"What am I to call him, mother?" I looked down into my poor child's eyes.
"I do not know, Gustave. This situation is a bit complicated."
"Well I cannot call him father. And it is too strange calling him Vicomte De Chagny." I held him closer to my chest and hugged him tighter. Erik walked into the room and stood behind me.
"I don't know Gustave. We shall see when we see Raoul tomorrow." I kissed his head and pulled the hair from his eyes. I tucked his blankets tighter around him and stood from his bed. "I love you Gustave sweet dreams." I stood back so Erik was able to lean down and kiss his forehead.
"Goodnight, Gustave."
"Goodnight, Father." We turned to leave. "I love both." Erik answered before I could.
"Not nearly as much as we love you." He closed the door tight behind him and I turned towards the door beside Gustavé's. I unlocked the door and found my way into our bedroom. "You know how I feel about this, Christine."
"I know Erik, but she is my friend. I owe it to both of them to attend their wedding."
"You owe them nothing! Think of everything they have put you through!"
"Erik calm down." Erik's muscles were beginning to tighten. His voice was rigid and raw.
"Calm down? How do you expect me to calm down? I feel like something disastrous is going to happen. I feel as though we are sailing to our dooms here. I will not lose you again Christine!" Erik's hands grabbed the back of one of the room's wooden chairs. I could hear it splinter beneath his strong hands. I gave way and broke in his hands. "I will not…" His voice faded into a whisper and he fell to his knees. Tears fell down his face and I could hear the sound of my heart breaking. I rushed to his side.
"You will never lose me Erik. Ever! I am here." Each sob ripped at my heart. "Do you remember what you said? We are destined to be together. There is nothing that could ever separate us. Not even death, Erik! Or love is too powerful for such a simple thing as death!" His sobs stopped long enough for me to pull his face to mine. "I am not going anywhere, Erik. It is you and me to the end and beyond." And then his lips were on mine. My breath caught as his fingers twisted into my hair, pulling me closer to him.
"Christine, I am not sure about this."
"It will be fine." But honestly I was just as worried as Erik. We were moments from reaching France. We would be spending the next month in Paris with the woman who had almost killed me and my ex-husband. At the same time Erik was still wanted for a few murders that had happened years ago at the Opera Populaire. Plus I also had someone sending me threatening letters.
"You are not a good liar Christine." I turned back to Erik and adjusted his jacket's collar. I ignored his words and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Gustave are you almost done packing?" Gustave's room door opened quickly and little Gustave wobbled out holding both of his large suitcases in his hands.
"Why yes, Father, I have seemed to have finished." He handed the bags to the sailor and turned to walk out to the ship's deck. Erik turned and looked at me. He was just as curious as I was about Gustave's strange behavior.
"He's your son, Erik." He sighed and then followed after Gustave to figure out what was wrong. "Do you need any help with the bags?" The sailor turned towards me, shocked by my question.
"Of course not, mademoiselle. But thank you for your kindness." He seemed to lift all of our bags effortlessly and carried them out to the deck.
Moments later people were rushing all around as the ship landed in France. Children were crying, toys and luggage were lost in all of the chaos, and adults were angry as they pushed their way through the crowd. I took a deep breath and let the salted wind bite at my throat. Perhaps it was stupid to come back here. Erik was a wanted man. I had almost died about three months ago at the hands of the woman I was now visiting. This was all too bizarre. But perhaps abnormality was becoming my life's normality. I slipped through the crowd and found Erik and Gustave waiting for me on the edge of the dock. Erik's radiant smile filled me with joy and I found myself holding myself back from running down everyone in front of me to jump into his arms.
Gustave had his head raised high. He seemed to be acting as mature as he could. I couldn't understand why he was trying to seem so grown up. It didn't seem to make much sense. He dressed himself in his very best suit this morning.
