It Came On Fast

by forrealrightnow

While at a surprisingly fun dinner for her girlfriend's birthday with people she never would have imagined as her closest friends, Santana's father urgently requested that she come to the hospital. Without letting Rachel or anyone know why, she left knowing that the love of her life would be waiting for her no matter what had happened. Part 4 of my Unadulterated Loathing series.

13. Impulses

I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I'm pretty much just winging this. Then again, most of my best work has come out of me just following my impulses. The other day I was looking up fall recipes to figure out something to make for tonight. I saw this oatmeal apple pancake recipe. While that seems like a good breakfast, it wouldn't be a good dessert, like oatmeal raisin cookies... such a waste of calories. But I thought, pancakes are like the dessert of breakfast so why not make something like that? Apple cinnamon pancakes a la mode. It's really the ice cream that does it. There's no recipe for this though so I just made the batter and threw some extra sugar and cinnamon into it. I added the apples after I put the the batter on the skillet. It smells great but this could be entirely too sweet. Oh shit, I need plates. Somebody Loves You by Betty Who has been stuck in my head since I heard it through someone's headphones on the train who knows how long ago. It pauses for a second as I turn around to ask, "Where are the plates?"

I think Rachel's just been watching me this whole time. I'm not really sure why. It's not like things are all that interesting over here. She probably can't even see what I'm doing from there. With her lip between her teeth, she points to the cabinet behind me and as I'm taking a couple down she says, "I'm happy you're here."

I put down the plates and look over my shoulder, "Me too." I really am. I'm happy to be anywhere she is.

"That smells like heaven, by the way," I hear her laughing a little bit and I love how that sounds no matter what form her laughter comes in.

I start walking over to the fridge so that I can get the ice cream, "I hope it tastes like that, I kind of just made this up."

I see her roll her eyes as I head back over to the pancakes, "You made it, I'm sure it's amazing." She says that as if she's liked everything I've ever made for her. As I'm scooping ice cream onto these pancakes she asks, "When have I not liked something you've made?"

I know, "I tried to recreate my tofu stir fry with eggplant and you hated it."

"It was slimy!" she's laughing and sticking her tongue out. God, she's so cute all the time.

But seriously, who is she kidding? As I'm heading back to the fridge I look at her and say, "So are mushrooms and you eat those."

I put the ice cream back and as I'm opening up the fridge to find the whipped cream that I asked Kurt to get, Rachel scoffs back at me, "Mushrooms aren't slimy." I know told him not to get the kind in the can. That's all that's in here and going by its unopened status, that's the one that he got. "What are you looking for?"

"Uhh…" just grab it. Maybe she won't think about it, "got it." I smile at her with my lips together before I pull the can out of the fridge. Legitimately all that I can think about is her birthday. Like, there are images of the things we did just going through my brain like a slide show. "Mushrooms are gross," I need to cover this up somehow… I'm not ready… not yet, "They're a fungus that grow in the woods. Animals shit in the woods."

Fuck. I have to open this thing and use it. It makes a very distinct sound and the movie going on in my head isn't going to get easier. Just do it. Once I'm done, I immediately turn around with the plates and say, "All done."

"Come on," she gets up and nods her head to the couch that has probably seen better days, but it fits in her and Kurt's apartment perfectly, "we have cable."

Good one, Rach, good one. I look around a little before I sit down and as I do, I say what I'm really feeling, you know, besides what I'm really feeling, "I really like your place." Okay, I'm not so sure I like that her room's only privacy is a curtain, but I do like the sliding door and the way that everything looks. Yup, I was just thinking about her bedroom's lack of privacy…

"Thanks," she replies after she's chosen something on TV and has sat down, "Are you waiting for me?"

I haven't touched mine yet. I am waiting for her. I want to know what she thinks first, "Maybe."

She kind of half rolls her eyes and breathes a laugh through her nose before directing her attention to her plate. My lip is nervously hanging out between my teeth as she cuts into the pancake and ice cream and as the fork heads to her mouth. Then, "Oh my god! You just made this up?" I don't think she's even swallowed yet.

"It isn't too sweet?" I ask because I'm still worried about that. I guess I could figure that out on my own now, couldn't I?

"No! It's perfect!" she keeps eating as she's talking and for some reason, it is so adorable, "I think it's because the apples are fresh, they balance out the batter. San, this is amazing."

She's moaning. On the list of things that I cannot handle, that is one of them. I mean, there might be a time when I'll be able to, but right now, not so much. Think about something else, "I saved the rest of the batter and I can write down how to cook them. When I told Kurt what I was making he told me to save him some."

"Of course he did," she laughs with her mouth full.

I take a few more bites of mine and enjoy this new masterpiece for a little before I start talking with my mouthful, "You know," I point at the TV that's playing Never Been Kissed, "This is one of my favorites."

"Because you love romantic comedies. I know and your secret has remained safe with me," she gives me this playful eye roll then goes back to her plate.

