Varania sat next to Cole on the wall between the upper and lower courtyard, swinging her legs in unison with him, tapping her heels against the stones. It was early, just barely after dawn and the air was damp and cool as it shook off the night. Cole had woken her up from a nightmare, appearing at the side of her bed like a ghost. Completely by accident, he scared her half to death.

"The thing wearing your brother's face is a demon." he had blurted out, excited to the point of hysteria. "Don't believe it, not even the parts that are true."

In retrospect, Varania couldn't decide if that made her feel worse or better about the ranting Leto in her dream. Leto, not Fenris, younger with floppy red hair, screaming as Master Danarius cut patterns into his skin with a knife, bleeding him and pouring caustic lyrium into the wounds as he chanted. Magical energy swirled around them both.

Leto's screams echoed in her head. She screamed when Cole woke her.

Cole apologized profusely. Her dreaming mind was so loud he couldn't tune it out and he was afraid she would give in to the demon. Though she assured him she wasn't tempted, that Keeper Dashana has taught her well, he hadn't looked entirely convinced. Instead, he offered to make her forget, but Varania refused. Her memories were jumbled enough without being adjusted from the outside.

It had been two weeks since her confrontation with Fenris, and she hadn't seen him since. He and Hawke were keeping to themselves in their tower room and she certainly wasn't going to go looking for them. It was no wonder she was having dreams about him. Nothing was settled. She wasn't sure if it would ever be settled between them.

Luckily, Cole seemed to accept her wishes and instead they went together outside so Varania could watch him work.

They had favors out, looking for a Rivani amulet for him, something that would prevent other mages from binding him if they figured out what he was. Since Cole had recognized the danger, he'd been jumpy and the wait was making him more anxious. She didn't blame him. Varania knew how it felt to be controlled and it scared her too.

Helping people calmed him. She assumed it was for the same reason that Solas's friend Wisdom had become a demon, but in reverse. Cole was a spirit of compassion and the more he helped, the more like himself he was.

It was wonderful to see his face light up. He clearly wasn't a child, but he had so many childlike, innocent qualities. He made things easier to bear, even when he didn't make her forget.

"He doesn't know how," Cole said out of nowhere. "But he wants to. He wants his baby to be happier than he was."

Varania looked over at him. "You mean Fenris, don't you?"

"He's very angry, but he's not sure who to be angry with."

"That sounds right," Varania snorted. He was always like that, even before.

Cole cocked his head. "He used to be more angry, but he's trying. He...oh," Cole said, It was almost like a dog's ears perking up as he shifted his attention to someone else. "Proud and broken," he began, "So guilty, bloody-handed. It's his fault she died and he can't forgive himself. He's failed everyone now. There's no one left except the one that doesn't need him anymore."

Varania tried to see who Cole was looking at. Cole seemed to recognize what she was doing and he pointed down into the lower courtyard.

"I would help, but he wouldn't like it," he said softly. "He thinks he deserves to be hurt. For a lot of reasons."

She almost didn't recognize him out of armor, but Cole was pointing at Loghain, making his way from the wall towards the stables. Probably going to speak with Blackwall, she imagined. She had no idea what Cole was talking about, who she was, but it sounded very sad. It almost made her wish she knew him well enough to help. He'd helped her after all.

But she didn't know Loghain at all. She wasn't going to ask. How would she bring that up?

My spirit told me you feel guilty. What's that about?

Sometimes Cole's gifts were a double edged blade.

"That one wishes that she was shorter," Cole said, pointing to a tow-headed human woman, polishing her plate armor. "So the dwarf with the tattoos and the short beard might notice her." He made a grumpy sound. "I can't fix that either." He sounded frustrated. "I can't help Solas either, he won't let me see." He looked at Varania, the movement shifting his fringe of hair away from his eyes for a moment. "Why do so many of you want to keep your hurt? I don't understand."

"It's hard to explain," Varania said. "Sometimes, its only our hurts that stop us from making the same mistakes over and over again."

"Oh." Cole got a faraway look. "Hungry and lost with nowhere else to go. Forgetting how terrible it was because its worse now. He's probably hungry too."

Varania shuddered. He was talking about her. About Fenris.

"His eyes are angry and then running and running and running. Please let me be dead." Cole looked up at her. "Like that?"

She nodded. "Just like that Cole."

Before she realized what was happening, Cole hopped up on the wall on the balls of his feet. He moved so fast she didn't even register he was moving at first. He gave her a little look and sprung himself off the wall, into a tree branch and then on to the ground where she watched as he had a quick talk with a sullen looking elf. She had circles under her eyes and a frown. As Cole spoke to her, she got a dreamy expression that morphed into a smile.

Cole was a wonder, even if he couldn't help her.

Varania swung her legs over the wall and headed back inside. The others would be awake soon and there were last minute plans to be made for the attack on Adamant.

Before that, there was the delivery of the dragon to attend to.

In Tevinter, everything had dragons on it. Statues, clothes, murals, everything. Varania thought she knew plenty about dragons, but when scouts in the Hinterlands came screaming in from the field with reports of one, she learned quickly that she didn't know anything. She took Bull, Solas and Sera out to check and they survived only by the narrowest margin.

Maker's mercy. She was still amazed they'd survived the encounter at all, though both Sera and Bull were beside themselves with glee over it.

They'd taken some pieces of the dragon; a few scales and bones, but the rest was coming to Skyhold today, meat and the skull in wagons, scales for armor and bones for weapons. Everyone was excited about it. Dagna was practically vibrating.