I pushed the thoughts away and focused on the crowd in front of me. I had almost forgotten how power hunger everyone in France was. Women were dressed in their finest gowns and stuck their noses high in the air. They threw small tips at the poor men struggling with their over packed luggage and pranced around like they were proud prima donnas. The sea sick feeling rushed through my body. The last time I had seen Carlotta, she was glaring at me through her tear filled eyes. She blamed me for the death of poor fiancé. She always blamed me for her misfortune, but this time I hadn't tried to argue with her. It had been my fault. Most of the deaths that had been at the Opera Populaire were my fault.
Tears began to fill my eyes as my self-hatred filled me. Horrible things usually followed me and clung to those around me. And now I had a happy life with my beautiful family. Last time I saw Carlotta, her career was destroyed because of "her croak" and she was distraught due to the death of her most beloved. It didn't seem fair. I had stolen everything from her and I wasn't suffering any consequences.
"Christine?"
"Mother?" I had almost forgotten where I was. I didn't even realized that I had reached the crowd and was standing before Erik and Gustave. I quickly turned back toward the boat and wiped away my tears.
"Who is ready for an adventure?" I turned back to look at Gustave, carefully avoiding Erik's face. His face was glowing with excitement. He was trying so hard to resist the urge to jump up and down. He quickly composed his face.
"Why that sounds like a splendid thought, mother." He turned and walked down to the edge of the dock and stood by the street. He looked back at Erik and me. "Well aren't you going to join me?"
"Yes, darling." I began to walk away from Erik quickly but he gentle grabbed my arm and stopped me.
"Christine, what's wrong? If you are truly scared we can leave now."
"Fa- Vicomte De Chagny, so nice to see you." Gustave's voice quickly changed from an energetic child to that of an old nobleman. I turned to where Gustave stood and saw him awkwardly staring up into the face of Raoul.
"Well that chance is gone now." I pulled my arm from Erik's grip and ran after my son to save him from the awkward predicament he was in.
"So good to see you, Christine. I've missed you so much!" His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me tight against his chest before I had time to react. He pulled back and kissed me on the cheek. He finally released me and I stumbled back a few steps in shock. It was obvious that the Raoul I used to know was back. His face was cleanly shaven and he was wearing a delicate tan suit. He was wearing delicious cologne instead of the smell of whiskey and his dimples were found their way back onto his cheeks.
"And I you. My goodness, Raoul, I can't remember the last time I have seen you this happy."
"Love can do that to a man." He grabbed Gustave's hands and skipped around in a circle. Gustave's face lit up and he hopped along with Raoul. Raoul was reminding me of a seven year old boy on Christmas morning. Gustave's behavior was finally beginning to make sense. He was attempting to behave as the man he thought Raoul wanted him to be. He threw his arms around me again. "Oh, Christine!" I felt the muscles of his body grow taunt. He pulled away from me quickly and his face turned red. "It's nice to see you, Phan-" He gave a weak cough to attempt to cover up his slip. "-Erik." I turned to see Erik. He looked very intimidating the way he was standing. He was very clearly unhappy with the turn of events. But I knew, as strange as it was to think, that Raoul was not the person Erik was angry with. He shifted his stance and gave Raoul a very big, very fake smile. He thrust his hand out to Raoul.
"It is good to see you this way, Raoul. I did worry about you. I am so sorry for the way things worked out." Raoul loosened up and grabbed Erik's hand graciously.
"If anyone is to apologize for the way things went down, it is me. I got in the way of what was clearly destiny. I am so glad that you guys are both finally happy. I am so sorry for the way I have acted over the years. I have received help with my drinking problems. I've been sober since the night of your wonderful performance, Christine." It was weird that anyone could find anything pleasant about that night.
"Thank you, Raoul, but that was all of Erik's work." I let my hand find Erik's free one and held it tightly.
"Yes well, my little Meg has been dying to see you, Christine." He turned around and gestured to the large carriage behind him. "Shall we?" Gustave was quick to jump into the carriage and Raoul followed after him.
"Christine, what is wrong with you?"
