"It's going to be alright… You just have to let me help you…"

The embrace tightened if ever so slightly.

"I know it hurts, but you need to come to terms that you need a little help."

"... I can't."

I was struggling to stop the tears. I felt so weak. Useless.

"Sure you can. You're stronger than you think."

"I can't let it go. It's the only thing that's keeping me alive."

"You're just confused. I promise we'll get you fixed up. We'll get your life back on track."

"I don't want that. You don't understand. I don't… All I wanted was to just let go. But I felt like I was letting people down if I just gave up. It hurts and I just want to get what's expected of me over with so I can let go. It won't stop. I can't get it to stop. I need my blades, but now that's gone too and I'm back to where I started. It feels like something isn't right and I can't fix it. I can't make it stop. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired and it won't stop."

"… We can fix this. It's not too late."

"You don't- I know it sounds selfish and it probably is, but I don't want to fix it. I want it to stop. I can't see it. I can't see what you see. I can't see a way out. I try, but I just can't… I just want this to end."

My wrist burned and ached in unison with my hand. The shard was bloodied and I could feel it crack near my palm as my grip tightened.

"The first step can be hard, but I'll be there to help you. I can help you get past this."

"You don't get it. All I can do is wait. I don't trust myself to take that step. I know I'll end it."

"You won't do that. You're just afraid."

"I know I won't make the right choice, Jefferson. Last time I tried I completely broke and I jumped off the dock. That nice girl Ruby was so upset so I pretended to be ok. I lied and… I don't want to pretend anymore. So I Have to wait. I have to wait for all of this to be over. For what people expect of me to pass. For it to perfect itself so I can let go. So I can rest. I'm so tired, but I have to wait. I have to."

I felt like I couldn't breathe. Explaining it just made everything so much more real. There was no way for me to handle this. I had known from the beginning and now it was so much more overwhelming. I had to face that I was fighting a losing battle and prolonging the inevitable. I couldn't win. My only relief, the only way I could escape wasn't working anymore. I was useless without it. If it still worked then maybe that man wouldn't have died. If I could focus or shake off the feeling then maybe I could have done better. I felt like I was drowning.

"You don't have to wait anymore. I'm here now. I'm here and I'm going to make it go away. You just have to trust me."

"I do trust you. It's me I don't trust. I-"

"It's alright. I won't let anything happen to you."

"You can't promise that."

"Sure I can. I won't let anything happen to you. We'll get you the help you need. Make this feeling you have go away. Everything will be alright. Ok?"

"It won't stop. It never stops."

"It'll stop. I'll make it."

"You can't-"

"I will make it stop. One way or another I'll get whatever it is to stop tormenting you. But first we need to get you back to the hospital so-"

"No! I can't! I can't go back there!"

I could feel it coming on stronger. Something needed to be fixed. I failed and I needed to fix it. I needed to do something to make up for that failure. But they'd all see. They'd all know. All the blood. The cuts. They'd know.

"I can't fix it like this! I failed! I failed and I killed someone else. I keep letting people die and-"

"Alright, alright. Calm down. If we can't go there you're going to have to let me tend to the damage at home. Decide quick. Anymore blood loss and we're going to the hospital."

"...Ok. Just… I can't go back right now."

I hiccuped as I shakily pulled away. I kept my head down.

"Vic."

I didn't dare look up.

"Give me the glass."

I took a moment, but slowly offered the bloodied piece that had once held alcohol to him. He took it from from me and a few seconds later of pathetic hiccuping and sniffling I jumped as something was pressed into my abused palm. I took a second to recognize what it was through my blurred vision. Jefferson's scarf. I looked up rather reluctantly to his waiting gaze.

"Use that to stem the bleeding."

"Your… scarf?"

"I can always get a new scarf." He guided the fabric to the slashes on my arm. "Now just hold it here until we get there."

Setting a hand on my back he led me toward the waiting car.

I kept my gaze away as he went about cleaning and stitching my more serious cuts closed though I wasn't sure why exactly.

"It's not as bad it looks. Grace had worse when she tried to pet a fox back in the enchanted forest. It got scared and bit her hand pretty hard. She's never looked at a fox the same way again."

"I'm sorry."

"No it's fine. She's got a scar, but she was alright."

"No… I mean… I just…"

"I know."

"I thought it would help. I thought it would make it stop, but... "

"I know. Now just try forget about it for now. And keep drinking. The gatorade will help replace all the blood you lost."

"I know that. I'm a doctor."

"Are you now?"

"Shut up…You're just some tea loving hat maker here."

"And what does that make you?"

"Someone of higher importance."

"Keep that up and I might stick you on purpose."

What was supposed to be light banter was very halfhearted and quiet, but it was a distraction and was welcomed. But things quieted down rather quickly much to my dismay.

"And… Done. Alright doc. How are you feeling?"

"Shakey. Tired. Dizzy."

"How about some cookies, lemon gatorade and a little TV for awhile? That should help, yeah?"

"...Ok."

"Come on. No one can be sad about cookies. Especially when they're chocolate chip."

He slowly helped me out of the bathroom and to the couch.

"Just lie down and I'll be right back, ok?"

"Ok."

He switched on the TV to show some commercial about dishwashers, because that's just what everyone wants at four in the morning. Then he tugged the rather fuzzy blanket off the back of the couch before tossing it over me. Then he was off. I turned onto my side and clutched my bandaged and stitched arm to my chest as I watched said commercial roll on. Seemed like the guy was very excited about this dishwasher he's been trying to sell for who knew how long.

I sighed through my nose tiredly. Though I couldn't force myself to relax. The little mental tick for something I couldn't grasp any longer had me fidgety and rubbing at stitching and wounds. The burn did little for me and that led to me rubbing harder and pressing on the wounds.

"Stop that."

I didn't bother looking up. Just dropped my arm. The crinkle of plastic sounded and a box of some cheap store bought cookies were held out to me. I looked them over a second before looking up.

"What? Take some."

I obeyed. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. My mental state had been damaged long before I came to this town. All in all I was so broken I deserved a mercy killing in my opinion.

Yeah I need to end this I know. Hope you enjoyed at least!