CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: DISTANCE

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you'll understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say, "I love you," when you're not listening
And how long can we keep this up, up, up?

The press gathered on the front steps of the Starling City Courthouse was practically buzzing with anticipation. Oliver Queen's legal resurrection was big news. With Mr. Diggle clearing the path for them, and Felicity's hand in his it was almost bearable. The flashbulbs going off and the questions being yelled at him made his head spin, his only focus on the grand doors leading into the courthouse. Once they were in there, they were safe. He'd always hated being swarmed like this, but now, he felt like he couldn't move, couldn't breathe, especially without his bow in his hand. His fingers ached to melt around the metal grip, the heavy weight familiar to his arms.

Oliver closed his eyes for a second, letting Felicity lead him. Her hand came to rest on his forearm and he opened his eyes again to look at her. She smiled encouragingly, a wave of relief washing over him and they made their way up the steps.

"You ready?" She asked once they were safely inside, the courthouse's safety personnel keeping the press outside.

He smiled weakly at her. "As I'll ever be."

"There was a storm." Oliver said, swallowing down the lump in his throat, the memory of the accident still too vivid.

"The boat went under. I was the only survivor. My father and Sara didn't make it."

As he spoke, Felicity tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, blinking away her tears. Sara, Robert, they were gone, and even though she was so happy that Oliver had found his way back, she still missed them every day.

"I almost died. I thought I had because I spent so many days on that life raft before I saw the island." Oliver's voice turned softer, hands clenched at his sides. "And when I reached it, I knew. I knew that I was going to have to live for all of us. And in those five years it was that one thought that kept me going."

It was hard hearing him talk about the year's he'd been gone, harder than she'd imagined. Moira was quietly sniffling next to her when Oliver told the judge that his father didn't make it onto the life raft. Felicity reached for Moira's hand, which earned her a small watery smile.

Oliver himself clearly wasn't having the most awesome time either. His shoulders were tense, jaw set tightly as he spoke and he nervously rubbed his fingers together at his side. She saw him visibly relax as his lawyer took over. She explained to the jury that they would like to have Oliver's death in absentia rescinded and that, unfortunately the Queen family would not be petitioning to do the same with Robert's.

While she was speaking, Oliver looked at Felicity over his shoulder. She wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide her red-rimmed eyes.

"Now onto the offices." Moira said as they were walking down the stairs in the main hall of the courthouse. "Everyone is waiting to meet you there."

"Uh.. mom?" Oliver stopped her, putting his hand on her arm. "That was…uhm…a little bit heavier than I was expecting. Could we do that tomorrow?"

Moira's gaze moved from her son to Felicity, who shrugged. "I know Oliver desperately wants to see my pretty swanky office, but it'll still be there tomorrow." She teased.

Oliver raised an eyebrow at her. "Funny."

Smiling innocently, Felicity chuckled, squeezing his arm a little. Moira sighed and nodded. "Alright, dear. Tomorrow then."

The pent up tenseness seemed to slip off of his shoulders. "Thank you."

Smiling softly, Moira put a hand on her sons shoulder. "Well, Walter and I have a meeting to attend so we'll see you at home."

"Okay." Oliver replied, a tiny smile on his lips.

They watched Walter and Moira descend the remaining steps when Oliver turned to her. "Shouldn't you go with them?" He asked.

"Nah, I took the day off to be here for you." She said with a hint of mischief hiding behind her eyes.

Oliver let out a breathy chuckle, leading her down the rest of the stairs. "Thank you."

They headed down the long hallway leading to the entrance of the courthouse. People with briefcases filled most of the space, rushing to meetings, stacks of papers and files and evidence in their hands, a cop here and there and a guy flanked by security personnel who must have been thinking 'murder' while he walked down that hallway. He dominated the space with his presence and death-glare, forcing people out of their way to walk around him and his posse. Felicity squinted her eyes to get a better look at the man in the badly-lit hallway. He seemed familiar, like she'd seen him on TV recently or something.

«Мудак»* Oliver muttered under his breath when one of the flanking men bumped into Felicity. She stared up at him curiously, the 'murder'-man drifting to the back of her mind, her concern for Oliver and her questions about what he'd been through bubbling to the surface.

She bit her tongue, this wasn't the time nor the place. They rounded a corner and if it wasn't for Oliver's steadying hand flying out in front of her she would have collided with the person on the other side of the bend.

"Laurel?" Felicity asked when she realized who they'd almost crashed into.