"Thank god!" I joke back with some fake worry, "I don't know what I'd do if people found out!"

With her head still over her plate she asks, "Remember when we ran into Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury at the movies?"

Of course I do! "I thought Miss Pillsbury was going to pass out she was so worried," I say as I put my empty plate down on the coffee table.

Of course I remember that day. I couldn't possibly forget the moment that I knew I was in love with her. Maybe I can take this in baby steps. Talk about something good before I get into the bad and the ugly.

"I was so nervous," she leans forward to put her plate down, "I couldn't let go of your hand and then they figured us out, so we were even."

"That," I start before I'm ready and my lip finds its place between my teeth. I can see her waiting for what I'm going to say and now that I've started I have to say it, I can't go back. This is something good. I should tell her this. I take a deep breath and, "I knew I was in love with you that night."

Combine the sensation of my heart pounding and my nerves from saying that to her, with every other sensation that runs through me when she kisses me and I'm left with one out of control body. Then, put her on top of me, straddling my lap and I feel like I should be useless, but I'm not. My tongue still knows what it's doing and I can think enough to do that little trick that she seems to love. I even grow a little bold and move away from her lips. I kiss my way over to the spot that I always loved. I probably shouldn't have, but this time I just couldn't help it. I know that I sighed against her when I smelled her hair. I can't leave any marks, she doesn't have to tell me that, so I only suck lightly and for a very short period of time before I move my way down to her collar bone. As that happens, my hands inch up and I'm feeling skin instead of jeans. It actually makes me nervous.

"It's okay," she whispers, coaxing me with her hands in my hair.

It is okay. Touching her skin doesn't mean we'll take things too far. I look up and bring my lips to hers again as my hands move up on her back. Her skin feels so good. Maybe I could talk about this… so I can touch more. Just… what do I say? Suddenly I feel her arms moving and when I open my eyes, I see her bra coming out of her sleeve. What is she doing? Ugh! Think! Think of something! I'm just pressing my lips to her neck over and over and harder each time as I attempt to formulate something. In the meantime, somehow my hands have gotten even higher and I can feel a curve of something under my thumbs.

"You can touch me you know… anywhere you want."

I hear those words and my brain stops. I'm still looking at her neck as I say, "I want to…"

"So why won't you?" I can hear the lust around her words and her teeth on my ear don't help anything.

"I…"

I can't do it. I know nothing isn't the answer, but that's all I have. I don't know where to start.

"I should probably get going."

"Stay."

I could. I could stay all night and try to think of the best thing to say.

"I should finish that paper and I have class tomorrow," I know that's what has come out of my mouth, but my hands are gripping at her hips attempting to keep her as close to me as possible.

"Fine," she huffs pulls herself away so that she's no longer on top of me.

While I was expecting her to be disappointed, I'm not so sure I was expecting this, "O… kay."

Rachel gets up and grabs our plates, "You have to go all the way to Harlem."

As she's storming over to the sink all I can get out is, "Rach…?"

"It's okay, you have important things to do," she turns from the sink then turns right back to it.

Now things are getting desperate for me, she thinks I'm choosing a paper that I still have time to write over her, "That's not what I-"

"You can go Santana!" she snaps as she whips back around from the sink. Then her eyes zero in on me and she spits, "Don't forget to call me."

I might have deserved that, but she didn't have to say it. It hurts so much that I can't even respond. All I can do is bite my lips between my teeth and lower my eyes away from her. I can't say anything. I can't even say goodbye to her as I slide open the door and leave. I hear her footsteps on the other side of it and then I hear metal sliding against metal. She locked me out.

You know what the worst part about this is? It's my own fault. I've completely fucked everything up again. Before I can even get to the stairs to take me the one flight down, I start crying. I can't even see to go down them so I just sit at the top.

I had her! She's right fucking there and it was so easy to fall for her again! I told her that I'd fight for her. I don't even know what I'm fighting. All I know is that I'm losing - if I haven't already lost. I just can't even get out of my own fucking way…

It's me. It's been me all this time. I'm what I'm up against.

When did I start burying my impulses? I said it earlier, "Some of my best work has come out of me following my impulses." It's true, not just in cooking, but in my life. When did I stop saying what I felt to the people that I care about?

When I blocked people out and forgot that the world was still turning.

I think it's about time I dug up those impulses.

There's one now.

I'm knocking on Rachel's door and I'm not stopping until she opens it and when she does, I'm doing the first thing that my gut tells me to do.

Now get up off of your ass and fight for her. Even if what your fighting is yourself.

