So, dating Rachel Berry is difficult. I'm not saying that she's difficult. No way. She's… well, she's everything. What I mean is, actually dating her is difficult. Maybe if I said dating for us is difficult… I guess that actually has two true meanings.

Ugh.

Our schedules conflict… a lot. She has eight shows a week. That means Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays she has shows at 8, Sundays she has a show at 1 and Wednesdays and Saturdays she has shows at 2 and 8. Got that? That was 3+1+4=8. She also has refresher rehearsals every once in a while, sessions with her personal trainer four times a week and vocal coaching three times a week; not to mention everything else she has to get done in her life. I'm a full time student with an undergraduate assistantship. I have class Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 9:05, 12:45 and 1:40 and Tuesday/Thursday at 9:30 and 2:20. Also, for two hours a day, five days a week I work in the Political Science office and in the last three weeks, midterms haven't helped either.

Basically, by the time I'm done with my day and would be able to meet Rachel somewhere, she'd have to be at call not long after. We can go out on Friday nights after her show, but she's usually pretty tired by then since she's gone through her entire day and spent two hours and ten minutes singing her ass off onstage. Saturdays are pretty much a wash due to the two shows. Basically, we're left with Sunday evenings and Mondays. Thank you to whoever decided that there could be dark Mondays.

I know it might sound like it, but I'm actually not complaining. Not being able to spend a lot of time with her in person makes me appreciate the time that we do even more. More important than that, I know I'm willing work through all of this with her. Even though this is difficult, I'm not going anywhere.

We have found a work around for not being able to see each other in person all the time: FaceTime. I actually love our FaceTime dates. I mean, of course I'd rather be with her, but I can live with the next best thing for a little while. For the last two weeks, Rachel has been the first face I see in the morning and last I see before I go to sleep.

I'm usually still awake by the time she gets home from her show. I still do all of my work really late. The FaceTime call generally comes in at 11:30. I always ask her how the show went before she can ask how my night has gone. She gives me a look but then tells me anyways. I really love hearing about the stage door mostly because she's so adorable when she talks about it. Every night she's determined to speak to everyone that waits for her. She said that her favorites are the young girls. As the show's gone on, there have been more and more and she's even getting parents thanking her for being a role model for their daughters. There was one girl that told her she'd joined her school's show choir because of her and that it was the best thing she'd ever joined. Rachel said that was her favorite stage door moment so far.

After I tell her about my usual uneventful night, we pretty much just sit together. I mean, I know we're not actually together but it's close and I can still feel her with me. I sit at my table or on my bed while I do my class work and she'll do whatever it is she needs to do that night, which usually isn't very much and she actually winds up just hanging out with me... from afar.

I know this isn't like, the hottest thing to think about, but our FaceTime dates make me imagine living with her. Like, this is what it would be like. We'd do all of this but in person. Thinking about it gives me this feeling in my throat. Like, I might cry but I can't stop smiling and my stomach just flutters all over the place. I know we lived together once but it was under her fathers' roof and rules, it wasn't what I'm imagining now. What I'm imagining now is a life together. I know, it's only been two months since Rachel even entered back into my life and believe me, I'm not packing up a U-Haul anytime soon, but knowing that's something I want now only makes me want to make sure I do this right.

One thing that I don't like about the FaceTime dates is that it doesn't help to chill how much I want her. If anything, it makes it worse. She is and always has been simultaneously adorable and sexy. All. The. Time. Only making matters worse for me is that Today Rachel is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I can tell you exactly why: she is infinitely more comfortable in her own body than she was before. I've only seen her with her clothes on and felt certain places on her body, but I'll bet my tuition that her ass looks the same out of her jeans as it does in and that there are abs under that v neck. She had them before, but from what I've felt over her shirt, I'm pretty damn sure that they're a lot more defined. And she's still the cutest fucking thing because even though I know she's more confident in herself, she still gets all blushy when I say things about how hot she is. The thing is that I see all of this through my computer screen and it makes me want her. I want her in every way possible, so when we're actually together I almost can't control myself.

It keeps getting worse, too. Somehow we keep winding up at my place, even when she plans the date. The time on the clock keeps getting later and later when she leaves, too. We've done this before, but this is completely different. This stand-off is totally unspoken of. It's like this silent agreement that things can't happen. I feel like I'm the one enforcing it the heaviest because when she leaves, I can see the disappointment in her eyes, like this might have been the night that I ask her to stay. Instead, it's just another night that we're left to deal with ourselves... and that reminds me that I need batteries.