The other woman looked up from her file to the sound of her name being called, smiling friendly when she saw Felicity. "Felicity! Hi!"

"What are you doing here?" Felicity asked.

Laurel laughed a little. "My job."

Joanna, Laurel's colleague from CNRI nudged her with her shoulder. "More like the DA's job."

Felicity shook her head a little and chuckled. "I mean, of course, stupid question."

A friendly smile made its way onto Laurel's face. She chuckled. "What about you two? You aren't secretly getting married are you? Because I would be very upset if I didn't get to be a bridesmaid."

Felicity laughed nervously and she could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks. She shook her head. "Uhm… no…of course not.. that'd be.."

"I was getting resurrected, legally speaking." Oliver interjected, saving her from mortification.

"Ah! Well, congratulations are in order then."

"Thank you." Oliver said with a soft smile.

Laurel returned the smile and looked down at the files in her arms. "Anyways, we should get to the courtroom, justice isn't going to serve itself."

"Good luck in there." Felicity said, putting a hand on Laurel's shoulder.

She smiled gently and nodded. "Thank you. It was nice seeing you both."

"We're still on for movie night tonight right?" Felicity asked before Laurel could get past them.

"Yes of course! Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Once they were in through the swarm of camera and microphone handling vultures and safely in the care behind the tinted glass, Oliver sighed.

"She's going after Martin Somers." He said quietly, tugging the sleeve of his shirt out from under his jacket.

Felicity was quiet for a moment, looking out the window at the imposing courthouse building. "I thought I'd recognized that man in the hallway."

Oliver's jaw tensed up, hand flexing against his thigh. "I want you to be careful. Especially when you're with Laurel." He muttered as Mr. Diggle revved up the engine. Felicity turned to look at him, frowning in confusion.

"Oliver? What are you talking about." She asked, putting a hand on his arm, searching out his gaze. Swallowing, Oliver ducked his head before meeting her eyes.

"Somers is part of the worst of Starling City. He had a man killed who stood in his way and he will do it again. I don't want that to be you. Or Laurel." The look in his eyes made it clear that he was very serious about this.

"Promise me you'll be careful. I can't lose you, Felicity." He whispered, gaze softening. She gulped, unable to tear her eyes from his as she nodded slowly. His hand tightened around hers as they drove through the city.

Felicity nodded. "I promise."

Later that day after Felicity had gone home Oliver was watching the news for an update on Martin Somers. He was changing into something more comfortable, something less conspicuous than a man in an Armani suit walking through the Glades at night.

"How did you get those?!"

For a split-second he'd let his guard down. Just a moment he hadn't been on alert mode. He hadn't heard Thea come in as he was putting his shirt on. He groaned, trying to play it off as annoyance at her instead of disappointment in himself for not paying attention resulting in his little sister seeing the horrible scars his torso was littered with.

"Don't you knock?" He bit back at her.

Thea hurried over to him, hands tugging on his shirt before he could close it to hide the scars.

"Whoa…wait. Mom said there were scars…" She trailed off as she pulled the shirt open, the words getting stuck in her throat as she stared at the puckered ridges and patches on his skin. Her blue eyes went wide, mouth hanging open slightly.

"Uhm… I…" She stammered, swallowing hard before looking back up at her brother. "What happened to you on that island?"

Oliver took a deep breath, avoiding her gaze as he pulled the fabric from her fingers and started closing the buttons of his shirt.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He whispered, voice two or three octaves lower than usual.

Thea let out an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes. "Of course not. You never wanna talk to me about anything. You only wanna judge me about who I hang out with."

"Where are you going?" Oliver asked as she stepped away, turning around with a flip of her hair.

"Why should I tell you?" She replied coldly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sighing, Oliver walked over to her, putting a hand on her elbow as she scowled at him. "I'm sorry, Thea. I need to get better at talking about what happened to me there…"

He took a deep breath. "But I'm not ready yet, okay?"

Pursing her lips, Thea nodded and sighed. "Do you have a second? I wanna show you something."

Oliver grabbed his jacket and let her lead him out to the backyard, to a secluded little meadow. He remembered the place, spent there a lot of time thinking. It had been where he lied to Felicity about having feelings for her all those years ago. He was so stupid sometimes.

"Sometimes, when I felt... whatever... I'd come here." Thea said, gesturing to the two giant marble headstones. One for him. One for his father. She reached down to brush some leaves off the moulding.

