This is much more insane than the last chapter. It was also written at midnight. O_o (scared yet?)

Disclaimer: The author is not held accountable for any acts of insanity, trying-to-be-fabulousness, screaming, or getting thrown off cliffs. Read at your own peril.

Glorfindel was so worried about the state of Middle Earth. He had already seen a cook crying about something! What did that say about the rest of the world?

No, I mean – Glorfindel was really worried. He was so worried that he decided to run all the way to Lothlórien and ask that blonde-lady-who-glowed what was going on. Of course, on the way there he made a wrong turn, so he ended up in a dark, gloomy, murky forest that was (oddly enough) named Mirkwood.

Fortunately the guards at the King's castle opened the gate before all of the spiders could eat him. Glorfindel ran inside and saw the guards holding the door open. He shot over to them and gave them big hugs, which made them feel very happy, since they never got hugs. Then he ran inside and started looking for someone to ask for directions.

First he sprinted right into the throne room. There was a tall elf sitting fabulously on his throne made of…antlers? Anyway, the tall elf was sitting fabulously, then he flicked his blond hair over his shoulder fabulously and looked, with fabulousness, down at Glorfindel. "What do you want, peasant?" he said fabulously, and Glorfindel screamed.

Then he jumped up the steps and jumped at Thranduil, giving him the biggest and longest hug he had given anyone, ever. The guards a few hundred feet away looked at each other, then shrugged and went back to standing still and not breathing.

"We all understand you!" Glorfindel said, somehow patting Thranduil's head comfortingly while hugging him at the same time. "Your wife died –"

"She's not dead," Thranduil said fabulously, but Glorfindel wasn't listening.

"– Your father died –"

Thranduil rolled his eyes fabulously. "True, fortunately. He wasn't fabulous enough."

"– Your kingdom is failing –"

Thranduil made a sad fabulous face. "I know, right?"

"AND!" Glorfindel said dramatically, "Your son ran off with his not-real redheaded friend!"

"Excuse me, I'm not imaginary!" said some redhead elf a few feet away, and Glorfindel and Thranduil both screamed. Thranduil screamed with fabulousness, while Glorfindel just screamed.

"WHO THE HECK IS THAT I THOUGHT SHE WAS IMAGINARY!" Glorfindel screamed.

"KILL THE SHE-ELF!" Thranduil screamed fabulously. The guards looked at each other, then screamed and ran at her. "KIIIIIINNNNSSSSLLLLLLAAAYYYYYYYYYIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!"

The redhead screamed and ran away, then Glorfindel continued hugging Thranduil. "We understand," he said, patting Thranduil's fabulous hair. Thranduil made a confused, but fabulous, face. "You understand what?"

"How sad you are because Legolas doesn't listen to you and he thinks his mother died somewhere near that mountain with all the gold."

"Gold?" said Thranduil with a fabulous evil glint in his eyes.

"No, Legolas," Glorfindel corrected.

"Oh. Legolas!" Thranduil burst into fabulous tears and Glorfindel hugged him, patting his back this time. "There, there," he said. "It'll all be okay."

"Ada!" came a trying-to-be-fabulous-but-mostly-failing scream from the bottom of the throne. "Why is someone hugging you?"

"Legolas?" Thranduil fabulously wiped his tears away and looked over – no, down, to see his blonde-haired son looking annoyingly confused. "LEGOLAS!" he screamed fabulously, then regained his composure and sat back. He flicked his hand fabulously and two guards came running over, covered in blood and red hair.

"Take him away," he said dramatically and fabulously, and then flicked his hand fabulously.

The guards looked at each other, then jumped up on the throne and dragged Glorfindel away. Thranduil looked down his fabulous nose at his son, then flicked his hair over his shoulder. "How was the Quest?"

"Oh, it was fine," said Legolas. "I made a new friend."

"Goody!" Thranduil said fabulously, clapping his hands together. "So who is it?"

Legolas reached behind him and pulled out a short stumpy thing with red hair. Thranduil screamed, still fabulously. "A DWARF? YOU BROUGHT A DWARF HOME AS A NEW PET?" He sniffed fabulously and looked down at his fingernails. "AND A REDHEAD AT THAT! HOW LESS FABULOUS CAN YOU GET? A DWARF FOR A PET?"

"Well, he is good for a footstool," Legolas said, and climbed up to sit on the floor beside Thranduil, then stretched his feet out and put them on Gimli's head. "Don't worry," he said when the Dwarf glared at him. "This means he doesn't want to kill you yet!"

Meanwhile, six hundred feet below them, the guards that had dragged Glorfindel away were sobbing as he hugged them.

"It's okay," Glorfindel soothed, then he saw someone with keys jangling at his belt walking toward the wine cellar. "YOU!" he screamed, and left the two guards crying behind him. They started hugging each other instead, and three years later, got married and had fifty kids.

Glorfindel didn't care. He tackled the elf with keys and smashed him to the ground, giving him a concussion. He hugged Galion (yes, the elf was Galion) for a few minutes before he looked down and realized that his hugs were so amazing that this person had passed out from the sheer amazingness of it. Feeling much better himself, Glorfindel jumped up and ran upstairs to the throne room again.

Legolas was asleep, his feet propped up on some hairy thing's head, while Thranduil was looking at some rectangular flat object in his hand and fabulously tapping it. He saw Glorfindel coming and he quickly and fabulously slipped it into his pocket. "What do you want now?" he said fabulously. "And why aren't you in the dungeons?"

"Where's Lothlórien?" Glorfindel asked, then he saw Legolas, sitting all alone by himself with no one, so he immediately ran over to him and gave him a big hug. Legolas woke up screaming, and Glorfindel screamed at Legolas' screaming, then screamed and threw him over the side of the railing. There was a long scream that slowly faded as Legolas vanished from view, and suddenly the little hairy red thing moved.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Glorfindel and Thranduil (Thranduil fabulously), and they jumped and hugged each other.

"Don't worry, Master Elf, I will save you!" said the little hairy red thing, then it ran over to the edge of the walkway and jumped. It made no noise as it fell, confirming Glorfindel's suspicious that it was a furball that the big ugly dragon a few years back had coughed up.

Thranduil stopped screaming and fabulously sat back down on his throne, flipping his hair over his shoulder for the fifty-sixth time that day. "Now, what do you want?"

"I need the directions to Lothlórien," said Glorfindel. "I think I took a wrong turn somewhere."

Thranduil raised a fabulous eyebrow. "That's like calling Pizza Hut and asking for the number to Little Caesar's."

"Well, I don't know who Pizza Hut is, or why someone named Caesar is so little, but I need to know where Lothlórien is."

Thranduil flapped his hand fabulously. "Oh, somewhere that way. Just follow the clouds."

"Thank you!" Glorfindel leaped up on the throne and hugged Thranduil again, then dashed away, starting to sing, "Dashing through the halls, of an Elvenking today; oh what fun it is to sing, in a happy cave tonight!"

Thranduil sniffed fabulously and pulled out his phone again, then continued texting.

I don't know why I continued this. Why would I continue this insanity?

Why? I blame Pip the Dark Lord of All.

And I have an idea for a next part! What if…Glorfindel came across an old pal, one he used be best frenemies with and actually, gave him a kind of curse/blessing/'nomanshallkillyou' type of thing? Oops. I think I've said too much already.

Review, or…uh…*pulls open the dictionary and looks up 'Worst Thing to Happen to Human, Elf, or Vulcan'* *finds something*…or I will TURN OFF YOUR INTERNET!