Title: Just Harder to Function At Times
Words: 3147
Genre: Hurt/Angst
Characters: Lance Family
Status: Done.
Summary:
Laurel's POV about "Heir to the Demon" and realizing that Sara is alive. She deals with it in a way that no one else expected but they probably should have.
The first thing I told Oliver when he came back about how I felt about Sara dying was that I was mad at her for betraying me, for getting on that boat and going with him. And I was also grieving because my sister died in a horrific boat accident and I would never see her again. And I couldn't do either of those properly because I was too mad at her to be mournful of her death and I was too saddened by her death to be truly angry. So I got to be in limbo about the whole thing. There was always this looming thing that I hadn't quite dealt with.
It was the same way I felt about Oliver, before any of you get the wrong idea. I was so mad. I was probably more mad at him than at Sara, although not by much because Sara knew that I loved him and was in love with him.
When Oliver came home, it was a surprise, I could be happy for him. I could be happy he was alive, but I also dealt with the fallout of being upset and grieving. It helped that he didn't leave me alone. And that he seemed to be sorry about what happened. There was also Tommy back then. It was comforting to know that I had my three musketeers back. They used to call us that all the time in school. It was Tommy, Oliver, and I, always and forever, or at least that's what we thought.
Which brings me to today. I thought I saw her. I thought it was a hallucination and being in the hospital when I didn't OD, it felt weird. Everyone was insistent about getting help when it was clear they didn't have a clue about what I was going through and what I needed. So I fought them on it. And I won for the most part.
I told my dad about seeing her and he looked pain. He looked so pained. Why did he look that way? I tried not to think about it as we waited for my results to come in and people would see that I was not lying to them. It's so weird having to prove yourself to people who should believe you inherently. It's so weird when they don't. They care, but they're judgmental about coping. Even my dad. Who did this for years. Who I had to peel off bar tops. But when I do it, of course, he knows best. I had to give him an ultimatum before he decided that treatment was for him. And I didn't even really ask him to do that. Just to stop drinking so much. But no. All he wants to do is judge.
I loved my father, but sometimes he felt burdensome. I shouldn't think that, but it's true. I love him. But I feel like a burden to him now. Like I'm not doing anything right, but it's not like I can. I have to deal with grief. For real this time. Dealing with Tommy's death. It's hard, because I don't know what to do anymore. Least when Oliver and Sara were gone, I always had him to hold onto. Now, I don't have anyone. Because leaning on someone means I'm weak and I can't handle it on my own and I can handle it on my own. I have to. I can't burden someone else with my problem.
He left alone with mom at the Hospital which was fine. They were waiting on Bloodwork which did test positive and he had to go to work. That was fine.
Actually more than fine. I loved Mom. Having her fuss over me was actually nice for a change. It was never really that way when Sara was around. Sara always got mother's love and attention. She was the pretty one. She was the fashionable one. She was the baby. All of the things that made mom love her best. I just had to live with it. Now, though, she only had one child to desperately cling to and that was me and you know, she could be a good mom when she wanted to be.
"Get some sleep honey," She said as she kissed my hair and I did. It wouldn't be too bad. Everyone would figure it out later. They would tell me when I woke up.
It was a few hours later when I was woken up by an orderly, "What's going on?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes, god, they felt like shit.
"You are being discharged. Your father is on his way. The police have said that you're in some sort of danger here. I advised them against it, but they were insistent. You are to go home," He said as he gave me some of the clothes out of the bag that sat in the chair where my mother was sitting before.
I looked to him, "Where's my mom?" I asked him.
"That's why you're in trouble," He said as he pushed the clothes into my hands.
I hastily grabbed them. "I don't get it. This is a hospital. It's supposed to be safe." I said, putting on the pants he gave me and looking at him. This was really not the way it was supposed to go down.
"Look, I don't know anymore than that," He said, "Please don't yell at me," He looked pained.
I just growled as I threw the gown off and put on my bra and my sweater and looked around for my purse and things. God, "I still don't know how the Hospital could be so irresponsible. I will be looking into this and you can tell your boss that," I told him and his eyes bugged out.
Dad came and the orderly scurried out and I glared at him. "Look, I know this looks bad, but we're getting it handle. You'll be safer at my apartment."
I didn't know exactly how true it was, but it was better than being at the hospital. "What the hell happened to mom?" I asked him. And again, he looked so freaking broken, he didn't know what to say. This time though, it wasn't like he knew something. It was like we shared the pain.
