I think I have multiple-personality disorder…I write these angsty, sweet stories – and then I open a new document and type this while cackling like a maniac. O.o Please tell me I'm not the only one that does this.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA…never mind. I had to toss at least a little insanity there. To anyone who hasn't read The Fellowship of the Ring…read the author's note at the bottom.

"So are we still friends?"

Merry sulked, stomping ahead of Glorfindel and Pippin. "No."

Glorfindel blinked innocently. "Please? I didn't mean it."

"It's a touchy subject," Pippin said with an evil glint in his eyes. "And Merry, your name does sound like a girl's."

Merry screamed and hit him over the head with an apple.

Pippin smiled uninnocently, took the apple, and ate it in one bite.

"So we're friends again?" asked Glorfindel hopefully.

"Okay," Merry agreed. "Just don't ever say that again."

"Say what again? That I thought your name was a girl's name?"

Merry turned purple.

"Oh, that's a new one," Glorfindel said. "I can only make Erestor red. He has some competition now!"

Merry was apparently considering chewing Glorfindel's foot off, but he took a really long deep breath and managed to suppress it.

"He turned black one time, when that firework shot off right next to our faces," Pippin commented, casually swinging his lightsaber and slicing Spock's head off.

"That was your idea," Merry retorted, forgetting about everything else.

"No, it was yours."

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

"Mine!"

"Mine – wait, what?" said Merry.

Pippin cackled and ate another donut.

Glorfindel stared at them oddly.

Suddenly, all three of them heard a voice echoing through the forest they were just leaving. "Hey dol! Merry dol! Ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! Hop along! Fal lal the willow!"

Pippin and Merry exchanged looks. Then Merry screamed and ran in the opposite direction; Pippin threw his donut and lightsaber in the air and ran after him.

"Flee while you can!" Merry shrieked as he and Pippin dashed away.

Glorfindel watched them leave, then he shrugged. He picked up the donut and ate it. A crack in the ground appeared and a hand came up through it, patting the ground and swiveling around to feel for something. A moment later, the hand found the lightsaber and it grabbed it, then vanished back into the ground.

Glorfindel stared as the strange hand did all of those things, then he finished his donut and continued walking in the direction he had been going before. He heard the voice again, singing cheerily.

"Tom Bom! Jolly Tom! Tom Bombadillo!"

Just a second later, a strange thing leaped out of the woods in front of Glorfindel. He had a fuzzy brown beard, a huge grin, and blue eyes that almost matched Glorfindel's.

"Um…" said Glorfindel.

"Why hello there!" said the odd little man, peering up curiously at the Sadness-Slayer.

"Hi…" said Glorfindel.

"Oh, I know who you are!" said the odd little man, who was apparently someone called 'Tom Bombadil.'

"So do I," said Glorfindel.

"You know who I am?" cried Tom delightedly.

"No, but I know who I am," Glorfindel said.

"How delightfully boring!"

Glorfindel blinked, then his mind suddenly came back and he broke into a broad grin. "Oh, Iarwain!"

"Yes, that's one of my names." Tom grinned himself. "But I still know who you are! Glorfindel, Sadness-Slayer!"

"Finally, someone knows my title!" Glorfindel said excitedly, and then crushed Tom in a hug. He squeaked, and finally Glorfindel put him down. "So delighted to meet you!"

"Yes, quite," said Tom, putting his hat back on. "I must be going now! Good-bye!" And with that, he pranced away.

"Wait!" Glorfindel called after him. "I just lost my guides again! How do I get to Lothlórien!"

"Ask the stones!" said Tom, and then vanished.

Glorfindel considered that, then knelt down and stared very seriously at the ground. "Hello," he said politely. "I need to ask you where Lothlórien is."

The rocks didn't say anything.

"I really do need directions," said Glorfindel.

They still didn't say anything.

"Please?" Glorfindel said. "I'll give you…what would rocks want? I'll give you a leaf!"

The rocks remained silent.

"Oh!" said Glorfindel. He carefully picked up every rock and gave it a hug, then set them back down and stared at them expectantly.

"…" said the stones.

"What?" said Glorfindel.

"…"

"Thanks!" Glorfindel leaped to his feet and bounded into the trees to his right. A few minutes later, he found three big ugly stone statues sitting in a circle. They looked like they had been about to eat something, and then been rudely interrupted and turned to stone. He stared at them for a very long moment, then hugged them all.

They crumbled into dust.

Glorfindel sighed. "Well, there went my other guides."

Shing, the sword on his waist said quietly.

"Don't say that, it's rude," Glorfindel said.

Just as he said that, the bushes rustled.

"The bushes just rustled," Glorfindel declared.

They rustled again.

Shing! said Glorfindel's sword.

"No," Glorfindel scolded. "I told you, your job is cake-cutting. Don't be so violent."

Shing, said the sword, sounding disappointed.

"No," Glorfindel said, and looked back at the bushes.

