A/N: A double update! Hope this makes you laugh!
Thor and Skye are soulmates but that doesn't mean that they're lovers. They're best friends who love pop tarts and ale... and beer. They also love a good workout (not that kind. Get your mind out of the gutter!). Being inhuman, Skye along with Steve are the only two who can keep up with Thor.
Growing up with his soulmark on her had her thinking of 'What kind of person would call her Lady Skye?' and it may or may not have had effect on her choice of names when deciding to ditch 'Mary Sue Poots'. She thought her soulmate might have been a weirdo and honestly, she's totally cool with that. Skye doesn't like men or relationships in general anymore, after Miles then Ward, she had more or less sworn off men. Despite that general aversion of men, she had to admit that she was slightly depressed when Thor told her that he loved another and if she would acquiesced to having a platonic soulbond instead. Part of her wanted to retort on who the hell has heard of platonic soulmates, part of her wondered if she was just not good enough and part of her sighed in relief.
The more she knew about Thor, the less she held it against him or herself. It wasn't a matter of whether she was good enough but simply that Thor was just that one woman sort of man. He pledged himself to Jane (who she holds no offense to and is great friends with) and isn't easily swayed to things like soulmarks.
Indeed, Thor loves Skye in a way that he can never love Jane. He has neither interest in kissing her the way he does for Jane nor sleeping with her, but he has great affection for her. He goes out of his way to ensure her safety with the help of Heimdall and though he won't tell anyone about what he did, he had Loki ensure Ward's very disastrous mental breakdown. Thor pulled more than one favour for that but he thinks it was all worthwhile for all the things Ward had put his soulmate through.
When he finds out that Steve, whose soulmate passed away in the war, likes Skye a lot, he reacts in Thor's patented very dramatic fashion - he knocks Steve out and body bags him.
He doesn't know why there was a bag that fitted Steve's body so perfectly under the bathroom sink or doesn't understand the reasoning why Skye screamed "You killed Steve!?" when he left the Tower with Steve unconscious in the body bag slung over his shoulders but he thinks he's perfectly reasonable.
"Thor?" Steve groans, rubbing his head where Thor had quite literally hammered him to the ground prior to passing out. "What did we say about humans being less durable?"
He blinks, realizing that they're no longer in the tower. It's really quite obvious considering he's sitting on brown loose sand with the hot sun beating down on him and there's nothing else around him except Thor and a cactus.
"Are we in a desert?" Steve asks in an incredulous tone. "What are we doing in a desert? Because I remember us being in the tower.. in the gym.. at night."
"Aye. That we were."
Steve looks down and sees the black bodybag. "Why am I bodybagged?"
Thor tilts his face with a puzzled look. "Body bag? I do not know what that is."
"This is a bag for dead bodies." Steve points at the bag.
"That would clarify why Lady Skye was crying."
Steve palms his face, heaving a large sigh. "Why are we here? Why am I in a bodybag in the middle of the desert?" Steve has fought aliens and evil Hydra, he has fought ridiculous Doctor Doom and A.I.M but none of them has come close to this absurdness of this situation. Maybe except for Alaska. Nothing could beat Alaska.
"It has come to my knowledge that you have feelings for my soulmate, Lady Skye." Thor crouches before him.
Steve hadn't mean to fall in love with Skye and it isn't as if Thor has any intentions of loving Skye the way he loves her. It's true that Skye had professed a dislike for men in general, but he thinks - he hopes that she has some feelings for him.
"So you brought me all the way here because of that?" Steve asks and if it's in a tone a bit more curt than usual, he thinks he can be excused.
"I brought you here because you have no idea what I can do." Thor points at the cactus that is as tall as Thor himself. He lifts his hammer and for one insane moment, dark clouds gather like an impending thunderstorm and strikes the cactus. It doesn't just strike the cactus, it fries, it sizzles and then it evaporates the cactus. May the cactus rest in peace.
"Harm a hair on Lady Skye and Son of Rogers," his voice drops, filled with menace that Steve had never expected in the jovial Prince of Asgard. "That will be you."
Steve has never backed from a fight and would probably never run from one but for the briefest moment, Steven Grant Rogers was very afraid.
Thor might not be romantically interested in Skye, but he still loves her very much and would be very pleased if Skye found someone to love her the way he loves Jane but harm her and he will bring the wrath of Asgard down.