Lilith was suppose to be concentrating. She wanted to concentrate. Needed to concentrate. Yet, her recent run in with Mordecai kept pestering her like a rakk that didn't know how to give up. Narrowing her eyes at the monitor in front of her, the siren told herself she wasn't upset with the hunter going AWOL or his feeble excuse for essentially disappearing on her, nor was Lilith really holding onto any anger. She didn't normal hold grudges, at least not over something like that. To be frank, it was a common occurrence to have comrades look her up and down at least once or twice. Being a siren, she actually expected several long glances coming her way on any given day. The fact that Mordecai had finally joined the rest of the planet in its admiration for her did not alarm the woman nor did it trouble her... But it was upsetting her.
'No.' Lilith scolded himself as she flipped through tabs in an unsuccessful effort to stay focused. 'You are not upset. Not even bothered... No Lilith,' a hushed voice came from a deeper part of her brain, hissed as if echoing from a waking dream. 'You're intrigued by it.'
In a frantic moment that followed, the siren straightened away from machine she'd been working over, her eyes dilating, her heart skipping a beat. That moment passed quickly, and Lilith soon regained control of her expression and pulse. Nevertheless, the damage had been done and Lilith lost all interest in concentrating. Reading reports could be done later, when she felt a bit more sane and a lot less flustered.
"No." Lilith told herself again, this time out loud. "That's not it either. I am not intrigued." Something between her stomach and chest squirmed at this, as if her body were trying to argue otherwise. Still, Lilith stubbornly clung onto the notion that she was indifferent towards the matter. She was not pleased that Mordecai had been looking at her recently (although what woman wouldn't be pleased with someone actually paying attention to her?), nor was Lilith charmed that he had been thinking about her. (but who didn't want to be fondly thought of?), nor did she have any interest in encouraging such feelings (but it had been a while since she'd been with anyone and some affection could be good for both parties...).
"Fucking, damn it." Lilith growled and phased a nearby chair out of the room, as if she could dislocate debating her thoughts with the piece of furniture. Yet, just as logic knew it would, her brain went under no change after the chair vanished.
Heaving a sigh, Lilith slumped against a wall, running a hand through her hair as she did so. A part of her couldn't really be considering this, could it? Admittedly, she had hooked up with a friend or two in the past, but those times had been different. The potential for an actual relationship had already existed in most prior cases. Then again, from the sounds of it Mordecai wasn't interested in just a hook up either. The way he'd worded things, "it could have been you and me instead of you and Roland" seemed evident of that.
Lilith couldn't be that interested, could she? Having a fling with Mordy was on thing, but making him her boyfriend was something completely different. Mordecai was the hunter after all. He was known around Pandora for drinking to much and having a fondness for unusual birds of pray. Not to mention the hunter still had some doubts about Bunkers and Bad Asses.
Lilith almost laughed at picture of them together. No, Mordecai was definitely not like any other man she'd ever dated. And yet, here she was with a quiet yet strong voice arguing its case from somewhere inside her head. The idea started to gain some footing, but Lilith wasn't about to give in that easily, even to a part of herself.
No, at the very least, it was too soon. Roland's death hadn't been that far back and while the siren and the soldier hadn't been together for a while something definitely had still been lingering there.
'Yet if it is to soon-' That same hushed voice made itself know, apparently just as stubborn as the rest of her was. '-you wouldn't even be considering this. Life's too short on this planet to keep yourself or anyone else waiting.' Lilith grunted and bit her tongue as if trying to squish bothersome tone into silence. 'What is there to lose? Mordecai isn't the worst man on Pandora by a long shot and it's not exactly like you're committing to him. If this doesn't work out, you'll both get over it. Past heartbreaks on both your parts are proof enough of that.'
"I can't believe I am losing an argument with myself." Lilith snorted out loud, her resolve beginning to crack. 'You're not losing an argument with yourself.' That inner voice rebutted. 'You're wining an argument with yourself. '
A/N: I'm just as sorry it took so long to update this as I am about Namesake. I'm not really sure why it took four months for me to pump this out, but it did and I apologize. I know what waiting for updates can be like. I know this chapter isn't as exciting or as long as other chapters but at least it's a chapter! As always thankies for reading and please review!