Author's Note: Okay.. so I know I said I wasn't going to update until next Wednesday but the response I got from chapter 3 made me speed up my posting. I know the shock of chapter 3 will probably make a lot of you want to stop reading, but I ask that you not give up on me or this story. I've had this idea in my head for so long and I'm so happy that I'm finally getting it out there. This story will have a HEA, but it is not a Cupcake story and it is not a Tart story. This is about Steph finding herself, discovering herself. So please bare with me and enjoy. I promise you'll enjoy it! Thanks!

Warning: Tissue Warning! :-(

Chapter Four
Steph's Pain

"Steph, we don't know how to say this…" Tank started but trailed off. Bobby stepped closer to her, slowly as if not to spook her.

She was suddenly finding it hard to take a breath; to breathe. Her spidey sense was screaming at her and her head started to pound. Shaking her head, she tried to back up, the water bottle falling to the floor as her hands came up in surrender as if to ward off any bad news they were trying to give her but the counter stopped her movement. Tears blurred her vision, but she saw Tank reach out towards her. She pushed his hands away.

Through her tears, she saw him flinch. "Stephanie, I'm sorry. Ranger's –."

"NO!" Steph shouted. "Don't say it." She pleaded with Tank as she sank to her knees.

"Ranger's gone, Steph. He's dead." Tank spoke anyways.

Steph screamed in agony as if it her very soul was being ripped from her body. She screamed as the pain of Tank's words ripped through her heart. She screamed for everything that was lost. Not only for her, but for Ranger. And then when Lester tried to take her into his arms, she pummeled him with her fists. He let her. He let her beat him until she completely exhausted herself, busting his nose and lip in the process. Once she exhausted herself, she collapsed in Lester's arms and cried. She cried until her eyes swelled shut and her nose stuffed up so bad she had trouble breathing. When she began to choke, Bobby spoke up.

"Should we sedate her?" He asked concerned.

She felt Lester move. "Not yet. Give her time to adjust to it."

She tensed at his wording. Adjust to Ranger's death? How could she adjust to never talking to him again? To never hearing his voice? To never hearing him call her babe? To never seeing him again? Never seeing him give her the wolfish smile or that two hundred watt grin? And to never –

She suddenly pulled herself from Lester's arms and got up, heading towards the bathroom. She washed her face, swallowed back another round of tears and stomped back into the kitchen where all three men haven't moved.

"I want to see him." She demanded.

They all three exchanged looks before facing Steph. "Steph…" Tank started to protest.

She cut Tank off. "I don't want to hear excuses. If you want me to believe that the man I lo –." She paused to take a deep breath. "If you want me to believe that Ranger is really dead, then I want to see him."

They once more exchanged a look that she didn't understand. "Beautiful, Ranger was caught in an explosion. There's nothing to –." Lester broke off and stormed out of the kitchen.

Steph took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears. "I thought – I thought he was going in the wind to catch a killer. To catch the man that was killing his family. What… I mean… I don't…"

Tank pulled her into his arms. "Ranger was staying in a safe house that had been compromised and he didn't know it. A man in his past rigged the explosion to occur a few seconds after Ranger stepped into the foyer. He never had a chance."

Something told Steph he was lying. Maybe it was her spidey sense telling her, but something was off. She pulled back to look at Tank. "Are you three lying to me? Is this some colossal joke or something?" She questioned.

Tank cringed, shaking his head. "No joke, Stephanie."

She nodded slowly but something still felt weird. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bobby moving closer. "Um… Steph, why don't you let me look at those cuts? Some of them look pretty bad."

She shot him a glare, but then frowned. She had completely forgotten about the cuts and scratches covering her body. She didn't really care, but Bobby was here. Anything to keep her mind off Ranger. She nodded. "Fine. I'm going to go take a quick shower and change into something easy accessible. For the cuts." She replied, turning on her heel and going into her bedroom. She could hear Tank, Lester, and Bobby talking heatedly amongst themselves but she couldn't make out the words. Right now, she just didn't care. All she wanted to do was throw herself on the floor and cry her heart out. She wanted to scream at the outrage that someone she loved so much had been taken from her so early. She wanted to scream at herself for not realizing sooner how much she truly loved, wanted, and needed her man in black; her batman.

After stripping, she stepped into the shower and came face to face with Ranger's shower gel. Before she could stop, she dropped to the cold shower floor and began to cry. She grabbed the bottle from the shelf and breathed in Ranger's scent. She choked out a sob and let the tears fall. She was pretty sure she screamed and when the core team came running, she knew she had. She cried as one of them wrapped her in a towel and dried her off. She cried as they carried her into her bedroom and laid her gently down onto the bed. She cried as one of them dressed her. She cried as one of them took her into his arms and rocked her, soothing her with Spanish words and caresses to her wet hair.

