Nate POV
What is with me? Shit, I can't seem to concentrate on anything other than her and that pisses me the fuck off. AARRGGH this is so fucking infuriating, I've spent the entire morning trying to not think about her and somehow my mind just wanders back to thoughts of her. With Ashley it wasn't this bad, with Ash I was never pissed off about liking her, of course I tried to deny it but I found myself liking the idea.
With Jennifer I'm not even going to deny it, I like her. I'm mature enough to realise that I like her and I will try to deal with it. This should be easy, why isn't she easy to figure out. I know she likes me and I know that I like her so everything from this point on should be moot. But why the fuck can't I accept it. She is fun to talk to and hang out with; she's hot, independent, smart and doesn't take shit from anyone just like Ashley.
After taking a shower I had to run out of the bathroom and into my room, if Oriana or Jade see my towel it would scar them for life, and if Rylee or my mum saw what was going on down south then I would have to hang myself. Putting on my trousers was murder and the pressure pushing up against my groin was unbearable but I don't think I could button them again without help.
When I got into the kitchen I noticed that the author of my annoyance stood in the kitchen right in front of the stove. She looked like she was cooking something and from its smell I could tell it was eggs. Seeing her set my mind spinning and I wanted to get the hell out of there. However fate decided that she would turn around and catch a glimpse of me.
"Hey, you look like shit" she greeted without looking back. She wore a midnight blue crop shirt that showcased her, defined, lithe abdomen and had her hair tied in a knot on top of her head. She also wore tight, black skinny jeans that showed her amazing ass. This girl is going to kill me.
"Thanks you too" I responded rather uneasily. I didn't like how nervous she was making me right now
"What are you cooking?"
"Eggs, I don't really know how to cook much else. Never trusted Cerberus cooks" she explained "Want some?" she offered
"Sorry, I want to get to school early" I lied. If I'm around her for too long without doing something about it, then I'm going to lose it.
"Oh… okay" she sounded disappointed. I made my way to the door but the feeling of guilt started eating away at me. So I stopped and headed back to the kitchen
"Sure why not. Not like Wrex will care if I'm late" I joked. I could see her relief in her eye and it made me happy knowing I was the cause of it. The eggs didn't taste that bad, they weren't spectacular. I get that, finesse was never her objective, anything edible was sufficient
Rylee walked down the stairs into the living room wearing and N7 sleeveless jacket and faded blue jeans. She and Jen caught each other's eye and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Rylee offered her a smile and waved us both goodbye. I could hear Sam and Kelly's voices talking to Rylee before they left. Miranda walked out after giving the two of us a slight nod and my mother took Oriana and Jade school and the two kids both ran out of the house excited
I placed my plate in the sink and gathered my stuff "See you later" I said as I headed into the living room.
"Wait up" she asked. She ran over to the sofa in the living room and picked up her bag. We both entered the lift and waited for us to reach the main floor of the Silversun Strip. In the morning the lift always had someone heading to work or school but the one we got on was empty.
"What's the matter with you? You're acting weird" she stated leaning up against the rail.
"Nothing"
She then walked up to me and had me backed against the wall. She had an accusatory finger pressed up against my chest. Her eyes stayed fixed on my chest in wonder for a few seconds before looking into my eyes. I returned the stare with a wanting. She isn't making this easy for me. My body is telling me telling me to lean in and kiss her but I need to fight it. I had to tense up my neck and body and grab onto the railings. They look so soft and they are seconds away from mine. I need to get out of here. Fortunately for me we had reached our floor and I enthusiastically exited the lift and walked among the crowd.
At the Hypertrain stop there was Miranda and Garrus. Good more people, less time alone with Jack, less time for me to fuck up.
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Lunchtime
I swear to God Anderson wants to kill the lot of us. Having the biotics climb a mountain without using powers, a 10km run and then playing capture the flag, unlimited lives, no healing. No one made it out of the sim walking.
I accessed the adrenaline module in my brain and force the hormone around my body. It allowed me to ignore the pain and walk out of the room with minor discomfort. I waited outside the room for Garrus, James and Jacob to get up so we could eat in the canteen. Ever since the beginning of the day, I've been avoiding Jack, the last time I spoke to her was in the elevator.
The doors opened and a Turian walked out of the room and made his way towards me. I knew exactly what Garrus looked like so I knew that it wasn't him. His silver skin was a dead giveaway. Rage slowly built up in the core of my stomach and I snarled
"Nathan can you be civilised for once"
"Get away from" I growled "Or I'll kill you"
He began laughing "Come on Nathan. For all of your bravado we both know that if it came down to it. I would kill you" he said arrogantly. As much as I'd hate to admit it; if me and him were ever to get into a fight then more likely than not he'll end up on the winning side.