Ugh.

I want to be with her so badly but the cloud of our past is hanging over us and it's so thick, that every time we get into things, it billows right into my brain and forces me to stop where we're going. I know that I have to say something, but things have been going so well... I'm just afraid that we won't get past it. I'm so afraid of that happening that it's debilitating to think about.

I can't lose the love of my life to my stupidity twice.

I texted her a couple of hours ago telling her that I was up and that I was going for a run, so if so she wakes up in the next hour to text me back and I'll make the FaceTime call. I've been back for an hour and she hasn't texted or called me.

It's 10:30 in the morning. Granted, it's Saturday, but seriously, who is she and what has she done with up at the crack of dawn Rachel? Actually, who am I kidding, I don't really mind… and if we're being serious, who am I? I was up at 8:00 to get ready for that run.

Oh my phone is ringing! I love that picture of her... with her. I'm going to answer this on my lap top, though… and it's on my bed. Good thing my apartment is so tiny.

"Good morning, beautiful," I say as soon as her not-so-bright and shining, but still extremely beautiful face pops up on my screen.

"That's very nice of you to say, but I literally just woke up. There is no way I'm beautiful right now," she says as she rubs her eye and sits up in her bed.

I roll my eyes so hard at her, "Shut up, Rach, you're always beautiful."

"Ugh, how are you so awake right now? We were up so late last night," she lets out a yawn at the end and tries to cover it up with her arm.

"Who is this 'we' you're talking about? You were out cold by 12:30!" snoring and everything. Itty bitty, super fucking adorable snoring, but that's how asleep she was: she was snoring.

"Why did I think I lasted longer than that?" she asks with a scrunched up face and when she tilts her head and dips her shoulder with it, the very wide and most likely cut off collar of her sweatshirt falls. And there's that adorable and sexy all at once. "Umm… San?"

"Mhm?" I'm still staring at her collar bone and her shoulder and her lack of bra.

"You didn't hang up," she isn't asking a question and I just shake my head in response. I didn't hang up. Actually, I put my phone on the pillow next to mine and laid there listening to her snoring away because of my hope that someday she'll actually be there. "My iPad was dead when I woke up, that's why I'm on my phone."

"My phone was almost dead when I woke up," I can feel my cheeks burning because I have this awful feeling that she's going to think that it's weird.

"So did we like… sleep together last night?" god, the way she's looking at me makes me want to kiss her so bad. She has this hopeful look in her eyes and this cute quarter smile.

"I guess so."

She smiles and nibbles on her bottom lip a little as she looks at me and I find myself doing the exact same thing back. I have this, giddy, teenage girl thing happening to me. I don't really mind. Suddenly there's a little turbulence and once it's settled, Rachel's lying down on her stomach on a different part of her bed. I can only tell that because I'm seeing a different section of her room.

"Umm… what did we talk about last night?" her giddy, teenage girl face has turned into an awkward grin.

Really?

I roll my eyes again, but then I smile at her because her because her awkwardness is getting too cute to take, "Uh… you told me about how your zipper got stuck and… oh and that they're thinking about making Tuesdays and Thursdays a seven start, then I told you about my midterm in Western Civ…"

"Is that it?" she's still got that awkward grin thing happening.

"Yeah, because you were asleep by the time I started talking about how I think I might need glasses-"

Now the awkward grin is gone. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is agape, "Ohmygod, you'd look so hot in glasses." As I blush my cheeks off, she shakes her head and then resumes the awkward grin position, "I have to tell you something."

"I feel like nineteen is an age that people know you shouldn't start anything with a phrase like that," I say the exact thought that pops into my head because now I'm nervous.

"Well, I wanted to tell you last night, but I fell asleep! It's actually pretty important," now she looks nervous.

Great! Now I'm even more worried!

"Rach just say it," I wince.

"Someone asked me about you last night."

"Uhhh… what?"

"Actually he asked, 'so, who's the girl you've been spotted getting very close with?' Just like that. With the emphasis on the very and everything," she's clearly annoyed.

How is it that I never considered this? You know, that by being associated with Rachel, that I'd be associated with Rachel.