"I don't know, sweet heart, but I'm gonna find out, okay?" He asked me and I just nodded.
He took me to his apartment and smiled as he put some coffee on and looked around. He had his eye on his phone at all time. "Are you expecting a phone call?" I asked him.
"No no, of course not, I just, I have some people on your mother's case." He told me and twitched. Something was up.
I looked to him. He was not a very good liar. "Look, you're not telling me something. And I want to know what it is. Mom disappeared from the hospital. I was poisoned. What do these people want with us?" I asked him.
"Look, Laurel, you have to understand, this has nothing to do with you," He said and then his phone rang and the look of relief on his face, palpable, "I have to take this. I'll be right outside, okay? The coffee should be ready, so just get some and I'll be right back," He told me.
He was out there maybe five minutes, but it still made me crazy. I didn't know what he was keeping from me and it hurt. He pressed the door closed and had a curt expression on. I looked out the window. "You okay honey?" He asked in that concerned voice he did so well.
"You're keeping something from me. I thought we told everything to each other," I told him without looking at him.
He sighed. This wasn't easy on him either, but I didn't expect it to be. "Can you give me one day? One day and it will be easier, okay?"
I looked to him and smiled because his eyes were distressed. He wanted to tell me. And if he was gonna give me one day, that meant he was getting ready to tell me. "Yeah, one day. So why don't we get some of that coffee you made?" I asked him with a smile.
"I still have your favorite creamer in the fridge," He told me and it lit up my eyes. There were few things I loved more in this world than coffee, but my favorite creamer to put in my coffee was definitely one of them.
That night I laid in the guest bedroom where my mother's stuff was and cried. She was gone. She was gone and someone took her and I didn't know if it was my fault. Or dad's fault. I didn't know which made me feel worse. I laid there and contemplated it all morning.
Dad took off but he saw that I had been crying and he embraced me. "It's gonna be alright sweetheart. We're gonna get her back," He said and I could sense that maybe he didn't even believe that was true. Ever since last night, he seemed off about the whole thing.
He came home and smiled. I still had tears streaked down my face. And he did what any loving father would do. He made tea.
"Here you go, sweetie. Chamomile, just like you like it." He said, putting on a brave smile. "Is there something else I can get ya?" He asked with kindness.
I wanted to break into tears when I took the cup, trying to make sure the blanket didn't fall off my shoulders. I just got her back. It felt like so much of her was wrapped up in Sara. And you know maybe that was also part of the reason I pissed off. Mom was a connection to Sara. seeing the vision I had and her coming back, it was a connection to Sara. I could maybe finally put it all to rest. But then she got kidnapped. "My mother?" I asked him a little sadly.
"Laurel, there's some stuff I got to tell ya," His voice quaked as I wiped the snot from my nose. I didn't look at him, but I was listening. He took a breath and started, "It's about your sister," He said.
I turned to him. If he had anything on her, all these many years and was keeping it to himself, I didn't know what I would do, but I didn't start out that way. "What about her?" I wondered audibly.
He was on the verge of saying something and then his phone broke the silence. He looked down, maybe to silence it, but he didn't. He pressed answer and went into the other room. "I gotta go," He insisted.
"What about Sara, Dad?" I begged him. I just wanted one piece of good news. Anything really. Anything to make it seem like everyone wasn't making it like I was some delicate flower who needed taken care of.
He got on his jacket and went out adding, "Look, I'll explain everything later. Just sit tight." And then he was gone.
Well, like hell, I was going to sit around and wait for him to come back. He wasn't telling me something and I was going to know what was going on. I could help.
Once he was out, I threw the blanket off my shoulders and left, taking my shoes and only the essentials with me. When I got into my car, I wiped my tears and tried not to cry anymore. The only reason he'd leave me is if he had something on mom.
He went down to the lower boat docks, wasn't exactly sure he was doing down there, but if it was getting mom, it made sense. These places hadn't been used in years. I got out and roamed for a little bit as he had gone into a big building for keeping fishing gear and the likes. I think it actually had been a tackle store at one point, but right now it was abandoned and large, the perfect place for scumbags.
He came out with mom and I felt a huge relief well up in my chest. Alive and well, my mother could walk and be fine. It didn't last long though, when they went back in. What the hell were they both doing? They were gonna die that way and I couldn't lose them too. I'd have literally lost everyone at that point.