"Anderson shouldn't have built your ego up to the point you were about to get yourself killed" he judged "You've ben deluded into thinking that you can actually beat me. Such a pathetic man"
"Anderson is the one reason you're still breathing. He's the one that's enforced the council's decree. You should be kissing his feet right now" my biotics flared and I took a step towards him.
"Again you overestimate your human limitations" he sighed also flaring his biotics.
"Humans are capable of a lot more than you give us for"
"Oh really." He mocked sarcastically "The only opportunity I've had was on Virmire. And from what I witnessed your kind seem to be very good at getting captured and dying"
"What!?" I growled trying to keep my temper in check. Remember Anderson's orders, do not engage with Saren, avoid him, and ignore him!
"You were reckless, you shouldn't have bothered heading back to the city to save the inhabitants. The virus would have died along with them but you had to prove a point. And because of it you lost your girlfriend. Your foolish pride cost her, her life" he spat. Remember your orders, remember your orders
"I never would have had to make the choice if you never armed the bomb" I yelled causing attention to turn to us. I hope they think we're arguing about the combat sim.
"I did what was necessary"
"You let her get away. Now she's still out there. You made a deal with the devil and you damn near killed millions of people. I chose the lives of millions over the life of one. Even if I loved that one"
"That's moot. In the end your decision killed her. You proved that humans can't handle big decision situations. All you are, are potential hostages better that you'd never dragged yourselves out of the primordial muck." He spewed. Remember your orders, remember your orders
"The best exemplar of your races future was the one we discovered at the bottom of the cliff. Better dead than alive". Remember your orders, remember….. FUCK MY ORDERS
I charged up my fist and began to raise it preparing to strike the silver Turian. However before I could even take a swim, I found that I was being restrained. Kaidan and Garrus had stopped me from hitting Saren.
"Let me go!"
"He's not worth it Nate" Kaidan argued
"You didn't hear what he said. He talked about Ashley, Virmire; he tried to justify what he did"
"We heard what he said." Garrus revealed "We can't touch him, I'm not happy about it but we can't touch him"
"Fuck the orders. He needs to die" I growled. He is seriously pushing his luck
A crowd had started to formulate very quickly. Wrestling their way to the front were Rylee, Jacob, James and Grunt. Having the big Krogan standing behind me got some of the crowd to disperse.
"Great more of your kind and Cerberus no less" he spat pointing at Jacob "It was you and your people behind the invasion. The black haired bitch's father was behind the death of good Turians. We shouldn't take any chances, just purge the human's, if even one Cerberus operative lives we are all in danger" he declared as her made his way over to Jacob.
Jacob didn't flinch but he didn't argue either. He knew that Cerberus weren't the most popular group right now and he knew he couldn't defend them. Grunt placed a defensive arm in front of Jacob preventing Saren getting close.
"Do you want to do this Krogan?" Saren threatened
No way I'm not about to let this happen. My friends aren't going to fight a battle that was meant for me. This started because of me and I'm going to end it but only if these two can let me go.
Rylee stood behind me and placed a calming hand on my shoulder. I turned to her and she shook her head. "It's not worth it Nate" she warned. I started relaxing and my tense muscles returned to normal. Kaidan and Garrus released their hold over me, trusting me to rein my temper in.
"Good thinking Rylee, you may have just saved your brother's life" Saren congratulated even applauding her.
Ry turned heel and stomped right into Saren. He towered over her and stared her down with menace. "Say one more thing and I will kill you" she threatened backing Saren into the windowsill. . "No one fucks with my brother"
She grabbed her bags and started walking into the crowd. Grunt made the crowd split into a line so we could walk out. I began following he out, before I could react Saren had brushed past me and was steaming towards Rylee. He was about to grab her by the shoulder. I was preparing to charge.
That was before a hand from the crowd had grabbed Saren by the forearm before he could touch Rylee. On instinct Saren used his free hand to take a swing at the guy who held his other arm. I couldn't see exactly who they were or how they dodged but I had to thank them.
Right then Rylee had turned around and her eyes bulged with shock. I ran over to the fight that had ensued. I began to thank God that Rylee had picked Thane as her boyfriend. If it weren't for him Saren would he done something to my sister.
Saren threw Thane a jab, one that the latter easily blocked and threw his arm away, leaving Saren's chest wide open. Thane gave Saren a knee to the gut making him bend over holding his stomach. Thane rolled over Saren's back and pushed Rylee forward and further away from the Turian.
