Dog Days of Summer

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

Chapter 19 (Grief and Sorrow)

The house felt empty without Trina or Clarence around, even with her friends' presence Tori felt a strange coldness in the air. The ambulance picked Clarence up an hour ago, and that was when Trina left with Jason to follow. "Everything's going to be fine," Jade said from the couch while watching Tori pace the floor.

"Thanks for the attempt." Jade's comforting words fell flat, unable to pierce the uncontrollable worry filling Tori's heart. "What if something happens to Grandpa? What's going to happen to us? To my family and the farm?"

Beck lifted his head from his paws and brought forth a sad smile. "Your grandpa seems like a strong man. I'm sure he's going to pull through." Empty promises didn't comfort her, she knew they meant well and were just trying to make her feel better, but it felt more like false hope. In truth, none of them knew whether or not Clarence would pull through.

"It's been so long since I've seen Grandpa, I just-I wish…" She bowed her head and pawed the floor, moaning painfully as her heart tore open from grief. "I wish I'd spent more time with my granddad." She was only a child when she last visited the man, and she didn't feel using school and a busy life was an appropriate excuse for a teenager. "I'm almost jealous Trina got to take care of him in his last few years."

"Don't talk like he's already gone. There's still a chance he'll pull through, Tori."

"I'm being real." It would be better to talk like he would make it, they were right about that. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling things wouldn't be okay. Tori sat down and looked up at Beck and Jade. "I heard Ares and Shadow talking the other day. They said Grandpa left everything to Trina. In his will, that is, he named Trina as the sole benefactor. She probably doesn't know that, but I think she deserves it. She's the only family he's probably known in the last ten or twenty years. I…don't want my grandpa to die."

"Death is natural." Tori's ears perked at the calm, aging voice behind her.

"Shadow!" She spun around and met Shadow's seemingly ancient gaze. Relief swept over her when he smiled back at her. However it was brief, as his smile faded. Beck and Jade glanced at him with arched eyebrows. "Everyone's been looking for you." Her tail started flailing due to his presence, she couldn't help but to feel some amount of joy in seeing him. Although, the nightmare felt far from over. "Something's wrong with Grandpa."

"I know."

"I don't want him to die, Shadow. I don't like thinking about it."

"Don't think of death as bad." She furrowed her brow and let her tail fall down behind her. His words confused her, especially when considering that death wasn't terrible. "Death comes for everyone eventually, it's a natural part of life. When you grow old, it becomes something that you understand more than you fear."

"But it's an end, it's final and it's…separation. I mean, my family was separated once but there was always the chance of getting back together, and they did. Death eliminates that, doesn't it?"

She never had to experience the loss of someone she cared about, even with her father's job she'd been sheltered to not have to worry about the possibility of her dad not coming back.

Tori bowed her head and gently swept her paw across the ground. "Beck, Jade, Andre, Robbie and Cat…they're my first actual friends, you know." She heard the two behind her utter their surprise. Shadow's nostrils opened as he let out a slow breath. "Mom and Dad tried to avoid letting me have many friends, not because of any malicious reason. Trina had a very good childhood friend, the two did everything together, and then…"

"What happened?"

Tori clenched her eyes and shook her head, stumbling over her words as they fell from her trembling lips. "They were out playing, and her friend was hit by a drunk driver. She was…in grief for a very long time. I think mom and dad wanted to protect me from that. I didn't even know what happened for the longest time."

"I see." Shadow closed his eyes and bowed his head. "Young death is the most tragic, especially when the person is torn away in such a manner." Tori's heart throbbed painfully in her as she struggled to look back to Shadow's eyes. "But in regards to your grandfather, you must understand that as a person ages, death is still natural. Clarence has lived a full life, I've lived a full life, both of us have reached that point where death is something we fear but rather embrace."

"So…you're saying it's a good thing. I still-"

"Young pup, to someone so young it is terrifying. The young should never have to worry about dying. To the elderly, death is that finality. We view it as being satisfied with the full life we've lived, and we become ready to accept it. If you're spiritual, then you believe when you die that you go to a better place."

"Heaven, right?"

"Heaven for many, it's called various things but has the same concept. Part of the soul remains on earth, looking after those that remain. Watching and caring for their loved ones."

"Spirits?"

"Yes. Spirits, Angels, Ghosts, whatever you want to call them. They feel no pain, the throes of life are no longer a struggle, and they can be happy once again for eternity." Tori's heart lifted gently and she nodded, beginning to see why the elderly may be so willing to embrace it. "Spirits are everywhere. Animals have a keen ability to sense and see them, maybe it's a comfort."

"Really?" She crinkled her snout and shook her head. "I haven't seen any spirits."

