Author's... I mean Deadpool's note:

Hi I'm Deadpool! We don't usually have a summary for this on FFN but since I forced the author to write one for Ao3, I forced her to put one here too. I just wanted to let you know that this is the super awesome story about how I met my soulmate, Skye. She's super duper awesome, my soulmate you know. She's got this woolgy eyes that she makes when she's exasperated at me, which is almost all the time, that said. Is woolgy a word? Wooooolgy.

(No Deadpool, it's not. Can't you be just like other characters and let me copy and past a snippet from the chapter instead?)

Whhattt but that's so boring! Anyway. This chapter is awesome because I'm awesome and I'm in it. *smiley face* :))

"Fuck! Deadpool, put your sword away. There's no space for it!" DC yelled at him.

"It's not a sword. It's a Katana. Why doesn't anyone get it? Well, anyone but the author. See even the author gets it. She even knows the different types of Katanas. "

"Fucking hell! Put your thing away! Nobody wants it waving it our face!" Skye yelled to him, trying to duck the sword/katana in the tiny space that they have been enclosed in. How they were even enclosed in it was beyond her mind.

"The author says, she's sorry for putting us in the cage because it was the only way to get my soulmate to say my soulmark to me."

"Oh fuck me. Please tell me you didn't just say that." Skye bangs her head against the cage. "I spend the whole life wondering what the fuck does my soulmark mean only to realize it's because he's crazy."

Coulson pinches his nose bridge. "Please tell me he's not your soulmate." He deadpans and palms his face when Skye levels him a look. "I'm so going need that drink when we get back to base."

"I did! Oh the author says you can go now." Deadpool pulls his katana out with a flourish and slices the cell open. He follows them down the hallway, watching his guns. "You know when I was a kid, I always wondered what my soulmark referred to. Then I always wanted to be a professional Streaker. You know like a POOF! Dash across the room naked. Apparently there's no such thing as that. Why is there no such thing as a professional streaker? I got really awesome ding dongs." He leans in to Skye. "And by ding dongs I really mean things. You know things. Like private things? Like-"

"YES WE GET IT!" She groans exasperatedly. "DC is there a way of shutting my apparent soulmate apart from killing him?" He raises a gun and shoots Deadpool in the head. "DC! I meant figuratively! Not literally!"

She shoves Coulson angrily and crouches by Deadpool's dead body, mourning for her recently found soulmate. "I know he seemed kinda crazy but still! I trusted you!"

"I don't think you could kill him. Trust me. I tried several times."

"Agent! What did we say about shooting me in the head?" He sits up, not even caring for the bullet in the head or the gasp that had Skye clutching her chest. "That was mean! Horrible! I hate being shot in the head. Well I hate being decapitated more but shooting the head comes in second. Okay. Maybe it comes in third or fourth. I think missing limbs is a bit more annoying than getting shot in the head." He taps his cheek. "I think getting my head blown off is far for irritating than getting decapitated actually. You know.. the whole growing back-"

Coulson shoots him again and his body falls back to the ground dead with Skye giving a startled squeak.

"Let's hurry before he starts talking again."

They run down the hallway only to dive into a room when the guards come trooping in from the other end. "DC, why are there guards? This was supposed to be an empty facility and why are my gloves missing? I can't use my powers without my gloves."

Coulson holds up his two pistols. "That's all I have."

"We're going to take down twenty guards with TWO pistols?" Skye jerked herself back from behind the desk, wondering if she's going to die today. All of sudden, a loud, Arrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh echoed in the hallway and a lot of stabbing sound.

"What the fuck was that?"

Coulson palmed his forehead. "That'd be-"

The door shatters open. "Honnnneeey, I'm HOMEeeee!"

"Honey? Where are you?" He searches under the chair, then the cushion, under the picture frames, behind the potted plant. "Hey honey!? Hello! Anyone home?" he screeches into a seashell on the mantle.

"I'm pretty sure we wouldn't fit into the seashell, Deadpool." Skye tells him as they crawl out from under the table.

"Honey!" He bounces excitedly and sweeps her off her feet. "So where are my manners? Introductions. Call me Deadpool. It rhymes with "no school," "too cool,"ain't no fool," and "I'm the best at what I do - ool. Also the author would like to note that she just repeated that introduction from that one conversation I had two years ago with Spiderman. Which is really ridiculous because she really want me to just shut up and do the lone wolf walk down the hallway"

(Get to it already Wade!)

"Okay. Okay! I'm going!" He walks down the hallway that is now strewn with dead or injured Hydra men. A strange theme songs starts playing.

"Is that-" Skye starts.

"YEP! She's playing the Good, the Bad and the Ugly theme song! She's so fucking awesome! Is this going to be the story title of this chapter?"

(No. It's smooth criminal, Wade.)

"Why smooth criminal? I think this theme fits so much better. I'm like Chuck Norris, but better. I'm so much better than Chuck Norris. Oh! is it because I'm smooth?"

(No you are not smooth, Wade. Now get your soulmate back to the quintjet already before I send someone else to.)

"You realize you're talking to yourself right. Do I even want to know where this theme song is coming from?" Skye lifts an eyebrow at him and eyes Coulson who is following behind them sighing constantly.

"Yes I do that. They do call me the Merc with a mouth for a reason, but of course it doesn't mean I can only talk. I can do far much more than talk." He tugs his mask up, showing a scarred face and grins widely. "I'd kiss you but Logan says it's rude to kiss people without their permission. So may I kiss you?"

She pulls his face down and plants his lips onto hers; soft lips onto his chapped ones. He shifts their position, deepening the kiss, tongue mapping her mouth, sending a surge of warmth all the way to the bottom of her that makes her toes curl. His hands gently kneading into her soft hair, sucking onto her upper lip, then trailing down her spine. She shivers, pressing in closer.

Then a soft cough from behind brings them - or rather her - back to the present. "Can we get into the quintjet and fly away now before the reinforcements come?" Coulson asks with a bland smile.

"Right!" She hoists herself down and seats herself at the pilot cockpit. "Definitely not just a merc with the mouth." She smiles to herself and set the plane off to the playground.

Except they forgot about Deadpool who is now clutching - by clutching, I mean surfing - the wings of the plane going, "YAHOOOOO! BEST PLANE RIDE EVER! PLANE SURFING BITACHES!"

(Cue Hawaii Five-O theme song)

"Thanks author!"

A/N: Completed thanks to lots of help from Lark-cale & Shiniestqueen. Yes you helped even though you may not have realized it. Thanks for your reviews, favourites and follows! Love them! :)