"Should we sedate her now?" She heard Bobby ask through her sobs.

She didn't hear any reply but a moment later, she felt the prick of a needle. As the medicine began to do its job, she heard Tank harshly whisper.

"I think I just might kill that son of a bitch."

As the blackness quickly took her over and she welcomed it with open arms, she silently wondered who Tank meant.

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Steph gave up and threw her foundation into the sink. No amount of make-up was going to hide the shadows under her eyes. And even if she did accomplish that, it wasn't going to hide the fact that her eyes were blood shot from crying and no sleeping.

When she woke up from Bobby's sedation, she ordered them all out of her apartment. She didn't want any witnesses to her pain. Once they left, she flew into a rage. She had never felt the kind of pain before and nothing seem to make it go away. She had only broken a few dishes and her television set, but she didn't care. She just wanted to stop the pain. Crying didn't seem to help and she had done plenty of crying in the past three days since they told her that Ranger was –

She took a deep breath and fought more tears. Today was Ranger's funeral and she refused to cry at his funeral. She didn't want people to see how vulnerable she was right now. She didn't want people to see how much his death truly affected her. She wanted to be strong. For Ranger.

So after talking to herself for most of the morning, she finally decided to slip into a little black dress, one of Ranger's favorites, and go to his funeral. She didn't do anything special to her hair, just leaving it down to caress her shoulders. She was wearing flats and just a little make-up. She was sure Ranger would approve.

She drove her Kia to the funeral home, she actually parked far away from the entrance as possible. She walked quickly in and was immediately bombarded. People she didn't know were hugging her and telling her that they were sorry. Some even spoke in Spanish. Who were all these people? Looking around she spotted Lester at the same time he spotted her. He made his way through all the people towards her, pulling her into his arms. Steph refused to cry as she hugged him back.

"How are you doing?" He asked, muffled against her hair.

She shrugged. "I'm fine."

"You can talk to me, Steph." Lester told her, pulling back to look into her eyes.

She nodded and tried to give him a tight smile. "I'm fine."

He opened his mouth to say something else, but she shook her head and yanked herself away from him. "I'm fine, Lester." She stated before walking away.

The funeral home was filled with people, so she stood in the back of the room as the minister spoke. She didn't hear anything he said and she didn't really care either. She was too numb to care.

She drove out to the cemetery on auto pilot and watched from her car as the minister spoke again and then she cried as she watched them lower his empty casket into the ground.

"Good-bye Ranger. I love you." She spoke softly.

She didn't remember driving home. She didn't remember walking to her apartment or letting herself in. She didn't eat or even undress, she just flung herself onto the bed and cried. She didn't hear anyone knocking and she didn't hear her front door open. She felt the bed dip next to her, but she just didn't care. She hoped they were here to kill her.

She heard a male sigh. "I'm not here to kill you, Little Girl."

She buried her head deeper into the covers and ignored Tank. Maybe he would go away.

"I'm not going away until you look at me. I've got something for you."

"I don't want it." She grumbled.

"Stephanie, please look at me."

She sighed and turned her head to look at Tank. He looked like shit. His eyes were blood shot, he looked tired, and to be honest he looked pissed. His clothes were wrinkled and disheveled. But at this particular moment in time, Steph didn't care. She wanted to be left alone.

"What do you want?"

He held out a large, thick envelope and Steph cringed as if it might bite her. He pushed it towards her. "Take it." He said.

Steph shook her head. "I don't want it." She bit out harshly.

"It's from Ranger, Steph. He wanted me to give it to you if –." She heard him swallow. "He wanted you to have it."

She shook her head. "I don't want it, Tank."

Tank sighed. "Please take it, Steph." He sounded almost desperate.

"If I take it… will you leave?"

Tank nodded. "I'll leave. For now."

Steph plucked the envelope from Tank's hand. It was heavy. Steph knew what it was and she didn't want any part of it, but she took it to make him leave.

"I've taken it, Tank. You can now rest in peace. Now please leave me the fuck alone." She hissed.

He sighed and nodded. Bending down, he kissed her on the top of her head. "I'm sorry about all this, Steph and I hope one day you can forgive me." He replied against her hair.

Steph didn't reply. She waited until she heard the front door slam before she opened the envelope. She pulled a small piece of paper and two stacks of cash. Holy fuck! That was a lot of cash. What the hell had Ranger been thinking? She turned the piece of paper over and the words written were in Ranger's deep, neat scrawl and she started crying all over again.

