Attack on Titan: Left Behind

by Forschia

The bravest soldiers of mankind in Survey Corps have no stories with happy endings. Even so, for them, life isn't all hellfire and agony; it's not always butterflies and rainbows either. They live a life of never-ending fights, bearing humanity's hope of freedom on their damaged backs, and the torment to be left behind in this cruel world inside their broken hearts. [LevixOC]

6. Chapter 5

Attack On Titan: Left Behind

Chapter 5

"Horses," Levi whispered, very taken aback.

"What?"

"Horses. Being tethered to the fence near the gate." Levi jammed his eye to the lens again. "And dim lights could be seen from the window."

"They're there!?" said Alex in disbelief.

"Absolutely," said Levi, passing the telescope to her.

Alex pressed the telescope to her eye then jumped up and down like a maniac. "Captain! We made it!" she squealed.

"If you're blind, there's still a fucking wide field in front us. We're far from done."

"At least we're in the right way!" she gasped, expressing her relief in small laughter. "But, I really thought they were retreating… How could they succeed to carry out the mission?"

"Because he is really a piece of work," said Levi.

Alex turned to Levi, observing his face and realizing his unflappable expression changed into vague astonishment. "Captain, you looked so…stupefied."

"Erwin said he would make the mission successful no matter what, and now they're there, I guess his plan really worked," he smirked, shaking his head. "That man is really something."

"Well, that's a good news," said Alex, keeping her telescope inside her pocket.

"Let's get going."

They used the 3DM Gear and landed smoothly on the ground, hastily treading to the vast field. They trampled on the grasses; the hill was not look bigger than a mere speck on the edge of the earth, seemed like it would take ages to reach it by feet.

"So, we have to run to that hill?" said Alex.

"What else can we do?"

She exhaled wearily. "This is gonna be a very long night…"

"Are you tired?" asked Levi, looking at her pasty complexion. "We can take a rest before jog until dawn, if you need to."

"Really?"

"If you pass out, it will be so much trouble for me to haul you to there," said Levi, sitting on the grassy land.

"Just about time. I'm really worn out, Captain," she puffed, plonking beside Levi. She opened up her bulging satchel and grabbed a handful of small fruits in her palm.

"Berries, sir?" she offered politely.

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the dark colored fruits. "You eat them first."

Knowing the man's cautious behavior, Alex let out a small tired sigh. "Raspberries. They're not poisonous."

"Eat them," he demanded with more stiff voice.

"Alright. Alright."

She munched one and swallowed it quickly while Levi watching the whole process.

"I'm not dead, Captain. Are you convinced now?" She offered her palm again but Levi still had the same suspicious look.

Giving up on persuading him, she put the satchel between them. "If we will jog until dawn, we're gonna need energy," she said lightly, chomping more berries.

At last, Levi hesitatingly took one and chewed slowly. The taste of sweet sour berries melted inside his mouth; it tasted much better than he expected. As he swallowed, he remembered the only thing that passed through his gullet was the coffee he had at dawn. Levi grabbed more berries to alleviate the hunger that reside inside his empty stomach.

Their hands accidentally came in contact when they reached into the satchel to take the berries at the same time. Alex pulled her hand and looked away, letting Levi to take first.

"Shut up," said Levi sharply.

"I'm not saying anything," said Alex confusedly.

"You're laughing inside your head," he accused with stern face.

Alex couldn't hide her gaiety any longer. She finally let out soft chuckling while looking at her captain chewing the fruits. "I told you, we would be hungry, Captain." She smirked at him and bit another berries. "Having picnic in place like this is not bad at all."

They were relishing their simple supper silently and looking around to the tranquil state. The shimmering stars were decorating the inky blackness of night sky above their heads. Silvery moonlight glimmered on the grass. Chilly breeze blew soothingly, and the sound of rustling leaves and grasses were incessantly cantillating like melodies of an almost otherworldly nocturne. If only they're not racing with time to save their lives, this moment would be so great for a cozy late-night snack.

Lost in his thought, Levi suddenly remembered something that kept bugging him this entire time.

"Why did you save me?" he asked, breaking the serene silence.

"Huh?"

"When I fell, but you jumped anyway. That's very damn reckless of you."

Alex stared at her boots and scratched her temple, recalling the moment when she saw Levi got smacked by the trunk, wondering why on earth she desperately flew toward him.

Why did I save him? It's very obvious.

She moved her gaze Levi, who still looking at her impassively, waiting for her answer.

But I can't just tell him about it, can I?

She finally shrugged and shook her head. "I freaked out when I saw you unconscious, sir, and my body moved on its own. When I realized it, I was already being drifted away by the current," she explained.

Levi frowned, clearly not satisfied with her reasoning. "You could have died. Do you even realize it?"

"Yes, I know. But there are always new cadets every year, so many people who can replace me," she said matter-of-factly.

"Don't talk rubbish like that!" Levi snapped brusquely, which made her jerked. "You took an oath to give your heart to humanity, but don't use the words as an excuse to die needlessly!"

Alex gulped nervously; apparently she was perplexed by his furious response. "I'm sorry, sir, but… I think dying for humanity's sake is the gist of action for a member of Survey Corps," she added weakly while her finger twiddled her hair.

"Don't die a pointless death," said Levi, his voice softened.

"It's not pointless to die in order to save you."

"Are you suicidal?" Levi scoffed. "We barely know each other for few days and you're ready to ditch your life for me."

"I will do everything I can to save you," she said forthright, which was getting a very distrustful stare from Levi.

"I-I-I mean, you are the Captain, if you die, what will become of your squad? I bet everyone is worried about you right now," she elaborated in haste.

A strange quiver in her voice told Levi that she might not said the truth. However, he thought what she just said make sense; imagining how upset Erwin would be when he knew about two of his precious chess pieces went MIA, Levi smirked.

"That's a fine logic. I owe you one."

"Sir, I'm not keeping score or anything."

Silence filled the air again when they continued to eat the berries. The satchel came back to its normal size after half of the contents were gone.

"Captain, can I ask you something?"

"Hn."

"Why are you considering my life as your responsibility?" she asked timidly.

"You're still thinking about that? Just drop it," said Levi tartly.

"I'm sorry if I always grind your patience with a lot of questions, but I ask because I don't understand…" she muttered with disheartened face, twiddling her hair again.

"Erwin ordered me to keep an eye on you," Levi explained unwillingly. "You joined this expedition on special request from him to Commander. He demanded me to set an example so you can learn how to fight in real combat. And more importantly, I need to keep you from getting killed."

"I see… But I don't think that necessary," said Alex stubbornly. "I'm capable to take care of myself."

Levi snorted, glancing at her back. "Then you should start taking care of yourself by cutting your hair."

"Huh? Why?"

"It's getting in the way when you're using 3DM Gear. Giving you a hell lot of souvenirs, too," Levi commented mockingly, snatching the tip of her hair and pulling leaves and flakes of twigs.

Alex grasped the end of her long ponytail and awkwardly raked the disheveled auburn strands with her fingers.

"Well, maybe I will cut it a little bit…" she muttered shyly, looking at Levi questioningly. "Then why did you order me to fight with you, sir? You even threatened to kill me, if you're joking, that's not funny."

"I wasn't joking," said Levi prosaically. "I fought you because I wanted to break some of your bones."

"What!?" Alex yelped. She stopped raking her hair, looked extremely paler than she already was.

"I'm against the idea of allowing an amateur like you in this expedition. If you're badly injured to the point you couldn't use 3DM Gear, Erwin had to cancel his request. I planned to break your leg and some ribs. At least, titans can't eat you while you're hospitalized. You'd be safer there than here," he said with his most straight-faced expression, as if he was talking about something very obvious.

Stunned with mouth half-open, Alex gave him an incredulous stare for a long moment. "Thank you, sir, for your…umm, concern… I…appreciate it," she said falteringly after came into understanding that Levi was goddamn serious about it. "Though I'm glad it didn't work out."

"Yeah, because I was wrong about you."

"Wrong about what?"

He tilted his head, locking a firm stare into her hazel eyes. "I misdoubted your competence as a soldier," he said sincerely, giving the compass and map back to her. "We made it this far because of you. I thank you for that, Alex."

The girl stared back at him for a moment with surprised look. Her tiny lips curled into joyful smile as she received her belongings.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Levi.

"It's the first time you say my name," she said softly, still looked very surprised. "Does it mean that you trust me now, Captain?"

"I hate to admit it, but yes. You're not that useless."

"I will take it as a compliment. Thank you, sir."

"You fought well," said Levi, amazement was almost traceable in his voice. "For an amateur who never saw titans in her life before, I gotta say you got some nerves."

Her smile grew even wider.

After the last raspberry had been eaten and Alex's small pouch of water had already been drained, Levi stood up and cleaned the dirt from his pants, tapping his knees.