"About a month after the funerals, mom stopped going out. Pretty soon, she stopped talking altogether. The house got so quiet, so I'd come here." She turned to him with an expression of anger and disappointment and sorrow all mixed together. "To talk to you."

Shaking her head, she let out a breathy laugh. "I mean, stupid stuff. Like what I was doing that day, what boy I had a crush on." She sighed, the words getting stuck in her throat for a minute. He could see the wetness in her eyes that she was so desperate to hide "And then sometimes, I'd ask you, beg you, to find your way home to me."

She scoffed, blinking away the tears. "Now, here you are. And the truth is, I felt closer to you when you were dead."

Oliver felt like he got kicked in the gut, twice. His sister had gone through so much and at such a young age. In his own trauma processing he hadn't even thought about that.

"Look, I know it was hell where you were. But it was hell here too."

Oliver reached for her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Thea. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I made. I'm your brother and I don't want to see you get hurt. I remember you as a gangly twelve year-old who loved horseback-riding and Disney Channel. I need to get used to you all grown up." He said with a soft smile.

Thea nodded. "I understand, but you gotta let me in, Ollie."

"You gotta let someone in."

Despite knowing that it was probably unnecessary, Oliver found himself on Felicity's fire escape that night. He told himself it was because he knew Martin Somers had instructed the Chinese triad to target Laurel, but deep inside he knew it was because Felicity hanging out with Laurel put her in the line of fire.

The smell of popcorn reached his nose, even through the window, the buttery goodness reminding him of days long ago. It was cold as he was huddled in the shadows, the October nights in Starling City almost as cold as Lian Yu. He'd grown accustomed to it, used it to stay focused.

The sound of laughter drifted through Felicity's apartment and he couldn't help but smile. She was happy. And that made him happy. He could make out his name in the jumble of words Felicity was speaking in record speed. He focused as hard as he could on her words, but even his trained ear wasn't sure if Felicity was really saying that she was still in love with him.

Laurel was in the kitchen, getting them more wine when the doorbell rang. Felicity got off the couch, straightened her top and walked into the hall. She glanced to the peephole and frowned. Something was off, she could feel it in her gut. She pushed off the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Did you order Chinese food?" She asked Laurel, who shook her head.

"No, why?"

"There's a lady at the door with a bag from the Jade Dragon."

Laurel stiffened, putting the bottle of wine she was holding back on the counter. She reached for Felicity's arm, and walked her back into the living room, away from the front door.

"We have to hide." She whispered, gesturing to Felicity's bedroom.

"What? Why?!" Felicity hissed under her breath.

The sound of splintering wood was reason enough. A knife embedded itself in the fireplace mere inches from Felicity's head. She yelped, adrenaline kicking in as she pulled the knife out of the wood and threw at it the white-haired woman stalking towards them. She caught it and they made a run for the bedroom. Shattering glass made Felicity pause in the doorway, her breath getting stuck in her throat as she saw the hooded figure that had burst through her window. Laurel pulled her inside, kicking the door shut behind them.

"Jade Dragon is a front for the Chinese triad!" Laurel yelled, frightened tears in her eyes.

Felicity took a few breaths to steady herself, her head reeling from adrenaline and the new information. She grabbed her baseball bat from beside her nightstand and positioned herself between Laurel and the door.

"Call your dad." She instructed Laurel, keeping her position until the sounds of fighting stopped. Her apartment turned dead quiet, except for the police sirens getting louder and louder as they got closer.

Carefully, Felicity peeked into her living room, expecting to find a body. There was nothing there except the place being completely trashed.

"Oliver!" He heard her cry before he saw her. He turned towards her voice. She was wrapped in a blanket against the cold rushing in through the window he'd broken only a few hours earlier. He pushed through the cops collecting evidence, wrapping his arms tightly around her trembling body, his face pressed into her hair. Over her shoulder, she saw Laurel arguing with her father, Tommy awkwardly standing to the side.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He asked, cupping her face.

Felicity shook her head, reaching for his forearm. "No, just a little shaken. That hooded guy actually saved us."

She put her hand on his heaving chest. "You're all out of breath, did you run a marathon before you got here?"

"Ran up the stairs, the elevator was taking too long."

Felicity frowned. "Oliver… We're on the eighteenth floor."

He let out a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. "I know."

Her expression softened and she wrapped her arms around him again. He didn't need to say it out loud for her to know exactly how much he cared about her. He held her tight as he thought about how angry he'd been when he'd burst through that window earlier. His moves fueled by rage instead of technique. That was how China White had been able to escape. The constant thought of Felicity just in the other room, probably scared to death, was a distraction. Felicity was a distraction, but he couldn't find it in himself to do anything about it. She was a part of him. The only part that hadn't been touched by darkness.