"Can we please talk about this later, Erik?" I couldn't explain why my tone came out so harsh. I could see the hurt on Erik's face but I brushed off my feelings of guilt. He was starting to suffocate me with his feelings and his words. I didn't want to talk and I was becoming very tired of his clinginess. I let go of his hand and climbed into the carriage ignoring his offered hand. But my annoyance floated away as I was Raoul sitting inside. He had his arms around Gustave and he was tickling and holding him. They were laughing really hard and my heart filled with a longing for Raoul. Erik climbed in after me. He was quiet and very on edge. Looking at him filled me with such an intense need to cry. How could my heart be doing this again?
I blinked the tears away before they could fall and bit my lip. Everyone seemed to sense my anxiety and it left the trip to Raoul's home silent.
We followed Raoul as he showed Gustave to his old bedroom, where he quickly began to dig through his toy chest and find his old toys. He shut the door and we followed him as he showed us to the guest room, where Raoul used to spend a few of his drunk nights and hung-over mornings.
"And this is your room, Christine." He pushed open the double doors that led to the grand room. The décor of the room had changed into a more elaborate room. It looked as though it belonged in a palace. "Charles- you remember Charles right Christine? -He's brought your luggage in already so you can unpack now if you would like and Erik your room is the door just to the left of this room." He walked away closing the doors tight behind him.
"So this was where you lived all of these years. I wish I could give you this life, Christine. A circus is no place for a queen like you." I grabbed his face and pulled it down to mine. I was suddenly filled with the intense need to touch him and hold him. My fingers fell down to his jacket and I quickly began to pull it off of him. He placed his hands on my cheeks and pulled my face away from his. "What has gotten into you, Christine? Only an hour ago you were ready to rip my face off and now you are ready to rip my clothes off?" I let him ago and step back a few steps. I put my hands on my forehead. I fell back onto the bed and laid there.
"I don't know, Erik. I don't know. I am so sorry for the way I have been treating you." He laid down beside me and pulled me into his chest.
"It's okay, Christine."
"I love you so much, Erik. Perhaps I should go and visit a doctor today and find out what has been wrong with me these past few days." He stroked my hair and I let the tears fall from my eyes and land on his shirt.
"Where is she?!" I heard the pitter patter of feet and then our bedroom doors fell back and hit the walls.
"Oh, Christine! I have missed you so much!" She ran toward the bed and jumped on top of me. Thankfully Erik had moved from the bed just as the doors flew open. I could see him resisting the urge to kill her from the corner of my eye. Meg jumped up from the bed and ran to shut the doors. She ran back and sat beside me on the bed. She grabbed my hands up in hers and leaned in close to me. "Alright, there is something I must say." Her voice was quiet and very serious, even though her words continued to flow out of her at an incredible rate. "I haven't exactly told Raoul what happened on the docks. I knew how much he loved you and I didn't want him to hate me so I didn't tell him the whole truth. He knows we had a fight and I went a little mad, but that is all he knows and I would like to keep it that way. I know that it is a lot to ask for, but I am better now I swear. See?" She stood up and quickly pivoted. "No more madness? So what do you say?" I let the words sink in.
"Meg, that is a night no one wants to remember. It is better left forgotten. I will not say anything. I swear."
"Oh, God bless you Christine!" She pulled me in a hug and I could feel her anxiety melt away. And then she pulled away and slowly turned around. "Erik?" Her voice was normal now, at an average speed and octave.
"Whatever, Christine wants, I will do." Meg jumped up from the bed and threw her arms around Erik. I could feel jealousy seeping through my veins.
"What Christine wants, is for Meg's hands off of her fiancé." Meg's hands pulled away quickly and she turned to face my angry face. She looked frightened and confused.
"Christine? I'm sorry I didn't mean- I didn't know-"
"Oh I am sorry, Meg. My emotions have been all over the place this week. Forgive me."
"Perhaps you're pregnant." She jumped once in the air. "Anyway dinner is in half an hour. I'll let you unpack. See you then." And then she was gone.