"Ready to get going?"

"Anytime, Captain," she replied, stowing her deflated satchel inside her jacket.

The sounds of crumpled grasses under the sturdy boots and chirping crickets kept them company as they jogged across the savanna in hurry; knee-length grasses brushed their feet.

"You may talk, if you want to," said Levi after what seemed like two hours of jogging.

"Talk about what, sir?"

"Whatever you want. It's already passed midnight. Titans won't after us."

Alex looked around, searching for something that might caught her interest. "Grasses everywhere, not very interesting, I suppose," she said disappointedly. "Oh! Daisies!" she exclaimed happily when she noticed small white flowers among grasses, hurriedly striding off course.

"I said talk, not roam around!" Levi berated. "Keep jogging, brat!"

"Just a moment, Captain!" she said carelessly while bending over to the ground, hands clutching stalks of daisy.

"We don't have much time! Get your ass over here!" Levi roared angrily, making Alex jerked and dashed to him. "And stop picking everything you see!"

"But, Captain, they are so beautiful! How can I not pick them?" she argued, showing the flowers to his face.

In the next milliseconds, she swiftly slipped the flowers inside her jacket pocket because Levi's furrow already melded into its most dangerous shape, signifying he's really pissed off.

"I'm sorry, sir," she muttered.

"Did you even hear what I just said? Did any of my orders ever cut through that thick skull of yours?" said Levi crossly through gritted teeth.

"I'm really sorry…" she repeated penitently.

"Stupid brat," Levi hissed. "Talk about something you can't touch or pick."

Alex pouted. She looked around again, finding nothing, then shifted her eyes to the sky. "No clouds. Everything is so clear… Beautiful, isn't it, Captain?"

Levi tilted his head up, looking at the sea of gleaming stars.

"Not bad at all…" he said.

The view felt very familiar for him… This scenery, the first and the last time he ever enjoyed scenery like this, were with them, the night he entered the Survey Corps. He never realized it before, how different the world on the surface.

Beside him, Alex gazed absentmindedly to the sky; her eyes were trailing the stars one by one as though she was counting how many stars up there.

"That's Lyra," she said dreamily.

Levi snapped out of his reverie, glancing to Alex. "Lyra?"

"The name of the star constellations. Lyra," Alex elucidated, her index finger pointing up high. "Do you see that, Captain? The bright star with white-blue color? It's Vega, one of the brightest stars in the sky. Part of Lyra."

"You know the name of hell only knows how many stars up there but didn't have any clue about titans. How convenient," said Levi with obvious sarcasm in his voice.

"The stars have a special alignment in the sky, Captain. You can draw a line from one to the others, like connecting the dots with straight lines, and they will form constellations. Every constellations have names," Alex continued on and on, completely didn't aware that Levi just teased her.

She kept jabbering rapidly and continuously, seemed like she didn't need to pause to catch her breath. She mentioned many strange names that sounded like hexes to Levi's ears. He tried to follow her intricate and abstruse babbles, but he lost his concentration after she talked at length about how Orion could only be seen during winter, probably indicating the position of the Walls were somewhere at the northern part of earth.

"How did you know all of these?" Levi cut in curiously, after she prattled something about summer solstice and its correlation with earth axial tilt, which he didn't understand even a single word.

"I read books about it, a long time ago," she said in her dreamiest voice as if she was reminiscing the best day of her life. "I used to read many books, because I didn't have anything to do all day, that was when I still lived with — AAAARGH!"

She vanished from sight with a muffled thud. Levi had to search between the high grasses, only to find her lying flat on her stomach on the ground.

"The hell are you doing!?" said Levi, scowling at her.

"It's — It's rabbit hole!" she grimaced, looking up to Levi. "I didn't see it…"

"Tch!" Mumbling exasperatedly, Levi grabbed her scruff to help the helpless girl pulled her left thigh from the round big hole. She sat down with strained expression.

"Ouch! I think I sprained my ankle…" she moaned in pain, tugging off her leather boot.

Levi squatted beside her, seeing her left ankle was already reddened. "Can you walk?" he asked, somewhat concerned.

"I think I can," she said reassuringly, flexing her ankle and wincing. "It's not too severe, but I need to bandage it."

"I'm confused about you," said Levi as he watched her wrapping the green fabric around her ankle (the cloak now perfectly hung around her waist level).

"Umm… Why?"

"You killed four titans singlehandedly without a scratch, yet you foolishly tripped because you didn't see a freaking wide hole on the ground. They said there's a very thin line between genius and moron, you clearly stand on the border."

"Is that a compliment or sarcasm?" asked Alex too innocently.

"Both," he said simply. "Stop getting yourself hurt."

"I'm not doing this intentionally, sir, I'm too focused with the stars," she defended herself, she'd done with tending her ankle and put on her boot again.

"Then stop gazing to the sky before you break your leg. Your recklessness will get you killed someday."

Alex nodded obediently, carefully jogged beside Levi and didn't dare to look around or say anything—probably didn't want to provoke the irascible man any further. Half an hour later, she seemed very bored and couldn't resist to open her choosey mouth.

"So, Captain, how long have you been in Survey Corps?" she asked out of the blue.

"One year."

"You are from 98th Trainee Squad?"

"I didn't go to boot camp."

Alex rolled her eyes to him. "Then how could you enroll in military?"

"Erwin invited me. I agreed."

"Hmm… Is there any reasons why do you trust Squad Leader Erwin so much?"

Levi slowed his pace, turning to her with prominent scowl. "Mind your own business, nosy brat."

"Sorry, sir, but I'm just curious. For someone who is very cautious to everything, you seemed so faithful to Squad Leader Erwin," she concluded plainly. "Meaning, he is —"

Levi let out an irritated "Tch." and Alex reflexively closed her mouth.

The rest of the journey was like a self-evaluation to gauge their stamina and endurance. As they ran across the grassland and eventually reached the foot of the hill, they didn't have energy left to talk. Climbing up the hill was an arduous challenge. Their breaths were getting shallow with each step forward. Levi had to drag Alex by her hand because she kept stumbling over her own foot, looking very troubled just to keep her steady balance.

For nearly one agonizing hour of tramping the steep and grassy path, they finally reached the top. The moment when they saw the entrance of the building felt like all the strenuous hard works had been paid off with a reward of a lifetime. It was a tremendously vast castle, with empty moat surrounded the whole area. Many wagons of Survey Corps stationed on the front yard and horses being tethered to the fences. The gatehouse was extraordinarily very big, seemed like it was being designed for gigantic people. Towers and turrets rose high from the tops as if they could puncture the sky, and as Levi had seen from the forest, some of the windows were lit with weak lights.

"Yes!" Alex gasped. "Yes! Captain! We made it!"

"God fucking damn it," Levi panted.

They automatically ejected their gears; the steel equipment clinked haphazardly and scattered near their feet. Overwhelmed with exhaustion, both of them collapsed on the ground, lying down side by side on the grass for full five minutes. Feeling the sweat had plastered his fringe to his face, Levi swiped his sodden hair out of his forehead. He tilted his head to Alex, who was giggling loosely beside him.

"Captain," she said between her laughter, "we really made it!"

"Yeah, good work rookie," Levi complimented.

"I still couldn't believe it." She smiled beatifically at him. "You're saved…"

"We are saved," Levi corrected.

Picking up their gears, they got up and staggered to the gatehouse, passing through the wagons. Levi noticed the number of carts were fewer than before the expedition started.

"Oh! That's my horse!" Alex croaked gladly, running to the fence and hugging a light brown stallion.

"Brat," Levi snorted, watching his troublesome subordinate chuckling when the horse licked her face.

He continued to totter pass the gatehouse, opening the main wooden door. It swung open with creak sound echoing in the main hall.

"Who's there!?" an alert voice screeched from the corridor along with hasty scuffling.

"Never thought I would be so damn grateful to see your face again, shitty glasses," Levi said earnestly to Hange, who was freezing when he saw him.

"LEVI! MY GOD! YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!" Hange squealed in mixed expression of pure gratefulness and petrifaction as if she's staring at ghost. She clutched Levi's face with both hands, squeezing his cheeks. "YOU ARE ALIVE!"

"I fucking am alive," said Levi feverishly, too exhausted to slap her hands. "Stop shrieking four eyes. Get your hands off me."

"My God! How could you reach this hill!?"

"Long story. Where is Nanaba?"

"This way," Hange beckoned.

Levi followed her to a room on the second floor. Inside, Mike and Nanaba were sitting around the table, and their eyes almost popped out of its sockets when they saw Hange walked in with Levi.

"Levi is back from hell!" Hange announced jovially.

"Goodness!" Nanaba exclaimed, rubbing her eyes then slapping Mike's back. "You are right! He's really here!"

"I thought my nose was fooling me," said Mike, thunderstruck, "I smelled your scent from few hours ago, I kept wondering maybe your ghost was coming here."