Shadow laughed lightly and turned his lips into a fuller smile. "You probably have and didn't realize it, remember that you were human before dog." This was true. Humans didn't see because they didn't believe in the afterlife in the same way. "Just bear in mind that death is not something to fear, it is natural. A release. When you're young, you deserve to live life to its fullest and to enjoy the things you are given…to be an adventurous soul, like Ares. As you age your time has passed and a younger generation has a chance to grow and enjoy their life. When you pass, just remember that it's a pleasant feeling because you will always be able to watch and enjoy seeing the young ones grow and find their place in life."

"I guess."

Shadow leaned back and a soft sigh drifted from him. "Completion, I suppose."

"Everything has its place in life. Birth, the beginning, and then the end?"

"Yes. Still, it's okay to be sad. It's fine to cry. Always remember, however, that it's also important not to dwell. Move forward, and enjoy your life as you should. Be happy, play and grow-experience your own adventures. When there are those who have gone before you, always remember that they are right beside you through it all. They'll watch over you through your joys, your sorrows, your ups and downs. A single guiding light, and perhaps a part of you."

"I like that." It still didn't seem fair, but she was at least relieved to think that perhaps it wasn't so final as she may have thought. "Even though separated physically, they're still with you in spirit and heart. Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes." Shadow inhaled slowly and stood on all four legs. "Unfortunately Tori, your grandfather does have cancer." Her heart sank and she began to shake. "He's had it for some time, but it's just started to be more than he can take it."

"N-No…" Could animals sense death as well as spirits, then? Could it be that the feeling she had before was the feeling of death coming? "But Grandpa's strong, he…"

"Much like me, he is not the person he used to be. Remember not to be afraid, but let yourself grieve. That is why I am telling you now, so that you will be better ready to handle it when it comes."

"What will happen to the farm? Those men, and the deed-Trina would lose it."

"The original deed surely can be found, but don't forget that Jason is also trying to purchase a new deed granting ownership for him and for your sister. Things have a way of working out, pup, you just have to be patient and let nature work its course."

"I…I understand, but it's hard to do that."

"I realize that." Shadow laughed once more. "You may be more like Ares than you realize, although many are like him when they are young as you are. You have a great spirit, a determination and of course you're young and have a rash mind. You must learn to be patient, as all must."

"I'll try. I'm just scared."

"Don't be. Things will be okay. You'll find your way. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but it will happen in time. The biggest lesson in life to learn, or one of the biggest lessons, is that you cannot expect to achieve a goal in a single instance-and impatience will only drive you further from it."

She held her breath for the moment and struggled with his words. This was a concept she could try, but still she was afraid. "How long do you think Grandpa has?"

"I don't know, likely your sister will find out from the doctor."

"I hope he won't be in too much pain, then."

There came another dreadful howl from outside, grabbing Tori's attention. She furrowed her brow and felt the air leaving her lungs. Making sure to apologize for leaving Shadow, she did so and hurried outside with Beck and Jade in tow.

They ran around the house and into the old barn where Clarence's older pickup truck rested. This pickup was only meant for the farm, and had bales of hay in the bed.

Ares was standing on the pile of hay with a distraught look on his face. As Tori approached the car, she saw a mound of brown fur in front of him. Her heart stopped and fear struck her dead in her tracks.

"It can't be!" The body belonged to Shadow. "I was just talking to him." She dropped to the ground, screaming as pain shot through her. Beck and Jade stepped next to her, looking at Shadow with grief-stricken expressions. "He can't-he can't be-"

Tears drenched the fur around her eyes and she struggled to suppress her mournful sobs. "It is okay, pup." Tori whimpered at his voice and struggled to stand. Her legs trembled under her weight and she fought against the urge to fall while looking to his spirit. "It was my time to go, but remember that I'll still be here for you."

"I don't want this. I don't want to be alone."

"You're not alone. You have your friends, you have your sister. Don't forget our talk."

"That isn't what I mean, Shadow. I-I need guidance, you're a mentor. If you're gone-"

"You must forge your own path, live your life and always remember those who have gone before you. We'll always be around, even if it's only in spirit and heart. If ever you have a fear, a question, rely on your instinct and remember I am not far away."

Tori turned her head down, trembling as her tears fell onto the floor. Shadow was more than just another dog on the farm to her, he'd been a mentor, and perhaps a grandfather as well. "I won't forget you, Shadow. I'll do my best" She choked on her breath and clenched her eyes. "It'll be okay eventually…this feeling will pass, won't it?"

"It will. Grieving is fine to do, but all sorrows pass in time. This too will pass."

"Thank you for being here. Everything you've said, everything you've done, I…" Shadow smiled and walked over, brushing against her. The gesture warmed her and drew a mournful smile to her face.

"Be strong, pup, and be patient. Everything will be fine." She turned her head to the side and swallowed heavily as his spirit faded away. Perhaps his words made this easier for her to handle, but it still bore tremendous pain for her. She knew things would work out as he said, however. Tori didn't know why or how, but there was some comfort in knowing this nightmare would eventually pass and life would continue on as the world kept spinning.

And she shall be strong, though it's up to her to forge her path now. I'm working on the final chapter, so I can tell you there are not a lot of chapters left in this before completion.