She hadn't seen much of Solas since the fight. He made himself scarce and she wasn't sure why. But she didn't force the issue. She was so caught up in her own agony over her brother, she knew she wasn't much for company anyway. It was funny, so many people would have run to the ones they loved when they were hurting, but Varania was used to dealing with things on her own. Sharing your hurts just drove people further away.

Trying to pull herself together, she made her way up the stairs into the hall. Cole's words wouldn't get out of her head.

He's very angry, but he's not sure who to be angry with.

Varania wasn't entirely sure either, but her palms felt itchy. So much was her fault. She wondered how much more she could bear.

She passed through the door, out of the early morning cool into the cavern of the hall where the fire was crackling and lanterns were burning. At the first door way that led to the rotunda, Solas was leaning against the wall. He pushed himself to his feet when he saw her come in.

"Vhenan," he said, with a small smile. "I've been looking for you."

Varania was happy to see him. She might not come to him for comfort, but she was certainly willing to take attention and affection if he offered it.

"Solas," she smiled at him. "You've found me."

He looked pleased at her reply. "I have something for you," he said simply. "If you have a moment."

"I always have time for you, ma lath," she admitted. That bit was true. There wasn't much that would take precedent. Fenris perhaps, but she couldn't be certain.

For his part, Solas looked pleased. He offered her his hand. "Let us find somewhere private."

Varania couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that as she took his hand. It had been a while since she'd had any private time with Solas. Her expression appeared to reflect the immediate thought that jumped into her head, because he chuckled at her in response.

"Alas, I don't think there's time for that," he said, pausing with a smug look before he continued. "Though perhaps we ought to make some time before we leave for the Western Approach tomorrow." He smirked at her. "For the moment, I have something different for you."

Feeling sheepish, she squeezed his had and resisted the urge to apologize. She knew it annoyed him when she apologized for things he didn't find offensive and so she did her best to tamp down the urge when it appeared. He lead her back into the rotunda and to his desk. Reaching into a drawer at the top, he pulled out a square of folded leather and put it into the palm of her hand. He folded her fingers over it, one hand underneath and the other draped over the top. She could feel something hard inside the delicate leather wrapping, vaguely oval shaped.

"I noticed that Varric calls you Butterfly," Solas said, without way of introduction, "But only when he thinks no one else is listening. His voice does carry however, right down this little hallway and I can hear him when I read at this desk," he continued. "Has he ever told you why?"

Varania shook her head. "I never thought to ask. He has nicknames for all of us after all."

"True indeed," he said. "Some flattering and some less so." He snorted. "Though I find Chuckles is growing on me, despite my better judgment."

A surprised grin snuck on to her face. She loved the idea that such a name might please him.

"However, he's more generous with some. He calls Cole Kid for example, since that is how he sees him. Not as a spirit or something otherworldly. Just a person. It has endeared Varric to me, I'll admit." He squeezed her hands. "So when I heard him call you Butterfly, I couldn't help but be intrigued. So I did ask."

"What did he say?" She honestly hadn't thought about it.

"He said it was what you were," Solas explained. "He said it was as simple as that. He knows your past; he was there in Kirkwall." Varania shuddered at the memory. "He knew what you were and he sees what you've become. He said he did also consider Blossom but it was too passive. A butterfly has to fight its way out of the chrysalis. That's what you did."

She swallowed hard. She had no idea that was how Varric saw her. He was so flippant about everything.

"He's right, of course," Solas continued. "You fought. And you came out a unique and lovely creature on the other side. I couldn't think of a more apt name."

He lifted his hand and hooked his fingers under hers, unfolding her hand from around the leather package. He gestured with his head, and Varania complied, unfolding the flaps to find what was inside. Laying on the sueded leather was a bone pendant, oval shaped with a pattern of knotwork at the top spiraling down into a butterfly. It was strung on a simple leather cord with small metallic beads, one on either side of the pendant.

It was beautiful. Her eyes searched his face, her mouth hanging open just a little in surprise. Solas, for his part, looked utterly sincere.

"It's a piece of dragon bone," he said. "From the high dragon in the Hinterlands. And beads made from fragments broken from one of the Fade artifacts we've been activating." He smiled a little. "It took longer than I expected; its why I've been so scarce."

"I don't know what to say," she admitted. She was utterly at a loss. She assumed he'd just been caught up in his own work and his explorations of the Fade. He was so focused on his research and she never tried to compete with it. But instead, he'd been making this, spending what must have been many, many hours carving the steel hard bones into this delicate shape.

He didn't reply with words, instead taking the pendant from her hand and draping it around her neck, his dexterous fingers tying the leather thong behind her neck. He fluttered her hair over the band when he was done and took a half step back to look at her.

"Very beautiful," he said, his eyes on the pendant at first and then sliding up to meet her eyes. "Though not as much as you are, vhenan."

Without even thinking, she took his face into her hands and kissed him. His arms came up around her, pulling them together tightly. Her heart felt like a million butterflies in her in her chest, all trying to get free. She felt like she might float away.

"Ma serannas," she whispered against his lips. He made a small pleased sound in return and pulled her closer. He tucked his chin on her shoulder, her ear flat against his chest.

She felt better in this moment than she had in the entirety of the time since they'd returned from Halamshiral. Once, she told Solas he didn't have to be alone in his pain.

She really needed to learn to take her own advice.

Cole. Varric. Solas. They cared about her; so did many others. They wanted her to be happy. She wanted a chance to be happy. Yet she'd told Fenris he could rip her heart out. Anything, just so he could be happy too. Even if it meant she had to lose her chance.

She didn't know how to reconcile that. Instead, she just let Solas hold her and listened to the comforting sound of his heart. Hers didn't make any sense. For now, his did.