I pick up my jacket and myself off of the step. As I'm walking back towards her door, I wipe at the bottom of my eyes and hope that my mascara hasn't run all that much. Okay maybe I should check. I stop for a second just to pull out my phone to see. Just a little mess. Easily fixed in a couple seconds and I'm taking the last few steps. I'm determined to do this… I just need a couple seconds to work up the first knock. Yeah, maybe like, ten more seconds. Okay…

Just… umm…

One more…

I close my eyes and lift up my hand, pausing it for another second or two. Just as I'm finally about to send my hand forward, I hear something and it doesn't stop. When I open my eyes, there's Rachel standing directly in front of me. We stand there, staring at each other for what feels like a lifetime and with every breath I take I can feel the tension between us thickening. Suddenly she opens her mouth and starts to say, "I'm-"

Impulses.

They told me to drop my jacket, grab her face and kiss her. Kiss her so that she doesn't keep talking because that's why I came back. I came back because I have to say something. And here it comes, another impulse:

"I love you."

Kiss her again.

"I love you and I don't want to lose you again. I can't lose you again," I kiss her again because she looks like she's going to say something, "I still don't know what to say, but I know that nothing is wrong," I finally know it, "I'm here and I'm acknowledging what happened between us. I'm sorry if that isn't enough but it's all I have and it's way more than last time."

"That's all I wanted," she breathes and then pulls on my hips to bring me in to kiss her. I know I heard tears in her voice. "I love you," she stops kissing me long enough to say it and long enough for me to know that those are happy tears. I know what those look like. "I'm so sorry," she sniffles and brings her hand to my cheek to wipe the tear that's fallen from my eye. She told me she loves me, how could one of those happy tears not fall? "I shouldn't have said that."

I smile and send a laugh through my nose, "Precedence says that it was deserved." I'm glad I've found a use for that word outside of my pre-law classes.

"No," she says bringing her hand back down to my hip and tugging me impossibly closer to her, "That's not what I should have said..."

"Rach..."

She's pressed her forehead to mine and she's looking down. She's formulating something; I can practically feel her brain churning to find the right words. I know I should wait for what she has to say but I can't, "Beautiful, it's okay-"

"No it isn't!" she pulls her head back to look me in the eyes, "I'm so awful! I was baiting you to talk about... I shouldn't be manipulating you. You should be angry with me, not the other way around."

"You have every right to protect yourself. I hurt you-"

"We hurt each other," she interrupts me softly, closing her eyes once the words are out.

How can she say that? I caused so much damage. Yes, it hurt that she seemed to be looking right through me whenever she looked at me and it hurt that she found someone else before things actually ended between us, but I caused her so much pain for so long. "Rach, don't-"

"I gave up," she interrupts me more forcefully this time, "You were right, I let you keep to yourself. I called you and I texted you, but I never showed up at your house. I knew where you lived!"

There go those happy tears, "Rachel, please-"

"Santana, I need to say this!" she takes a step back so that my hands slip from her shoulders and her hands leave me hips. Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut. "I had a chance to end it all, that first time I saw you in school. All I wanted to do was walk up to you kiss you. I knew it wouldn't make your pain go away, but it's what I wanted to do. It's all I wanted to do all that time. I should have just let my impatience get the best of me. I can't help but think that if I'd done that, maybe this wouldn't be happening. Maybe we would have been together all this time."

Now she's on the verge of hysterically crying. I need her to stop. I need her to know that I don't blame her for anything.

"Rachel," I surround her face with my hands so that she'll look at me, "I should have said something to you instead of just standing there wishing I knew what to say to you. I honestly can't tell you why, because how many times have sounded like an idiot and you've loved me just the same?"

Her cheeks rise under my palms and she laughs, "A lot."

"Exactly," I smile back.

"But I know I hurt you..."

She did, and I don't think she's going to let this go until I say it. "You did," I sigh and somehow, it actually feels good to say it.

"I'm sorry," I can hear tears coming again, "I'm sorry that I broke your heart."

"At least you did it quick," here go those impulses, "I bent yours for two months and then made you snap it apart." That doesn't hurt any less than it did when I realized it the first time two years ago. I was so awful, I can't believe I'm standing here in front of her right now. "I'm so sorry," I can't stop the tears, "I don't even know how you could give me a second chance."

"You're giving me one," she's says it as if that's her answer. That's her reasoning for all of this. It seems so ridiculous to me, but I guess in her eyes, I have given her a second chance. "Maybe we could start over," she says quickly. She says it so quickly that I don't believe that's something she actually wants.

That is the absolute last thing I want to do.

"I don't want that and I don't think you do either," I say taking a step forward into her apartment a little more.

"I don't," she sighs and looks down.

"We were something," I smile and look down with her, but I take her hand, "I can't just ignore that, not when there was so much more good than bad. And maybe…" let me take a second to make sure this is right, "Maybe things happened the way they did for a reason. Maybe that had to happen so we could be where we are now."

"I hadn't thought about that…"

"What if we'd stayed together? Maybe you wouldn't be in Funny Girl right now? And maybe I wouldn't be going to Columbia?" I really believe all of this, "Rach, I think we're who we are right now because of what happened back then."

