Rule #6: Do not get members of the League of Shadows pregnant.
Robin's mouth formed a sneer as he looked down at the child standing before him, the kid glaring up at him.
"Why don't you wipe that sneer off your face?" The kid growled, blue eyes trying to pierce through Robin's sunglasses.
"Why don't you wipe that stupid out of your body?" Robin answered, making the child growl and cross his arms.
The kid couldn't have been older than five, but by the gods, he was smart and annoying.
"So, Bruce dear, would you be able to take care of Damian or must I take him back to the Shadows and train him to be an assassin?" Talia al Ghul asked as Bruce led her back to the front of the house, where Robin and Damian were glaring at one another.
Bruce sighed and rubbed at his eyes, thinking hard on this. His child; a product of his rape, mind you; could become a superhero under his tutelage, or return to his mother and become an assassin that would undoubtedly turn against him.
"You make take care of him, you know what they say about rights of a mother and what not!" Suddenly Robin was handing the young child over to Talia, surprising both adults.
"Richard!" Bruce called to stop the boy, but the thirteen year old was already pushing Talia and Damian out of their house.
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya, honey!" Robin ignored his father, pushing Talia out of the door. "And please never come back here unless you want to face a group of psychotic teenagers!"
With that he slammed the door and leaned his back against it, sighing in relief as Bruce glared at him. "We sure dodged a bullet with that kid, didn't we?"
Rule #7: No inter-League marriages.
"Whoever disagrees with this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest for Green Lantern's and Hawkgirl's wedding spoke, looking over all of the guests.
Everyone that had come was a superhero dressed in their costume, the heroes getting married having decided that it would be best to not put anyone's identity at stake. The heroes all looked at each other, almost as if daring one another to say something, but no one spoke.
"Well, seeing how there's no-" The priest began to speak, only for the large doors of the church to bang open.
"I object!"
All of the heroes turned to the outburst and most actually groaned, finding Artemis, Robin, and M'gann standing there, all dressed in pretty fancy clothing while pointing at the priest.
"We all object! Those monsters cannot get married!" Robin announced, making the priest sigh.
"Well, young boy, while it is mighty impressive how much you care for these two-" The priest started to say, but Artemis interrupted him.
"Shut it, Old Man. Deadpool, deploy the bomb!" She yelled into comm link, then all three teens ran away from church.
"What bomb?" Green Lantern asked his best man, the Flash, who only shrugged.
Batman only frowned darkly and braced himself.
"Bonzai, bitches!" Deadpool screamed through the speakers, and before any of the heroes could even react, gallons upon gallons of paint, glitter, and feathers fell on them. "You all look so pretty! Almost as if Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga got together in a concert!"
Rule #8: No striking deals with villains.
"Decide, Superman. Will you save Metropolis and the thousands of innocent lives, or will you save the life of your best friend, Batman?" Zod asked evilly as the Man of Steel knelt before him, completely crushed and broken.
To Zod's right there was an inclined, metal table that held an unconscious Batman, an extremely dangerous looking gun slowly beginning to activate. Then, to Zod's left, a small pedestal with a red button stood, the very red button that could destroy the city of Metropolis.
"What..." Superman breathed. "Do you want from me, Zod? You've..." A cough racked the broken man's body, making Zod smirk evilly. "Taken everything."
Zod smiled down at Superman, for he knew that it was because of him that the Man of Steel had been reduced to such a pitiful sight, then he leaned down and grabbed Superman's chin.
"But- there is a third choice. An ultimatum, if you'd like." Zod grasped the man's chin tightly, making Superman's blue eyes look straight into his own. "Join me, Kal-El. Become my partner and together we can rule the galaxy."
Superman's blue eyes searched Zod's own, and, finding that there was no way to save both Batman and Metropolis without the deal, sighed. "Only if you promise to never conquer the Earth. We can find another planet to mold in Krypton's likeness."
Zod's smile never faltered as he straightened up and nodded in confirmation. "No harm shall befall this sphere of dirt, Kal-El. I pro-"
"No! Bad Zod! Bad Zod!"
Before either Kryptonian could even analyze the newcomer, Kid Flash sprayed Zod's face with what looked like an Axe bottle, pointing with his free hand at Zod. The contents of the spray made Zod scream in pure agony and throw himself at the floor, undoubtedly to protect himself.
Superman cringed in pain, having already felt that same spray on his own face.
"Bad Zod! I already told you: you cannot make deals with the Justice League!" Wally scolded, still spraying Zod. "They are forbidden from doing this! I explained this to you before you tried to conquer the Earth!"
"What in Krypton is that devilish contraption!?" Zod screamed in pure agony, all the while Wally 'tsk'ed and shook his head.
Then Wally looked at Superman, still feeling disappointed in Zod. "Kryptonians, am I right? Such crybabies."
Rule #9: You are not allowed to use Mt. Justice as your own personal locker.
Guy Gardner smirked to himself as he stepped through the Zeta Station, his dirty gym locker in hand with a box in the other.
"Nothing like the kiddies old house to store your stuff, eh, Gardner?" He asked himself as he entered the Mountain, looking around in a smug manner.
"Yes, nothing like it, huh?"
Gardner jumped as he heard this voice, turning around as fast as he could.
Behind him stood Aqualad with Superboy, both boys glaring darkly at the Green Lantern. "You humans have a bad habit of contaminating homes that are not your own." Kaldur growled, his tattoos starting to glow brightly.
"Now, wait a minute kid, you're not supposed to be living here..." Gardner took a step back, only to gasp as his back hit something.
He jumped and turned around to find Rocket glaring darkly at him, her brown eyes blazing hatefully.
"How about we teach this litterer a lesson?" Superboy asked as he punched his own hand, walking towards Gardner.
"Now, wait a minute guys! Let's just talk about this! Please! Please! Pl- Oh dear mother of God, someone save me!"
Rule #10: No movie, music, or book quotes.
Captain Marvel crept through the small kitchen, unsure of what he was to do. His teammates had all been taken, leaving the Captain alone in an abandoned hotel with a psychotic villain that was hell bent on making him her student.
"Oh, Pretty Boy~!"
The captain froze as soon as he heard the voice, stiffening so that he didn't even breath.
"Oh, you're so beautiful~ Perfect for me!~"
Captain Marvel slowly turned around to find the villain standing at the entrance of the kitchen. And, even though he knew that this was a very serious problem, the Captain couldn't help but notice his surroundings.
"Are you talking to me?" He asked, smirking shyly.
The villainess chuckled in pure ecstasy, feeling extremely attracted to the captain, but a very loud groan stopped any adult from speaking further.
"Jeez Louise! Must you make everything to dull and boring?"
Captain Marvel's eyes widened as Kid Flash suddenly appeared in front of him, frowning deeply. "You know better than this, Cap! You shouldn't be making us hate movies!"
The man only hung his head.
"Hera, give me strength!" Wonder Woman exclaimed as she prepared to face off against a mind controlled Superman.
"Yes, give her the strength to stop ruining good quotes for us!" Jason snarled from his position being held down by Zod. "The gods know just how much they don't want to give her any kind of strength!"
Flash giggled as he kicked the bathroom door open, knowing that his nephew was on the other side. "Here's Johnny!"
And suddenly he found himself face to face with a giant ax, Wally holding it with a dark glare. "You. Never. Ruin. The Shining."
Please review. And if you have any rules you'd like to see, please feel free to share them with me. I need some help creating rules for the League.