Saren took the opportunity to deliver an elbow to the back of Thane's head, and with the blades on the back of his arm he managed to draw blood. Before he could do anything else Kaidan had pushed Saren to the ground and had Thane guarded whilst I had Rylee behind me.
He was about to attack Kaidan but he was thrown into the wall. It wasn't me or Kaidan who did it. Saren glared at the source of the attack "More Cerberus. You're like cockroaches"
Jack and Miranda stood into attention both looking equally as pissed off. Saren seemed to draw hatred out of every one and even managed to bring Jack and Miranda together. The silver scales Turian walked to the window, opened it and jumped to the ground.
Rylee knelt by Thane out of concern and offered to help him up but he dismissed it and stood to his feet. I walked over to the two of them
"Siha... are you alright?"
"Forget about me Thane, you're bleeding" she tentatively grabbed his head so she could better examine the cut
"Merely a flesh wound" he dismissed
"Thane" I grabbed his attention. I walked over to him and shook his hand "Thanks" I appreciated
"No need, I'm glad to have…. Glad to h…. I need to lie down" the drell slurred. He tried to regain his balance and composure but couldn't. He staggered towards the windowsill before taking a seat whilst holding his head
"Nate... why are there four of you and more importantly... why is everything spinning?" he asked
Rylee opened his eyes and examined him. "I think he has a concussion. I'll take him to Dr Chakwas" she offered, picking him her bag and his then walking to the Infirmary. At least they won't be too far from me.
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30 minutes later
I fell asleep the moment I hit the ground. Or at least I pretended to. There was no one that I wanted to speak to, and even if I did speak, I am too pissed off to have a proper conversation. I could hear Liara and Jack talk about school and some other stuff I wish I never knew.
I decided that I'd calmed down enough that I wouldn't rip their heads off or get mine ripped off. I slowly sat up
"Nate your awake" Liara sounded surprised
"Yeah, how long was I out for?"
"30 minutes"
"So you and Saren's fight" Jack brought it up. I got the feeling that Liara wanted to ask about it
"I told you about Virmire. Everything else is self-explanatory"
"Then why didn't you fuck him up"
"I'm not allowed" I answered
"I'm pretty sure it' illegal to fuck up other school kids but you still do" she pointed out
"That's in self-defence or provocation"
"Then why not say it's provocation. You'd have us backing you up"
I sighed getting ready to explain the situation "After what happened in Dros, Liara knows about this. I tried to kill Saren. My only regret is that I failed. Garrus, Kaidan and Liara had to separate the two of us before we were able to do any permanent damage" I began
"The council needed to use this as good PR before someone could label the event as a tragedy" they never gave a damn that Ashley was dead, they only cared about covering their own asses from the political blowback.
"They sat the five of us down. Councillor Spartarus had tried to blame the fight on me. Councillor Udina tried to pass me as a kid suffering from the stress of the situation. I remember the Turian councillor taking the opportunity to praise Saren for dealing with the situation in such a calm manner. Garrus decided to speak up about Saren's actions but again the councillor defended Saren"
"After an hour of having to keep me restrained the Councillor Tevos made both sides an offer. Me and Saren would not fight each other, never be in the same class as each other. Any sort of altercation would force reparations be paid by the violating party. But a year ago Councillor Valern thought that enough time had passed and we were now mature enough to be in the same class. To be safe they had Anderson teach it"
"Why the fuck would he do that?" Jack yelled
"Lack of empathy. Although it's not his fault, Salarians as a race process emotion quickly, he doesn't have the same concept of grudges as other races do" Liara defended
Rylee made her way out of the Infirmary without Thane. She looked worried about whatever she was told. The wound Saren inflicted didn't look lethal, but then again I'm no expert on drell physiology.
"He has a concussion and Dr Chakwas wants to keep him there for any extra check-ups" she explained
"Next time I vote we kill Saren" Jack suggested
"Did you not hear what I just said" I said
"I drift in and out" she sighed as she got up and picked up her bags.
"Where are you going?"
"Muscles wants me to go to the gym with him. Something about him needing more hot chicks surrounding him" she shrugged before taking off for one of the school gyms
"Muscles?" Liara asked
"James" I answered.
Liara and Rylee shared a look before smirking in my direction "You've changed her you know" Liara pointed out
"What do you mean?"
"She would never have been able to hang around us if it weren't for you. Hell she would have killed some of us for even wanting to talk to her" Rylee joked
"She also has feelings for you, but I think you already know that" Liara stated. I cocked an eyebrow, how the hell does she know that. That scar on my brow was too deep and now left a permanent line where hair would never grow again.