"But I thought you said-"

"That I didn't think I'd be hounded about this? I know. I guess I figured that questions about me would happen, but he didn't even ask that!" she's pissed. It's like she's reliving what happened last night. I need to witness more of this.

"So, what did you say to him?"

"Well, first I told him to meet me closer to my car so that A I didn't have to put him in his place in front of fans and B so that Tate was close by. Then when I got over to him, he asked me again! As if I didn't remember what he'd asked me," oh god, she's so angry and so hot right now… she's hot always but right now… I can't even… "So I said to him, 'If you want to ask a question about me, go right on ahead, but don't you dare ask anything about her. I'm who you want to know about, she's none of your business.'"

Hold on, was she protecting me? Or is she hiding me? Or are those maybe one and the same?

"Then he asked me if I'm gay and I know I said that I would just come out and say it if I was asked, but this guy was just such a piece of shit that I just turned around and got in my car… and then flipped him off behind my tinted window. I can't even believe this guy! Just because he was so obviously family, does not give him the right to be so abrasive! And to just ask about someone else?! God, some people just don't know how to exist with other people."

I let her sit and breathe out her anger for a little bit before starting, "Rach?"

"He just really pissed me off," her anger resurges for a second and then her features soften, "And I realized that we haven't really talked about that, so I felt like I needed to protect you. I mean, eventually one of these sites is going to find out who you are…"

Her sentence just sort of falls off. I have a feeling she didn't really think about this either. Why didn't either of us think about this?

"What are you thinking?" she asks, then immediately shakes her head at herself, "Sorry. I hate that. It's so invasive and… impatient."

But Rachel's invasive and impatient. Those are two of the qualities I like most in her.

"No, it's okay, Rach," it is, except, "I don't really know what I'm thinking. I'd never even thought of this."

"I know! Neither did I and I feel like such an idiot! Like, of course there are going to be people that want to know who I'm with! When I get invited to things, I get a plus one. They're going to want to know who my date is!"

Is she implying what I think she's implying? Because wherever she's going, yes.

"It's okay if people know who I am," I say softly, because while I'm not sure I want a bunch of Broadway fans invading my privacy, I do want Rachel. If having Rachel in my life means that a few very specific blogs talk about me every once in a while, I accept.

"You're okay with that? Really?" she looks unconvinced.

"Well, I don't want you to have to keep verbally assaulting people for me," I laugh.

"I will though," I love that she wants to protect me.

"I'm proud of you," I can feel my heart starting to beat faster as I say this, "I want people to know that."

"I want people to know about you, too," she's doing that cutesy lip biting thing.

"This is one of those moments I wish you weren't so far away," I twist my lips a little, then rub my finger tip against Rachel's cheek… well, my screen.

"I'm only in Bushwick," she laughs softly.

"That doesn't sound anything like Morningside," I laugh back.

"You're right, what was I thinking?" she laughs a little harder this time and then I see a thought enter her brain, "Hey, what time is Quinn getting in?"

Oh yeah! Q's coming into the city today all the way from New Haven. We're seeing the Funny Girl matinee. I'll tell you about it in a little while.

"One."

"That's cutting it kind of close, isn't it?" she says because she hates late comers. I do, too and I'm usually in the audience.

"She said she has some meeting at nine and then she can't get a train until like 10:56 or something. She'll get into Grand Central by one so we'll be there by 1:30," I say in a way that also says, 'don't worry, we won't be the late comers.'"

"I'm so excited that she's coming!" she says this as she sits back up on her bed, "You have to ask her about her girlfriend!"

Okay, this would be Quinn's mystery girlfriend that she refers to, but has never given a name probably so that we can't Facebook stalk her. Also, her Facebook just says 'in a relationship' and they don't post gross comments on each other's walls. I mean, I wish everyone was like that, except not in this case. Not when I want to figure out if one of my best friend's significant others is worthy of her awesomeness.

Of course I'm going to ask her about her girlfriend, but still, "Umm… you can ask her about her girlfriend when you see her after the show this afternoon."

"Oh yeah," she taps her forehead and shakes her head slightly, "Speaking of which, I have to start getting ready."

"Me too," I say somewhat sadly. I know I'm going to see her again and in person, but it still sucks to say goodbye to her.

"See you later, San," she smiles and then kisses the camera on her phone.

