Dedicated to another insane person on here, Pip the Dark Lord of All. Thank you so very much for causing me to go utterly crazy.

"Uh…this doesn't look like Lothlórien," Glorfindel said, looking around the rolling hills and peaceful community that lay below him.

Gríma shrugged. "Hey, I already said that I don't know where it is. My Master made me come with you."

TROLOLOLOLO! echoed across the hills to them.

Gríma smacked his forehead. "I need to go help Master again," he said. "He's starting that dumb song that drives everyone crazy. Hopefully he won't reinvent the Denethor-plummet while he's at it, like he did last time." He started away, but Glorfindel gasped.

"No wait!" Glorfindel hurriedly hugged him, and Gríma managed to stay conscious for almost a second this time before he flopped limply to the ground.

"Ah, my hugs are amazing," Glorfindel said happily, then turned to look down into the small village Gríma had accidentally led him to. There were strange houses in the ground, with odd windows and doors, winding paths, serene gardens, a bustling marketplace, and strange short thingies walking all over the place.

They reminded Glorfindel of those dragon-hairballs…em, dwarves that he had come upon a little while back, but they weren't hairy except for on their feet. Glorfindel gave the multiple creatures' feet another look. They did look rather odd – but Glorfindel was never one to judge anyone on what their feet looked like!

He clapped his hands together happily – more things to hug! – and started down the hill toward them. Within seconds, he was among the bustling marketplace and everything had come to a stop. All of the little things were staring at him.

Glorfindel looked around, trying to decide which he should hug first.

"Is that an elf?" He could hear someone whisper from somewhere.

"It is an elf!" He could hear someone else exclaim from somewhere else.

Everyone screamed – for once, not in terror – and ran at him.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Glorfindel exclaimed as he was bombarded in hugs. He eagerly returned them, hugging everything within hugging distance. He hugged a pony as well, which gave him an odd look, and then he continued hugging the other little things.

Hours later, the Hug-Fest was over. Glorfindel sat on the ground, his brain happy and fuzzy, and leaned against that pony's leg. All of the little people crowded around him, chattering excitedly. Glorfindel had never heard anyone talk so much.

"So what are you guys?" Glorfindel said drowsily, giving the leg he was leaning on a hug.

"We are Hobbits!" one announced proudly.

"Uh…"

"Halflings!"

"Eh?"

"Little People!"

"Um…"

"Perianneth?"

"Oh, right!" Glorfindel nodded understandingly. "How fascinating."

There would have been an awkward silence, but everyone was still talking to each other.

"So anyway," said one of the Hobbits. "I'm obviously the most important person you'd want to meet, Mister Elf. Come with me!" He grabbed Glorfindel's arm and dashed out of the crowd of other Hobbits, another Hobbit close behind.

"I'm Pippin," said the Hobbit that had just dragged Glorfindel out of the crowd.

"And I'm Merry!" said the Hobbit who had followed them.

They both extended their hands cheerily.

Glorfindel stared at their hands. He hesitated, then slowly bent down and…poked the hands with one finger. Satisfied, he straightened up and smiled. "I'm Glorfindel, the Sadness-Slayer!"

"We've heard of you!" exclaimed Pippin. "I have a title too!"

"Don't even," said Merry to the other Hobbit. "Yes, we have heard of you! Your accomplishments are known throughout the world!"

"My ability to cause others to pass out by hugging them?" cried Glorfindel in excitement, clasping his hands together.

"No," said Merry.

"I really want to tell you my title," Pippin said.

"My ability to cause others to scream in terror when they see me?" cried Glorfindel even more excitedly, clasping his hands together more tightly.

"No," said Merry.

"Can I please tell you my title?" Pippin said.

"Oh, I know!" cried Glorfindel. "My ability to make everyone love me?!"

There was a poof, and a scowling black-clad elf appeared next to Glorfindel. He smacked the Sadness-Slayer over the head with a heavy scroll. "Everyone does not love you!" he snapped. "Stop saying that! Don't you ever learn?!"

Glorfindel opened his arms with a smile. "Hug?"

Erestor hit him again and vanished.