"I was with James when I saw the two of you arguing outside Afterlife" the asari smirked
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't you remember?"
"I remember going to Afterlife but not much of what happened after" I began sorting through everything that I could remember about what had happened that night. I remember the girl, I remember going with Kaidan and Miranda. I remember the girl leaving but that's about it. Jack had pretended to be my girlfriend to piss me off and….. Let me try this again
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Flashback
Citadel, Omega, Outside Afterlife
I was talking to this hot 20 year old red-head chick in Afterlife. I think it was Bre, Rea, Tia that was it Tia. She was the most interesting person in the place but for some reason I just wasn't attracted to her. She just seemed like she would the most fun I could have that night. She was leading me back to her place. Just as we were about to leave in her skycar
"YOU CHEATING BASTARD" I heard a shrill female voice. We got out of the car to investigate and I saw that it was Jack. I didn't know what her angle was "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING". What's she talking about
"Who are you" Tia asked out of worry.
"What are you doing with my boyfriend" Jack accused. What the fuck!
"Boyfriend?" we responded simultaneously
"Yeah. This dumbass was meant to meet me in the VIP area but when I walk in I saw him making out with you" she hissed jabbing her finger into Tia's chest and getting in her face
"Whoa he's your boyfriend" she sounded shocked before leaving my side and standing next to Jack, united for the sole purpose of hating me
"Jack seriously" I shouted
"Oh shut it you shitty excuse for a human being" she spat.
"What kind of dickhead cheats on his girlfriend" Tia agreed
"She's not my girlfriend" I pleaded. I am going to murder Jack
"All our time together meant nothing to you" she sounded hurt. "I thought you cared about me. But it turns out you're just like everyone else." she breathed putting her palm over her face "I guess you can't handle me. No one can" she sobbed running away in tears.
She is an awesome actress. I'm not entirely sure how much of that was improvised or how much of it she really felt. But I genuinely started feeling bad for her. But I never….. FUCK.
"OK look, I can explain" I started before realising what I had just said. Shit now it sounds like I'm about to start lying.
"You hurt that sweet girl" she hissed. I have to give her an award for that performance because that it quality
"YOU'RE A PIG" Tia bellowed before connecting a slap square on my cheek leaving a throbbing sensation coming from it. She scoffed and stomped into the Skycar and it drove off.
I stood there paralysed by shock, still trying to figure out exactly what had happened and why it happened. I tenderly caressed my cheek; damn she has a good hand on her. All of a sudden I heard maniacal laugher emanating from the corner. Does she think that this is funny? I turned to the direction of Jack and glared at her. She was too busy laughing as she made her way to me
"What the fuck is wrong with you" I spat
"What's wrong with you? That was funny as shit" she chuckled
"Why would you cockblock me"
"I dunno maybe it's because I felt like it" she said in a deadpanned voice
"So you fuck with me because you feel like it"
"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" she challenged
"I am sick of your bullshit! I try to be your friend and you pull stupid ass shit like this… I've had enough" I turned around and headed for me skybike
"What! Because I stopped you from having a meaningless one night stand we ain't cool no more. What the fuck Shepard"
"No. I'm pissed because of how you seem to think that you can treat me however you like"
"I don't think that" she responded
"How about when you throw me whenever I talk to another girl. Punching me in the gut when a girl looks at me. Causing me any type of pain and discomfort whenever I say something shit you don't like"
"I don't hit you when you say something I don't like. I hit you whenever you're being an ass about something I don't like"
"Well I'm done Jack! I don't have the encyclopaedia on every one of your pet peeves and dislikes. And I don't feel like being mule kicked whenever a hot chick wants to talk to me" I once again turned around and got onto my skybike. When I looked at Jack she had her fists clenched and stared into the ground.
I took off the ground and was about to ride away before Jack yelled one more time
"MAYBE I DON'T LIKE SEEING YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS EVER THOUGHT OF THAT".
What did she just day? When I heard that I almost crashed into the wall. I still lost control and crashed on to some old mattress in the street. Well actually my bike landed on the old mattress, I had been thrown off of it and rolled across the cold concrete floor causing some damage. She ran up to me with a worried expression and helped me to my feet. I didn't suffer any real damage
"Are you okay" she panicked
"What did you say?"
"I said are you okay? You might have a concussion. Come on we need to get you inside so you can see the medic" she urged, ushering me to the main building of Afterlife.
"No… I mean before I crashed" she met my eyes before gulping.
"I said that maybe…I...I-I…d-don't…like…girls.." her lips and body quivered in fear. Out of everything in her life she has experienced, this moment right her scares her. It broke my heart to see her like that
"I don't like seeing you with other girls" she rushed. I heard her the first time but I wanted to be sure. And I knew better than to tease her about this.
