Disclaimer: Disclaimed.
/wat
After two hours, several bribes, and an awkward hug, Harry managed to regain Hermione's trust and when the time came, she willingly ("willingly") clambered into a boat with him. They were shortly joined by a thin, pale, blond boy and his two pet gorillas.
"I'd heard that Harry Potter would be joining us this year," he said, sneering but obviously trying to be endearing. He extended a petite and manicured hand. "I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."
Harry's own introduction was interrupted by Hagrid ordering one of them to get off the little boat – only four were allowed, and five had squeezed into the craft. Draco scowled and shooed on of his goons away. "Hullo, Malfoy," Harry replied. "Would you like a goat carcass?"
Draco's face went blank, and Harry privately thought he looked agreeable enough without the smug expression. Like a young princess. "A goat carcass?" parroted Draco.
"He's probably serious," warned Hermione, shuddering at the memory of the disembodied hand. After their companionship was mended, Harry had literally coughed it up and bestowed it upon her. The hand now sat snugly between her extra reading material and spare robes, in the bottom of her trunk.
"Uh, no thank you?" tried Draco.
Suddenly, a large, hairy, stinky body was shoved into Draco's arms. "I insist," Harry insisted. "Goat carcasses are excellent ingredients for many spells. I believe it is because goats are so often likened to Satan himself. Their carcasses are jam-packed with magical potential – why, one goat carcass is enough to ensnare the senses of over a dozen virgins. And just think of what you could do with a dozen virgins!"
Draco realized that Harry Potter had just given him a dead goat, and, in a panic, shoved the cadaver into the lake, where it was snatched up by the squid and tossed back into the boat. Harry laughed joyfully, Hermione's face went green, and Draco seemed to get even paler.
Draco shared a short and befuddled expression with Crabbe (for Goyle had been excused from the boat), and turned his face back to Harry. "Thanks," he mumbled, momentarily glaring down at the now-sopping wet goat carcass in his lap. "But I digress. I see you've made a little friend there. Well, I've never seen the likes of her before in my life."
"My name's Hermione Granger," Hermione offered. "I'm Muggle-Born."
Draco's sneer intensified, and he began acting as if she wasn't there. "I say, Potter. It seemed you've went ahead and made all the wrong friends first thing. Don't worry, I can help you."
Harry smiled pleasantly, ignoring Hermione's indignant gasp. "Oh, no thank you, Malfoy. If I make too many friends, I'll run out of gifts to signify the dawning of a grand new companionship."
It seemed the Draco was distressed. "Potter, by 'gifts', do you mean dead goats?" he asked. Harry nodded vigorously. "I... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you can't go around giving people dead things. It's- It's weird. Far too eccentric for someone with a reputation such as yours. Give away chocolate or ribbons or something."
"But goats are functional," protested Harry. "And hands- hands can be used in a number of poisonous concoctions. I can list twenty spells and potions right now where a goat or a hand is a vital part of its creation."
"It's still weird," insisted Draco.
Realization dawned on Harry, it seemed. "Oh, you're one of those normal humans, aren't you?" Harry said. It seemed it was his turn to sneer. "I admit, when Bill said I'd be going to wizard school, I didn't think I'd meet normal humans. Looks like I was wrong." The ominous edge on Harry's voice created a crease of worry on Draco's forehead. The pale boy looked to Crabbe for assistance, but all the gorilla could do was shrug.
Harry grabbed the goat away from Draco, glaring just a bit, and stroked its head lovingly. Not a moment later, his jaw seemed to unhinge and he swallowed the goat whole. While Crabbe and Draco stared in horror, Hermione turned her head to the side and threw up into the lake.
All three of them, Draco, Crabbe, and Hermione, were unspeakably grateful when it was finally time to get off the boat.
A.N./ In a bit of a pickle here. Can't decide which House Harry should be sorted into. There's a poll on my profile, if you have any opinion on it. Please help me?