"Your nose is really creepy," said Levi to Mike.

"Levi, are you injured?" asked Nanaba. "You look like you're in pain."

"Dislocated shoulder," he grimaced, sitting beside Nanaba.

"Let me take a look." She helped him took of his uniform and gear straps. "Mike, please get me the first aid kit."

Mike nodded and walked to corner; searching inside the stacked crates of supplies, finally finding a small white box and giving it to Nanaba.

"Seriously, Levi, how could you are still alive?" Hange inquired curiously, sitting opposite to him. "People said you fell to the gorge!"

"I fell. Alex jumped to save me. We climbed the cliff, passed the forest. And ran to here," he explained concisely. "I'm skipping a lot of unnecessary details."

"She jumped from the cliff to save you?" Mike repeated unbelievingly. "She must be crazy."

"I think she is," said Levi earnestly.

Nanaba blinked in surprise when she looked at his shoulder. "Who treated your injury?"

"Alex. Why?"

"This is very well done. She put your shoulder back and bandaged it properly to restrict the joint motion. She has some basic in medic, I guess," said Nanaba, sounded mildly impressed. "I will change the bandage. You must not fight with this kind of injury."

"What the hell are you saying?" said Levi, frowning at her.

"You have to rest your arm with a sling, and don't you dare use 3DM Gear until this healed completely," Nanaba warned firmly. "I bet you can't even lift your arm with a swollen shoulder like this."

"Tch, Alex said the same thing," Levi mumbled. "What happened with the mission?"

Mike sat beside Hange and explained the full detail of their secret operation and the result of the expedition. Levi concluded it wasn't a very victorious result, not what Erwin had planned in his mind, at least. Thinking how many casualties and damages they suffered, Levi suddenly realized that Alex was right to think that the Legion must have been retreating to Dieburg Fortress.

"Why didn't we retreat?" said Levi, after Mike finished his very long explanation.

"Commander did issue the order to retreat, but he quickly dropped it," said Mike.

"Why did he change his mind?"

"Erwin did all the talking to Keith," said Hange. "Gave a very moving speech about 'the price of the deaths' and 'humanity's future is at stake', something like that, really heart-touching, it's almost brought me to tears."

"I knew it," said Levi triumphantly. "Giving up on the very last moment is not his thing."

"He was really distraught, I could tell," said Mike.

"Why?"

"Moses is dead," said Nanaba softly, still busy bandaging his shoulder.

"Oh," was Levi's only reaction.

"How can you know he's upset?" said Nanaba to Mike. "He never lose his composure, even when he was clutching his…arm, he's still very calm."

"He smelled like a depressed person," said Mike simply.

Levi's eyebrow slightly lifted. "You can smell things like that?"

"You would be more surprised if you knew all the things my nose can do."

"Erwin has a magnificent coping mechanism like no other humans can do, but I'm sure he must feel really bad about himself," said Hange bleakly, looking at Mike. "I mean, Moses was his best friend from academy, right? I heard they were very close with each other."

"Never saw one without the other, since their cadet year," said Mike sadly. "You'd have thought they were brothers. Inseparable."

"That news to me, that a guy like him could act like human being and have friend," said Levi, somewhat interested. "Tell me more about it."

"It was my second year in Survey Corps when Erwin joined —"

But how could someone like Erwin Smith befriended another human being, Levi never found out. The talk about Erwin's friendship was interrupted when the person being discussed entered the room. Mike abruptly stopped talking and whistled awkwardly, Hange rolled her eyes to the ceiling and acted like she was watching something very interesting up there, and Nanaba quickly focused all her attention to Levi, treating his shoulder with her utmost seriousness as though he was on the verge of his life.

"I'm glad you are still alive, Levi," said Erwin, with his usual composed face it's very hard to tell if he's really glad.

Levi scoffed. "Your face doesn't look glad at all."

"Okay, it's done," said Nanaba, tying the end of the bandage. "You can wear your clothes, then I will make a sling."

"How did you survive?" said Erwin, sitting beside Hange.

"You asked me to babysit her, turned out she's the one who saved my ass," said Levi plainly, tucking his left arm into his shirtsleeve.

"Where is she now?" said Hange.

"Smooching her horse near the fence," Levi replied then turned to Nanaba. "She got sprained ankle."

"I'll go check on her," said Nanaba, getting up and walking out of the room.

"To go against order to retreat," said Levi. "After all of the mess, you don't even consider the lives of the soldiers are in jeopardy. The troops are already on their limit."

"Not until we do everything in our power to make a progress in the very least," said Erwin.

"I don't think this operation is successful," said Levi bluntly while buttoning his shirt.

"Yes, it's a pyrrhic result," Erwin admitted. "At least we make another step forward, even just in the slightest. It's a good thing that our supplies for this castle were not damaged."

"It's not justifying the loss," said Levi with harsher tone.

"Yes, but we can't retreat when we've reached this far," said Erwin calmly. "And think about what will happen to you and Alex if we do retreat."

The door opened again and Nanaba entered the room with Alex.

"You walked all the way with sprained ankle?" said Nanaba concernedly. "Are you really okay?"

"My ankle is okay, Miss, but I got grazes — Oh! Squad Leader! Squad Leader!" Alex piped fervently when she saw Hange, rushing to her. "Ma'am! You won't believe what I saw in the forest!"

"Whoa! Easy Alex, take a breath first," said Hange, seemed very puzzled to see her so animated.

"Fix her," Levi demanded, glaring at Hange.

"What happened to her?" asked Hange.

"You fucked up her head," spat Levi. "She already obsessed with titans just like you."

"I see them! Titans — so many — sleeping — not breathing!" Alex spoke breathlessly, her eyes popping excitedly like a preschooler who just went to Disneyland. "Oh! They can move at night!"

"THEY WHAT!?" Hange choked out, very aghast, almost toppling backward off her chair. "They moved at night!? You're not bullshitting with me, right!?"

"It's true! Captain Levi saw them too!" said Alex, turning to Levi for support. "They ran after us, right, Captain?"

"Almost hopped on our head and killed us," Levi added acerbically.

Hange's mouth opened so widely like a very big 'O'. "Levi, you really saw those majestic creatures up and close too!? Why didn't you tell me earlier!?" she said with frustration.

"I said I skipped the details."

"Damn it, Levi! How could you skip the most important thing in the world!?" Hange bellowed.

"The same goes to you, shit glasses," said Levi gruffly. "For all the shits you had babbled about titans you never mentioned something crucial like that."

"I didn't even know it was possible!" Hange protested, staring enviously back and forth to Alex and Levi as if she was very dejected because they had left her for an exciting holiday. "Oh God! You two have to narrate me about it!"

"No," Levi refused in flash.

Hange shifted her sparkling eyes to Alex. As expected, the petite girl inhaled deeply before she sat beside Hange and started to jabber everything from the Deviants that chased her and Levi to the swarm of sleeping titans.

"They are really best friend," Nanaba commented.

"Definitely," Mike agreed.

"It's good for Hange," said Erwin.

Few minutes after that, Keith entered the room, followed by some Team Leaders.

"Glad to see both of you are still alive," said Keith, looking at Levi and Alex, which Levi replied with a nod, but Alex was too busy conversing with Hange.

"Hange, we have to make retreat plan. Now," said Erwin.

"Okay, Erwin," said Hange, looked disappointed by the interruption. "Alex, I promise I will buy you dinner for a week and you better tell me every little detail about every little thing you witnessed in the forest. You got it, girl?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Alex saluted enthusiastically.

Hange gave her usual terrifying maniacal grin to Alex before sat straight on her chair, her persona changed into more serious look. The other soldiers took seat around the table, and Keith formally opened the meeting. Alex dragged one chair to the corner of the room, tending grazes on her palms and hands.

"I hope this meeting could finish quickly," Keith began, "we only have three hours before commencing retreat operation. I suppose your calculation to move at dawn is accurate, Hange."

"Yes, Commander," said Hange. "Moving at dawn is our best option. We can take advantage to sneak around them before they become more active."

"Then, our next problem is what kind of operation we must conduct." Keith glanced around and focused his eyes to Erwin.

"We can use the distraction tactic to assist the main troops, just like what we did yesterday," said Erwin. "Decoy teams will lure titans away and fight them, while the main troops flee."

"But Erwin, our Legion doesn't have enough manpower for that," Nanaba interrupted. "Most of our soldiers can't even utilize 3DM Gear properly."

"We can't divide our combat strength," Keith interjected. "If we assign soldiers for decoy teams, there will be no enough soldiers to defend the main troops."

"Erwin, we use the southwest path, I think it will be safe enough even without bait," said one of team leader. "Eastern part is the most dangerous one and we will move at dawn. They won't after us."