"Jack"
"Fine then. I'm not going to be chicken shit about this. I like you. I have liked you for a while now, I can't point to the moment when I started liking you but I do. For some messed up reason I spend a shitload of time thinking about you fuck, I've even rubbed one out thinking about what it would be like to fuck you" I don't think that she has a filter or any concept of TMI otherwise she'd know that she didn't need to tell me the last part.
"I want you out of my head so that I can live in peace; but at the same time I want you near me and I want to…. I dunno. When I'm near you I want to punch you and kiss you, scream at you and make you laugh, throw you and hug you…" she explained still trying to find the right words
"When I'm with you nothing makes sense and it scares me."
I just stood there and listened to Jack's confession letting it sink in. I had always known that she liked me but to hear her say it was another experience all together.
I took a step towards her and gazed into her smooth, chocolate brown eyes that looked so big I could see my reflection in them. Her eyes were so beautiful and were wrongfully ignored so that her perfect cheek bones and pouty lips can take centre stage but her eyes were on another level entirely. Her gaze was hypnotic and she had me mesmerised, totally enamoured by her beauty.
I let instinct take over and do what I felt was right. I leant down and descended towards her lips. I stopped just millimetres away from her lips and I could smell the vodka on her hot breath. My mouth tingled with excitement but I had to keep control which was becoming extremely difficult. I took the pause in order to give her one more opportunity to back out.
She never took her eyes off of my bottom lip and I knew that was all the answers I needed. I kissed her soft, supple lips. At first her eyes became wide but soon began to close out of pleasure. She started smiling into the kiss before she allowed my tongue to enter her mouth. We battled for control and dominance and she matched my vigour with her aggression
She wrapped her deft arms around my neck and pulled us closer together. She had to get onto her tip toes due to our vast height difference so I leant down even more to make it easier for her. Her moaning was driving me insane and she felt so damn good. The tension in my groin was growing by the second, making me more and more uncomfortable.
This felt so right. Every other kiss I'd had in the past 3 years was nothing compared to the one this girl has given me. She's invoking emotions out of me I had thought were long dead, she's making me feel… human. I knew that moment that I felt the same way about her as she did about me, I knew that she had cast a spell on me. I knew that at that moment and from then on
I'm hers
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Present Day
I guess that crash would explain all of the scraped and bruised that run down my leg and arms. At least I hope. But that isn't the most important thing that had happened that night.
I basically realised that I had strong feelings for Jack. I'm not sure about being in love with her like she said in my dream, but I can't ignore that she's special to me anymore. It makes so much more sense now. My increasing attraction to her, my constant thinking about her.
"Nate…. Are you still there?" Rylee waved her hand in front of me
"Sorry I just… remembered something" I excused
"Nate, why are you smiling" she pointed out. I hadn't noticed that a slight smile had crept onto my face.
"I'm just happy". I finally looked up from the grass and saw that Liara was gone "Where's Liara"
"She went to speak to Kaidan about a History assignment" she explained
"Nate, we haven't spoken about your heart" I was afraid she'd want to talk about this. It was a subject I was happy to avoid until the day we died
"Come on Ry, we both know that I'm fine" I dismissed. She pursed her lips and furrowed her brow in a look of disappointment. "Fine if it would make you more comfortable then let's do it"
"I only have a few questions that I need answered" she hedged "Most important of all. Why didn't you tell me?"
"This is normally the point where the guy says that he wanted to tell you so bad but he couldn't. But for me it's the opposite. I could have told you but I simply had no desire to tell you. Having Garrus and Kaidan know was difficult enough for me." I began "And I didn't want to worry you needlessly"
"Needlessly? I'm your sister I have the right to know if you're dying"
"OK, if the roles were reversed I would want you to tell me. But like I said I didn't want to worry you over something you had no control over. And besides, I didn't want you to treat me different"
"I wouldn't have treated you any differently"
"Rylee I know you. You would have babied me and I wouldn't have wanted that. And when I found out I didn't think you could have handled since it wasn't long after dad died" I could see Rylee tense up at the mention of dad
"I still deserved to know Nate"
"Rylee... you know what was really painful?" I asked a rhetorical question "Garrus, he's treated me differently ever since the day of my first attack. It's very subtle but I noticed it, he's less confrontational and he sometimes sides with me on arguments even though I know that he supports the other side. I don't really blame him for that, if Garrus was in my position I would act exactly the same" I admitted
"But it still hurt, because I knew that nothing would ever be the same. Kaidan and I grew distant, Garrus was acting weird, Ashley was gone, mum was depressed, dad was dead. I knew that no matter how bad I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be"
"And then there was you." I smiled "You hadn't changed, you were the same person, innocent of the knowledge of my actions. You were exactly the same person I knew from before Virmire and you treated me no different than you did before. I needed that and that's probably the main reason why I never told you" I apologised
She looked saddened by my confession and looked as though she was about to give me an apology before she had a realisation
"Dammit Nate you sure know how to make me feel like a bitch" she pouted. Thank you Rylee, at least you're still acting like herself
"I thought that you'd still be pissed about the shower this morning"
"I have another question . All of those times when you came out of the bathroom, all sweaty and panting you weren't having a wank?" she half joked
I rewarded her efforts with a chuckle "No, I wasn't wanking, trust me you don't need the details about my attacks some of them are… disconcerting"
"Is that why you slept with all of those girls"
"I guess you could say that they're a symptom. Aethyta said that I was stuffing my pain with pussy. That's a direct quote. I agree with her, the women were empty and that was what I needed at the time."