"I guess our love story is shaping up to be quite interesting," she smiles this adorable half smile at me while she swings out our hands.

"And we have so much time ahead of us to make it even more interesting," that was kind of impulsive, but I liked it and I think Rachel did too because she's still smiling.

"So," she starts without looking up from our hands, "how about we start again?" Now she looks up and I do with her.

I like that. Again.

"That sounds perfect," I smile and sniffle at the same time. So much for fixing my mascara.

"Do you wanna come in?" she nibbles on her lip then looks around me.

I'm only about a step into her apartment and my jacket is in the hallway. "Yes," I nod then pick up my jacket.

Rachel lets me pass through the doorway then slides the door closed. I turn around and wait for her once I'm a few steps in. I see her turn something on the on the door. "What's that?" I ask because I think it's a lock, but I'm really not sure… since she dropped the pad lock into it earlier.

"It's the lock for when no one is in the apartment," she says then turns back to me. She looks me up and down and I feel my stomach drop. I don't have to ask her what that means. I mean, I think we still have some talking to do, but there could be something else… "I love that jacket," she says pointing to it in my hand.

"I noticed," I smirk and then point at her, "I love all those v-necks you wear the hell out of."

"I noticed," she says back in an attempted smirk that turns into a blushing smile, "I love you."

I could listen to her say that all night, "I love you more."

She squints one of her eyes at me and takes a couple steps closer, "Don't start that. We could be standing here all night."

It was worth a shot.

"You know," I say putting my jacket down on a chair behind me then taking her hands, "I think technically, we've already started again."

"We have, haven't we?" she looks up from our hands and lets her lips slip between her teeth, "How long would you say we've been dating?"

"Hmmm…" I hum with a 'thinking face,' "About a month. Unless you include all of our chaperoned ones, then two."

Rachel looks up like she's thinking then says, "Let's say a month and a half."

"Okay."

"Would you say that's enough time to… um…" she was really confident up until this point.

"To what?" I rub my thumbs on the back of her hands.

She licks her lips then looks down again, "Spend the night?" She looks back up quickly, then down again, "We don't have to do anything. We could talk some more… or you know… not," she looks back up and bites down on her lip.

I definitely want to, to do whatever, but I do still have class in the morning. Who am I kidding? I want to stay here. "I'd have to leave pretty early in the morning for class."

"That's okay," she swings our hands and bounces on her toes. I can't help the laugh that comes out. I can't help it when I pull on her hands so that she's even closer to me and so that I can kiss her either. "Umm…" she starts after she breaks the kiss, "maybe we could talk a little."

"Anything you want," I answer automatically, because like always, I will do anything for her.

"Okay," she takes a step back, "can we sit down?"

"Um, Rach. It's your apartment," I laugh, "You can do whatever you want."

"Oh yeah," she rolls her eyes then walks past me to sit at the table. I turn around and move my jacket so that I can sit in the chair next to her. Her table is about as small as mine so our knees are touching.

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask after we've been sitting in silence for a good thirty seconds.

"The last two years."

"Are you sure?" I ask only because I'm not sure I want to talk about the last two years. I know what she means by the last two years. She nods. Here it goes, "What do you want to know?" I am wincing on the inside.

"Well… I know that you and Brittany were… um hooking up…"

"Rach, why do you want to know this?" I'm not asking because I don't want to answer, I genuinely want to know why she wants to know this.

"Because," she winces a little, "I think it will make me feel better about being with other girls… not in the last two months." I think I my eyes might have widened a little when she said that first part. Thanks, Q.

Anyways, for some reason, I actually think this is really cute. Her reasoning behind asking. Of course she was other girls. I can not like it all I want, but I can't be angry or jealous. Besides, that would be hypocritical. "I've had one not-so-serious girlfriend, one sort of serious girlfriend and a couple hook-ups. That's it," I hope that was enough. I really don't want to get into detail.

"Sort of serious?"

I tried.

I let out a heavy breath, then settle on what I want to say, "I guess it was pretty serious. I mean, we did…" never mind, tmi, "Something just didn't feel right, like there was something missing."

"I think I know what that feels like," she says as she looks at the table and draws circles with her finger tip.

"Did you sleep with Bailey?"

Where the fuck did that come from? Shut up impulses! Shut the fuck up! Just because I want to know doesn't mean I can just blurt it out like that!

Okay, damage control! "I didn't-"

"Yes."

Okay, maybe I didn't want to know… except… "When?" Wait what am I even asking? "I don't think that you cheated on me." Well, here I go saying all of those stupid things. I'm just going to rest my face in my hands for a little bit.

"She was a rebound. I know she was… I hurt her, too," she rolls her eyes and shakes her head at herself, "there was a girl at Pace… aaaand two of the ensemble girls."

"Whaaaat?" I'm actually just shocked that she hooked up with people she works with, not that she slept with other girls.