They rustled again, and then a hairy leg slid out.

Glorfindel stared.

Another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out, then another hairy leg slid out.

All of the hairy legs were followed by a hulking black slimy hairy body, upon which sat many disgusting eyes. The eyes stared at Glorfindel.

Glorfindel stared at the strange creature.

Shing? his sword said hopefully.

"No," Glorfindel said.

The big hairy spider moved forward and clacked evilly. "What do we have here?" it said, looking Glorfindel up and down with intent clear in its many eyes. It obviously wanted to eat him.

Glorfindel smiled politely and sweetly. "Good day, lady."

"I'm not a lady," hissed the spider.

"Oh, my apologies, Lady Shelob. I should have known you'd want to be called that."

She stomped three legs in irritation. "No! I don't want to be called that either –"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Lady Shelob," Glorfindel said.

She screamed.

"Oh, dear," said Glorfindel. "It looks like someone is upset. Should I give you a hug?"

Shelob stared uncomprehendingly at him. "Wha?"

"Oh goody!" said Glorfindel, then he bounced across the clearing and hugged her happily for about two hours, making sure to give each leg special attention in his hugginess. When he was done, he stepped back with a huge grin and looked for her reaction.

::_:: went Shelob (she has many eyes, remember), and her legs wiggled this way and that, and then she fell floppily to the ground, her legs sprawled in all directions.

Glorfindel clapped happily. "You liked it!"

"Glehhggggcckkkk," said Shelob, and then she crumbled into dust.

Glorfindel's face fell. "You didn't even turn into an elf. How boring." He turned and walked in the other direction.

Shing, said his sword, sounding impressed.

"It wasn't my fault," Glorfindel said. "My hugs are simply too amazing for her to withstand, wonderful Lady Shelob she may be."

Shi-i-ing, said the sword in annoyance.

"Oh, do shut up," Glorfindel said cheerily.

A moment later, something black and swirly and round and taller than Glorfindel appeared in front of Glorfindel.

Glorfindel looked at it. "Oh, look," he said. "A portal just appeared. I wonder where it leads."

Shing, the sword said defiantly.

"That's not a very good idea," Glorfindel disapproved.

Shing! said the sword.

"Okay, fine," Glorfindel said. First he walked all around it while examining it. The portal was paper-thin, about four feet wide and eight feet tall. It was black, like the Void, but it had purple and green streaks swirling in it. All in all, it looked very mysterious, and I don't feel like describing anymore because imagination is important when you're reading and if I tell you what it completely looks like it'll spoil this paragraph because you'll get bored.

"Well, let's go through and find out what – what?" said Glorfindel. The reason he had just repeated that word twice was because somebody dressed in complete and utter black had just stepped through the portal.

"Erestor?" Glorfindel said.

"No, you dunce," said the person in a snotty voice that sounded similar to Erestor's but nevertheless was panicked. "It doesn't matter who I am, what matters is that I need you!"

"Do you need a hug?" asked Glorfindel with an understanding look on his face.

"NO!" the strange person shrieked. "You don't understand! I can't deal with this anymore! It's too depressing! I NEED EVERYONE TO HAVE A HUG!"

"Wait a second…" Glorfindel said. "I think I recognize you."

"Yes, we've met," said the person. "But that's not important! You must come with me!"

"I was going to go through there anyway," said Glorfindel. "Say, by any chance, does that happen to be a magical portal to Lothlórien?"

"No, it's a magical portal to where I live!" The person, who was surprisingly taller than Glorfindel, flapped his black sleeves in a panic. "Come on, we have to go! Follow me!" He leapt into the portal and disappeared.

Shing, said the sword weirdly.

"Yes, I hope they have cake too," Glorfindel agreed.

Then he stepped forward into the portal and vanished in a flash of golden hair and pink glitter.

To those of you who wondered (and have not read the incredibly amazing LotR trilogy), Tom Bombadil is just as I described him – a strange little person who wasn't a hobbit, a dwarf, a man, or an elf. What he was, no one knows for sure (compliments of our Dear Professor), but there are lots of theories! My theory is that he is a strange little person who met Glorfindel.

Someone guess who the mysterious person in black is! I dare you! I challenge you! I…don't think anyone's going to get it.

So! Review or Glorfindel's malicious sword will maliciously SHING! you! (Free cookies and lembas and pink glitter and donuts to anyone who can guess who gave it to him – refer to ch. 6 for hints). AND THEN IF YOU DON'T REVIEW, THE WORST THREAT THAT GLORFINDEL CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW! YOU WILL HAVE TO CONVINCE ERESTOR TO CALM DOWN AFTER SOMEONE SPILLED TEA ON HIS BOOKS…

*slowly back away* *whispers* I need to go before Erestor sees me…

*vanishes*

*swirly whirly black/purple portal appears beside you and your computer/tablet/phone/thing-you're-reading-this-on*