"Did any of those girls mean anything to you?"
"One has" I smiled
"Really who"
"I haven't slept with her in case you were wondering"
"Who are you taking about?"
"If all goes well you'll know by tomorrow. But enough about me, how about you and Thane"
"Fine I'll drop it" she dismissed
"Thank you" I decided to lay back on the ground and sleep. Hopefully the nightmares won't be as bad as normal. I'm actually in a good mood.
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I woke up to the sound of someones boots right next to my ear. I had an idea of who it was and my suspicions were confirmed when I saw her standing over me.
"Hey we're gonna be late" Jack reminded
"I don't really feel like it" I dismissed before closing my eyes again. They shot open when I found that I was being lifted into the air
"Come on lazy ass, Scarface is gonna get pissed" she warned before setting me on my feet and grabbing my arm to drag me off.
"Come on Jack. Let's just skip, we've done it before. Besides what's one lesson gonna do?" I tantalisingly suggested. Hoping she'd listen to me.
She looked like she was seriously considering it "Why the hell not"
I smiled before grabbing her hand and leading her to the usual spot. I looked back to see her blushing, she looked so cute when she did, so uncharacteristic and so precious. We had to hide a few times so that teachers wouldn't catch us but it was all good. Thankfully we made it.
She set her bag down on the ground and I did the same. She then sat cross legged on the soft lush grass, brushing a stray bit of hair from her ponytail off of her face. She flashed me a smile. It threw me a bit off guard just how stunning she looked.
"So… how was gym with James?"
"It was more fun than I thought it would be. Muscle benches 120 Kgs and had Garrus and Kaidan as his spotters. He's lucky the two of them are strong otherwise he would have been screwed. I even tried the bench-" she stopped mid-sentence.
"You tried the bench. How much?"
"Not Important"
"Tell me"
"No" she asserted before I started tickling her "No….hha-no…no" she giggled as I ran my fingers up and down her abdomen. She got up and I chased her around the small space we had to work with before I caught up to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and spun us around as her laugh perfumed the air "OK, OK I'll tell you"
I stopped spinning and set her down, but everything was still spinning so I stumbled around a bit before falling to the floor on my ass.
"I did 40kgs" she breathed
"Really, I would have thought you could do more"
"Well excuse me if I'm not some muscle bound jock like the rest of you" she joked
"Well FYI this jock benches 110kgs" I revealed. As much as it annoys me to admit it James is stronger than me. I'd still kick his ass in a fight but he would destroy me in a body slamming match.
"Yeah they told me. Did I also tell you that I can kick everyone here's ass" she said pointing to the ground
"There are only two of us here" I stated stupidly. She gave me a look before I clocked on to what she meant.
"Let's not fight right now. There is actually something I want to talk to you about anyway" I said trying to get the nerve to actually bring the topic up. I'm normally so calm when talking to girls, hell they're the ones that are nervous to talk to me.
"Remember what happened in Afterlife. When you stopped that hot chick from leaving with me" I mentioned. I earned a deep scowl from her.
"Yeah the tramp who was ready to fuck you after an hour" she spat
I winced at her tone "Yeah that one. Remember what happened after that?"
"Yeah, we got into an argument, we got drunk and I fell asleep in your bed. Nothing happened" she made it a point to say the last part. Why is she lying or maybe I don't remember everything right. Doesn't matter, all I know is what I feel about her now and I want to tell her
"Are you sure about that?" I asked. Her eyes then bulged open. She nodded robotically and unconvincingly. She's lying
"Why do I remember things differently?"