"Sacrifices have to be made," said Erwin courteously. "This point may now seem obvious and clichéd. But there's no gambles without risks. We can't guarantee the titans will not break our formation this time."

"At this point, it's not sacrifices anymore," said the other team leader with sharp voice. "If things go wrong, Survey Corps will be history.

"Don't bother quarrel about it. Both options are useless because the circumstances in the forest are already out of order," a dreamy voice chimed in airily.

The room fell in perplexed silence as all the heads turned to the corner. The petite girl still wiped her palms with cotton and iodine, seemed like she didn't realize she just made a statement to make a peace on the table, or rather, she didn't even aware that she just said something loud enough to be heard by the others.

"Alex, what do you mean?" said Erwin.

She tore her gaze from her palms, looked at Erwin and she almost fell from her chair in fear when she found out that everyone was looking at her with dead serious face. "I'm s-s-sorry, sir! I d-d-d-didn't mean to interrupt! It's just my opinion, you d-don't have to listen to me… I'm sorry… I will just…s-sit silently here," she stammered in pitch voice, shrinking on her chair.

"Both are impossible to be done," said Levi, looking at Alex, finally getting what she was talking about. "Because the western part of the forest is becoming titans camp right now. We saw them sleeping there." He turned to Erwin. "Fighting will be impossible because there are a hell too many of them."

"Yes, Captain… That's what I'm thinking…" she squeaked in agreement, still shrinking on her chair.

"Deviants tend to migrate to places with high human concentration. Maybe they intend to reach this hill, but nighttime save our lives this time," Hange speculated quickly, rubbing her chin. "We can't lure them away if they spot our main troops."

"Then, the next thing possible to be done is to make sure our main troops don't make a contact with them," said Erwin thoroughly, interlocking his fingers. "Maybe we can attract them to the gorge, and push them to fall to the river below."

"Erwin, I never try diversion experiment," Hange reminded. "I know you love to gamble, but the chances are —"

"Diversion trick worked, Squad Leader," said Alex feebly.

"REALLY!?" Hange choked again, her spectacles dropped few centimeters from her nose bridge when she vigorously turned her head to Alex.

"Yes, when we were being chased by Deviants, we outsmarted them using distraction," Levi confirmed. "They are not as intelligent as you think."

"Mother of Science… I really envy both of you with all of my heart," said Hange sulkily, staring with hurtful look to Levi and Alex.

"Commander, I have an idea," said Erwin immediately, spreading out the map on the table. "We can use the decoy teams to act as bait. They will engage with the titans and lure them toward the gorge. Two additional squads will lead the horses and wait for them once they finish the operation in the rendezvous point near the end of the forest." He marked the spot with big black dot. "Meanwhile, the rest of our brigade will advance straight to the north, instead of using the southwest route, this path will take less time," he explicated, drawing a straight line from the hill to the forest. "We will wait for the decoy teams to regroup near the northern entrance of the forest."

"Sounds like a great idea," Mike commented, nodding his head.

"For early precaution," Hange butt in, "even if the diversion worked, maybe the decoy teams should head out first, then give a signal once the situation is safe enough for us to advance."

"Good point, Hange," said Erwin approvingly. "The decoy squads will commence the operation one hour earlier."

"Erwin, I'm trusting the decoy teams personnel to you," said Keith. "I believe you can give briefing about this retreat operation to them."

"Yes, sir," said Erwin then glanced around. "I want every soldier who is not out of commission to assemble in storeroom."

"We will commence retreat operation in three hours. Everyone, get ready to commence the mission," Keith ordered. "That's all. The meeting is dismissed."

The soldiers got up from their chairs and hurriedly went out of the room, including Alex. Levi was about to follow Erwin to the storeroom when Nanaba stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"The sling," she reminded with rigid expression, hands holding a piece of white, triangle fabric.

"Tch."

Levi sat back on the chair reluctantly and Nanaba started to wrap the fabric around his arm and over his shoulder. Both of them were the only people left in the room.

"Levi, about your squad…" Nanaba began.

"What about them?" Levi asked with formality, because he already had premonition in his head about what happened to them.

"I'm so sorry, most of the left flank didn't make it," said Nanaba grimly. "Michael and Rudolf were KIA."

"And the others?" he asked with a voice that slightly louder than a whisper.

"Josef got broken arm. Flora is not badly injured but she's not in very good condition."

"I see."

Ten minutes later, Levi muttered thank you when she finished and marched to the storeroom in the first floor, but the briefing about the retreat plan was already over because the room was empty. Alex was sitting on the crate at the corner, eating her too early breakfast, already replenishing her blades and gas. She handed over the provisions to him. Levi sat beside her and both of them gobbled the unappetizing meal with unsatisfied hunger.

"The berries were so much better compare to this," Alex commented wryly. "This tastes like yeast."

"Picking the berries almost cost us our lives. I'll stick with this," said Levi, biting a large portion of his provisions.

Despite the indescribable taste and smell, both of them finished their food until the last crumb.

"You trusted the right person, Captain."

"Hell yeah I did. Although, you were right about the retreat plan, if it's not because of Erwin whined like a baby to Commander for continuing the expedition."

"In other words, trusting you turn out to be a right to do."

"You don't have to trust me," said Levi in strained voice.

"I trusted you," Alex convinced him. "I chose to trust your trust in your comrade, or in this case, Squad Leader Erwin. That's why I agreed to go with you."

Levi stopped chewing and looked at her. "You trusted me because I trusted Erwin?"

"I don't even know these people, I don't know whether they could be trusted or not" Alex admitted blatantly. "I don't know what happened between you and Squad Leader Erwin — I'm curious to find out though — but someone so stubborn like you willing to put all of your faith in him, meaning he is a very trustworthy person to you. That level of trust is simply amazing, you even obeyed to do an order you didn't like. So, I guessed trusting him was worth to be tried."

Levi lost words to respond. Before he could ask how on earth she concluded those theories, the storeroom door opened with a sickening bang and two soldiers rushed inside.

"Captain Levi!" Flora screamed, looking very relieved with Josef following behind her. "Oh! Alex! You're saved too!" she smiled and hugged her.

"Are you both okay?" asked Levi with a faint concerned tone. He eyed Flora; no physical injuries but her swollen eyes told that she'd been crying all the time. Josef had a sling like him on the right arm, but his bandage was covered in red.

"We're okay," said Flora, looking like she was about to cry again.

"Captain, thank you for saving my life," said Josef shortly. "But after you fell, the situation was really chaotic. The titans outflanked us from every direction, and, and… Michael took the command, but…"

"We succeeded to defend the wagons," Flora continued. "But Michael and Rudolf were killed…"

It felt like there was a hot iron fist had clenched suddenly around Levi's windpipe. "Do we have their bodies?" he asked huskily.

"Yes…" Josef mumbled.

"Good then," said Levi with the same husky voice. "Pull yourself together. We still have mission."

Both of them saluted, picked up the spare equipments from a crate and left the room. Levi realized that Alex was staring at him with bewilderment on her face; her hazel eyes fixated intently on him without a blink.

"What are you looking at?" said Levi.

"No. Nothing," she said levelly, shaking her head. "I gotta be prepared for the operation. I'll help the decoy team to lure the titans to the gorge."

"You stay with the main troops. I'll replace you in decoy team," Levi ordered in haste.

"Miss Nanaba may not like that idea," Alex reminded, looking at his left shoulder. "Your shoulder already swollen from the fight in the forest. You can't even swing the blade with an arm like that."

"You underestimate my power," said Levi, feeling scandalized.

"It's a direct order from Squad Leader Erwin. He told me to reinforce decoy teams under Squad Leader Mike, he didn't mention your name at all."

"Erwin's order, huh? I see…" Levi murmured uneasily.

"You will trust him no matter what, right?" said Alex slightingly. "I can fight, Captain. You don't have to keep an eye on me all the time." She stood up and walked to the door.

"Alex," Levi called to her, walking to her and seizing her hand.

She turned to Levi, blinking confusedly. He was staring deeply at her with a very agitated look, his hand still holding her hand strongly.

"What is it, Captain?"

"Don't die on your first expedition," he said in gentle tone of voice that sounded like a wholehearted implore.

She smiled guessingly. "Because you're ordered to keep me alive? If I'm dead you fail your mission, right?"

"Hell no," Levi denied briskly. "I'm not even thinking about it. Just… Come back quickly. As fast as you can. That's an order."

"I'll try my best to come back," she said weakly, squeezing Levi's hand softly before he let go of her hand. "Don't worry about me, Captain. I'll be just fine. And if I die, you won't find anyone asking for my corpse when you get back."

"What about your parents?"

"I don't have family," she answered promptly in uncomfortable tone hinting she didn't want to discuss the subject any further.

"That makes a lot of sense," said Levi, his eyes slightly widening. "You wouldn't be wandering alone in forest if you still had parents."