"They pursued me!" she throws her hands up in defense… as if that defense makes it better, "It was when we were in DC. We all went out one night and they-"

"They? As in together?" this just keeps getting better. I'm not even jealous! I'm strangely intrigued by what she's telling me… not that I'd want to share her ever.

"Um," I see her visibly gulp, "the first time it was both of them. It was um, a lot happening. It was good," that might be too much for me to know, "But it was too much, which is why I only went back for one of them."

"Who is it?" I ask because now I've seen the show three times, I'm sure I know who this girl is… I bet I've met this girl.

"Really?" she grits her teeth at me awkwardly.

"Well, what if she tries something? I need to know," I say only half joking.

She lets out a long sigh then says, "Whitney."

"The red head?" the really hot red head with crazy green eyes… that I'm going to ignore.

"Mhm… hey I have a question. A completely unrelated, but kind of actually completely related question," she says changing the subject but perhaps not changing the subject with a perfectly Rachel sentence.

"Uuuhhh… okay? Go for it," I laugh out.

"Umm do you have the strap on?"

As I burst out laughing I ask, "What?"

She's right, that is completely unrelated but sort of completely related.

"I couldn't find it!" she's laughing with me.

Funny story about that, "I did have it. When we um…" okay now my laughter is gone, "took my stuff, Papá must have grabbed the shoe box. I don't think he looked in it or anything, but I had it. I think it must have gotten lost in the big move here though… which is actually a little terrifying now that I think about."

"The cards," her hand goes to her mouth, then short bursts of laughter come through her nose until she's full out laughing again.

"Oh my god imagine someone finding that!"

"I can't!" she laughs even harder and somehow her hand lands on top of mine on the table.

It's crazy how something as simple as a small touch can change a moment.

I move my hand under hers so that I can interlock our fingers. I just keep looking at them together. They just fit so well.

"See?" I say picking up our hands, "We couldn't have started over." I bring the back of her hand to my lips and kiss it, then keep them there for a few more seconds.

"M m," she hums out her agreement then her eyes fall to my lips. As soon as they're there I feel my stomach flare up with excitement and nerves. "I don't want to talk anymore," she says as her other hand reaches my cheek and she moves her head towards me.

Oh god neither do I. I'm going to be really blunt, this kiss has gone straight between my legs. Not like, she's going down on me… oh god, now things are worse… I mean, of course I felt this before, but now that cloud isn't here. And she feels… hungry. And god, why is this table still between us? I can't stop kissing her. Her tongue and her teeth are just… it's getting hot. I just stand up, without taking my mouth away from hers. I think the chair fell. Rachel's laughing, it must have.

We stop making out long enough to move away from the table, but that's it. We're back after two steps and now that I can, I can't keep my hands off of her. They're in her shirt and lifting up. Rachel moans into my mouth as I'm reminded that she took her bra off.

I'm also reminded that she said I could touch her… anywhere I want. I have a feeling that the offer still stands. Truth is, I want to touch her everywhere. Now.

But we have all night.

As my hands slide to her front, hers find their way under my shirt. I think somehow I'd forgotten she has hands. They feel so good on me.

I move from her lips and make way over to my favorite place. Before I start using my lips there, I make sure she knows, "Anywhere you want."

"How about anything?" she pants out as I suck behind her ear.

As I finally move my hands up to cup her breasts, I breathe out, "Please do."

Suddenly her hands aren't in my shirt anymore and I immediately whine a little against her skin, but then I feel her shirt moving along my arms. When I back my head away to see what's happening, her shirt passes over her head and onto the floor. I know I'm staring. I can't help it. Those abs I was talking about not that long ago, yeah, exactly what I thought… only better. No lie, I just want to lick them.

"I felt like it was getting hot," Rachel says as she tugs on the bottom of my shirt.

"It is," I say with my drying mouth. I can't close it and my eyes just keep going from her abs to her breasts over and over.

"Can I take this off?"

"What?" oh my shirt. Uh… duh, "Yes!" I answer and my hands join hers in pulling my shirt over my head.

"How about that?" she looks down at my chest and then back up at me.

"Absolutely," I pretty much moan out because she didn't really wait for my answer. She just stepped up to me, started kissing my shoulder and reached behind me. "You know," I start when my eyes land on the curtain that hides her bed, "You haven't showed me your room… outside of a webcam."

After she's gotten my bra off my arms, she tosses it somewhere in the apartment then lets her arms drape over my shoulders. I can feel my nipples rubbing against her skin and hers on mine with each ragged breath we take. It would be nice if we took this to her bed soon. Things are starting to get painful down under.

"I was going to just take you on the couch, but I guess I do have a roommate or something," she shrugs, then turns us both around so that she can walk forward towards her room.

Oh. My. God.

As she's backing me up, my hands go for her jeans. I know I said we have all night, but I've been… we've been waiting long enough for this. I also manage to somehow kick my shoes off and out of the way so that we don't trip. Once we're past the curtain, I take things over, turning her around so that I can push her on the bed. And like I said, I just want to lick her abs, so as I pull off her jeans, I just do it.