"How do you remember it?"
"I remember crashing my bike" she took a step back from me "I remember yelling at you" I took a step forward "I remember you saying you don't like seeing me with other girls" she bowed her head averting her eyes from my own
I closed the distance that was between us. I tilted her chin up so she could look at me "I remember doing this" I claimed her lips again only this time it was a brief encounter. As I was about to pull she pulled me back in by my neck and deepened the kiss.
When we pulled apart she pushed me away in horror. "No…No… shit this is a dream"
"I can assure you that this is very real"
"But you're kissing… me" she panted it as though it were unthinkable.
"That's because I like you" I confessed. She once again took a step back only to discover that she had backed herself into a tree.
"I'm not interested in some dumb shit love affair. Never goes right" she shuddered. Does this scare her that much?
"Every time I try getting close to you push me away. Why do you put so much distance between us?"
"What distance! If you don't like it leave"
"Don't jerk me around Jack. I'm the one speaking plain. What your mouth says and what your body does are two completely separate things"
Whenever I feel that I've made progress she shoves it up my ass. She becomes impossible to deal with and then I leave her alone. I want answers. There was a stony silence. I was sure that she wasn't going to say another word so I began to leave
"Murtock!" was all she said and it was enough to get me to stay behind "A guy, used me like the rest for sex for biotic, it was fun then he ruined everything. Cerberus gave us a mission a year ago. We tagged a weapons frigate with a Batarian escort and got separated. He had a choice, leave with the guns or come back for me. Idiot dumped the score and waded into the squints. I made the car but no way he was getting out" she stopped for a second
"And" I urged
"I drive for a day or so and then the radio kicks out a recording. He set it to play if he hadn't checked in. Figured that would mean he was dead. He talked about the future we were supposed to have. How he had planned to set us up a home… how he… loved me and was sorry it wasn't going to happen"
"You feel like his death is your fault"
"No, idiot did it to himself. You feel you get sloppy he found out now you'll find out"
"If he'd left you, you would have died"
"So what! Death is easy, fucking on off switch. But this burrows in, like a husk you end up with nothing inside"
"Come on Jack, I'm tired of of this wall you've put up"
"Don't you get it, its there to protect you. You don't want to be with someone as fucked up as me. You can do better" she looked at me with pleading eyes. She didn't want me to be with her because she wanted to protect me. Did she really think that she was so bad, doesn't she see just how awesome she is.
"I don't want better... I want you" I only just realised what I said when she began to look at me with such hurt that it actually hurt me. "That came out wrong... what I meant to say was that I want you, no one else Jack."
She then started retreat back into herself avoiding looking me in the eyes. I don't want her to be scared of this.
"Jack, I know how you feel more than anyone. I lost Ashely because I made the choice to not save her and you lost Murtock because he came back to save you. It hurts and it will never go away but the feeling does fade. You're afraid of hurting others like I was after Talitha was killed. I isolated myself from my friends and family so that no one else would get hurt."
"But I remember Garrus and James pulling me out of it. Unfortunately you didn't have anyone like them back then. But you do now. You need someone who cares about you. I want to be there for you"
I approached her but she merely retracted back into the small defensive shape which was growing familiar "Uh, I need some time to think, just leave me alone" she moaned before grabbing her bag and running away. I could hear her mutter something that sounded like "Goddammit"
Drake has this weird way of snaking his way into my head at appropriate moments. This time it was the Motion which came to mind
The girl that I want to save is like a danger to my health
Try being with somebody that want to be somebody else
I always thought she was perfect
When she was being herself
Don't even know how to help
But I guess that's just the motion
She'll probably come around soon as she settle down that's the motion
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Jack POV
Dammit. He just had to remember, I was perfectly happy with him being ignorant of what happened that night. But now he's fucked everything up, telling me his feelings and shit. I don't want this to be like Murtock all over again. I honestly don't think that I could take it.
I jumped the fence after I said I wanted to think and I wondered aimlessly around the Citadel. Some of the inhabitants were looking at me as though I didn't belong. I hate that, people always look at me like that. I didn't think about where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there but I just felt lost.
On one hand I just wanted to be alone, I wanted to do my time and clock out like everyone else. Life is just a waiting game and we are all players just prolonging the inevitable. My existence has had no reason besides to experience pain, loss and suffering and I don't want Nate to be a part of that. FUCK. He's starting to turn me into a pussy.
But I don't want to be without him. He is so damn hot, buff and funny and it makes me want to punch him. But when I do I end up feeling bad about doing it, the freak who hurts the guy she supposedly lov-. Wow what was that. Nothing put it in the back of your mind.