There he was the Arrow. The hero of the city, grappling with another woman, who was probably someone bad, he generally went after that kind of person now.
And then someone else was there and told him to stop. And he did. I didn't know anyone who could make him stop like that. It sounded like Sara's voice, but I brushed it off. He was a hero no doubt, but he couldn't bring back the dead.
A squad of ambulances, police cars, and other emergency vehicles swarmed into our location and I saw the Arrow and the bad woman leave. I walked up to find Sara. And my blood turned cold.
Sara was alive.
The past six years, I had been living under the impression that she was dead and there she was. Cradled up in my mom's and dad's arms like no time had passed and I was pissed. I had been drugged. I almost lost my mother. My father was lying to me all this time. My whole life. The life I cultivated through all the pain and the heartbreak, literally none of it meant anything, because in the game of life, Sara always won.
I couldn't even rally myself to the thought. Sara being alive. But there she was. In front of me, clear as day.
Everyone went back to my place. Guess dad's was gonna get too crowded. And the Sara party happened. Literally everything was about Sara.
Three hours went by and I couldn't take it anymore. You know, yay, Sara was back home. She also lied to us. For six years. She lied to us. She lied to me. I went and got a glass out of my cabinet and went to my prep table where a good bottle of wine was.
No one even cared that I was there. It wasn't until I came into the room that they even took a second glance at me.
"I know you have a lot of questions," Sara said.
"Nope," I popped, looking at how full the bottle was.
She seemed hurt by this, which was funny because I spent the last six years being hurt by her actions and she seemed unnerved by spending five minutes with me. "How can you not have any questisons?" She pleaded.
"Because I know all of the answers to them," I told her as I looked in the mirror, tipping my wine into my glass. I was done. I spent six years feeling like shit for being mad at her because she was dead. She was dead and I was mad at her and I shouldn't be. Because she deserved life. And now she had it. And now I could be pissed. "How could you be alive? Where have you been all this time? Why didn't you call us?"
I popped the cork back on the wine bottle and swirled my wine, "And the answer to all of them is because it's sara."
"Don't do this please" My father interrupted me.
And I interrupted him right back, "Dad, I swear if you say one more word," It wasn't about him. It wasn't about mom. It was about Sara. And me. And how I no longer had to feel like a shit human being because I was angry at her.
"Laurel, look," Sara said as she took a step toward me and I took a step back. I downed my wine and went back for the next glass. It was the only thing that was keeping me from punching her in the nose and starting to get back some of my life that she had stolen from me. "I know you're angry. And you have every right to be. Please don't take this out on dad, if you need someone to blame, blame me,"
"Oh, I do blame you, Sara," I told her nearing the point of no return. I had my sister back, but I also had the woman who caused me so much pain and so much agony. The woman who didn't care about how her actions rippled out and made other people's lives worse. I had the woman who took my sister away from me, because I loved her, but she had done me the ultimate betrayal. "Every single thing that has gone wrong in our lives is your fault," I told her. "You got on that stupid boat with my boyfriend. You didn't call us to tell us that you were still alive. Even though it probably would have saved mom and dad's marriage. And you brought some crazy assassin to Starling City who nearly killed mom and who poisoned me. You, you stole my whole life," And the thing about it was, the hurt look in her eyes, she didn't even care. She didn't care that the rest of us had endured so much more than just having to readjust after she died.
I was done feeling like second best and the bad guy to Sara. She blamed me for everything that went wrong before she got on that boat and she was allowed to do it and now it was time she took some real blame. And she looked at me with those hurt eyes again like I was breaking her arm. "Get out," I told her.
"Laurel,"
"Get out," I raised my voice. I was in no mood to feel like shit again. She didn't move, just had those sad eyes again. No. I was done grieving. That process was over. She was still beautiful and perfect. "Get. Out." I seethed.
She stomped right past me and moodily took her jacket from the rack with an attitude. She turned back to me. "I'm sorry," Like that made it better.
"I SAID GET OUT," I shouted at her and threw my empty glass. The door shut so it didn't hit her, but dammit I wanted it to so badly. Because everyone was gonna take her side. Everyone was gonna see her as this perfect angel come back to earth. Everyone. My mother. My father. The people of Starling. Oliver. They all thought she was perfect. And I had to be okay with being damaged and second place and I couldn't anymore. I hated my own sister, but at least I could do it knowing she wasn't dead.