"I gotta go," said Alex cuttingly, turning her head away from him. "Excuse me, sir."

Levi nodded and watched her back as she opened the door and vanished into the darkness in the corridor. An uneasy foreboding seeped into his mind. The feeling of his guts twisting in knots told him that he had a terribly bad hunch about this operation outcome.

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

-Four hours later-

"Twenty Deviants are following us!" Lynne shrieked shrilly.

Mike Squad were flying wildly between the trees and branches, moving in lightning speed while Deviants were running after them.

"Squad Leader! Should we kill them!?" Henning yelled.

"No! We have to lure them first!" shouted Mike. "The gorge is ahead of us!"

The sounds of streaming river were telling them that they already reached the end of the land. Alex turned back, narrowly avoiding a whooshing giant palm. She flung straight to the bunch of Deviants to attract their attention.

"Come on! Follow me!"

Swirling around their heads, Alex swung away, and all the monstrous eyes were tailing her. She pressed the knob on her handgrip to release considerable amount of gas, propelling herself to the narrow gorge. But instead of falling down, she shot her hooks toward the other side of the cliff before she hit the river.

"Woah! That's very clever!" Gelgar exclaimed.

Hanging steadily on the opposite side of the gorge, Alex watched carefully; some Deviants were foolish enough to follow her and plunge to the river, being carried away by the current. But some were still standing at the brink of the cliffs and trying to attack the rest of decoy teams.

"Disperse at once! We will kill them all here!" Mike commanded.

Alex was shooting her hooks back to the direction of the soldiers, swinging across the river, when the unforeseen disaster happened

It sounded like the land below them crumbled to pieces because of an earthquake and sunk into the core of earth. The steep cliff cracked with lines. Large portion of rocks and sediment layer of soil suddenly fell apart, toppling off the cliff.

"ALL UNITS! PULL BACK!" Mike bellowed.

They flew backward to the safer ground to save themselves from the sudden collapse. It was happening in a blink of an eye. Deviants, trees, large pieces of rocks, loose sediment were avalanching violently and out of control. The solid rocks detached from the soil, bouncing and flying along ballistic trajectories and rolling on debris slopes, falling freely. The large pieces of rocks tumbled downhill, loosening other rocks on their way and smashing everything in their path, colliding with each other and breaking into smaller pieces. Deviants at the bottom of the gorge were crushed by them.

Alex desperately released her hooks from the steep just in time, rapidly firing her anchors back to the opposite cliff, trying to get outside the range of trajectory. She was evading for dear life when rocks hurling at her direction, almost squashing her petite body.

"ALEX!" Nanaba cried.

The rumbling noises eventually calmed down when the last part of rockfall bounced down and broke with blaring thud. It was inarguably a massive scale of landslide. The debris of rock, trees and soil was blocking the river and the cliff was gone, being replaced by long incline to the bottom of the gorge.

"Squad Leader Mike!" cried Alex's pitch voice.

Mike fired his hooks to a tree on the edge and stood on the highest branch. "Alex! Are you okay!?" Mike yelled, looking down to the gorge.

"I'm okay!" Alex screamed from among the rubbles at the end of the slope.

"Hang on! We will save you!" Nanaba shouted.

"No! Don't!" she yelled. "Don't go down here!"

The titans were trapped beneath heavier and bigger concrete rocks. They already regenerated and sprouted the limbs, thick fog steaming to the air. It was a matter of time before they broke free and started to rampage again.

"Sir! You have to go!" Alex shouted. "You have to lure more titans! You have to go! Now!"

"We can't leave you here!" Mike barked.

"It's okay! I will kill these titans then regroup with you! Or they will climb up and go after the main troops if we leave them just like this!"

"What are you talking about!? You could die here!"

Alex slipped her blades inside the scabbard then saluted. "Sir! I'm a soldier! I had taken an oath to fulfill my duty even if it would cost my life! I took an oath to offer up my heart for humanity!"

"But —!"

"Leave, sir! We can't let retreat mission to be failed!"

Few seconds passed until Mike replied her salute wholeheartedly then gestured the rest of his squad to move. Soon, Alex was left alone at the bottom of the slope, still standing solidly with her right fist over her heart, with titans grunting noisily around her as they attempting to break free from the wreckage.

Then, Alex slipped muffled chuckles. Couldn't restraint herself any longer, her soft voice entirely changed into mad guffawing. Bending forward and clutching her stomach, she laughed, bark of mirthless laughter that sounded so twisted and sinister echoing in the narrow gorge. She inhaled breathlessly as though she just finished a marathon race, slumping on the rocky debris, tears accumulating in the corner of her eyes.

"Offer up my heart for humanity, huh? What a disgusting thought," she scoffed amusedly. Her face contorted into nauseous wince as if she had just watched someone puked in front of her. "Now that's the biggest lie I ever came up with…"

She got back on her feet, staring dully at the bunch of titans near her; her blades were wielded at her sides, ready to slaughter the monsters.

"Now, what should I do to all of you?"

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

-Few hours later-

"Commander! There's a signal from decoy teams!" said a soldier.

The main troops of Survey Corps were already out of the forest, took a break at the designated point, completely unharmed and safe, thanks to the work of the decoy teams, they could pass the forest without encountering a single titan. Levi squinted his eyes and saw a yellow flare soared to the clear noon sky. A quarter of an hour after that, swarm of soldiers emerged from the forest and regrouped with the main troops. Alarmed, Levi made his way through the soldiers and looked around, but couldn't find the striking dark auburn hair everywhere.

"Mike, where is she?" said Levi urgently as the tall man dismounted from his horse.

Realizing who he was looking for, Mike sparred a very troubled look before answer his question. "She fell to the gorge."

Levi felt his heart banging against his ribs. "What the hell!?"

"It's landslide," said Nanaba, her voice shaking. "The cliff crumbled when all the titans gathered near the edge, very disastrous. She was getting caught up in the fall."

"And you left her just like that!?" said Levi disbelievingly, glaring at Mike.

"We had no choice," said Mike uncomfortably. "She volunteered to kill all the titans. We had to continue the diversion tactic if we wanted retreat operation to succeed, but she was still alive when we left her."

"Good work, Mike," said Erwin. "Commander, we can continue our retreat operation."

"What about Alex?" said Levi stiffly.

"We're not sure whether she will make it back or not," Erwin elucidated. "We can't risk the whole Legion for that."

"She'll be back," said Levi obstinately to Erwin. "I trust her. We have to wait for her."

"We don't have much time, Levi. Going back alive to the wall is our priority," Erwin insisted matter-of-factly. "We have to move now."

Levi turned to Keith and stared at him with his most hardcore glare.

"I agree with Erwin," said Keith, seemed not perturbed by Levi's stare. "We'll wait until all the preparation complete. If she don't make it back in that period of time, we'll carry on with the retreat plan."

"Fine then," said Levi through his rigid jaw.

"Ten minutes left before resuming our operation!" Keith commanded and walked away with Erwin.

Levi stood unnaturally still on perimeter and fixed his eyes to the forest like a hawk targeting its prey. His palms were sweaty, hands trembling, the time passed by and there was still no sign of anyone came out. Without further thinking, Levi took off the sling on his left arm and dashed to supplies wagon. Glancing cautiously to his surrounding, he took a small crate from the wagons; it filled with gas cylinders and spare blades. Levi carefully hid it beneath the nearest bushes so no one will notice it. He looked around, finally picking some stalks of daisies from the grass.

"All man! On your position! We'll now continue our retreat plan!" Keith commanded.

"I know you'll see this," said Levi hopefully, arranging the daisies around the roots of the bushes. "In case you come back, brat."

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

The big bell chimed, swinging back and forth, ringing through the entire District of Shiganshina in a restful afternoon. The citizens knew what the bell meant: the Survey Corps were back from their expedition. As the curiosity of the citizens aroused, many people already gathered along the main road from the gate, waiting for the parade of soldiers to pass by. Heroes of humanity, they said. Brave soldiers that will liberate human race, they said. The hope of mankind, they said.

Every each one of people in town knew that those myths were not true.

The gate lifted up and the long awaited heroes finally came into sight one by one. There were no cheering or praises that came from the bystanders. All of them watched in profound silent, most of them spared pity stares, some started to talk nastily about their failure. It's always like this, every time Survey Corps got back, dissatisfactions and disillusionments greeted them mercilessly.

A glory of the defeated had descended upon them in this afternoon.

Downhearted, badly injured, physically damaged and morally devastated, the survivals of 29th Expedition beyond the wall entered the district with the tangible aura of despair. The looks in their eyes were like the life was sucked out of them, so void and died out. They staggered along the main street with soulless expressions, like walking corpses, as if they just came back from witnessing the horror of the deepest layer of hell.

"Why are there so few of them?"

"The rest of them got eaten."

"They look absolutely awful."

