Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with the Mentalist in any way and make no money from fanfiction.

Thank you to my two critique partners, Sue Shay and Cumberland River Relic, for all their time, insights and encouragement. Much appreciated. Check out their latest stories: 'White Out' and 'Baby Blue Skies'.

Sacramento, 8th January, 2014

Dear Diary,

I did it. I screwed up my courage and called Tommy back in mid-December and he invited me over for Christmas with him and Annie. I stayed from Christmas Eve until the Epiphany, so I've just got back.

I was nervous, I've got to say. It's been years since I did anything for Christmas except curl up with a good book, some old movies and a couple of bottles of wine. And go to midnight Mass, of course. I haven't attempted to celebrate a 'family' Christmas since I moved away from Chicago. OK, before that, I tried to do the whole presents, house trimming and big meal thing for the boys. But after I left, I kicked back against the idea. Christmas would be a holy celebration and a time for me, not a time for slaving in the kitchen to try to live up to cultural expectations. It's difficult to see why the teenaged me bothered with all the festivities so much now. Any chance of keeping up with the neighbours vanished when my father took to the bottle. Not to mention him killing himself. But I didn't want my brothers to miss out on their childhoods. On the magic of Christmas. Even if I had to scrimmage and scrape every penny to make it happen back then.

No, these days, a low key Christmas, with a chance to relax, has suited me fine.

So going over to Tommy and Annie's for Christmas was… strange. From always being the organiser and the one in charge, I was going to be in a new position. That of the fragile sister and aunt. The one to be looked after and tiptoed around. I can't tell you how much that idea scared and irritated me in equal measure.

But I worried for nothing. Christmas with Tommy and Annie was pretty unconventional too. Yes, they'd trimmed the apartment up with a small tree and tinsel and party lights everywhere. But Christmas lunch all came in easily microwaveable form, and the cake was from Pro's Ranch Market Bakery. Delicious! I took over some homemade trifle, which went down well.

Tommy greeted me with a hug when I turned up on his doorstep on the 24th and handed me a bottle of red wine and a glass. Annie was so excited that she couldn't stop talking. Wanting to know how I was and what had really gone down at the CBI. From the moment I hung up my coat and settled in the armchair by the fire, she started the interrogation, whilst Tommy flitted around in the background listening, butting in from time to time. We talked and talked and talked. And along the lines the bottles emptied and the clock turned round. It must have been around 3am when we called it a night.

You know, it's been so long since I could let off steam to someone who really cares about me and who wants to be in my corner. And who knew what Jane could be like, too. I mean, that takes some explaining, after all.

It was so nice to spend Christmas Day chilling out with Tommy and Annie, not slaving away to make up for not being the perfect family. We ate and drank and laughed. Got out some of the old photo albums back from when Annie was little, much to her embarrassment. And then later we sat around over pizza and played every card game we could think of from 'Go Fish' to blackjack and poker. Good thing Jane wasn't there cause we were all pretty tipsy by this stage. Oh, who am I kidding? Sober or sloshed, Jane would have taken us all to the cleaners anyway.

Then we had a few days out exploring Phoenix. We spent a great afternoon go-karting at the Octane Raceway, and I went off by myself for a day, taking in the art gallery and the Pueblo and Archaeological Park. It's so refreshing to hear of people digging up remains without this instantly sparking off a manhunt. And to see a different approach to forensics in action. It's amazing what can be learned from things which are hundreds of years old.

Needless to say, Annie and I hit the shooting gallery a few times, and the local gym. She was a great shot when I last saw her, two years ago, and she's even better now. My niece is still determined to become a cop, despite everything that's gone down recently, and is planning to do a one year course in criminal justice next year before applying to the police academy. Sometimes all her enthusiasm makes me smile.

Annie'll make a great contribution to law enforcement. Whichever department she ends up in will have gained a talented and hardworking recruit. And, in some ways, she reminds me of myself back when I started. Idealistic and determined for sure, but also grounded and practical.

It's strange really, thinking of Tommy's girl as being all grown up. I can't help but remember her as a child. But you don't get away with that with Annie. She has a way about her which commands your respect. She's a good antidote to how jaded I've been feeling recently. Hunting monsters is like hurling yourself repeatedly at a cliff face, expecting that the force alone will make it fall down. And after more than a decade on the Red John hunt, perhaps it's not surprising that I'm numb.

So…yeah. A great Christmas. And something that we must do again. Maybe I'll invite them over next year.

You know, it's been great for my sense of perspective, spending time with those two. They've helped me to clear my mind about a lot of things.

If someone had told me, all those years ago when I started out in foot patrol, that one day I would lead the team that brought down the worst serial killer that California has ever known, I would have been very happy with that. On top of that, my team had the best case closed record in the whole history of the CBI. And when cases were closed, they were done right. By the book? No chance. But properly, with the true perpetrators brought to justice and the innocent freed? You bet. And Jane, for all his foibles and his influence on my career progression, was a huge part of that.

If, instead of Minelli foisting him on me when I first joined the CBI, I'd have been given an opportunity to work with Jane back then, with full clairvoyant awareness of what that would cost me, good and bad, I would have leapt at the chance. More killers caught. More civilians safe in their beds. It's a no-brainer. I do wish missing Patrick didn't hurt so much but that's the price I must pay for the most important friendship of my life. I never expected to fall in love with him.

And as for the Blake corruption. Horrific – yes. Nauseating – yes. But I would rather be unemployed having unearthed it than knowingly worked within it. And that doesn't just go for me but for the whole team too. They were the best agents that any leader could have had the privilege to work with.

Overall, despite how things are now, I have to say that I have been blessed. Few people get the chance to make such a difference.

I've been doing some thinking about where I can go from here. I've realised that what really matters to me is continuing to work in law enforcement. I know that I can't expect to find an equivalent position now, not after all the Blake related hoo-haa, so I'm going to look more widely. If I need to start again from a low rung on the ladder, so be it. As long as I can protect and serve the people around me, then that's good enough for me. And I must thank Tommy and Annie for helping me to see that.

So back to the recruitment websites. I'm going to update my CV starting today. It's high time that I left Sacramento anyway, and who knows what might come up.

Oh, and I nearly forgot so say… I came back to find a wedding invitation. Virgil and May. I am so delighted for them. They make a lovely couple and May's warm-hearted, no-nonsense approach to life is just what Virgil needs. The wedding's not until April but they wanted to make sure that I'd be able to attend. Nothing would make me happier.

So diary, that's all for today. Time to get the laundry done and to give Virgil a call.