"Later, gorgeous," I smile, proud of my own reference and kiss at my camera.

"That's not the line."

I just give her a 'really?' face then wave back at her before counting with her, "One, two, three." End.

One night we spent fifteen minutes trying to hang up but neither one of us wanted to do it first… I know, how cliché… so we came up with that counting thing. And I know, adorable.

I have to get ready to meet up with Q, I'll be back in a little while.

~:~:~

So about three months ago, I made the mistake of telling Quinn about seeing Rachel pretty much everywhere I went. Strike that, I made the mistake of telling Britt who let it slip out when we were in a Google Hangout together. She had actually already known about Rachel's Broadway dreams coming true, though. Apparently, there are ads for Funny Girl in the New Haven Metro North station. After that conversation, Quinn promptly purchased tickets to Funny Girl.

Now, this is all well and good, except that she was planning something. How do I know this? Because when I told her that Rachel and I were starting to hang out again back in September she responded by saying, "Dammit! I bought those tickets for nothing!"

Of course my response was, "What tickets?"

Cue a throaty sigh, an eye roll and then the explanation for her outburst, "I bought tickets to a Saturday matinee in November and I was going to force you to come with me. I know that's like, super far away but it was the earliest ones I could get."

I didn't really know how to respond to that. Except, now I'm starting to think there may be some sort of conspiracy going on around Rachel and me… hmm…

Anyways, she went on to say that we could still go because in all actuality, she'd really like to see Rachel in this. It is her dream role. Also, she was positive that an NYC adventure was going to be necessary after the midterms she was probably going have to endure. So here it is November 2nd and Q should be here any second. I told her I'd meet her by the East Balcony mostly because it's easy to find and we can decide if we want to take the subway or not from there. We also didn't know what track her train would be coming in on.

And would you look at that! There's my other blonde best friend… and some other person that she's holding hands with. Umm… I hope she knows that my apartment can't sleep more than two… well, it can but I'm not sharing my bed or giving it up. She's waving at me and saying something to the girl… yeah, that's a girl… she's holding hands with. I can only assume that this is the mystery girlfriend that she talks about. I'll be more excited about getting to meet her after I find out where she thinks she's staying tonight.

"Hey, Q!" I call out to her as I push myself off of the railing of the stairs to the balcony.

"Hi!" she says, letting go of mystery girlfriend's hand to give me a hug. As we're hugging, I remember that it's actually Rachel's fault we wound up getting so close. Honestly, if she hadn't decided we should help her out, I wouldn't be able to say that I have two best friends. Even further than that, I probably wouldn't be going to Columbia.

"Santana," she gives me a quick look that I think means 'please be nice' then turns to her 'friend,' "this is my girlfriend, Jackie. Jackie, this is my best friend Santana."

Okay, I'm going to be completely honest right now, Jackie is not the name I was expecting. Q has a type. I won't say that she's into 'butch' lesbians, definitely not, but she is into girls that like to… I'm going to say blur the lines of gender. Her first and only other girlfriend… oh, it makes me angry just thinking about her… RJ, wore a lot of snap backs and guys' slim straight jeans. She was cute and she was a good girlfriend… until she wasn't… ugh, I'll just get pissed thinking about it.

Anyways, Jackie is waaaay cuter. Still not my type at all, but I can totally see why Q is into her. She's wearing these super dark wash, guys' skinny jeans, a black and white plaid, flannel shirt, white Chucks, a hooded varsity style jacket and black, plastic framed glasses. She's about the same height as Quinn and she's super thin, like, those skinny jeans are probably a 28 thin. Oh! Actually, you know who she kind of looks like? She looks like Rachel Maddow when she goes on someone else's show. Her hair cut is even similar, it's just lighter and styled messier. It all works. She actually kind of has some swagger. Her canvas backpack is even cool. I'm going to give her an A in the 'external put togetherness' category. Way to go Q!

"A third of the Unholy Trinity!" she holds out her hand and I take it, "It's nice to finally meet you, Santana. Quinn's actually told me a lot about you."

"Oh really?" I ask looking at Quinn. She can talk about me to her, but she can't even tell me this girl's name?

"I might have told her some things about high school," Quinn shrugs. I mean, I guess there are some things about her that she can't tell without talking about me. But still, why couldn't I know her name until now?

