It's Too Quiet to Sleep?
Tali lay inside her sleeper pod, staring up at the ceiling through its clear glass lid. She once again found herself unable to fall asleep. The Normandy was simply too quiet.
For twenty-two years she had lived aboard the Rayya, one of the Migrant Fleet's three colossal Liveships. The Liveships were all located in the heart of the flotilla, and were the most heavily guarded ships due to their importance; they provided nearly all the food for the entire quarian race. These vessels were ancient, nearly as old as the Migrant Fleet itself. Even though they were constantly being repaired and upgraded, they in no way compared to the cutting edge technology of the ship Tali was now serving on.
Aboard the flotilla, the sound of silence often meant some vital machinery had broken down. It was effectively a security alarm, alerting the inhabitants that an engine had died or an air filter had broken down. And now, silence was all she could hear.
Tali was well aware that on the Normandy, it was the opposite. The quiet meant that the ship was operating normally. Still, it was difficult to shake off the twenty-two years of conditioning her mind had. The fact that her sleeper pod blocked out even the little bit of noise that the Normandy did make—a constant low, quiet hum—didn't help either.
Realizing she wasn't going to be able to doze off any time soon, Tali decided to just get up and kill some time doing something else. She pressed the button on the side of the interior of the sleeper pod, and the pod lowered itself into a near vertical position, but still angled enough to keep her back against the cushion that lined its bottom half. The clear door opened, and she stepped out.
Tali took a moment to stretch, now that she had the room to do so. Clutching her three-fingered hands into fists, she extended her arms outward and arched her back while standing on the ends of her toes. There were a few quiet pops from her vertebrae, and she quietly moaned just before a yawn emerged. Her muscles then relaxed as her stretch ended.
She then walked down the crew deck, and approached the mess hall. There was a wall that partitioned off the mess area from the rest of the crew deck, but as approached it, she knew someone was there because she could hear a slow, soft song being very quietly hummed. As she walked around the partition, she saw who was there; it was Shepard sitting by himself at the table, as he picked away at some food in one of the plastic trays the Alliance pre-prepared rations came served on. He was either not very hungry or completely unimpressed with his food, since he was eating it with almost no interest.
"Hey Shepard," Tali said as she approached the table. She was happy to see him.
Shepard looked up from his food and smiled as he saw her approaching. "Hello, Tali."
"What was that you were humming?" Tali asked as she sat down, directly across from him. She knew the question was pointless. Whatever he had been humming was likely a human song, which she would not be familiar with. Still, she wanted to bring it up. The thought of Shepard, a man famous for his battle prowess and skill as a soldier, humming a soft tune like that was very cute.
"I don't know," Shepard answered with a shrug. "Every now and then I find myself humming it. I've been doing so far back as I can remember. I have no idea what song it is, or where it came from."
"Something you heard as a child, perhaps?" Tali suggested. "Maybe it was something your mother sang to you."
Shepard looked at her for a short while as he considered her suggestion. "Maybe."
Right after his response, he changed the subject and asked, "Anyway, what are you doing up? Isn't it your time to sleep, according to the hot bunking schedule?" He pushed his food tray aside after the question.
"Yes it is," Tali answered. "But… I couldn't sleep. I've been having a really hard time going to sleep on the Normandy. It's too quiet."
"It's too quiet to sleep?" Shepard asked with a confused, somewhat amused look on his face.
"For me it is. On the flotilla, the last thing you want to hear is silence. It means an engine has shut down, or worse, an air filter has broken," Tali explained. "But I guess on the Normandy, it's the opposite, isn't it Shepard? Hearing noise would mean something isn't operating well. Still, it's hard to get used to it. What little noise the Normandy does make, the sleeper pod drowns out, too."
"I see. When you put it like that, it makes sense that the quiet would be unsettling to you," Shepard said, and then added, "You should really try and get some sleep, though. I want you at a hundred percent for tomorrow."
