By the time I returned to the hotel I was lost and confused and in a daze. The dress Raoul had bought me felt too itchy and tight. I felt as though I was suffocating falling below the surface and drowning, drifting away into a lagoon of the lost. How could he have left me? How could he just forget me and use me and leave me? I poured out my soul to him I gave him everything because he was my everything. Suddenly there was a quick rough knock at my door. I quickly wiped away my harsh selfish tears as the door swung open. Raoul was standing in my doorway looking so very handsome. I looked at him carefully. I could love him. He was handsome and had a bright future. He was rich and he could take care of me. But he wasn't what I wanted. Raoul didn't know what real love was. He thought he did but love to him was beauty, an external attraction. There wasn't a deep connection or an alluring song that would always bring him back to his love. He was a man of superficial needs. A man I could easily love as a dear and precious childhood friend, but never anything more.
"Good morning my love. Such a beautiful day for a wedding." He said to me as he pulled me into a tight hug and kiss. His lips were rough and his hands were strong and forceful. Whereas, Erik last night has been soft and gentle yet so unbearably aggressive in a way that could only make you swoon deeper into his arms. His lips, although scarred, had been gentle and sweet as they desperately found my shoulders and hands. His fingers were those of a musician. He knew where to grab around my waist and he did it with just enough force to make me want more but with such gentleness as though he didn't want to break me. Raoul's voice was much more in the tenor range were as Erik's was a low seductive bass. Erik's words were also carefully chosen and those of a poet's. STOP! I will not think of Erik! He left me alone. He broke my heart! I will do what a good woman should do. Just love. Just live. Just give what I can give and take what little I deserve.
"What's the matter Christine? Aren't you ready to get married?" I looked up into Raoul's sad and troubled eyes. He looked scared, afraid I was having doubts.
"Of course I am. I'm just worried about you being in here. It is not proper and it will give our marriage bad luck!" I looked away before he could see the lie in my eyes. I could feel him shrug his shoulders.
"Well I couldn't wait for tonight." Of course. How could I forget? The ring he gave me was starting to weigh down on finger and my heart. This wasn't what I wanted my life to be like. I wanted love and romance. I wanted to grow old with the man I loved. How could I do that if we grew to be to very different people? He was used to getting used to what he wanted and for no work. I found him to be growing more needy and annoying as the days passed. He was turning into a little spoiled child that had to have his way.
I filled with more doubt as each second was ticked away by the menacing hands of the grandfather clock in the room. How could I follow through with a marriage I wasn't invested in? Just love. Just live. Just give what you can give and take what little you deserve .I ducked out of his grip and showed him out of my room claiming to need time to get ready. And what of tonight? What would he say when he realized I was no longer a maid? What would I say? Could I even have a honeymoon with a man I didn't love? Give what I can give and take what little I deserve…
I went through the motions of the wedding yet felt nothing. I was becoming an empty shell of myself. Raoul was enjoying himself so more than usual and drinking more than usual. By the end of the night he was a drunken slob.
"Comeheremybeautifulwife." He whispered into my ear. He smelled intensely of Whiskey and his words all slurred together. He was becoming nauseating. He picked me up in his arms and stumbled his way to the car to take us to the hotel he chose for our honeymoon. The room was average there wasn't a sign of romance. He threw me on the bed. And had his way with me. I couldn't fight back he was my husband so I let my mind slip off into another place. Just love. Just live. Just gave what I could give and take what little I deserved. His hands were clammy and his breath revolting. His kisses were slobbery and forceful and rough. It was the worst experience I had ever had. I drifted into a land where I woke in the arms of my beloved Erik.
His eyes were warm and apologetic. He cared about me and wondered if he had hurt me at all the night before. He was careful not to force anything onto me such as his emotions, in case I was to reject him. But in my mind I sank into his grasp and the warmth of his love and held him. I fell asleep eventually and entered this world as a dream. In my dream things such as phantoms and Raouls never existed. There was only a beautiful man who had once been haunted by a troubled past. His only scars were emotional. He was a wounded creature of light at last and he accepted my love and never shunned me. His hands were always interlocked with mine. His lips always seemed to find mine.
And again I woke up to an empty bed. Raoul woke up early and headed down to the bar leaving nothing but a short one worded note behind. I quickly dressed and left the hotel looking to go find my lovely Meg, whom I hadn't seen since the night of the fire.
I walked up the stairs to her home and knocked on the door. Her housekeeper answered and informed me that Meg Giry had left town last night with her mother and that they decided to move. Lost and confused with no one to talk to I found myself wondering back to the Opera Populaire. I wandered down the corridors and stumbled into the chapel. I found my father's candle and lit it saying a little prayer for his guidance. I sat there and cried for over an hour. I heard a man's voice and my head shot up.
"Erik? Angel?" I stood up and rushed out of the chapel. To my disappointment it was only the construction workers coming to plan out their restoration of the opera house. I slowly walked out of the opera house making sure not to look at box number five. I was dreading going back to the hotel and seeing Raoul but it was getting dark. Without my Angel of music to watch over me everything seemed to be more menacing. By the time I entered the hotel suite Raoul was passed out drunk on the bed fully clothed. I silently changed into a nightgown and slipped under the covers beside his unconscious body.
I was walking around in circles and the room was spinning around me. I was looking for someone. People in weird costumes swirled past me. I was getting so dizzy. Suddenly there was a loud bang and I fell and kept falling down a tunnel of darkness reaching out to touch someone, but not just anyone. The spinning stopped along with my falling and a hand reached out pulling me from the darkness. My vision was blocked out and all I could see was light. I was an overabundance of light and it hurt my eyes. But I heard to distinct voices. One of which was strange and childlike. The other belonged to my beautiful Erik. I woke up covered in sweat and was hushed to go back to sleep by my drunk husband, Raoul.