The following morning during the drive to Queen Consolidated, the news of Martin Somers' confession was blasted across every radio station.

"As you can see, we've modernized quite a bit." Walter said as the elevator doors opened on the executive level. Oliver whistled in appreciation, offering his mother his arm.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Moira asked with a small chuckle.

"Yes I am." He said, looking up at the high ceilings and out the window at the impressive view.

Walter opened the door to an office. An office that he'd been in before. One that he'd snuck into, late at night. He glanced around, the picture of him and his father that Felicity had been talking too was still there. He couldn't help but smile a little.

"I remember when your father used to bring you here when you were a boy." Walter said. "You always were so excited."

"Dad let me drink soda in the office." He replied, absentmindedly running his fingers over the expensive looking mahogany desk.

"Ah! So that's why you enjoyed coming here so much." Moira interjected

Oliver smiled at his mother and looked around the office once again.

"Queen Consolidated's success as of late is a result of its targeted diversification. We have been making impressive inroads in cutting-edge fields like bio-tech and clean energy." Walter started explaining.

"That's neat." Oliver interrupted him, turning to Walter's secretary just outside the glass walls. "Excuse me? Can I get a sparkling water, or something cold, please?"

His mother put a hand on his forearm, getting him to stay focused on the conversation at hand. "Sweetheart, Oliver, Walter and I have something to discuss with you."

She gestured to the chairs circling a coffee table. "Come, please sit."

"Mom, it makes me nervous when you ask me to sit down." Oliver said curtly. This playful, careless, playboy act was exactly that. An act. He knew exactly what his mother was planning for his near future and he wasn't having it.

"Alright." Moira said softly, holding up her hands in defeat.

"The company's about to break ground on a new site for the applied sciences division, and we would like to honor your father by dedicating the building in his name." Walter explained.

"Nice." Oliver said with a smile.

"And…" Moira started. "We'd like to make an announcement at the dedication that you will be taking a leadership position in the company."

He let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. "No."

Moira held up her hand "No, no, your company." She said as she stepped closer to her son.

Oliver shook his head again, eyebrows knitting together. "No, I don't want to lead anything. Besides, Walter is doing a very good job here."

Sighing, Moira tilted her head to the side. "Oliver, you said that you wanted to be a different person. And you are Robert Queen's son."

"I don't need to be reminded of that." Oliver cut her off.

"Well, obviously you do." Moira bit back, throwing her hands up in desperation.

"Everyone here understands that this transition is really difficult for you." Walter said calmly.

Oliver's gaze moved away from his mother. "Thank you, Walter."

He then pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Which part, though? Everyone fantasizing that I got my MBA while I was on the island? Or the fact that Thea barely remembers anything about me except my mistakes? That the love of my life can't look at me without crushing guilt in her eyes that she got to live her life when I was trying to survive on that island? Or maybe that my nightmares about the godforsaken place are so vivid that I almost killed my own mother in my sleep?!" He was yelling now, and for once, not holding anything back.

Moira's face fell, a hand coming up over her mouth as she bit back tears.

"I'm sorry mom. I can't do this." He whispered, his voice roughed by his explosion.

He looked down at the floor and walked out of the office. When he was back in the car, Mr. Diggle next to him, he called Felicity.

"I'm not gonna take the position at Queen Consolidated." Oliver said softly as they watched the workers dig up his headstone from a distance.

"I know. I never thought you would." Felicity replied, tightening her arm around his waist a little.

Oliver frowned and looked down at her. "Why not?"

She let out a short laugh. "Well, even if you did magically get your MBA while you were away, you never wanted it, your father did."

Sighing, Oliver squeezed her shoulder. "You know me too well."

Felicity chuckled. "That.." She tapped his shoulder. "Is actually true."

A small smile made its way onto his lips. "Thea told me I needed to open up to someone about what happened while I was away."

Felicity looked up at him curiously. It was evident in her eyes that she was hoping that he was going to open up to her. He couldn't blame her. She was the one who knew the most already, and would probably understand best some of the sacrifices he had to make. He'd come to her three years ago, and she was right to assume she would be the one he would go to now. He would always go to her. He loved her, no matter how much he tried to deny it to himself and keep her at arm's length.

"I was hoping you'd be that person."

*asshole