"Aren't they just getting more people killed while running away from titans?"

"It's another disaster, all over again."

Those derogatory remarks hit Erwin's ears like a rain of arrows. He glanced around, scanning the crestfallen and scornful expression in all the faces then his eyes caught something extremely different. A boy with green eyes stood tall at the far back of bystanders. He was staring at Erwin with a face full of joy and awe, smiling beamishly. Erwin was stunned; the way the little boy looked at him was something he never expected. His bright eyes gleamed in absolute admiration, as though he was staring at the hero he always adored.

Erwin swiftly averted his eyes, gazing at his hands to his rein. A sharp knife of irony sliced his chest, stabbing straight to his broken and contrite heart.

He didn't deserve that kind of praise. Not even in the slightest.

He was a murderer, not some kind of hero.

"That is what you get for going outside the Walls."

"What a shame. Our taxes were wasted just like that."

"So all we've been doing is offering our money to them as free lunch."

"We shouldn't have entrusted our future to these lot."

"Moses! Moses!" an old woman screamed, rushing to the parade. She looked around then approached Keith. "Commander Keith, where is my son!? I can't find him anywhere! Oh please! Tell me he made it!" she said pleadingly.

"I wish I had a better news for you," said Keith, glancing to a soldier beside him. "Give it to her."

The soldier nodded and took a small bundle stained with blood from the cart, handing it over to the old woman. Utterly frightened, she quickly unwrapped the gray cloth with trembling hand.

"I'm sorry. This is all that left of him, the biggest remnant we could retrieve," said Keith remorsefully.

The old woman gasped when she stared at a decayed human arm, her son's arm. She fell on her knees and broke into a storm of crying, clutching the bloody arm to her chest.

"But… But my son, he is…" she moaned, gazing at Keith. "Everyone keeps saying that soldiers who died venturing outside the Walls… They all died for nothing… Is that true!? Commander Keith!?"

Keith squatted in front of her, mouth sealed, looking like he didn't know how to respond to such question.

"He's been useful to humanity, right? He might not have been a hero, but he was so brave. He always told me how proud he was to join Survey Corps, even became a Squad Leader…"

The whole crowd suddenly stopped muttering as if someone had turned off the sound, listening attentively to the old woman.

"At least he died helping mankind to fight back, right!? He sacrificed himself for the benefit of all of us, right!?"

Keith was looked like someone just gave him a hard blow on his stomach. He stared at her with a dazed look, his mouth parted but nothing came out.

"Say something!" she cried out. "Tell me! Tell me his death means something!"

"He was brave!" Keith croaked, but when he spoke again, his voice was shaky and barely audible. "But… His sacrifices meant nothing, and so with all of our loses… During this mission, we… No, even after all of our missions…"

A tense silence blew all over the nooks and crannies. All eyes were on the distressed Commander.

"WE STILL HAVEN'T MADE A SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS!" Keith bellowed, tears flowing from his haggard eyes. "IT WAS MY FAULT! I AM A FAILURE! I'VE JUST GOTTEN SOLDIERS KILLED RIGHT AND LEFT FOR NOTHING! YOUR SON IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! HE DIED FOR NOTHING BECAUSE OF ME!"

Erwin watched the heartrending moment with a pained expression, as though he'd been hit in the face. There was a crazy urge engulfing his body, a strange force that commanded him to dismount from his horse at once and kneel before the poor sobbing old woman. A voice inside his skull told him to confess for his sins and beg for her mercy upon his unrighteous soul.

No. Your son died because of me. I killed him.

Keith already stood back on his feet, staggering forward with one soldier helping him to calm down. Moses' mother was being dragged by some people to the roadside, seemed like she's already fainted.

Ignoring the guilt that snagging him to pieces, Erwin held the rein steadily. All he can do was spurring his horse without saying a word and fixing his blank stare to the ground.

The murmurs and mumbles of disdainful chatters from the citizens were rumbling persistently until they were out of the district.

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

There was a ritual that Levi loathed more than anything at the end of expedition. The corpses were stacked inside the square pyre on the main yard of Heubach Castle, arranged neatly and piled up against each other. He watched with very hollow stare; the soldiers were done putting the last corpse and heading to the storeroom to bring the combustible liquid. Levi walked closer to the pyre, eyeing the dead bodies one by one. His former second-in-command soldier was on the top, and Levi could guess he died of blood loss because his abdomen was ripped off and his uniform tainted in red from chest to knees.

"You fought well, soldier," said Levi throatily, severing the badges on his chest, "rest peacefully. Your fighting is over, but mine still wages on."

He moved to the corpse of Rudolf — whose body looked awfully mangled as if a spear as big as a cartwheel pierced through his torso — quickly snatching his badge too. "I'm still fighting for your sake. I swear, as long as I live," he paused, looking at the rest of the corpses. "I will keep on fighting until every last one of them are eradicated."

He took few steps back, standing among the other soldiers, watching the fire ignited. At first, it was a moment of complete silence, as though the whole world stopped turning, but as the small flame flickered weakly, series of sobs and mourning broke loose interminably around the pyre. Tearful faces filled with sorrow were everywhere as Levi looked around. Beside him, Flora was weeping. Levi faced her, and when their eyes met, the girl looked so embarrassed.

"Captain Levi, I'm sorry…" she apologized, swiping her face with her sleeve. "It's never get any easier…"

"You don't have any reasons to get used to witness your comrades dying," said Levi quietly. "It's okay for you to cry."

Flora nodded and cried even more noisily into her hands.

"You can cry all you want," said Levi, glancing to Josef.

"No," said Josef croakily.

"Don't be ridiculous. Everybody can be sad if they have the goddamn reason to be. No one will judge you when you show weaknesses in moment like this."

"I-I-I can't, Captain… I can't bid goodbye to them like that…" he hesitated. "It's really not fair, isn't it? I'm still alive, and they're—"

"Your survival is because of their sacrifices, never forget that," Levi reminded stoutly, giving him a stony stare. "Showing your emotions is also the way to honor our comrades' existence. They mattered to you. You valued their lives and the fact that they're not here anymore hurt. So stop pretending to be the tough guy."

And with that, Josef fell on his knees, tears slipping from the corner of his eyes.

Levi walked further away from the seemingly endless outcries, leaning his back to the cracked brick wall and crossing his arms. He stared on the ground, wishing the fire quickly extinguished.

How many times do I have to go through something like this?

"Excuse me, Captain Levi," a voice of girl called for him.

He tilted to his left, looking vacantly at her; a girl with golden blond hair, a cadet, judging from the badge on her chest, was standing next to him. There were some cadets standing warily in the background.

"I wonder if you would mind if I ask you something…" she said with brittle voice.

"What is it?"

"The cadet in your squad, sir, Alexandra Ritter, can you tell me where she is?"

Upon hearing the name of his former subordinate, Levi felt a sudden wild twinge inside his stomach, like a sharp blade cutting his abdomen. The blond girl looked very scared to hear his answer as if she already knew what he would say.

"She didn't make it back," he finally managed to force some air out to utter the bitter news.

The girl gasped. "Don't tell me…she's…dead?" She broke down in tears.

"No fucking way!" a brown-haired cadet shouted behind her, seemed frustrated. "She's always so good in everything! I couldn't believe titan would bit her ass!"

"Kenneth, calm down!" said the boy with jet-black hair.

"How…did…see die?" the blond girl asked Levi between her snivels.

Levi gulped, but instead of saliva, there was a feeling of molten metal sliding down his throat, made it harder for him to speak. He lowered his gaze to the ground again, couldn't stand to look at her streaming eyes.

"We're not sure whether she died or not," Erwin, who just walked near them, chimed in.

The blond girl turned to Erwin, very startled. "What do you mean with that?" she asked.

Erwin spared her a commiserative look for a moment. "The last time she was seen, she fell from the cliff. We never see her died nor we find her body."

It looked like an invisible lightning struck and paralyzed her as she could only stared dumbfoundedly at Erwin.

"She is presumed Missing In Action," Erwin continued.

"But that means — she maybe alive but —" the blond girl stuttered, clamping her mouth. "She is…alone…outside the wall?"

"Yes, Sophie," Erwin confirmed. "The odds of her coming back was very slim, and we didn't have time to conduct search and rescue operation because we had to retreat back to the Walls."

"Holy shit… That means she's done for…" said Kenneth stiffly.

"Hey, Emory, do you want to bet?" said a wretched-looking cadet who already slumped on the ground, glancing to jet-black hair boy.

"Gerard, this is not the time," Emory reminded gently.

"Place your bet Emory, my bet will be…" Gerard rasped. "Alex will be just fine, somewhere outside there, and somehow… She will make it back alive."

"Be realistic, dude, that's freaking impossible," Kenneth snapped.

"That's really far-fetched," said Emory, agreeing with Kenneth.