'Take the money, Babe. Take the money and Fly'

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A week had passed since Ranger's funeral. She hadn't left her apartment since that terrible day. Food just magically appeared in her cabinets, food for Rex as well. She didn't know why the food kept appearing. Her refrigerator was full of Pino's meatball subs and pizzas, Cluck in a Bucket's chicken, donuts, and Shorty's pizza. She didn't care to eat. She didn't have the will to eat. She was too numb to care. Too numb to care that she hadn't had a shower in days or even brush her teeth. She was pretty sure someone else was feeding Rex. And someone had cleaned up her apartment after she went on her little rage.

At least once a day, a knock would come on her front door. And each time she would ignore it. They would eventually give up and go away. Her reaction was always the same. She didn't have any reaction. Again, she just didn't care.

She heard her apartment door open and then Joe Morelli was standing in front of her. She gave him a dirty look. "What do you want, Joe?" She asked with bite.

Joe sat down next to her. "No one has seen you around lately, Steph. We're all worried about you. I'm worried about you, Cupcake."

"I'm fine, Joe. You can leave now."

She wanted –no she needed him to leave. She couldn't cry in front of Joseph Morelli.

"You're not fine, Steph. Please talk to someone. Talk to me." He begged her.

She swallowed hard and met Joe's dark brown eyes. Her own eyes filled with tears. Joe felt like crying himself. "Oh sweetheart, come here." He folded her into his arms and once again she let the tears fall. Joe rocked her back and forth as she sobbed her heart out… again. She just couldn't stop crying.

"I'm so sorry, Steph. I know you loved him. I know he met a lot to you. I know there's nothing any of us can say to ease the pain, but I'm so sorry, Cupcake."

He continued to whisper soothing words as she cried herself to sleep.

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She wasn't sure how long she actually slept but when she did finally wake up, Joe was gone and in his place was Tank. She immediately frowned, giving him a dirty look.

"Leave." She ordered.

He snorted, shaking his head. "Not going to happen, Steph. We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk to anyone."

Tank sighed and tossed a packet of papers on her coffee table. She looked at the papers before looking at Tank. "What are those?" She finally asked.

"Papers signing Ranger's half of RangeMan over to you." He stated softly.

Steph gasped. "What?"

"Ranger gave you his half of RangeMan. All you need to do is sign those papers to make it official."

Steph shook her head. "I don't want it."

He took a deep breath. "It's yours, Steph. Ranger wanted you to have it."

"I don't fucking WANT IT!" She ended up shouting. She didn't want to shout, but she didn't want anything else from Ranger. She didn't want his money, his cars, his business or his name. She just wanted his love. Why couldn't any of them see that?

"Stephanie, he wanted you to have it. He knew he could trust you to—" Tank stopped and took another deep breath. "He wants you to be okay. He wants you to be happy."

Standing up, she shook her head. "I don't want his business. I'll just sign it over to you."

Tank grunted. "You can't sign it over to me. It's in the paperwork."

Steph shrugged. "Then I'll sign it over to Lester."

Tank growled out his frustration. "It's yours, Stephanie. You can't sign it over to get rid of us. So just fucking DEAL WITH IT!" Tank raising his voice was rare and Steph flinched from his booming tone.

Steph couldn't handle anymore. "Deal with it? DEAL WITH IT? How can I fucking deal with it? How can I deal with it knowing that the man I love is fucking dead? I can't deal with it, Tank. Not right now. I just want to grieve. I want to grieve my own way. Why can't any of you see that?" Tears filled her eyes and sank back down onto to the couch. "I loved him more than life and he's gone, Tank. He's gone. He's fucking gone."

As heart-wrenching sobs tore from her body, Tank gathered her in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Steph. I'm so so sorry." He whispered over and over again until once again she cried herself to sleep.

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Another week had passed before Steph finally decided she needed to get out of her apartment. Her rent being due may have had something to do with that decision, but it was time. She took a shower and found a clean pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt. She grabbed her bag with her handcuffs, stun gun, and threw in her gun. She walked out the door with her head held high.

She stopped by the Tasty Pastry first to grab some donuts. Just because she wasn't eating didn't mean she couldn't show up at the bonds office without donuts. She told the lady behind the glass what she wanted. Katie Mansfield just stared at her.

"What?" Steph asked a little too harshly.

Katie cringed. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Ra—."

Steph cut her off. "It's okay. Just please get me my donuts."

Katie nodded and went about receiving Steph's order. Once Steph paid for her donuts, she practically ran out of the Tasty Pastry. She was then accosted outside of the Tasty Pastry on the way to her car. She hated being rude, but she didn't want to be reminded of … she just doesn't want to be reminded. She pulled up in front of the bonds office and went inside.

She immediately knew going to the bonds office was a huge mistake. Connie and Lula descended on her like a pair of vultures. Oh they meant well, but the 'I'm so sorry' and the 'Are you okay' and the 'Is there anything we can do to help' just made Steph want to scream. She shoved the donuts into Lula's empty hands and ran out of the bonds office.

She cried all the way home.