"I've tried, Shepard. I just can't doze off. I've even asked Doctor Chakwas if she could give me something to help me sleep, but she doesn't have anything for quarians." Tali explained, and then asked, "What's so special about tomorrow, though?"
"I had forgotten to tell you, but tomorrow we're going to be passing through a system that has a planet rich in mineral resources. I wanted to go down there and survey some of the deposits. Since you haven't ridden in the Mako yet, I wanted to take you with me so you can get some training with it."
"The Mako? You're talking about that armored vehicle in the cargo bay right?"
"Yes, that's it. I pretty much always handle the driving, but it's good to have an engineer onboard to manage its systems and run diagnostics during combat. I have a feeling we're going to be using the Mako a lot more as we hunt down Saren, and I want you to learn its systems. A non-combat situation like surveying minerals is ideal for your first time."
"That sounds like fun. Who else is coming?"
"It's not a combat mission, so I don't need a full squad. I asked a few people if they wanted to come, but they declined. So it looks like it'll just be the two of us."
"That… doesn't sound so bad," Tali quietly admitted. Shepard just smiled.
After a brief moment of silence, Shepard said, "You should get some sleep. Even though it's not a combat mission, it's a good idea for you to be well rested."
"I wish I could. I'm even sleepy, too, but I just… I can't doze off. I was in there for over an hour trying to fall asleep," Tali said with a sigh.
Shepard thought for a moment, and came up with an idea, "My quarters are a little noisier than the rest of the crew deck. There's some machinery under it, or next to it—I can't tell. But there's definitely something there. It's not that loud, but it's noticeable. Why don't you try sleeping in there tonight? Maybe the extra noise will help."`
Oh Keelah… I cannot believe he just suggested that. Is he being serious? "Sleep in… your quarters? In your bed? I—wow, I… uh, thank you, that's very generous, but I don't know if that's—are you being serious?"
Shepard laughed at her sudden nervousness. "Relax, Tali. It's not like I'm suggesting you share the bed with me. I only brought it up because I normally go to sleep later than your assigned sleeper pod time, so you'll have it to yourself. The bed's not being used in the meantime, and I don't mind staying up a couple hours later than usual. I have some paperwork I should catch up on, anyway."
"Um, thank you, Shepard. I really appreciate the offer. But I don't want to impose. I'll just… I'll make do with my sleeper pod. I'll be okay."
"You've been in my quarters. Answer truthfully, Tali, do you think you'd sleep better with the background noise in there?"
"Well, um… yes. Probably," She hesitant admitted.
"Go on then. Go get some rest. I really don't mind."
"I don't know…"
"It's your call. But please know that you won't be imposing."
Tali's arms were resting on top of the table. She placed her hands together and started to lightly wring them as she thought about Shepard's suggestion. After a period of silence while she considered it, she finally asked, "You… you're sure you don't mind? I uh, won't be in the way?"
"I'm sure, Tali. Like I said, I wasn't intending on going to sleep any time soon, so that bed is just going to waste in the meantime."
"Well, I… guess… if you're positive I won't be an inconvenience…" Tali's sentence ended with her slightly mumbling.
Shepard smiled at her and said, "It's funny. Between your weak immune system and dextro chirality, one would think you'd be the neediest person on the ship. Yet, it's the exact opposite—you never ask for anything, and I usually have to argue with you to get you to accept things. You always put your needs behind everyone else's. You're the most unselfish person on this ship."
Tali was happy to hear him acknowledge this. She took pride in being as he described. It was how she was raised; it was how all quarians were expected to be. "Thank you. But it's just how quarians are. We're taught to always think of other people. Always. If we don't think about the needs of the whole crew, people could get hurt… maybe even killed."
After a short period of quiet, Shepard said in a playful tone, "Go get some sleep, Miss Zorah. You deserve it." Right afterwards, he stood up from the table and added, "I'm going to head up to the CIC for a while. Sleep well, Tali."