"Just place the damn bet. Please…" Gerard begged hopelessly.

"Alright. But I'm not sure it's gonna help us with anything," Emory muttered as he pulled his arm, helping him to stand up.

Sophie wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, looking at Erwin and Levi. "Thank you, sir. Please excuse us."

They trudged back to the bonfire, and Levi vaguely heard the blond girl moaning his former subordinate's name in her cry.

"So much for dragging a rookie beyond the wall," Levi criticized bitterly, giving an ugly look to Erwin.

"But she did a great job," said Erwin. "She saved your life and made the retreat plan possible for us. We lost the finest cadet in history of military, at least, we still have you."

"Tch. You're talking like her live is disposable."

"In my calculation, a knight is more valuable than a rook."

His gray eyes widened in fury. "You are really seeing human like piece of chess, huh?"

"I already told you, didn't I?" Erwin reminded composedly. "The memories of regret will cloud your judgment. When you can no longer move on from the past and make the right decision to move forward, then all that's left for you is to die. Regrets are getting in the way, and it's easier to get rid of them if we stay focus on the bigger picture."

The two men's eyes clashed for a long moment. Erwin brilliantly kept his usual composure as he spoke while Levi miraculously did his very best endeavor to restrain his temper. His body was shaking, his hands already curling into very rigid fists, veins throbbing and engorging on his temple.

"All I'm saying is: sacrifices are necessary," said Erwin reassuringly, seemed to notice Levi's infuriation at him. "It's inevitable. Forget all the regrets, Levi. We have to move on," he added then walked pass him.

"What about Moses?" said Levi scathingly in low voice. "Three years of boot camp and many years you two spent together in this Legion, now you're telling me he's just a piece of chess for you? There is no way in hell you mourned for your pawn."

Erwin halted his step when Levi said the name, turning to him; a pensive look flashed for the tiniest space of time on his calm face.

"I must be lying if I say I'm not feeling guilty over his death. But, I'm a gambler, you can say making sacrifices is my hobby," said Erwin coolly, not a faintest trace of remorse was perceptible in his voice. "Not something I'm proud of, and definitely not something I enjoy. It's just something I must do."

Erwin's admission of guilt sounded so well prepared as though he always rehearsed it every day. Digesting the subtle signification, Levi hateful glare eventually faded away. He nodded subduedly, averting his eyes from Erwin's icy blue eyes by staring at the ground again. Erwin continued to walk to the building, leaving Levi alone.

"Something I must do…" Levi repeated under his breath.

Anyone who looked at Levi right now might well have thought that the Humanity's Strongest Soldier was one hell of tough badass soldier. He still folded his arms casually; his expression was as flat as the wall behind him; his imperturbable demeanor didn't change in the slightest — in contrast to loudly wailing soldiers — as though he was unfazed with the heartbreaking situation in front of his nose. Nobody knew, beneath his calm and collected exterior, under the indestructible aloof mask he wore on his face, the man's heart was conflicted, torn between his guilty conscience and the bitter words from the man he looked up to.

He moved his eyes to the bonfire. The dancing flame slowly incinerated the corpses, becoming bigger and bigger, engulfing the remains that were used to be his comrades and turning them to ashes. The acrid smell of burning flesh pricked his nose. The outcries and moans from the grieving soldiers gradually diminished, but the dreary sorrow still hanging tightly in the atmosphere. His gaze shifted to the bunch of cadets; the blond girl was still crying hysterically, while the others looked so desperate as though the world had ended few moments ago.

Then, he felt a sharp rose in his throat at this sight; a dreadful realization about something he detested the most was the only thing he must continue to do.

"Sacrificing human lives is something I must do," he told himself, repeating the words inside his head like an incantation, trying to carve the meaning into his brain.

He knew very well that Erwin was right; one could never make advancement without sacrificing something. A very simple logic: to obtain, something with equal or more value must be lost. Someone who couldn't sacrifice anything couldn't ever change anything. But the more he repeated the words the more they became meaningless. He couldn't comprehend the sense of each syllable anymore. The only thing he knew, the words gave him abhorrent sensation from the head to the tips of his fingers and toes, as though his whole body was protesting to bring back his moral sense. A suffocating feeling spread progressively as if the incandescent fire from the pyre had leapt into his chest and burned his inside.

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

Erwin knocked on the Commander's office door; he waited until he heard Keith's tired voice commanded him to enter. He opened the door and saw Keith was working on stack of papers that resembled a small mountain on his desk.

"Evening, Commander," said Erwin, giving a salute. "I'm here to hand over my squad reports."

"Ah, yes, thank you, Erwin," said Keith as Erwin put the papers on his desk. He stopped writing and dropped his quill. "Have a seat. I need to talk about something."

With a slight confusion, Erwin sat down opposite of him.

"I made a terrible mistake…" Keith muttered with desperation and contrite etched in every line of wrinkles on his tired face. "About what happened in this expedition, I should had listened to you from the very beginning, Erwin…"

Erwin stayed silent though his raging inner self wanted to shout 'yes, I already told you, didn't I?'. He was apoplectic with rage about what had happened; his calculation was perfect. The operation should had work the way he planned if only Keith was rational enough to listen to his logical thinking and gave a permission.

Fortunately, Erwin was sensible enough to put aside his rampancy and maintain his levelheaded mind, preventing himself from ranting furiously.

He knew blaming would not bring the deaths back to life, it would not change what already happened, and it would not help to overcome the losses in this expedition.

It would not change the fact that he was the reason why his best friend got killed.

"We'd done everything in our power, Commander," he finally said in constricted voice, suddenly his hand was clenching on his lap.

Silence fell in the room. Judging from the skeptical look on his eyes, Keith might be thinking that he doubted Erwin was being sincere about it. Erwin shifted his eyes to the papers on the desk.

"Erwin," Keith began, "about the thing we talked last month. I already made up my mind. I'm not hesitating again."

Erwin widened his eyes and looked at Keith again. "Commander, you don't mean —"

"Yes, Erwin," Keith cut in sharply. "I am not capable to lead anymore."

"Because this mission was a failure?" Erwin guessed quickly. "Survey Corps has been losing all this time. We have many more failed missions in the past, we rarely succeed, Commander. This one is not a justification of your incompetence as a leader. We still need your guidance, as well as your leadership. I still have a lot of things to learn from you."

"I'm no longer your mentor, you had learned everything from me, besides," he paused a moment, a faint smile of pride quirked on his lips, "the other soldiers trust you with their lives. It was a suicidal operation, yet they executed it under your direct command without hesitation."

"I was planning it without your consent, moreover, I even asked them to conspire with me against your order," Erwin admitted. "I had done a inadmissible insubordination. I deserve a penalty for that."

"Which also means they trusted your judgment more than they trusted mine, and I'm not feeling offended by it," he hastily added when Erwin opened his mouth again. "They did what they thought would give a better outcome for the expedition. I'm not even mad, to be honest, I'm glad they put their trust in the right person."

"But in the end, it's not working as I planned," said Erwin bitterly.

"That was my fault, I think," Keith stated without denial. "Levi was right, I was getting in the way. Now that I got a better view of our fruitless expedition from these reports, I bet your plan would be successful if I was not too emotional over the casualties. At least, we would be able to achieve something…" He sighed, piling the singed papers into the drawer.

"Commander, give some time to rethink about that," Erwin demanded.

"I'm done considering, Erwin," said Keith impatiently. "Do you think I'm not even competent to make a decision like this?"

Erwin shook his head then spoke with more serious tone of voice. "No, sir. I just don't want you to rashly come in decision because you feel caught up in the moment. I demand you to rationally decide it because you are confident I am worthy and ready for this position."

"Then this expedition gave me a very clear answer," said Keith solemnly. "I can't lead this Legion without you, but you can lead it without me."

Sounds of clock ticking were the only thing that hearable in the office for couple minutes because Erwin completely had no argument about this fact. Keith continued.

"What do you say, Erwin? It's impossible to have two people in charge at the same time."

"If this is your final decision and the best course of action for Survey Corps, I have no objection whatsoever, Commander."

"You have my utmost apologies, for having to call upon you the corps leader and passing this obligation to you in times like this."

"No, sir. No matter what state the world is in, I will devote my life for this cause," said Erwin heartily.

"As expected from you," said Keith proudly.

Keith stood up, loosening his bolo tie. Erwin followed him. Both of the men were standing in the middle of the office, giving a wholehearted salute to each other.

"I, Keith Shadis, hereby appoint you, Erwin Smith, to be my successor as the 13th Commander of Survey Corps," Keith declared ceremonially, tying the bolo tie around Erwin's collar. "Are you, Erwin Smith, ready to bear the responsibility to decide the fate of humanity, to eliminate the enemy of mankind, to relentlessly fight for the freedom of our race, like our courageous and altruistic predecessors had done in the past?"

