I couldn't be pregnant! I was only seventeen! Of all times to be pregnant why would it be the moment where I could feel my life ripped in half. I could feel the frayed edges of my soul tearing from my body. I wasn't whole anymore and I wasn't myself. I couldn't raise a child. I most certainly couldn't raise a child with Raoul always missing. Oh Raoul. How was I going to explain my pregnancy to him when we never made love? He would know I cheated. And this poor child's father, what about him? I would never see him again. He left me with a child all alone to face the world. This child would never know his father. He would never feel Erik's love and adoration. But I would love this child for both of us. If I was even pregnant. I was getting too ahead of myself. What if I got food poisoning from my feast the other day?
The decision was made and I was on my way to the home of a good nurse. The day was bright and sunny yet all I could feel was the dread of what I would hear from this woman. I walked up her front steps leading to her home. Flowers covered her small front yard. Her house was small and white with black shudders. I knocked on the door and a seventy-five year old woman opened the door. She was a tiny frail woman. Her wrinkles were very deeply set in her face and her hair was white. She showed me into her little office. After checking me over and hearing my symptoms. She informed me that I was indeed pregnant. I have no idea what came over me because I leaned into my palms and cried the deepest sobs I had ever before. I didn't know how to raise a child. I was only a child myself. I couldn't bring a baby into this world with a disappearing father that left this child to be cared for by a man like Raoul. The older woman wrapped me in a tight embrace and rocked me back and forth comforting me with whispers of encouragement.
"You'll make an excellent mother. I'm sure of it dear. You are so beautiful. I 'm sure your baby will look just like you. Do you know who the father is?" I nodded my head and my sobs became heavier and I was soon choking on them. And then somewhere within the deep corners my mind I heard Erik's soothing music. I could hear his fingers lightly tapping the ivory keys of his sleek black piano. I could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. He was singing to me and reassuring me. "Anywhere you go let me go to. Christine, that's all I ask of you…" My sobbing slowed to a single tear and stopped. I had to be strong for this baby. I gathered my things and thanked the old woman placing some money for her in her hands.
I walked back to Rao- my house. I went into the bedroom and put on a nightgown and went to bed, knowing all too well that Raoul would not be sober when he returned. The night was dreamless and I woke in a panic. I hadn't had a dreamless night in so long that I had feared it to be a bad omen. When I woke I dressed myself and went to wait for Raoul in the parlor. I was hoping to catch him before he left. After an hour of debating on how to tell him he walked into the parlor.
"Raoul. Darling we need to talk." He looked at me cautiously and took a seat. I could see his lack of sleep and his lack of sober moments were starting to catch up with him. His hair was a mess and In the sunlight I could see the gray hairs coming in. His handsome blue eyes were grotesque and bloodshot with heavy black circles below them. His eyes darted around and I could tell he was on edge.
"What do you want?" His voice was just as harsh as his looks. His voice was ragged and accusing. Well, there's no time like the present…
"I'm pregnant, Raoul." I could see a thousand emotions as they passed through his face. Many of them were too quick for me to register. The first confusion and then some pride a little guilt. They didn't make sense. He wasn't angry. Well at least, none that I could find.
"Well I guess that was some honeymoon. It's a shame I can't remember most of it." What?! He thought the child was his? He thought that we… what? What could I say? Sorry but the child is Erik's? I felt myself nod and smile as he embraced me and swung me around. I wasn't conscious of what I was saying but I could hear my voice. "I'm glad we won't have to worry about making my heir later. But sooner than worrying about it later, right?" He put me down and grabbed my hand. "Do you know the gender? It is a boy, right?" I let a weak noise escape from my throat. He seemed to take that as a yes. He pulled on his shoes and pulled me out the door. I was expecting to be kicked out of his house so my coat and shoes were already on me. He pulled me down the street and into the first store he found. Baby cradles and clothes lined the walls. The shock was slowly wearing off. Why had I doubted his fathering skills? His family had been so close. His parents were the reason Raoul had invested in the Opera Populaire. He was actually kind of adorable, the way his eyes lit up with the news. He was already discussing which clothing to buy for his little viscount. He wanted only the best for his child. The best that money could buy.