"Okay. I'll see you later, Shepard. And thank you."
. . .
Over an hour had passed since Shepard and Tali talked in the mess hall. Shepard was now back on the crew deck, and was approaching the door to his quarters. He had a strong feeling that he wasn't going to see Tali inside, but was pleasantly surprised as he entered the room and saw her lying on his bed, sound asleep.
He only glanced over her for a second as he approached the desk near his bed, and sat down to do his work. He picked up the datapad that was on his desk, and began to read the various status reports and lists that the commanding officer of a military frigate is often required to stay up to date on.
Almost as soon as he had started reading it, he placed it back down and turned his head to look at Tali. Shepard then swiveled his chair around, and just watched her as she lay there. She was obviously asleep, he could tell since the faintly glowing dots of her eyes were nowhere to be seen behind her mask. Shepard smiled as he looked on at her, peacefully sleeping.
Tali lay near the edge of the bed, facing the right side of the room, in the direction of the wall where Shepard's desk was. She slept comfortably on her left side, and had both her arms folded in front of her, very close to her chest. Her right leg was on top of her left, both of which were slightly bent, the top one more so. Aside from the barely noticeable expansion and contraction of her chest as she breathed, she laid completely still and made no noise.
Shepard noticed that she was sleeping very close to the edge of the bed. The bed was made up of two separate sleeping pads right next to each other, and she wasn't even using half of the one she slept on. At first he thought that it was unusual that she let so much of the bed go to waste, but he then realized why she slept like that. She was just being efficient. On the flotilla, space was always very limited, so it made sense that she slept in a way to take up as little space as possible. It was simply how she was accustomed to sleeping.
After a while, Shepard realized that he was smiling as he looked at her. She looked adorable as she peacefully slept. And beautiful. The fabric that adorned her suit was faded and tattered, and the suit itself had various makeshift repairs throughout it. In fact, her entire right arm was incased in some metal sections with tubes sticking out—obviously a field repair she had to do to at some point before joining his crew. But despite all that, he still found her very pleasing to look at.
He also couldn't help but notice that the suit was very snug, and how it hugged her body tightly. Of all the known dual-gendered species in the galaxy, quarians had the most similar sexual dimorphism to humans. Both species could be classified as mammals, and her long legs, thin waist, and petite upper body gave her a very feminine look which he had found attractive since he first met her.
As Shepard watched over her, a familiar thought came to his mind. It had existed for a while now, and ever since it first began to appear he tried to ignore and suppress it. But he couldn't get rid of it completely.
He knew he was developing feelings for her; feelings for the quarian girl who had joined his crew, became his friend, and now peacefully slept on his bed.
What was it about her? Shepard couldn't figure it out exactly. It wasn't just physical attraction—he had encountered numerous physically beautiful women while on his journeys throughout the galaxy. Was it her personality? That seemed like the most likely explanation since her presence brought him joy and peace. But at the same time, Shepard had also interacted with many women with pleasant personalities. Maybe, it was a combination of a multitude of things; she had many positive qualities, after all. Regardless, the exact reason, or reasons, was irrelevant. What mattered was that the feelings were there, and growing.
It was evident now more than ever as he looked at her. Despite how he had stressed that sleeping in his cabin was simply for her good as a crew member, Shepard knew that if it had been anyone else with her problem, he probably wouldn't have offered his bed.
As he thought all these things, a second realization came to his mind. One that was always there when he thought about the feelings he was developing for her, and the main reason he tried to suppress them. Shepard sighed a sigh of frustration, and shook his head. He turned back around to his desk.
Stop being an idiot, Shepard, he thought to himself. Forget about her. It could never work. Is it even possible for a quarian and a human to have anything beyond a platonic relationship together? It doesn't even matter. She's dedicated to her people, and when this mission is over and she finds a pilgrimage gift, she's going to go back to them.
And then you'll never see her again.