With the ashes of the Chantry still drifting through the darkened sky, Anders sat hunched on a crate, his brown eyes full of apprehensive regret while Lillian debated his fate. Her enraged husband Sebastian hovered beside her, his knuckles were white, blue eyes aflame with anger. Lillian stared at Anders, still hoping this was a nightmare she'd awake from. Varric's voice roused her from her thoughts. "Hawke? We can't stay here, we have to get Sunshine and Daisy out of the city." he gently reminded. Lillian blankly tore her gaze away from Anders onto her nearby entourage of friends.
"No, I'm staying to fight." Bethany said firmly.
"Me as well." Merrill added bravely.
Aveline spoke up. "Regardless we can't keep standing here. You know what must be done."
Isabella glanced around feebly. "Judging from the looks of things, it's the perfect time to go raiding."
"Shut up whore." Aveline mumbled.
Fenris advised. "Slay him and be done with it."
Lillian couldn't in all good consciousness, slay someone she had cared about, someone who she suspected still had feelings for her. But such an unthinkable crime deserved nothing less than an execution, and were it anyone else Lillian wouldn't have faltered. Feeling Sebastian's attention shift onto her, Lillian swallowed the massive lump in her throat, she murmured. "Yes, Anders will die...but not by my hand."
"What?!" gasped Sebastian and Aveline.
Lillian couldn't look at her husband, or Anders, or anyone. Instead she stared at the bloodied templar a few inches from her boots. "He's my friend."
"He's a MURDERER!" Sebastian replied, glaring intently at Anders.
"And that undoes the nearly nine years we've spent together?" Lillian challenged.
"Are you forgetting what Elthina was to me?! That she was the one to marry us?" Sebastian spat.
"I forget nothing Sebastian." Lillian growled. It was because of this attribute, that Lillian's mind was racing with wonderment. Was this her fault? Had she not turned Anders away, had they shared a bed and the years that would followed, would they still be standing here now?
Fenris's voice lured her from her thoughts."Hawke…He is no longer your friend, he's an abomination. Cut him down before he causes more damage."
Merrill argued. "He should come with us, try to make things right."
Fenris barely turned his head when he barked. "No one is asking your opinion."
"Or yours!" Merrill taunted.
"Enough!" Aveline cut in. "Hawke..."
"If you want him dead kill him yourself!" Lillian snapped, leering freely. She could almost see the surprise fluttering through her companions like an airwave. Lillian's gaze lingered on Bethany, the sister she had barely glimpsed out of the Gallows for six years. Bethany looked lost, but determined with only mild traces of fear. Lillian's gaze dropped sideways onto Anders as she whispered. "It's too soon to know if I should thank you or curse you...but I do understand...and I forgive you..."
"Lily!" Sebastian protested brazenly.
"Goodbye Anders. Maker forgive you, Andraste embrace you.." Lillian told him, ignoring Sebastian as she moved forward, gently grabbing Bethany's arm with one hand, and withdrawing her longsword with the other. Lillian led her sister away from the group and didn't look back, though a sixth sense told her Varric was following.
Bethany softly asked. "Don't you want to see what happens Varric?"
"I'd rather not watch Blondie die Sunshine." Varric replied, unhooking Bianca from the strap across his torso. "Besides I'm telling Hawke's story, not his..." The hiss of Bianca firing whizzed through the air as he fired into an oncoming slew of templars.
The others, minus Anders, caught up eventually as if nothing had happened. Anger still radiated off Sebastian, Fenris still reeked of contempt and Aveline was stoic as ever, making it hard for Lillian to gauge what exactly had happened. She decided, just like Varric, she was better off to not know who had done the killing blow, if Merrill had teared-up, if Isabella had winced. Those details would come soon enough. Her only concern now was protecting Bethany. Yet even as Lillian squared off against an abomination, her heart was trenched in guilt, knowing she shared the blame for the atrocity that had befallen Kirkwall.
She had helped Anders collect ingredients, thinking she was helping him defuse Justice from his being. Later Anders had confessed he lied, that there was no undoing the bond between him and Justice. Lillian pressed him, but Anders dodged her every advance, demanding she help him further, regardless of his ulterior motives. Lillian refused. Angry and unthinking, she had walked away. Didn't speak to him for months…that is, until tonight.
As the abomination fell, Lillian swallowed hard, knowing tonight may've been avoided had she only taken back what she helped him obtain. Never once had it occurred to her that there may be ramifications.
"That was fun." Isabella panted, sheathing her daggers. "Now are we sure about this whole 'staying and defending the mages' thing? We could seize that ship and leave..."
