with anything short of killing each other. People are always getting thrown around the room with biotics, or an argument is ensuing somewhere. Anderson walked through the door to check on us and saw Nate had me and James suspended in the air, upside down, Aria playing Skylian 5 poker with Morinth, Jack, Garrus and Jacob. Javik and Kaidan having a sparring match in the corner and Wrex was having a head-butting contest with Grunt. Anderson just shook his head, trying to supress his smirk and exited the room.
One of the few downsides was the fact that I was now around Thane 24/7. It's not that I don't like him. Hell I really like him but that's the problem. I haven't spoken to him ever since the kiss and I've avoided being alone every day since. The look on his face broke my heart whenever I would practically run away from him.
I'd explained what had happened with Thane to Liara and she was happy for me until I explained my dilemma. Kelly and Sam had joined in and they each told me to talk to Thane. But they advised that I should be the one who instigates the conversation so that he sees that I'm not upset about it.
Liara nudged me and I turned to face her. She then looked at Thane and mouthed talk to him. I vehemently shook my head. She kept on urging me on to do it but I carried on refusing. There had to be a better time to have this talk. Maybe in a few weeks or months or… never. Yeah never works for me.
"I have to go" Liara announced collecting her belongings and standing up
"Where to?" I asked. I know she's lying
"Javik and I are going to talk to some researchers about Prothean history" she informed with a smirk
"I would invite the two of you. But you have to be invited by the History department" she reasoned before practically running away from me "Have fun guys" she yelled
I turned around a Thane was looking at me. I offered him an awkward smile to which he pursed his lips.
"Is everything alright Siha" he asked concernedly
"No everything is fine" I answered
He got up from where he was and sat in front of me. "Then why have you been avoiding me" he interrogated
"I… haven't been avoiding you" I lied, my voice raising its pitch
"Please Siha… tell me the truth" he pleaded.
I guess that's the least I could do. I remember back when he was avoiding me and how much that hurt. Why the hell am I putting him through the same thing?
"I'm sorry Thane. It's just that the kiss had me a little freaked out" I confessed
He looked hurt by what I just said "I'm sorry, I guess I misread your emotions" he apologised
No, no don't apologise. "Don't get me wrong the kiss was great and…I wanted to kiss you" I turned around to hide my embarrassed expression
"Really" he said in an arrogant tone I'd never heard coming from him. It was really sexy "Then why have you been avoiding me?"
"It's Irikah" I sighed "You and her have a son together. You cherish her and you've even compared her to a Goddess" I listed off "You loved her"
"One can love more than once in a lifetime" he reasoned.
"….It just feels like I'm jumping on your bones"
"Jumping on my bone?"
"I forgot that that's a human idiom… it means that I feel as though I'm taking advantage of you vulnerable state"
"Rylee, I am in total control of my actions."
"You're a great friend. And if we break up it could mess that up" I argued
He took a step towards me and stared me deep in the eyes "What do you want Rylee"
I allowed my head to rest on his strong chest and let out a breath I had been unconsciously holding in since he took that step toward me.
"You" I whispered
He cupped my chin and kissed me. this time I didn't withhold my passion or my lust. There was always this voice in my head telling me about how wrong this was. The voice was wrong because this was the most satisfying feeling I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing.
When we finally broke a part a smile graced his lips. I didn't fight the urge to grin and let it mark my face. This dell has managed to make me feel things that I've never felt before, not even for made me realise that what I felt for the Turian was merely a childish crush. But what I felt for Thane was truly real.
I looked up at him with a grin "I would love to see Nate's reaction to us" I teased
"I can take him"
"Uh huh" I continued to tease. Although I had no doubt that the Drell could beat Nate with some difficulty
"And somehow I doubt that he'll mind" he smiled before planting another kiss on me. I couldn't stop smiling.
I was Happy