Underneath his composure, Erwin's inner self was overwhelmed with tremendous satisfaction. Screaming internally, Erwin felt the heaviness inside his chest went slightly lighter. His tempestuous rage transformed into a new spirit of hope. At least, he could make a significant effort to make amends for his unforgiveable sins, to bring about some semblance of meaning in countless deaths of his comrades.

With this, I will definitely make their deaths mean something.

"Yes. I, Erwin Smith, do solemnly swear, that I will dedicate my life for the counterattack of mankind. I am prepared to offer up my heart and give my undying loyalty for the benefit of human race. I hereby am accepting the duty to lead the brave soldiers of humanity to take step forward toward the freedom, as the 13th Commander of Survey Corps."

~SnK~SnK~SnK~SnK~

Later that night, Levi was alone in his bedroom, sitting on the chair. It felt like his stomach had shrunk to a size of teaspoon; his appetite was nonexistent and after drinking a cup of tea, his gut was churning wildly. He scurried from the gloomy dining hall as fast as he possibly could and locked himself in his bedroom.

Clutching the badges tightly until his hand felt numb, Levi opened his bag.

Badges, so many badges. The small bag was crammed with heaps of dark blue and white feathers emblems. Levi sighed indignantly, shoving two badges of his dead subordinates.

Two another poor souls were perished.

Who was it to be blamed?

Was it his mistake?

Was it his decision that somehow led to harrowing event like this?

Was there anything he could do to prevent this from happening?

Was there anything he supposed to do to prevent this from happening?

Or maybe destiny had been written this way?

His mind had gone haywire. Questions were running inside his head. He wasn't looking for answers. He just wanted to stop thinking about them but it seemed like his brain had an unstoppable massive bleeding of unanswered questions.

He zipped the bag with difficulty and put it on the table. A sudden painful twitch stung his left shoulder. He hissed, rubbing it repeatedly. The pain reminded him for another poor soul that crossed the great divide.

"It's not pointless to die in order to save you."

Levi would never know why she went that far to save him. He would never have a chance to ask her again for her real reason. Why did she endanger her live for a stranger like him? He thought maybe she was a foolish brat that always did things impulsively without proper thinking, noisy as fuck, with extreme foolhardiness he even wondered how could she lived after all this time with such recklessness. What was she thinking when she jumped off the cliff? Levi couldn't tell if she's really determined to save him or just suicidal. A brave girl without a brain, he daresay.

Nevertheless, he was very certain that none of her peculiarities were the cause of her death.

What if he went against Erwin's order?

What if he insisted for her to go with the main troops?

What if he just knocked her out and hid her unconscious body inside medic wagon?

What if he ignored his freaking pathetic injured shoulder and joined the decoy squad?

What if he sneaked into Mike's squad?

What if… What if… What if… What if…

A hundred of 'what if' later, Levi got no answers but finally drew one conclusion: it was him; she died because of him.

"You stupid brat. I was the one who almost died, not you," he said quite loud like he was talking to someone in his room.

He massaged his forehead, brooding about everything that had happened sequentially, trying to surmise the next 'what if'. Sounds of people chattering and walking in the corridor were coming from outside his room. Dinner probably already finished and soldiers went to their rooms to sleep. The sounds dwindled until silence slithered again in the air.

But to Levi, there was never silence in his nights.

The noises were always here, haunting him, following him everywhere, roaring in his ears from time to time. Noises of undetectable sources, voices of the unseen mouths, there was no telling from where those came. Levi always pondered if he was still in his right mind, because right now, he was hearing them again.

"These fucking walls are talking to me again…" he mumbled exhaustedly.

At first, it sounded like raindrops falling on the rooftop, gradually changed from light drizzle to very damn heavy downpour. Then, the rain felt so real as though he could feel the frigid bullet drops on his skin. Levi drew heaving breaths and closed his eyes, burying his face into his palms. Noises became very bizarre; combination of hoofbeats, a big whoosh of air, gunshots of signal flares, shrieking people and loud thuds, and many more noises he couldn't identify. Images flashed before his eyes: the white brume, blocking his path; glimpses of gigantic shadows far ahead of him; streaks of green; spilling gore on the ground…

And the horror began again.

Like an overture of gruesome rhapsody, his mind replayed the same story of them dying from the very beginning. Levi heard it again, her scream, a terrible, drawn-out scream pounding to his eardrums. He saw it again, her head rolling before his knees, her flashy red hair stained with dark mud. He never forgot her withered green eyes stared back at him. The once very vibrant emerald eyes became so hollow, staring aimlessly in utter terror for eternity.

"We're counting on you, Big Bro! Get those surface citizenship tickets for us!"

The rhapsody moved on to the next act. Levi saw him there, still alive, retaliating with all he could. Levi was relieved; he thought he had a chance to save him. He was sure he already galloped his horse the fastest way he could, but the distance never got any closer. He realized he was too late. His last desperate attempt to save him was useless. His smile, his last smile, he died…smiling at him. He was waving at him, the same thing he always did when they were parting ways… He gave Levi his one last smile and salute, before his body got severed into two pieces right in front of his eyes.

"Levi, please, have faith in us!"

Images blurred. Noises faded away. As the grand finale ended, his brain oozed the same question again, for God only knew how many times.

Was it truly a choice with no regrets?

Breathing heavily with beads of sweat breaking out over his face, Levi abruptly opened his eyes and banged his fist to the wall with all his might, feeling the collision to the intact brick crushing his knuckles, but the pain was nothing compared to the inner damages on his weary soul.

Guilt.

Venomous drips of guilt seeped into him from every pore on his skins, intoxicating him with self-loathe that paralyzed his senses.

Rage.

An intense rage swept all over him, burning savagely as if there was a volcano inside his chest, erupting and drowning him in boiling lava.

Hatred.

An absurdly substantial inner turmoil wrecked his mind, exploding from his hatred. Hatred so powerful that he never knew he could possess it before.

Regrets.

The grievous coldness of regrets pierced into him, penetrated deeper than the sharpest blade could do. It was freezing inside his very heart. It was flowing in his veins and arteries. It was within the air he breathed. It was residing in every part of his living cells. It was wrapped around his soul. It was everywhere, surrounded him like a cage, and trapped him so forcefully with insufferable feeling of bereavement.

Those feelings were way more excruciating than any physical pains he ever experienced.

Trying to suppress emotional torture that nearly ruined his sanity, Levi got up from the chair and flumped on his bed.

It'd been almost forty eight hours since the last time he slept. Sore and stiffened muscles begging him to take a rest, but he was reluctant to close his eyes. He was scared to see another nightmarish replays and flashbacks, which he was unable to switch off.

His reality was nightmares of never ending sleep. His sleep was a hellish abyss harsher than reality.

Some nightmares didn't end when he opened his eyes. Ruthless reality loved him so much it couldn't even let him had a momentary peace of mind in his dreamland.

No matter what he did, he could never escape from this cruelty.

"Humanity's Strongest Soldier, huh? What a joke…" he whispered.

He stared at the ceiling unblinkingly, refusing his knackered body whimpering him to fall asleep.

Seemed like tonight would be another restless night for him.

---

A/N: Special thanks to kittylover195678 for betareading this chapter! :D

I was planning to update last week, then I watched ACWNR part 2 and I was depressed for the whole weekend and couldn't write...

Trio RBA got stuck in the traffic, so they didn't make it in time to breach Wall Maria. But Bertholdt and Reiner will come in like a wrecking ball pretty soon.

I'm aware that this story has very slow progress, I apologize for it. For those who are looking for the romance, don't worry, I have super-teary heartbreaking love story arc, probably with some (hardcore) smut, but it's still a long way to go, maybe 20-25 chapters later, so please be patient. Why does it take so long? My reasons are:
1) this is a story about Survey Corps as a whole, not just LevixOC, I'm doing a lot of characters' development so the focus of this story is not always about Levi and my OC;
2) I'm allergic to OOC-ness, and to write Levi's character as someone who interested, let alone fall in love, immediately for no apparent reason with someone he just met few days ago is a complete OOC in my opinion. I want to write how the relationship between my OC and Levi grow gradually. But Levi is very goddamn hard to write. Isayama also stated that Levi is clumsy in romance, that means, a lot of character development before the 'love phase' *cry*;
3) I want every interaction between the characters flow naturally and reasonably, so I need time to establish their relationship.
Please tell me if I make any canon characters too OOC, and please review, I love to hear your opinion.

Keysha30: Thank you for your compliment and the birthday wishes! :3 I gotta say I want an OVA about the veterans, but since most of them are dead, well, I guess I will make story about them myself. I'm not gonna dictate to the readers what kind of person my OC is. I will give hints through her actions and thoughts, hopefully you can portray her the same way I do, besides the less I reveal the more you can wonder.

Shydae: Thank you so much! Enjoy this chapter! :D