"Um… I actually have to get going, I'm meeting my friend at the MoMA at 1:30. It was nice to meet you, Santana," she shakes my hand again, then she turns to Quinn and gets all lovey eyed, "See you tomorrow, Roo."

Well, that answers that question, but Roo?

"Tomorrow," Quinn is giving those eyes right back to her, "I love you."

Whoa.

"I love you, too," and now they're kissing and Holy. Shit. They're like, hot. Not like, I'm turned on hot because Q's like, my bro and that's weird, but like, I can tell that when things go down, they go down.

"What?" Quinn asks when she finally looks back at me after Jackie leaves.

"Ummm… there are a million things," I say as I continue to gape at her.

I can see her contemplating it and then through a quirked eyebrow she says, "You can ask whatever you want until we get to the theatre, but once we're there, you're cut off."

Yes!

"Roo?" is fresh in my mind as we exit through the door to 42nd St. I guess we're walking.

She rolls her eyes and sighs, "I was doing props for this show last semester and the director wanted something really specific. Because it was a last minute thing and I didn't want to have to pay exorbitant, expedited shipping costs, I had to go to the Disney Store. You know how they used to have all of the stuffed characters in that shelving, pit thing in the back?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they aren't like that anymore. They're on regular shelves in the back. I was back there and I found it, but it was up just too high. Of course, instead of asking for help, I tried to reach it. I got it, but as I was getting it down, I took everything down with it. Everything. Guess who was right there?"

Here's a wild guess: "Jackie."

"Oh the mortification. And she was just smiling and she asked me if I was okay. I told her I was far too embarrassed to know if I was and she laughed and then she asked," Quinn laughs a little before she can get to it, "'Are you sure that's the one you want?' You had to see her face. She's just so cute and charming."

"And you're so smitten you didn't answer the question," I nudge her arm as we stop at the corner of 42nd and 5th.

"The director wanted Roo from Winnie the Pooh and that's what I was holding," her face is the pinkest I have ever seen it. That's actually super adorable. "Okay, next question."

"Got any cutesy names for her?" I can't help it. I have to tease her.

"Not really," she chuckles and rolls her eyes, "I usually just call her J because one syllable is easier than two and it just flows out better."

"Yeah, especially after 'oh my god' and 'don't stop,'" I laugh and she narrows her brow at me, not particularly pleased. Okay, next question. Let's see: I already know that she goes to Yale and that she's a year older than us and I don't have to ask how they met anymore, "Where's she from?"

"Queens."

"No way!," I say immediately and Quinn hums out some reassurance. I'm sure that's where she's staying. Okay, what else? "Hmmm… so how long have you guys actually been together if you met last semester?" She only started talking about her this semester. Just in case she gets too into this, "We're turning right on Broadway."

"Well, we met in the beginning of May and we met for coffee a couple times before classes ended but there were finals and then we both had to go home for the summer. We kept in touch all summer. We texted all the time and we'd video chat," as we stop at the crosswalk for 43rd St, she turns to look at me, "S, I was in love with her before we even kissed for the first time."

"Wow."

"I know and oh my god, when we did… and when we…"

I think I lost her, "Q! Quit the walking sex dream!"

"Sorry…"

I cannot stop the massive bout of laughter that flies out of my mouth. Like, I bet people are looking at me weird. Oh man. Good for Q. She deserves something good. Which leads me to my last and most important question: "Does she know about… Beth?"

Her lips twist a bit, then she gives a half a smile, "Yes."

"And I'm assuming that since you're all heart eyes over there, she was cool about it?"

This is my real 'is this person good enough?' test. RJ wasn't good enough. RJ was a CUNext Tuesday. She was great until she found out that Quinn had a daughter out in the world and then she was awful. Granted she was a seventeen year old girl with zero life experience, but she was still an absolute bitch about something that had nothing to do with her. That's why I asked. Because it's a part of Quinn's life and she shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of it. She should be loved for everything she is.

"Completely. I actually told her about it over the summer because I felt myself falling hard for her. I had to get it out there, you know?" she shrugs and then adjusts her messenger bag.

"Mhm, I know."

I definitely know. It's just... a matter of action.

"Holy shit!"

"What?" Oh. She found Rachel.

"No wonder your Dad brought you to that preview. I would have brought you if I knew that was what you were dealing with!"

"We didn't even take the subway," I mumble as we turn onto 49th St.