"Rach, these are…" I can't even finish it.

She sits up when I take slight break and says, "Yours are still perfect," as she unbuttons my jeans and tugs them off of me. Then she starts kissing my stomach as her hands slide up the back of my thighs and land on my butt.

"Ay querida," it just falls out of my mouth. I know it's been a long time, but it still feels so similar. This all feels so new, but she knows what to do to make me want her even more.

And I know what to do to her.

I know what I want to do to her.

It makes me nervous thinking about doing it to her… actually, doing anything to her makes me nervous. It's like, a second first time. This is completely different than our actual first time. I know Rachel is experienced now, but this time, I also know how absolutely in love with her I am.

"Lie down," I whisper and nudge her with my hands on her shoulders. She quirks up an eyebrow at me, but does it and as she does, I let my hands trail down her chest. Then, I settle myself between her legs, lower myself and kiss where my hands just were, moving my way down to her breasts. Her skin tastes so good. It's sweet, but she's started to sweat just a little so it's just a little salty. I kiss to my right and suck her nipple between my lips.

"God, you're so good at that," she says as her hips writhe under me.

As I'm working on her other nipple, I feel her hand push down on my head. "Someone's still impatient," I say then look up at her as I flick my tongue up and down over her nipple.

"I'm just…" she lets out a heavy breath as I grind down between her legs, "…remembering how good you are at something else."

"Well, maybe I should take these off of you then," I drag my fingers down over her abs to her hips and hook my finger into her underwear. She immediately lifts her hips and brings her legs together so that I can slide them off. That's different.

"What?" Rachel looks down at me and I can see that she's nervous. She really doesn't have to be though, so I smile, then smirk as I look between her legs. "Oh… it hurts like a bitch but it's so much easier than shaving."

I kiss her at the apex where her thighs meet, then look up at her and say, "I know exactly how you feel." She laughs, but as she does I start licking her skin and she stifles it completely. She is so wet. It's everywhere and she tastes just like I remember her.

"You're such a tease," she whines and moans simultaneously.

I know she really does like to it, no matter how much she whines about it, but I want to get to it. I can feel my heart beating a little faster as I get closer. One more lick down around her, then I dip my tongue inside of her.

She pants out a breath then, "I missed you," falls from her mouth.

I missed her, too. Everything. Her sounds, her skin, her taste, the way she moves, her confidence. Just… everything.

As if to answer her, I bring my tongue up her length to her clit and circle it a couple of times. I hear the "fuck" get breathed out then I suck it between my lips. "San!" then I hear a squeak and then nothing.

"That was-"

"Embarrassing," her hands are up at her face covering it up.

"What? No!" I crawl up on top of her and hope that she'll take her hands off of her face. Actually, that was awesome.

"It is!" she says into her hands.

"Babe, no. Hey," I gently pull her hands off of her face. Her expression at the moment is caught somewhere between embarrassed and excited… of course it's adorable. I don't really understand why she's embarrassed though. So she came really fast, guess what? "I'm so turned on right now, I bet you'd barely have to do anything to me either."

And there goes the embarrassed and the excited. "I could find out," she says sitting up and forcing me to be straight up on my knees. "Ugh, you're still wearing these," she snaps the waist band of my underwear. I can fix that. I get up off of her and take them off. "Now come back here," she smirks at me and of course I follow her command. She wastes no time putting her hand between us and as her fingers move slowly from entrance to my clit she asks, "How long do you think this will take?"

Not long, "Fuck," it's only been a couple circles and I'm already… there, "Rach!" Okay, so maybe that is a little embarrassing. I drop my forehead to hers as she's giggling and say, "I missed you, too." Her giggling stopped immediately and her lips were on mine. Like no time had passed, we moved in sync to further onto her bed. As we're moving, she manages to push and turn me onto my back. She's a little stronger than she used to be. I must look surprised because she's giggling again. I love that. That she's laughing during all of this. It feels so much more intimate. I can't help but tell her, "I love you."

"I love you more…" her nose brushes against mine and her hand starts trailing down.

My breath hitches as her fingers find their way back between my legs but I still manage to breathlessly say, "We could be here all night."

"Oh no," she teases in her voice and with her fingers, "you've discovered my plan."

I just want to touch her, make her feel what she's doing to me. I know we have all night and every other night ahead of us, but I still feel like I've missed so much of her. When she enters me, all I want is to do the same to her. I need to feel her. She's on my right leg and using her right hand. I could use my right but it just isn't as good as my left. "I can't get to you," I breathe out as her fingers slowly stroke my insides.

She looks down at my right hand with a quirked eyebrow, then over to my left that's been gripping onto her wrist. "Oh," she whispers then starts to pull out of me.

"Don't leave!"