Varric chuckled hoarsely. "You've been eyeing that ship ever since it first docked Riavini."
"And now's the perfect time to claim it. I have reason!" Isabella replied.
Fenris kept his sword at the ready as he started down the steps first. "Leave if you wish, I'm sure you'll come back mid-way out of the Free Marshes, realizing you still owe a debt to someone." he said.
Isabella's eyes darted to Lillian and she cursed inaudibly, as Merrill walked up beside her. "You aren't really leaving are you Isabella? You said you'd take me with you..but I want to stay and fight.."
Isabella smiled in a defeated kind of way. "No Kitten, I'm not going...I was just...joking."
"Right." Aveline grumbled, shepherding Bethany forward.
The boatride was long and silent. Lillian glanced at her husband, but Sebastian kept his eyes forward, arms crossed. Her gaze fell onto Varric who was rowing, and she was startled to see just how uncertain he looked. Lillian sensed Bethany approach her. "No matter what happens sister, know that I love you." she said softly.
"I love you too..which is why I'll die before I let them harm you." Lillian replied.
"And I you."
"Don't say that."
"I will die before harm befalls either of you." Sebastian spoke up.
Lillian's heart fluttered in relief, but when she looked at him, his face remained unreadable. Lillian slowly exhaled, turning her face to the approaching Gallows.
"Don't fret Sweet-Thing, he still loves you." Isabella reassured her. Lillian glanced at her curiously. "Just because I've never been in love, doesn't mean I don't know the look. He was still giving it to you, even as you walked away."
Lillian casually moved closer to Isabella. "Was it quick?" she murmured, referring to Anders.
"..Mostly.." Isabella replied.
"It was Fenris." Merrill added. "Sebastian was going to shoot him, but Fenris wanted to be sure so he...well he does what he usually does. Anders just sat there, and Aveline stood right in my face to make sure I didn't interrupt..I'm sorry Hawke.."
Lillian merely muttered. "Of course it was Fenris.."
It wasn't long before Lillian and the others were holed up in the deepest part of the Gallows, standing amongst what remained of the mages along with First Enchanter Orisino. Varric spoke to her first.
"Nervous Lavender?" he asked.
"You must be nervous to use my oh-so-rare nickname.." she deflected.
"Nah. Nervous about not finishing your story maybe, but otherwise...I'm fine." Varric replied with faux cheeriness. "Besides 'Lavender' is a mouthful, just like 'Sunshine'...yet nothing else would be a fitting nickname for either of you."
Lillian smiled numbly. "Thank you for everything Varric." she said sincerely.
"It's been an honor Hawke. If we survive this...don't let Choirboy turn you into a bore..." Varric requested.
A laugh slipped from Lillian's lips. "Promise."
"Good. Now go talk to him. I'll be here..taking notes..just in case Meredith doesn't butcher us all.." Varric responded.
Lillian did as Varric instructed, unsure if she should hold onto the bittersweet smile that had planted itself on her lips or wipe it off. Sebastian's piercing blue eyes met her identical ones. "It's hard to look at all these mages and not see Anders..but not every mage is like him, we are here to defend those who would be wrongly hurt.." he greeted.
"...I'm sorry about Elthina.." Lillian said softly.
"She was like a mother to me. He never even got to know her...neither did you, now that I think on it.." Sebastian paused and Lillian braced herself for the backlash. "...A shame. She liked you Lily. If she hadn't, she would've never wed us...certainly would've never..." Sebastian trailed off, and Lillian was shocked to see blush streaks appearing across his cheeks. "...reminded me that in such a case of being the last of my line, The Maker would not frown on...marital rights being..acted upon."
Lillian's eyebrows flew, causing creases to appear in her tattooed forehead. "Meaning sex?" she blurted. Sebastian's face grew pinker. "The Grand Cleric gave you permission to bed me and you didn't?!"
"Lily please.." Sebastian plead, his eyes darting from a curious Merrill to a smirking Varric. "Keep your voice down...I was waiting for the right time luv, when all this was over.."
Lillian crossed her arms indigently. "You blighted nug, I've been saving myself for you...and now we may never get the chance."
"How was I to know nothing had happened between you and Anders? The way he looked at you...Maker just the memory fills me with fresh envy.." Sebastian replied, flexing his hands into fists.
Lillian debated telling him the truth, that something almost had happened but even Varric didn't know about it. Was it really necessary now, on the eve of battle, especially with Anders dead? No, she decided.
"You hid it well.." Lillian mused.
"Being a brother of the faith, you learn to mask things that trouble you..otherwise confessions wouldn't be quite so personal..." Sebastian said.
"Speaking of...if we survive this..." Lillian began.