"Uh…" said Merry and Pippin. They stared for a long second, then Merry shook his head.

"Actually, no, it's not that either."

Glorfindel scratched his head. "Then why does everyone know who I am?"

"You killed a Balrog!" Merry exclaimed. "And you came back to life!"

Glorfindel gasped and then burst into tears. "That was the worst mistake of my life(s)!"

"Returning to life?" Merry asked.

Pippin took a step back.

"No, killing that poor Balrog!" Glorfindel wiped at his tears. "I should have hugged him!"

"You would have died," Merry said unsympathetically.

"He did die," Pippin said.

"Yes, but he would have died sooner. With much less amazingness," said Merry.

Glorfindel sniffed. "I need to feel better," he said. "I'm going to hug you."

Unlike every single other Hobbit he had already hugged, these two apparently didn't like hugs. Merry stood his ground bravely, but then whirled to flee when Glorfindel reached for him.

Glorfindel hugged Merry and then sat him down, some of his happiness restored. Then he reached for Pippin…

Pippin screamed and started running. Of course, Glorfindel caught him too and hugged him happily.

Pippin flopped limply and his face blehhed.

Glorfindel stared uncomprehendingly at the dead Pippin. "Huh?"

Merry sighed. "Set him down."

Glorfindel set him down.

"Now don't hug him again," Merry ordered, and then slapped Pippin fiercely across the face.

Pippin's dead body twitched.

Merry screamed into his ears, pounded on his chest, and then kicked him in the stomach.

Pippin gasped and sat up. "I had the most horrible dream!" he wheezed. "This tall golden person hugged me, with happiness and love!"

Merry sighed.

Pippin puked into the bushes.

"Uh…" said Glorfindel.

"So what brought you to our lovely little town?" asked Merry.

"My guide guided me here. He was supposed to take me to Lothlórien." Glorfindel heaved a dramatic sigh. "Oh well."

"Hey, I know where Lothlórien is!" Merry said. "I've been there before!"

"Are you okay?" Glorfindel asked Pippin. "I could hug you again, maybe it would make you feel better."

Pippin gagged and bent over the bushes again.

Glorfindel shrugged and turned back to Merry. "You were saying?"

"Pippin and I will guide you to Lothlórien!" Merry volunteered.

"Ugh," moaned Pippin miserably.

"Okay," said Glorfindel. "I can't get any further away than I am now."

"Actually, yes you can," said Merry technically. He rubbed his hands together. "Another adventure then! Off we go!" He kicked Pippin in the backside. "Come on!"

Pippin scrambled up, invigorated by the kick. "All right! Wait. On one condition." He raised a dramatic eyebrow at Glorfindel and bit into a donut that magically appeared in his hand. "You will never, for no reason, under pain of death, ever hug me again."

Glorfindel's face dropped. "Okay," he said sadly.

"Let's go, then!" Pippin said, and started off.

"Uh, Lothlórien is this way," said Merry.

"Right." Pippin turned and began marching in the other direction.

Glorfindel hesitated, then followed.

"So," said Pippin conversationally. "Your title is pretty cool. Sadness-Slayer and whatever. Want to hear my title?"

"Please don't," said Merry.

Glorfindel shrugged.

"It's the DARK LORD OF ALL!" Pippin exclaimed dramatically. A lightsaber appeared in his hand and he swung it, chopping off something's head. He laughed maniacally and took a bite out of his donut.

"You see what I have to put up with?" Merry said.

"That's…interesting…" Glorfindel said.

Pippin holstered the lightsaber and finished off his donut. Another one appeared in his hand and he started eating it. "Yeah, thanks."

They continued walking for a while, then Pippin laughed suddenly.

"Hey, Merry, remember when –"

"Wait," Glorfindel interrupted.

The two Hobbits looked at him.

Glorfindel scratched his head. "Isn't Mary a girl's name?"

A scream of outrage echoed through the hills.

Now review, or PIPPIN WILL TAKE ALL OF YOUR DONUTS! *laughs evilly*

But seriously. He will. All of your donuts will be gone.

And then the worse thing ever will happen, Glorfindel will appear and hug you, and you will have an allergic reaction and become violently ill!