A/N: Can't stop. Won't stop. #TeamMellie. This story is practically writing itself. I love Bellamy's portrayal of Mellie. She's such a truly intricate character, it's actually kind of fun to try and dig under her surface a little. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I still don't know if I'm going to make this multi-chapter. We'll see.

I forgot to mention before: All characters belong to ABC and Shonda.

Thanks a bunch to the reviewers as well. This chapter is for you. Especially you, Clio. I appreciate the time you took to write down your thoughts.

Xx Kate

If it hadn't have been for the fact that the water had run cold, Mellie wouldn't have gotten out of the shower. An hour underneath the scorching stream didn't even begin to cover the amount of time she needed to forget the occurrences of the day. Despite how hard she had been trying, Fitz' words still played on repeat in her head: The only woman I've ever loved. The only woman I've ever loved. Was it true? Had Fitz never loved her? Had she been ornamental from the start? Had she and Fitz truly been nothing? She thought back to the apartment on Morgan street, that damn electric blanket, her body and Fitz' intertwined every moment they got. She wiped away a tear forming in the duct of her eye. Mellie wasn't going to cry over this. So she had been played. So what? It was too late. She'd given her whole life to this man. It was over.

Mellie pulled her red silk robe around her small frame and tied it so tightly around her abdomen she could hardly breath. In that moment, she felt like the sash was the only thing holding her body together. She was a broken woman, a woman who no longer knew herself…or perhaps she had never really known herself. She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, drawing blood. The thought chilled her to the bone.

She set her mind on hooch. She pulled her wet hair into a bun, drying it would have to wait until later. Alcohol first. Forgetting the day first. That was her goal for the night. Tomorrow I'll be better, she told herself…but first things first, its time to forget. Hooch would do the trick.

She had planned on grabbing the bottle off her nightstand and taking it into the sitting room with the view of the White House lawn, but her plans had been thwarted as soon as she stepped into her bedroom.

"Mellie."

Mellie stared blankly at the man. "Fitzgerald." She forced her face to remain expressionless. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"

"You left before we could finish our discussion." His voice was soft, sad even.

Mellie couldn't help but scoff slightly at his word choice. "Our discussion? Is that what you would have called it?" Her voice was not raised. It was sad, too. She couldn't find the energy to be angry. Two sad souls filled the room. Both confused. Both hurt. Both exhausted.

"No, I suppose not. It was the blame game, not a discussion," Fitz responded after a while, "That's what we do best, right Mellie?"

They both looked at the floor, not able to meet each other's gazes.

"Why are you here?" Mellie asked again, her voice breaking as she spoke. That got Fitz' attention. His eyes jerked towards hers and when they locked, the hurt was palpable between them.

"What happened between us?" Fitz asked instead, standing from the bed.

Mellie dragged her hands over her face and shook her head, "Let's not do this, Fitz."

Silence filled the space between them. Why was he here? Why did he stand between her and her hooch? Why did he always seem to stand in the way…She just wished he would leave.

"I came to say… I want Teddy part time," Fitz stated firmly. He was about to say more. He was about to make his case. He hadn't brought it up in the meeting earlier, but he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since Mellie had left. He wanted time with his son. He deserved it. He was a good father. He was about to conjure up his nerve, to fight for him if need be, but Mellie interrupted before he could start.

"Of course," she said simply.

"Of course?"

"Yes. Of course you can have Teddy part time." She offered no further explanation. No reason for why she had changed her mind.

He was silent for moment. "Thank you."

Mellie nodded solemnly and blinked back tears. Fitz noticed and immediately felt uncomfortable. Yet he didn't make a move to leave.

"Is that it?" Mellie asked, clearing her throat nervously.

"Mellie…" He wanted to stay. He wanted to make sure things were all right between them. He was furious with her, he could barely stand to look at her, he might even hate her but that didn't change the fact that they had been married for nearly twenty years and she was the mother of his children. He didn't want to see her hurting.

"Did you ever love me?" She asked suddenly, ripping Fitz away from his thoughts.

"What?"
"Did you marry me because I was the perfect choice for a politicians wife or did you marry me because I was the perfect choice for you?"

"Mellie, don't act like being a politicians wife isn't what you wanted…"
"So you never did love me." It wasn't a question.
"I didn't say that…" Fitz stated firmly.

"You didn't have to," she said sadly. He searched her eyes from across the room. Neither spoke for what felt like hours. Fitz couldn't find the right words to say to his wife. His Ex wife. Of course I loved you seemed like a lie to him now. He loved Olivia Pope and he had for a long time. It was hard for him to remember back to a time he was truly in love with his wife. But seeing Mellie's face, stripped of make-up, pale and drawn, he couldn't just say nothing, either. That would have been cruel.

"You were right, earlier," he began, taking a few steps toward her, "You were right. I am the common denominator. I've done many things that I am not proud of, Mellie. I've sent people to their deaths for the one I love…" Mellie cringed noticeably at his word choice. He of course meant Olivia. Starting a war for Olivia Pope. "I only mean to say that… I understand why you did it. I believe that you did it for me…giving those names to Rowan. What happened was horrible…what you did was horrible…but so was what I did. We've both done horrible things." Fitz shuttered at the thought.

"My whole life is made up of horrible things I've done for you, Fitz. But then again, it would be lying to say that I didn't have myself in mind, too. I'm not delusional. I know my part in all of this is significant. I know that I'm the one who shut you out. I know I could have saved us if I'd just have told you about what happened with your father…" Mellie choked on the last word, letting a sob escape her lips. It was killing her to be honest. So many years of faking it and she'd forgotten how to be real. She willed herself to continue, "I couldn't though, Fitz. I couldn't tell you what happened…Every time I tried, the words would jumble in my head and my mouth would go dry. I thought I could swallow it and everything would be okay…I thought we would be okay." She was full on sobbing at this point. Fitz closed the gap between them and grabbed Mellie's shaking shoulders to steady her.

"It's okay, Mellie..." He tried to pull her into him but she jerked away, grabbing onto the bathroom doorframe for support.
"It's not okay," she blubbered, "I messed everything up. I convinced myself you loved me and I locked you in a marriage you had no desire to be a part of…and for what?"

"I did want to be a part of our marriage, Mellie." That was the truth.

"For the aesthetics," she corrected softly, "Because without a wife you would never have been elected President of the United States… and I was…there, and it was an easy choice, I get it."

"It was an easy choice," he agreed.

Mellie inhaled audibly, her mouth opening slightly, hurt and devastation apparent on her dejected face. Was he really going to admit it? She hadn't truly prepared her heart to hear it. That he had never loved her.

"It was an easy choice to marry you, Mellie, because I loved you. Yeah, it was practically an arranged marriage, you're right. But the moment my father introduced us, you had me," he smiled sadly, "That long chestnut hair, those blue eyes, that chin dimple," he placed his finger on his favorite part of her face, "you had me."

More tears pooled in her eyes. "Thank god," she breathed out, clutching at her robe's collar. His brows furrowed and she could tell she had confused him with her response so she continued, "I thought I had gone crazy. We were in love, right Fitz? I'm not nuts, at one point you and I were in love."

"At one point, yes, Mel. We were in love."