"When we survive this," Sebastian corrected. "We three," his blue eyes shifted to Bethany. "will return to Starkhaven. It needs a strong ruler in these troubling times. So I daresay we will all get what we want.." A smile bit at his lips. "Bethany will be safe, leading a normal life as she's always desired...While you and I, will be bond in flesh as well as spirit.." His hands grasped her gauntlets, his gaze crushing into her. "I love you Lily. It was my honor to claim you as my wife, and I will be just as humble to take you as my wife, if fate persists." His loving smile turned momentarily cheeky and Lillian felt her face flush. "I will not abandon you Lillian Amell-Hawke Vael. We are one in the Maker's eyes, if we fall here, may we meet again at His side."
"...I thought you said we were going to win." Lillian said lightly, hoping he'd pick up on the sarcastic edge to her words.
He did. "..We are luv," Seb chuckled. "Just in case.." he finished soberly, leaning forward and gingerly pressing his lips against hers. Lillian rested a hand along his jawline, deepening the kiss. She wanted it to last forever, to glimpse the body that shiny armor of his hid, to feel it against hers, but he pulled away, kissing the base of her wrist with an encouraging look emitting from his ocean eyes.
"Sister..you lucky bitch.." they overheard Bethany breathe. They both glanced across the room and it was Bethany's turn to blush, earning a roar of laughter from Varric and Fenris who stood near her.
"I must admit husband, I'm surprised you aren't heckling me...for Anders.." Lillian said.
"You cared about him, and he for you, moreso than he should've...that much was always clear to me. It was your caring alone that strayed my hand from turning him into the templars...such indecision, will always haunt me now.." Sebastian lowly replied, his eyes hardening in emotion.
"..I suppose it's silly...but some part of me felt like because he knew my cousin, to betray Anders would be betraying her as well..he told me all about their adventures in Amarathine...I hope if we survive, I'll get a chance to meet her.."
"I'll tell you what luv, once we are settled in Starkhaven, I will request an audience with the Hero of Ferderlan. She is family after all..."
Swept up by the thought, Lillian smiled. "That would be beyond wonderful."
Sebastian kissed the side of her mouth. "Then let us end this warfare." he declared.
The wind blew shrilly through the sails of 'The Reaver', the ship Isabella had happily seized the moment she could. It was cutting through the ocean with minimal effort. The atmosphere aboard the ship was a mix of triumphant, pride, and dread. Truthfully Lillian was feeling all three. Meredith had branded herself into a lyrium statue, which was quite frankly ironic. Bethany was safe, and carefully examining everyone that had been close to Meredith at the time. Lillian's Maburi Cessah had come running midway through the battle, had remained at her side ever since. She absentmindedly bent down and scratched his head. He barked a bit and licked her hand as she withdrew it. His tail began to wag, as Sebastian stepped up and wrapped his arms around Lillian's waist. "Bet Cullen wishes he hadn't granted you templar training now, eh?" he greeted, resting his chin against the curve of her jaw. "How exactly did you pull that off anyhow?"
"Oh can I tell the story?" Varric requested, from his perch on a barrel.
"Do I ever take such opportunities away from you Varric?" Lillian replied, as she separated herself from Sebastian.
"Not usually. But did you ever miss out Choirboy, Hawke looks rather stunning in templar garbe." Varric began.
"I don't doubt it." Sebastian chuckled, hooking an arm around Lillian's shoulders as they rested their weight against a long metal crate.
"Why would you?" Varric agreed. The humor slowly drained from Sebastian's face. Varric cleared his throat and began a long colorful tale of Lillian's stint as a templar-in-training. As it was being told, Sebastian found himself becoming less interested with the story, and more focused on Lillian's reactions. A constant smile was playing along her lips broken by the occasional heartfelt giggle. Her eyes were bright with cheer, in a way that Sebastian had scarcely seen before. Sebastian's fingers bunched into his palm, as he took a good hard look at Varric. "As it turns out Choirboy," he was saying. "Cullen watched over Hawke's cousin before she was The Hero Of Federlan, and grew terribly smitten with her. Fact, word is our dear Champion and the Hero shares the same taste in facial tattoos."
"Fascinating." Sebastian said dryly.
"Are you okay?" Lillian asked lightly.
"Course." Sebastian said flatly.
"Perhaps he didn't like the part where Hawke 'fluttered her eyes' at the Knight-Captain." Fenris suggested.
"She isn't exactly the 'eye-fluttering' type." Aveline agreed.
"I know that - it was a figure of speech!" Varric responded.
Bethany, who had been scrutinizing Sebastian, glanced over her shoulder and addressed Isabella. "How long do you think it'll take to get to Starkhaven?" she inquired.
