He slowly crawled to the edge of the roof, nearing the hoarse jests of the men below. And the pleas of the woman they where tormenting. He moved at a cautious pace, not wanting to alert anyone to his presence.
"Just let me go!" the woman protested with a whimper.
"And miss all the fun?" a man jested as Peter finally peered over the edge. "You gotta be kidding!"
"I agree," Peter cut in as he dropped down in the middle of the five men. "She's got free ringside tickets to a good old smack-down. Now let's make this quick, I've got a hot date that I'd rather not upset."
"Aww, you scared you're gonna miss taking Spider-girl from behind tonight?" A man jeered maliciously. "Tell you what, I'll put you in a coma, and I'll take a blow job in your place and.."
"Dude, Spider-girl's sixteen!" Peter shot back, partially disgusted at the man. "Pervert!"
"So Spidey's banging a high school chick?" another man piped up as he slammed his fist into his palm. "I always thought you was family or somethin'."
"Completely unrelated in every way, minus the 'spider' theme," Peter replied as his spider-sense alerted him to an incoming attack from behind. He twisted his body out of the way and sent his attacker flying into a man on his left. He ducked under a pair of swinging fists and sent his foot into another man's stomach. He kicked off of the man like a springboard and landed on the shoulders of another.
"I'm gonna gut you!" a man said as he pulled a knife.
"Seriously guys?" Peter quipped as he grabbed the knife-wielding man's arm and twisted, "I said, I've got a date. And trust me, the phrase 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' definitely applies to her." He continued as he gave the man a little push into one of his friends.
"Just shut up!" the leader of the muggers shouted, "or we're gonna kill you like.."
"Really not a good idea to say that in front of my lawyer," Peter cut in with a tilt of his head, indicating to the brunette woman the men had targeted. "I could take you all to court and shit. And she's the best lawyer I know. Then again, I don't know many lawyers, so..."
"Fine!" the knife-wielding thug shouted, grabbing the woman's arm and putting the blade against her throat. "Lemme tell you how this is gonna go down. You're gonna let us all go to the car. We drive away. You don't follow and.."
"Let me tell you how this is all gonna go down," Peter smiled as he crossed his arms. "You're gonna go through that wall. Your buddy to the left who I kicked in the stomach is gonna wind up in that garbage bin. The guys on your right might land on a parked car and whoever's still standing's gonna run away, leaving a trail of urine."
"There's no way you can take us all..." the knife-wielding man shouted.
"Who said it was gonna be him beating the shit out of you?" the woman said with a smile, "I think I got this one, Spidey." She said as her hair became darker, turning into a greenish black colour. Her eyes gleamed with pleasure as she shot upwards by two feet. Her plain, brown business suit ripped under strain as her muscles expanded to amazonian proportions. Peter smiled as the thugs turned around and bolted for the street, crashing into each other in their frenzy as She-Hulk smiled. "How'd you know I'd be here, Parker?"
"Happy co-incidence," Peter replied, still slightly shocked that he had managed to secure a date with the green-skinned beauty. "You could have wasted those guys any time, you know that, right?"
"I was going to," She-Hulk replied as she placed a heavy hand on his shoulder, "I was about to go green when a very attractive man showed up to save the day."
"Attractive man?" Peter said mockingly, "where? Did I miss him?"
"I'll go take you to him," She-Hulk smirked as she lifted him into the air and leaped to the top of the building. Tonight's gonna be fun, he thought with a smile.