I know I said it so that she would stay inside of me, but once it's out there, I know I mean so much more than that.

I think she heard it. She leans down and kisses me so softly then says just soft, "I'm not going anywhere."

Here comes one of those impulses: "I am so in love with you. More than ever before."

"I've been thinking the same exact thing about you," she smiles and kisses me again, "I have an idea."

"I love when you have ideas," my lips tug into a smirk.

"Don't move, I don't want to hurt you."

I know what she meant, but I can't help but hear its second meaning. I nod to her and after I do, she makes a little adjustment to her left, then without moving her right hand from me, she tucks her right leg between her arm and my leg and swings it slowly over me so that her arm is behind her and both of her legs are straddling my hips. "Thank you yoga."

"Uh yeah," I say from my dumbfounded gaze at her hips.

"Well," her impatience shines through as she grinds herself down on my stomach, letting me know just how ready she still is.

I know my hand will be sore after this, but I really don't care. Seeing her right in front of me like this makes me want to taste her again. That's physically impossible. I'll just be doing that again later, for much longer than before.

"San," she grinds down on me again and whines, "I need you."

Well, when she puts it that way...

"Yes," she hisses as my two middle fingers slide down from her clit to her entrance. Because of the angle my hand is positioned in, my fingers automatically curl into her. "You feel so good," she moans out as she turns her hips and pushes her fingers into me.

I almost can't even function. What's happening in front of me and to me is just... at least I've thought enough to make sure that my palm is against her clit.

"San," she's still moaning. I look up at her and when we make eye contact she says, "I love you."

I think that was her romantic way of telling me to fuck her. I think I could oblige.

"I love you," I say back as my free hand moves to hold down her hip. I can't really move mine, I need some kind of leverage. Once that's settled, I push deeper into her and press my palm harder against her. Just as I start to move my hand, I feel her fingers curl and her thumb press against my clit. "Fuuuhhck," some things don't change. I really just can't control the obscenities.

We still know how to listen to each other and feel when to put a little more into it. It's like, we know how to tell each other what we want without saying anything. To know someone that well, it's beautiful... and mind-blowing. She doesn't even have to tell me that she's close, I can feel it because I'm close. I push harder into her because I want her to do the same. When she does the same, I know it's coming and I can see it in her face. Her left hand had been on my abs and as we've gotten closer, her finger tips have been pulsing there faster and faster. Suddenly, I feel it; that feeling in the pit of stomach tugging away and as soon as I hear Rachel gasp out, "San!" then squeak, it tears away and I'm yelling out her name.

"Oh my god, San, I'm so sorry," I feel Rachel's fingers moving down from my chest in a half circle around my sternum. I open my eyes and I'm met with a worried look aimed at my torso.

"What?" I look down my chest and then her fingers ease over what she'd been dancing around, "Ow." Well, that stings. She must have scratched me. "It's okay," I say looking up from the violent red stripes at the top of my abs, "Any day I will gladly take injury from you in our throes of passion."

She bites down in her lip and chuckles lightly, "we've both done our fair share of limping haven't we?"

"Mhm," I hum out in agreement as she pulls her fingers out of me. I start to remember a time when I limped an entire day through school, but my mind goes blank when Rachel draws her fingers into her mouth, sucking her fingers clean. Before my brain can even establish anything, she's lifted herself off of my hand and positioned herself so that she's lying partially on top of me.

"My favorite kind of Rachel Blanket," I sigh and turn my head to kiss her forehead. I stay there with my nose and my lips against her skin just relishing in the smell and the feel of it all.

"No one's as good as you," she says as she nuzzles her nose into my neck.

It feels so good to hear her say that to me and I feel the same exact way about her. "I think it's the whole, in love with thing," I let my thoughts slip right out, "it just magnifies everything."

"Yeah," she sighs as her fingertips stroke up and down my arm, "that sounds about right."

For a while we just lie in comfortable silence. Our fingers explore around each other and every once in a while a kiss is placed somewhere. After a little bit longer, Rachel places a kiss on my chest then says, "You know I'm not done with you yet, right?"

I laugh and kiss her forehead, "Well, even if you were, I'm not done with you yet, either!"

~:~:~

"San, sweetheart, wake up."

"Mm... Rach I can't, she's tired," I whine and turn my head. That's really all I can do since she's on top of me.

"No," she laughs as she peppers kisses on my shoulder and chest, "it's 7:30... and Monday."

"Wait, what?" I start to push up but it only reinforces the fact that Rachel is naked and on top of me. I really don't want to leave here, "I haven't used any of my absences yet."

"I'm not going to try to change your mind, but are you sure?" she asks and I love her for it. We're both pretty driven and I know she'd understand if I did want to go.

But I don't. "I'm exactly where I want to be right now," I kiss her forehead, "I can't make a habit of skipping class to stay in bed with you, but I can definitely do it today."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, beautiful."

"Um... I have a question," she says a little nervously with he fingers dancing on my chest.