"Jack" I heard a voice dead in front of me. When I looked up I saw Kaidan
"What are you doing outside my house?" I looked to the mailbox and saw the 'Alenko's' written on it. I just had to end up here of all places
"No reason. I was just leaving"
"If you're going home I can come with. Nate just asked me to come so let's go"
"Dumbass asked?" I said sceptically
"Yeah"
"Are you sure that it's him or the cheerleader" I teased
"No it was Nate, he said he needed to talk". What? He actually called this guy to talk. Could it be about... no impossible
"Yeah, did he say what it was about"
"No, he just said he needed a guy to talk to"
We walked in an awkward silence, he lived in the upper wards, near the Presidium but it still wasn't as spit shined and polished as it was on the top level.
"Okay I lied. Nate told me that something happened with you and he wants to talk about it"
"None of your business" I spat
"Jack, either way I'm going to find out. Nate's going to tell me so you may as well tell me now" he argued. The shit head had a point, jackass would spill his guts so I might as well get my side of things out there.
I explained what had happened in Afterlife and what had happened earlier today and he listened intently as we made our way for the elevator.
"Sounds like you've got it bad" he teased
"I knew it, you're useless"
"Sorry that was inappropriate. But I honestly don't get why you're conflicted. From what you've just told me you really like him"
"But I'll fuck him up"
"Jack, Nate is already fucked up" I started chuckling, I had to give him that "He doesn't fall for people easily, that's why I think you should go for it. You're not doing either of you any favours by dragging this out" he advised
He was wearing some nice ass clothing right now. He wore a blood red tank top that showed off his rippling muscles and jet black skinny jeans which accentuated his leg muscles and sexy shape. Something which made the women swoon over him. No one wears that if their just heading to talk to their friend unless…. No I doubt that he's gay so….
"You planning on meeting up with anyone"
"Yeah Nate"
"Besides him"
"Yeah, Miranda wants some help with a History essay" he informed. I had to roll my eyes, he's getting all gussied up for the cheerleader.
"What?"
"Nothing I want to get involved with" I shrugged off. Before I knew it we were in Tiberius Towers and headed down to the apartment. We even met Tali on the way down. When we got in I saw that the cheerleader and Rylee had their glasses on, sitting at the table reading some text books.
I could hear him suck in his breath involuntarily at the sight of Miranda who also wore a red tank top which showed her more than ample chest as well as skin tight trousers that showed off her perfect ass. This bitch doesn't even need to try to look better than me. I should bust her lip. No don't, I doubt that I'd be living here much longer if I did.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Citadel, Silversun Strip, Tiberius Towers, Shepard Apartment- 11:00 PM
I've spent the past few hours working up the nerve to do this. I'd been standing outside his door for a few minutes just staring at it. All of a sudden it had grown to 7 feet tall and hologram was suddenly so small. I reached for it tentatively with my right hand but quickly retracted it. I took a deep breath and threw caution to the wind. I opened the door and stormed into the room. Luckily he wasn't asleep and was just reading a data pad.
"Nate"
"I wasn't expecting you Jack"
"I've been thinking about you and… maybe you're right… that I need…"
"You're the one who pushed me away Jack"
"I know okay…maybe that wasn't right… but I'm trying" I turned around and faced the door. I knew that this was a bad idea. That was before I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder.
"It's okay. No more questions"
That was everything I needed to hear. I turned and embraced him, out of everything I've done in my life sexually, every position, every guy, every kiss, and every thrust. Nothing is as intimate as this basic hug.
I couldn't hold it back anymore and allowed the tears to fall. I could feel the thick eyeliner and mascara running down my cheeks and began to sob. I didn't care about it at all, I could look like a rodeo clown right now, and I could appear as the world's biggest pussy or biggest bitch even most emotional prick. But I didn't care.
I got on to my tip toes and kissed him tenderly on his lips. I felt this warm emanating from the centre of my body, sending waves through-out my body and making me feel a tingling sensation. I felt totally at peace right now. I felt like I didn't need to watch my back or in any sort of danger.
Is this what being safe feels like?
If it is then it feels nice. He led me to his bed and he laid on it. I curled up next to him and he entwined his fingers in mine and planted a kiss on the top of my head. I heard him whisper something but I'm not entirely sure what it is he said but I know that it made me feel better about life. I loved that he was the one person that didn't want me to use for sex, power or status. He just wanted to be with me and this was new for me.
I want to get better, I want to be better. But not for me, for him. I want to be the type of person he deserves and I will be that person even if it kills me. But for now
I'm happy.
I never thought I ever would be. But I'm happy
And no one can take this from me.