"Hard to guess Sweetness, never been there before." Isabella replied.
Sebastian straightened, releasing a sigh in the process. "With the speed this ship is sailing, I'd say a week, week-and-a-half at the most.." he announced.
Merrill who had been idly plucking at a lute, looked up from the instrument and asked "Did you visit your family often?"
"For birthdays yes. I'd usually surprise my parents on their anniversary as well." Sebastian answered.
Aveline asked incredulously. "You didn't harbor any ill-will for them after they stuck you in the chantry?"
"I always visited them, but it took a year or two for me to do so without an ulterior motive." Sebastian admitted with a soft chuckle.
"You know Choirboy, you never did give us specifics on your homeland. Since we're headed there, I think it's about time you started spilling all the dirty little details." Varric responded.
"Dirty little details?" Sebastian repeated.
"Well 'we really eat the dead' would be a good starting point."
"That was a heinous rumor you concocted Varric."
"That's never been proven Choirboy!" Varric retorted with false insolence. "Now do indulge us..just how pretentious is it? You seemed to indicate it was worse than Orlais..."
Aveline shook her head. "Maker be kind, I hope not." she replied.
"...As far as fashion goes, yes." Sebastian said hesitantly, earning groans from the group.
Fenris spoke up. "So we're going to stick out the moment we step off port?" he demanded.
"Most likely. Though to be fair, we would've stuck out anyway, seeing as I am the rightful lord...and there are no Dalish or frequent dwarves." Sebastian responded carefully.
Lillian's gaze strayed onto Varric. "The latter may change indefinitely.." she said with a playful smile.
Varric smirked. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves Hawke..."
Neither of them noticed Sebastian's scowl, but Bethany certainly did. "Let's get back on the fashion topic," she requested.
"Yes," Aveline agreed. "If we're to stay there until a real course of action is determined for each of us, we should know what we'll be getting into...literally."
"I'm afraid I can't be certain. Fashion trends revolve quite frequently in Starkhaven." Sebastian said.
"Well that might be fun..eh Kitten?" Isabella mused, meeting Merrill's gaze before returning her attention on Seb. "Just how long does it take to revolve Starkys out of the clothing all together?" A mild blush coated Sebastian's cheeks. "Oo you do remember. Don't hold out on me, spill it - how many drinks until the boots start knocking together?"
"That's right," Lillian hummed earning the focus of her beau. "You used to be like Isabella."
"Not quite, I only bedded women." Sebastian replied.
"So you were only half as fun as me." Isabella noted. "Now are you going to answer me or do I have to knock on Andraste's face again?"
"No!" Sebastian blurted at the exact same instant Lillian squawked "What?"
Varric explained. "She dared herself to do it after reading The Belt Buckle Of Righteous..."
"Don't look at me like that Hawke, nothing more happened. He didn't even 'stand at attention'..." Isabella told her.
"Which led to great insight for my story Hawke," Varric continued. "The Belt Buckle Of Righteous is sworn that no more harm will be done to its bearer, since its bearer has already had to deal with the agonizing trials of becoming a eunuch."
"What's a eunuch?" Merrill asked causing Sebastian to hide his reddened face behind his hands.
"Well you see Daisy.." Varric began.
"It's the saddest thing ever Kitten.." Isabella began.
Still shielding his face, Sebastian cried out faintly. "Maker hush! Both of you...!"
"Oh I-I'm sorry Sebastian." Merrill mumbled, before leaning towards Bethany and softly asking "Is it something bad?"
"It's...unfortunate." Bethany stammered. Merrill stared, curiously tilting her head. "Yes...let's just say yes. It's bad."
"In all seriousness Sweet-Thing, you did check beneath his trousers before saying 'I do' right?" Isabella asked Lillian, resting a hand on her hip. "Because I bedded an Andrastian when I was younger and let me tell you, he could barely call himself a man. Taught me a valuable lesson though - always check below deck first."
"But..what if he doesn't have a ship?" Merrill piped.
"Oh Kitten…" Isabella sighed.
"What? Did I miss something?" Merrill asked innocently.
"You always do." Fenris muttered, continuing to sharpen his blade.
"That's your so-called 'standard' with men is it?" Aveline guessed.
"Pretty much…" Isabella shrugged.
"I don't see how it matters in this case, being a chaste marriage and all.." Varric pointed out.
Sebastian was quick to retort. "That may soon be changing."
Faint surprise imprinted onto Varric's face. "Really? Well good! About damn time." He chuckled. Secretly, he felt an uneasy rumble in the pit of his heart.
"I'll believe it when I see it." Isabella replied.