"Ask away."

"So I have this thing... a gala... that I was invited to and I have a plus one. Um... will you go with me?"

"Absolutely," I say with a giant smile.

"Okay," I feel her smile against my shoulder, "And if someone-"

She's interrupted by the sound of the door sliding open and after a few seconds we hear a screechy, "OH. MY. GOD. FINALLY!"

Rachel and I are just laughing silently. We left a mess out there. Our clothes are everywhere and I never picked up the chair that I knocked over.

"Don't worry! I'll be gone in a minute," Kurt calls to us from who knows where in the place, "I'm just grabbing some things before class." After about five minutes of us still laughing to ourselves, Rachel leaving kisses on my chest and butterflies in my stomach and Kurt shuffling around the apartment, the door slides open again and Kurt says, "Bye ladies! Can't wait to hear all about it Rach!"

"Bye, Kurt. Thank you!" Rachel calls out to him because it was rude not to say anything.

The last thing we hear is laughter and the door sliding again.

"Well, that'll probably make the rounds pretty quickly," I laugh and then remember that Rachel was asking me something else and I think I know what, "if someone, what?"

"If someone asks who the beautiful woman I'm with is," she looks up at me and smiles, "Can I tell them you're my girlfriend?"

"Yes…" I say holding out the s.

"Why am I sensing a 'but' after that yes?" she squints one of her eyes at me and twists her lips.

"On one condition…"

"I waited long enough already," she huffs adorably.

"No," I laugh, "not that. Yeah right."

"Okay, so… what?" she asks more sweetly this time because I think she's realized that I'm not really joking around with her.

I chew on the corner of my lip a little and breathe through the tiny nerves I'm feeling, "Don't let me get lost."

Her lip quivers a little, then a smile fights through as a tear falls down her cheek onto my chest, "I am never losing you again."

There aren't any perfect words for this moment. Really. My entire body is filled with so many emotions, it's entirely inexplicable. The only option I have is an action and the hope that she feels every inch of what I'm feeling within it. My hand lifts to her cheek and I take in the beautiful and vulnerable face in front of me. Then I kiss her. I kiss her with everything I have, pouring every last millimeter of myself into her.

I need her to know that she's my absolute, she's everything. I need her to know that if my entire world came crashing down around me, she'd be my savior. I need her to know that I will spend my entire life fighting to keep her within it because without her, I will certainly be lost.

I'm so desperate for her to understand everything that my lips and my hands grasp harder. My entire body needs her to understand and it coaxes her even further on top of me so that it can be even closer to her. It's then that I start to feel her melting into me. And it's then, when our bodies are melded together that I feel her hearing me, that she's listened and she believes me.

The elation that washes over me is the most overwhelming sensation I have ever experienced. It's this full body high that is so overpowering the only way my body can react is to laugh… and cry.

"Santana?" I feel her wiping at my tears with her thumb. Her voice and her touch will my eyes open and as I look into her deep brown eyes, I feel lost in both them and all of my vulnerability. The vulnerability I feel is only heightened by the fact that I can't read her expression. I see joy in her eyes but there's something else, something I've never seen before and that's what scares me.

"Yes?" I answer her finally, unable to take the palpability of the air that we're sharing.

Rachel takes a breath of the weighty air between us, then her lips curl up and her eyes soften and light up simultaneously. It is hands down the most breathtaking image to ever pass through my eyes. She takes another breath, opens her mouth and says, "That was the most beautiful thing that has ever been said to me."

There are tears welling in her eyes and as soon as one falls, my hand is on her cheek to catch it, "I meant it. Everything. With all that I have." I say it and I can feel tears coming yet again.

"I know, my love, I know."

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," I laugh and sniffle at the same time, "I love you."

"I love you."

"Umm… Rach?" I've just thought of something.

"Yes, love?"

After taking a second to revel in how that sounds, "I think we did things out of order again."

"Eh," she shrugs then brushes her nose against mine, "unconventional is kind of our thing."

~:~:~

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A/N: Yes, this is the end... sort of. I have an epilogue in the works, but I said that it's complete anyways... because this is the end.

A/N 2: Thank you everyone for your kind words and all of your frustrations that you let out in the reviews. I loved every one of them. Especially all of the anger from the last chapter. I felt like I was tremendously successful. I hope you've enjoyed this last chapter here; I worked pretty damn hard on this one. I also think this is my favorite of the series. I've grown a lot as a writer since that first one and I think this shows it. I also found myself drawing from personal experience more than ever with this one so it sits pretty near and dear to my heart in that way.

A/N 3: As per usual, a thanks to my StageMom. For reading every grossly unedited version of every chapter and convincing me that Rachel's POV was totally necessary in the second part. Chapter 10 never would have happened and 12 wouldn't have been in her voice. So, go ahead and thank her in the reviews. She'd be the unhappiest camper if I gave you her pen name.