Sorry it isn't that long.

I spent most of the day cleaning up the apartment. It was a complete mess. With Jake's things gone, it seemed a lot more empty. Not that I was missing him, it was just going to take time to adjust to living alone. I knew I could do it. Jake had only been gone for like 5 hours and I was already feeling better. I didn't want to jump the gun, but I was very happy I didn't have to deal with him anymore. A huge weight was lifted off my chest and I couldn't have been more happy about it. I was actually able to be alone and not have to deal with nagging. I was able to feel comfortable in my own apartment again. I owed Javier, big time. He didn't know how much he helped me today. If he didn't come today, who knows what I would be doing right now. Who knows where I would be right now.

While cleaning the refrigerator, I saw a picture of Jake and I at a birthday party for our friend, Mason. We looked happy then. That was back before everything changed. It hurt looking at it, so I tossed it to the side and kept cleaning. I was almost done with cleaning the whole apartment. When I was done, I was surprised how different everything looked. No clothes on the floor, clean dishes, clean counters, cleaning bathroom and it smelled substantially better. I decided to take another shower and change out of pajamas. I wanted to look somewhat presentable when Kevin showed up.

Despite Jake being gone and having the strain of that relationship gone, another kind of pressure had been put on me and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Should I really be jumping into to something with Kevin? I just went through the worst time with Jake. Maybe I should take time to think things through. I shouldn't be rushing into something with someone else. I needed to stay single for awhile. No matter how much I was starting to like Kevin. I knew I wasn't ready for a new relationship. I knew time was something I needed, before I could be with someone. Kevin wasn't just anyone either. He was special and I was definitely sure that I didn't deserve him. When Kevin came over later, I would have to explain this to him. He was a smart guy and I am sure he would understand. I really hoped he would understand. I didn't want to lose him completely. He was very important to me.

I was reading a book when I heard someone knock at the door. I didn't know if it was stupid or not, but I was sort of afraid it was Jake. I looked through the peephole before opening the door. It wasn't Jake, it was Kevin. I took a moment to ready myself for what was ahead. When I opened the door, I saw Kevin, standing there and for the first time since I met him, he was wearing regular clothes. He wasn't in a suit. He was in black jeans and an orange shirt and a jacket.. It took me by surprise. He smiled at me.

"Hey." I finally spat out.

"Hey." He echoed.

"Uh, come on in." I laughed, realizing how weird I was acting. He came in and I closed the door behind him.

"Wow. Looks like I am not the only one who knows how to keep a clean place." He was looking around.

"Well, things were messy this morning, so I took advantage of the situation and cleaned. It was killing me."

He laughed and looked back at me. "You're cheek is looking better." He observed.

"Yeah. Thanks to the magic of frozen peas." I smiled. "So are you thirsty? Can I get you anything?"

"Sure. What do you have?"

"I don't know." I laughed. "Let me go check." I opened the refrigerator and only saw beer and an old carton of OJ. I opted for the beer. I grabbed two and walked back. "Here, its all I got." I handed the beer over. I was feeling nervous. I wanted to tell him what I was thinking, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I couldn't just bring it up out of nowhere. "Here, we can come in here and sit down." I chewed my lip, trying to think of anything to say. I sighed. "So I hope I didn't get you guys in trouble for leaving work earlier."

He put down the bottle. "No. We just told the captain, we were running down some leads."

"Good." I sighed. I was a little worried, Gates would go crazy.

"You haven't seen or heard from Jake, right?" He asked.

"Nope. I think today he finally got it through his thick head."

"I hope so."

"Yeah, it weird not seeing him here, but it feels amazing."

He smiled. "Yeah, today has been a weird day."

"You can say that again." I figured now was the window of opportunity. I might not get another chance to bring it up. I tried to steady myself. I knew this was going to be difficult for me. I turned to him, feeling my stomach turn. Here it goes. Don't back out. I told myself repeatedly. I licked my lips and was just about to speak, when he leaned forward and kissed me. His lips were so soft. How was it possible? I wanted to do a lot of things at that moment. I wanted to pull away. I wanted to tell him what I thought. Another part of me wanted me to stop thinking and keep going with it. Unfortunately, I couldn't do all of those things. When his tongue entered my mouth, all thoughts of ending this kiss were gone. Kissing wasn't so bad. I could kiss him. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. I felt his hand start rubbing my leg. His lips trailed down to my neck. I sighed. This felt really good. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer to him. I wasn't sure I could do this. I couldn't just keep my mouth shut to get sex. I needed to talk to him.