"You know I have a million questions for you, right?" she asks, "Because we haven't really talked that much since this all started and I know you haven't really been talking to Britt either."

I know that this is her being my concerned best friend and I think an alarm probably went off when Britt told her that we haven't been FaceTiming as much as we were before. I've just been spending so much time with Rach… maybe that's why I didn't know her girlfriend's name until today.

"After the show and after we have dinner with her," I tell her because I know I'm not escaping this. I guess I should be talking to someone about this anyways. I can only hear myself think things for so long, right? "You know you're going to have retell all of that to Rach, right?" I laugh trying distract the conversation away from myself until we get to the theatre.

She laughs and as we get close enough to the theatre to see all of the photos of her as Fanny, "And then some."

~:~:~

Well, Quinn made the mistake of telling Rachel that Jackie was in the city and after getting all of the answers to her million questions and creeping on all of her pictures on Facebook while we had dinner, of course she needs to meet her before they go back. Even though it isn't really convenient, they're going to meet her at the theatre before Rachel's call. Q had to know that was coming.

Thanks to Rachel, I now know that Quinn's girlfriend is a microbiology major with every intention to go to medical school. She wants to be a pediatric surgeon. I made a Grey's Anatomy reference that went right over both of their heads and then Q said that if there was a lesbian Jeopardy, I'd probably be its Ken Jennings. Rachel laughed, I didn't. Despite that little rendezvous to Rag on Santana Land, it's been a fun dinner. I've mostly just enjoyed watching Rachel get so excited for Q. She just got so into everything that Q was saying. We're both romantics, she's just a lot more vocal about it.

"I'm so happy for you, Quinn," Rachel says as she jumps at her for a hug, "I can't wait to meet her!"

"Thanks, Rachel," Quinn laughs as Rach squeezes the life out of her.

"Okay, beautiful. Q's gotta breathe," I laugh softly as my hand goes to her shoulder.

She lets Quinn go and takes a couple steps back towards the stage door, "I have to get in there," she throws her thumb back towards the theatre behind her, "Working girl and all."

I just can't even deal with her adorableness.

"Break a leg tonight," Quinn smiles, "You were amazing this afternoon."

"Thank you, Quinn and I'm really happy you came to see it," Rachel is giving her this genuinely, grateful smile and it's beautiful. Of course it is. Everything about her is.

"Me too," Quinn smiles back, then puts her hands in her pockets. I think she's assuming the 'waiting for my friend to say goodbye to her ladyfriend' position.

"Think you'll be home at 11:30?" Rachel asks as she plays with the zipper on my jacket. She really likes this jacket.

"I can make that happen," I smile as I start to feel the pull of her lips take hold of me.

"Well, I don't want to ruin your plans with Quinn," now her hands are a little higher on my jacket and fussing with one of the snaps, but she isn't looking up at me anymore.

I take my finger and lift her chin to me, "I'll be home by 11:30."

"So, then I'll see you soon," she brings her lips close to mine and hesitates there waiting for my response.

"Soon," I answer and give in to the pull of her lips. Every time our lips touch it's like it's the first ti- actually, no, it isn't like it's the first time. That's ridiculous. Especially when I'm completely aware that it isn't the first time. Each kiss is better than the last. That's what it is.

When our lips part, she waves to me then enters the theatre through the stage door. My eyes linger there for a moment before turning back to Q… who is gaping at me.

"What?"

"You are so in love with her," Quinn finally closes her mouth and regards me with semi-sad smile.

It's because of the look she's giving me that I cave, "I know."

"Where's a good place for something chocolate?" she asks, wrapping up my arm with hers.

I know exactly where to go, "Uptown on the way to my place."

"Let's go."

~:~:~

The entire fifteen minutes that it took for us go from 49th to 72nd, Quinn told me about her first trip to an adult store. I don't know why she decided that was the best topic for the 1 train, but I don't care, it was fantastic. While Q has definitely become more comfortable talking about sex, she's still pretty shy about it. Hearing her talk about how her eyes were simultaneously opened and blinded by what she found in this place, was probably one of the greatest things I've ever heard. It was a fantastic distraction from the conversation that's going to start as soon we sit down with our hot chocolates and house cookies.

We find a small table in a corner upstairs and after we sit down, we sit there in silence for a little bit.

