Disclaimer: If I owned stuff, it wouldn't be fanfiction.

/wat

Water from the sky and sea alike smashed and pelted Azkaban's walls, as it had for years and years before. Liquid seeped through the thick stone, making it look as if the walls were sweating. Thunder boomed like great drums in the sky. Lightning struck with the wrath of a million warlords from beyond.

Bellatrix Lestrange was all too used to the destructive nature that thrived around Azkaban. She lay still in her cell, sweating despite the cold, staring off into the distance. A dementor floated in the corner, and she couldn't shake the feeling that it was staring at her. It was impossible for a dementor to do such a thing, of course, for they hadn't any eyes.

Bellatrix turned over to gaze at the ceiling instead. Drops of water fell onto her face, but she hardly noticed.

"Funny place for a lady, isn't it?"

It was the first time in many years that Bellatrix had heard a voice other than her own. She jumped, startled, eyes wild, and searched for the source. Now in the corner, where the dementor had been previously, stood a young boy. His hair was dark and disheveled, and he was dressed in a smart golden vest and bow-tie.

"Then again," he continued, his eyes suddenly focusing in Bellatrix, "you're hardly a lady, now aren't you?"

"Who are you?" snarled Bellatrix, backing against the wall of her cell.

The boy approached, wrapping his pale hands around the bars. "I have many names," he hissed. "Lord Klyfon, the Scratcher, the Snatcher, The Thing That Slices In The Night, Kid Cipher, Little Billy... The one that holds meaning to you, I think, would be the Boy-Who-Lived."

Bellatrix's eyes widened, then narrowed, disgust slathered across her face. "Harry Potter." She spat the 'P'.

Harry smiled and snapped his fingers. "Bingo!" He seemed much more sociable now that his name – or at least one of them – had been spoken. Now smiling warmly, he went on, "Formalities aside, Bella, let's talk business."

The following laughter was loud and humorless, and echoed all throughout Azkaban.

"Me?" snickered Bellatrix darkly. "Do business with you? I'd rather rot here until I die."

Harry shrugged, and turned towards the exit. Bellatrix screamed at him about the return of the Dark Lord as he went. She stopped and glared when Harry paused in the doorway. He didn't say anything, just turned towards the vacant corner. Harry began to heave, and Bellatrix's eyes widened as his jaw unhinged and something dark and wet and cold emerged...

Harry coughed up the dementor, smacked his lips, and went through the door.

If Bellatrix was asked the next day why she did it, she wouldn't have been able to answer. As if she wasn't in control of her own body, Bellatrix called out to Harry, "Wait!"

He obliged. "So glad you came around, Trixy," Harry said, smiling, as he came back to Bellatrix's cell. The dementor, it seemed, had fled from the scene. "To the matter at hand: You're in prison."

"Bloody brilliant, aren't you?" grumbled Bellatrix darkly, her lips pulled back into a snarl.

"Bloody brilliant, indeed. You know why? Because I can get you out of here," Harry said. Bellatrix tried to hide the light in her eyes, but Harry missed nothing. He went on, "And I can do more. I can reunite you with your Dark Lord. I can bring him to power. I can give you abilities you never even dared dream of having. I'm willing to do anything you ask – anything at all."

It was too good to be true, and Bellatrix said so.

"It's good you're such a realistic woman, Bella. Of course I'm not doing this for free. I require only small compensation for my services – nothing major, I'm not needy, but there is a balance to maintain," Harry explained, waving his hands as if they were either side of a scale.

"What do you want from me?"

"Not what I want from you – what I want with you. Big difference," Harry said, emphasizing his words very carefully. "What I want with you is – well, it's a bit embarrassing, actually – what I want is access to your body."

The following silence was the longest and most deafening Bellatrix had heard in her life. Harry, on the other hand, had heard much more deafening silences in his lifetime, and wasn't phased by this current one. "What?"

"You heard me. Access to your body, whenever I ask for it. In return, I can restore Lord Voldemort to power, put you on his arm, and grant you whatever power you desire. Fair trade? Huh? Is it? Seems fair enough to me."

By now Bellatrix was ignoring him. How old was Harry Potter? If the tally marks she'd scratched into the wall with her fingernails were at all accurate, he would be about eleven now. Did boys hit puberty so young? Bellatrix wasn't sure. What she did know was that Harry Potter was asking for free access to... her body. Whenever he wanted it. It was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.

And in return...

"Okay, how's this," she said, coming close to the bars, "you restore my Lord to his full power. You put me at his side. And I want the powers of a dementor. And wealth. And a beautiful mansion. And if you fulfill all of those wishes, you can have... access... to me."

Harry clapped his hands, smiling broadly. Bellatrix didn't like his smile. It was too wide, showed off too many teeth. "Bellatrix, I wouldn't have it any other way. I give you your Dark Lord, your freedom, dementor magic, money and an mansion, and you will give me access to your body. Only one last thing to do, then." Harry extended his land through the bars, and Bellatrix's eyes widened as it was engulfed in cold, blue flame. "Shake on it. Seal the deal."

Bellatrix swallowed hard, and took his hand.

AN/

Three months later... Yeah, not long. I've been having trouble trying to make up more plot, but my head's a dry well. Updates will remain painstakingly slow. I'm well aware that I'm a douchebag, yes.