"Kevin." I breathed out."Can we uh, talk for a sec?"

He kissed me again, this time with a sense of urgency. His hands cupped my face. When the kiss broke he stared down. "You don't want this, do you?" He asked pointing back and forth at the two of us.

"I do." I nodded. "I just think we shouldn't do it now, is all." I made him look at me. "I think its too soon to jump into something, you know?" I was hoping he wouldn't react badly to this. He sighed and then smiled.

"Don't worry. I understand it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I mean, you have been through a lot, you need time, right?"

I nodded. "Unfortunately." I said, looking at him.

"Yeah, can't say I'm not a little disappointed."

"Neither can I."

"Probably for the best though, right?"

I nodded. "I guess so."

"So what do we do now?" He asked.

I sat down the beer, I still had in my hand. "Not sure." I laughed. "Movie?" I asked.

"Sure." He smiled and sat back on the couch.

I randomly picked a movie from the few I had left. When I got back to the couch I grabbed my beer and sat down. I felt a little stupid. Right now, I could be doing something, I couldn't stop thinking about. I knew it wouldn't have been the right time though. I just needed to keep my head on straight and I needed to stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about the way I felt when he wrapped his arms around me. The way his lips felt against mine. Ugh. I shook my head and took a another drink. This wasn't going to be easy. Sometime during the movie, I noticed our hands were close to each others. I slowly moved mine away. I didn't need any temptations.

I made myself focus on the movie. Unfortunately, the movie I put in, had a sex scene in it. This wasn't helping at all. I didn't dare look at Kevin. I just kept my eyes forward and didn't move or say anything. The storyline of the characters in the movie, wasn't too different from my situation at the moment. Woman is in an a bad relationship, she ends it. Her friend is there to comfort her. They sleep together. The male character asks her if they should do this, given everything she had been through. She nodded and told him she wanted to do it, because she was tired of doing everything she should be doing. I always thought she was being selfish. Why would she do that? Wasn't it wrong? Shouldn't she had just told him no? Of course, if she said, no, they wouldn't have slept together and ultimately, probably wouldn't have ended up with each other. I sighed. I knew what I should be doing. I also knew what I wanted to do. The problem was, that both of those things were polar opposite. I looked out of the corner of my eyes to Kevin. I wondered if he was thinking the same as me. The thing was, that I didn't know if what I thought was the right thing to do was actually the right thing. True, I did just end a relationship. I was happy I ended it. I felt better and stronger with Jake gone. I was single. Kevin was single. As far as I could tell, he didn't have any problems doing what he wanted. Maybe I shouldn't have been so closed minded. I was single. Sleeping with Kevin, didn't mean I had to settle down and get married. Maybe doing what I wanted, wasn't such a bad thing. I was able to do what I wanted. I shook my head. Leave it to me, to get inspiration from a dumb movie. I was a scared. What if now that I rejected him, he wouldn't want me?

All I had to do was try. I took a drink and put the beer back down. I sat back and leaned my head back. This was going to be a difficult. I didn't want to face rejection. I looked over to see Kevin looking back at me. He had a look as if he were lost in a thought. I didn't look away, like I always felt compelled to do before. I just kept eye contact with him. I had always loved his bright blue eyes, but right now I was convinced I would love his eyes no matter what color they were. They were like a window to how he was feeling. I could tell every emotion he was feeling from those eyes. Okay. I'm a grown women and I am allowed to do whatever I want. I needed to stop thinking and just do.

"Kevin?" I asked, my voice a little shaky.

"Yes." He replied in a similar voice.

"I changed my mind." His eyes brightened.

"About what?" He asked, doubt in his voice. We sat there just looking at each other. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were like a drug. I couldn't get over how kissing him made me feel. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. I felt safe and secure. This is what I wanted and I didn't care if I was moving too fast. I was allowed to move however fast I wanted.

I felt Kevin's arms slip around my waist. Hands rubbed against my back. They were soft, yet strong. He pulled my on top of him. He pulled away and looked at me.

"Do you want to stop?" He asked.

I shook my head and kissed him. I wasn't backing out this time. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same to me.

"Bedroom?" I asked, between kisses.

"Where?" I pointed in the right direction. "There."

"Okay." He stood up and I wrapped my legs around him and started kissing his neck. He made a moan that made me go crazy. I closed the door, once we were in my room. Right now, in this moment, everything was perfect and I was going to try and savor every moment of it.