"Is there a piece of chocolate at the bottom of this?" Quinn asks as she stirs the liquid in her cup.

I can't take this, "Just ask me something. Please."

Without looking up from her cup, "Have you slept together?"

Right off the bat. That's the first thing she asks.

"That's your first question?"

"Considering how you started things the first time around, I think it's a reasonable one," she looks up from her stirring and raises one of her eyebrows at me. It isn't like her normal quirk, it's more, I don't know, considerate.

And she's right, it is a reasonable question, "No…" Of course I go and say it like there's something else and Quinn catches it. I bite down on my lip for a second then spit it out, "I'm not ready yet."

"You're not ready yet?"

Why is she so surprised by this?

"No, I'm not," I say, hoping she feels bad for how she asked that.

"Sorry," good, "Why not? Because I just spent enough time with you both to know that you look ready." I'm not sure I can answer. I know the answer, but I'm not sure I want to say it. Things are much better when they stay in my head. I'll just stare at my hot chocolate until she decides to ask a different question. I hear her sigh and then, "Fine. Have you told her how you feel yet?"

God, what is with all of the hard hitting questions? You know what? Fine. Here it all goes:

"No, not yet and truth be told, I don't even know what we are right now-"

"Is she seeing anyone else?" she interrupts the rant that I was about to go on and now I feel like I'm about to go insane because I didn't even think about that. Oh my god.

Wait. No way. When would she be seeing someone else?

"No, there's no way. Pretty much every matching free moment we have, we spend together somehow. Either on a date or on FaceTime," I say it with as much confidence as I can muster after that brief moment of doubt.

"So, you don't know?" she asks as if she didn't just hear what I said and then takes a sip of her hot chocolate.

I don't really, do I? Shit. No wait! "This morning she told me about this guy that came up to her at the stage door last night and asked about me."

"And what did she say to him?"

"She said that he could ask whatever he wanted about her, but to leave me alone. She was protecting me-"

"Was it that or did she not know which girl he was asking about?" now she's giving me the usual quirked eyebrow and I feel like I'm about to smack it off of her face.

"What the fuck, Q? Rachel isn't like that! She isn't the same person as she was in high school, but that much about her hasn't changed. God, how can you say that about your friend?"

"I know."

"And besides, she told me that she wants to tell people who I am… wait, what?" Did she say 'I know?' Has she just been trying to get something out of me? Did she and Britt switch bodies or something?

"So, she can tell people your name, but what will she say about your relationship? That you're her friend? Her friend that she goes out on dates with and kisses in public places? Or maybe her ex-girlfriend?" that one hurts and I know that was Quinn's intention. "You haven't talked about it."

"Our relationship status? No," I roll my eyes because I feel like I already said that.

"The fact that you're exes," she says it with a little force so that I'll hear her, "Beyond that actually, why you're exes."

And she's figured it all out. I just shake my head and stare down at the table because what can I say?

"Santana, you have to. If you don't it's just going to keep eating away at what you have going and you have something good, I can see it. Something about this just looks different. Better. I don't know," she shrugs and smiles a little, "You look like adults and not horny teenagers."

I breathe a laugh through my nose and roll my eyes at her, but I actually think I like that. That's actually a really great way to describe how this feels. We're putting so much work into us that it feels like a completely different thing than what we had before. It's so much better. If only I could just get past this one fear.

"S?" Quinn asks in the silence that's fallen over us. After I look up and acknowledge her she asks, "What are you afraid of?"

"That one of those horny teenagers fucked everything up so badly that she can't really fix it," I answer her question and I can feel the pain of tears gathering my throat.

"She won't know unless she tries," Quinn says through an encouraging smile.

"I don't know what to say, Q. I can't even begin to think of what's right," my forehead lands between my thumb and forefinger as I try to both hide and rub away the headache I'm starting to feel.

"Anything is right, Santana. Nothing is the only thing that's wrong."

I know I've heard that before.

"But what if-"

"Stop," she cuts into my fear with a tastefully raised voice, we are in a public place, "You love her."

Whether it's still or again, I'm not entirely sure, but I know that I love her. "I do," I sigh.

"So do something about it."

A/N: Sorry this is late. Last night was last minute date night. Hope you enjoyed this one! I had to bring one of the blonde besties into NYC. Haha. I'd love to hear from you all!